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I feel like people don’t understand what severe OCD is : I think when I tell people my OCD used to be very severe they just imagine me counting a bit and being nervous about germs. They don’t realize that it’s actually an inability to function in daily life, and that it took up literally all my time to the point that I couldn’t do anything but cry and ritualize. People always assume I’m stupid because I’m a year behind in school, but they’d probably just assume I’m lazy if I explained to them that it was because of my OCD and depression. It just kinda pisses me off. | 6ocd
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Anyone else feel like they are lying? : Anyone else feel like they are lying to everyone? About literally everything?
Despite having the worst mixed/manic episode of my life recently I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but sitting here, dosed on diazepam and quetiapine, I don't feel terrible, I don't feel good, but not terrible.
Is it all just me? Is is just in my head? Do people really perceive me the way I do? Doesn't everyone have these intrusive and self-deprecating thoughts? I mean I'd be a narcissist if I didn't, surely?
What if work find out I've been lying all these years? I mean I've made it over a year without anyone noticing that I haven't got a clue and am just making it up as i go along. Alright most of it works, and as I work alone that must be a fluke, but they'll catch me eventually.
I *know* I'm good at my job, I've the qualifications to prove it, I *know* I'm ill but sometimes I feel like I'm not. | 2bipolar
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i hate that i can never have a secure opinion on something i care about : i either ask other's for their opinions on the subject (which are long talks that only help for a little while or me asking repeatedly) or dive into hours of research that gets me nowhere, since no matter how much evidence i find it never feels like enough; i can always come up with a *"but what about this?"*. and god forbid i see someone's opposing opinion (cue Doubting Myself). if it's something important to me, i have this need to be 100% right in whatever it is i believe or think. i can't even just think *"well it doesn't matter if you're not 100% correct"* because my mind just returns with *"oh yeah? so you're knowingly choosing to believe the wrong thing? aren't you just lying to yourself? what if this gets you hurt?"* and the cycle continues.
it's so tiresome since some of the things that are important to me seem dumb or silly to others, so when i enter this cycle i hate telling anyone what the subject matter is. plus I'M frustrated too because, yeah, I'm aware it's silly to be so upset and focused on something so insignificant, but i can't help it - that's the whole problem.
i wish i could just feel comfortable with my feelings or (possibly) being wrong, yet it seems to control me entirely. | 6ocd
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Feel like an idiot and hate myself : (22, F) I’m new on this page and sorry if this doesn’t fit the Reddit page but both my doctor and mental health support worker believe I have ptsd but I’ve not been diagnosed properly until my support worker refers me to a psychiatrist which I’m hoping will be some time soon. Long story short I’ve been having symptoms of some sort of ptsd for over 16 months and I really struggle with it day in day out, I’ve gone through multiple traumas since the age of 14 and the traumas haven’t really been spread out either. I don’t want to go into detail about it because my brain blocks me from being able to explain things properly and I struggle with talking about my traumas. I have a loving partner who is my rock and my safe place but when I’m in an episode (mild or serve) I physically can’t talk to him about it or go into detail about any of it even though I try my hardest too.
I’ve had a close friend for over 4 years now, he’s been there for me through thick and thin but the other week he checked in on me and I told him that I’m waiting to be referred to a psychiatrist due to my doctor and support worker believing I have PTSD and he seemed really sorry to hear about it and was really lovely about it then all of a sudden he just stopped responding to me. I have anxiety as it is and I feel like I’m constantly treading on egg shells to make sure people don’t get upset with me or start hating me, I kept checking in on him to make sure he was ok over the last few days and all of a sudden yesterday he just completely cut me off, deleted me off of everything with no explanation. I feel like this is my fault for telling him about my possible ptsd struggles and I can’t stop feeling guilt and shame about it. I fear abandonment and this is someone who is supposed to be a close friend to me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.
I really , really hate mental health. | 7ptsd
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Is anyone dealing with Reading/Listening OCD? Or have you overcome it? : I have been struggling really badly with reading and listening ocd. Basically, I feel like I don’t know the “right” way to listen and read and therefore I can’t understand. I also fear that I won’t understand so I go over things countless times.
This is especially bad because I am in college and I have to read and listen to learn. Deep down I know it’s not possible for me to understand everything but the desire is so strong. | 6ocd
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Being a black man is not a life worth living : Thats all. No fixing broken men, especially the black men with BPD. I will never date because it would be a waste of time and men can not be fixed. The only solace I have is university, drugs, and music. I only hate myself truthfully, my community says everything is my fault and maybe it is. I’ll just do what I’ve always done. Keep to me myself.
P.S. I abhor being a black man. It’s laughable and ridiculous
Honestly idk what tf I’m evening looking for on here. Someone tell me to fuck off and die please. I need to. | 3bpd
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Has anyone else developed severe social anxiety overtime after their trauma? : After the suicide of my last partner I developed severe crippling social anxiety over the past 5 years. I used to be an extremely out going and confident person who could hold conversations with ease. Now I find that I literally can’t even get my mouth to open when I want it to. It feels like someone sewed my mouth shut. And I am now extremely timid and shy. The idea of any social interaction even with a delivery or cashier person paralyzes my entire body with anxiety. I spend the majority of my days trying to understand and fix this just trying to get back to who I used to be but I feel lost.
Anyone else experience this? | 7ptsd
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Did well-to-do 19th century English people really speak in the way that Jane Austen novels portray? : That is -- did they all really tend to speak in what we would today consider a grammatically elaborate and intricate, highly formal manner?
Or is that just the way that Jane Austen writes?
Example: "If you were aware of the very great disadvantage to us all, which must arise from the public notice of Lydia's unguarded and imprudent manner, nay, which has already arisen from it, I am sure you would judge differently in the affair."
This is typical of Austen dialogue. | 5none
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DAE ever get intrusive thoughts about things other than main trauma : So sometimes, especially when I'm trying to fall asleep, but during the day too, I get all these really intrusive negative thoughts. Usually about things I feel guilty or embarrassed about. I think it's because when the memories I remember are linked to my trauma in a way that I used some of the unhealthy coping skills from dealing with my major trauma in dealing with these situations. But they're usually like me lashing out during a flashback or getting defensive, or lying about something. I've kinda developed this thing too around them where my eyes go out of focus and I have to force myself to like squint to push the thought away. Does anyone else have anything similar to this? | 7ptsd
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i want to just stay home and play games forever. : every day from school i would play video games till late. i cant stop, i feel like im dependent on it, it's like a drug to me.
im tired of waking up at 6am every morning for the past 10 fucking years just to go to school and do work i dont understand.
i cant stand how my classmates can be so motivated to do homework, study for tests and have such good grades.
i feel like a useless box, selfish and feeling guilty over nothing.
days past and i could not care about my future anymore, i just cant.
i feel like im wasting my time as a "teenager" but yet it just, helps me to stay alive sometimes.
| 4depression
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do you ever just want to fall apart but you can’t because you have too many responsibilities? : I just wang to give up. I want to run away. I want to start over. I want to change my identity and forget this life. but then I remember that I have a job, bills, brother, dad and his family, friends that I would just be leaving and abandoning. but hurts even more to think that I’m stuck here, putting a figurative mask on my face to make other people comfortable. I’m so tired of acting okay every day. everyone expects it and you’re a crazy mess if you don’t :(
I feel like I’m in a simulator please help | 3bpd
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Weekly History Questions Thread. :
Welcome to our History Questions Thread!
This thread is for all those history related questions that are too simple, short or a bit too silly to warrant their own post.
So, do you have a question about history and have always been afraid to ask? Well, today is your lucky day. Ask away!
Of course all our regular rules and guidelines still apply and to be just that bit extra clear:
Questions need to be historical in nature. Silly does not mean that your question should be a joke. [r/history](https://www.reddit.com/r/history/) also has an active discord server where you can discuss history with other enthusiasts and experts | 5none
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Why do I feel good after compulsive rumination, but then I repeat the rumination again and I feel scared and anxious again? : You might be familiar with this: you feel anxiety about your topic, then you ruminate to alleviate the anxiety and problem solve. It might take a while to work but it finally does and you feel relief. But then you come back to it later to see how you feel now, and bam! You feel anxious again! And the cycle repeats. | 6ocd
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Three sports fans leave a bar... : (Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)
Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they decide to cover the woman up.
The Cubs fan takes of his hat and covers her left breast. The Royals (my team) fan takes off his hat and covers her right breast. The Yankees fan takes off his hat and covers her crotch.
The police arrive. The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little book. He lifts the Cubs hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He lifts the Royals hat, looks underneath, sets it back down and writes in his little book. He the lifts the Yankees hat, looks underneath, starts to set it back down, stops, does a double-take, sets the hat back down slowly and starts to write in the little book.
The Yankees fan is upset by this. He asks, "What was that? Haven't you seen one of those before?" The detective replies, "You misunderstand. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I see an asshole." | 5none
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WW2 Film Discovered : Bought some vintage film off of ebay, got the pictures scanned and put on paper, and this is what came out!
WW2 Mystery Film Pictures https://imgur.com/gallery/80tpB
PS. Need help identifying places and the people within these pictures please! | 5none
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I feel like my brain is a radio set to channel scan on max volume. : And it’s the most annoying, frustrating, infuriating, exhausting thing. Even just writing these few sentences have been hard. It’s not like this every day which just makes it worse. | 0adhd
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the wife is going into labor : A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine. The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father. The wife says, "Oh, that's actually better." The husband says he can't feel anything. Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn't hurt nearly as much. The husband says he sill can't feel anything. The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%. The husband still can't feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her. The baby is born. The couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep | 5none
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To all you people going through the struggle every day : One day we’ll live in a world where there’ll be a single medication or procedure to maybe help our generation, our children’s generation, and every subsequent generation after.
We’re going to have shit days, we’re going to have normal days, we’re going to have our manic days, but hope and maybe smile that something awesome will happen for us soon.
Keep strong guys, we’re all brothers and sisters in this fight.
| 2bipolar
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Why do I feel like bipolar correlates with so much with hunting and gathering : I feel like when I’m depressed it’s the time my body needs to gather energy and to rest before I become manic. While manic I feel that I’m very hyper aware, vigilant, on guard about any threat, like I have laser vision, almost like my mind and body are preparing to kill (like as in gather food). Anyone else ever had these thoughts? | 2bipolar
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My psychiatrist doesn't care... what now? : I have this scary side effect with Abilify injections and I feel as though they couldn't care less what happens to me or how I feel. Oh and my libido is pretty much dead. Been medicated since 2016, I have monthly abilify injections and take pills nightly.
I've missed so many doses of my meds and it hasn't affected me at all (maybe because of the injection but not sure)
Anyway, I've told my psych many times (been telling him everytime I see him (bimonthly) and all he's done is reduce my injection dosage to 150 but I've been on that dose for over 3 months and I still get the scary side effect. He never let's me have what I want. I already spoke to a neurologist and he said the only way to know if the injection has caused permanent damage to my eyes is if I stop them. But all my doc did last time I saw him was prescribe me MORE pills (to combat the side effect) I'm just so sick of this. How do I know I even "need" these stupid meds!? :( | 2bipolar
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When You're Having an Episode do you Feel High? : Whenever you have a dissociative episode from something triggering you, do you feel like you're really high? I don't have the energy to type a bunch but I was wondering if this was like a thing. Thanks. | 7ptsd
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Micheal Collins. Hero, villain or both : The accumulation of multiple historical and societal perspectives has rendered the inception of a multitude of interpretations of Michael Collins and his role in the Anglo-Irish War. The Irish viewed him as a selfless patriot, a national icon and hero while the British government labelled him a radical and a terrorists. I am interested to hear peoples interpretation of Collins character and his actions during the Anglo- Irish war. | 5none
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How to criticize someone with BPD : My wife has BPD. Not long ago things between us got bad. She cheated on me and lashed out worse and worse the more I pulled away.
Before that was probably the best time of our entire relationship. We became so open with eachother that for the first time in my life I felt like I was being totally honest about who I am. Afterwards, a lot of my secrets and insecurities were thrown back at me in fights. My trust and faith in her was shattered, not just as far as cheating, but my trust in being able to be real, honest, and exposed with her.
We're on the path to recovery now, but a lot of damage has been done. Now I have so much built up that I want to say and talk about, but her extreme reactions to criticism make it very difficult to talk about anything. She's in a much better headspace now and getting some decent psych help, but my own fear of her falling back into a spiral keeps me from saying or doing pretty much anything with her.
Is there anyway I can approach some of the difficult subjects that she caused without making her feel like I'm attacking her too much? I do love her and I do want to move forward, but I need to be able to express how I feel or we'll never get out of the phase we're stuck at now. | 3bpd
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does anyone else worry their trauma is actually a false memory? : i have a history of false memories but they always have to do with me causing trauma not being a victim. i analyze other memories i have and question myself so much i break my own heart. “is this a false memory?” “you remember this, and that, and the other, very specific unusual memories, are you sure this isn’t fake?,” etc. this trauma I’m pretty sure happened when i was 3, it clearly affected me my whole life, but what if it’s fake? my alleged abuser has told me she wasn’t doing anything wrong/it was normal, or that it’s a false memory, also says she “can’t remember what she was doing,” etc. and i wouldn’t of thought it was any of these things if she didn’t say this, but i’m seriously wondering: am i alone here? does anyone else wonder if their trauma is a false memory and invalid therefore? anyone? | 7ptsd
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RSD - sick of being taken advantage of : Since learning about RSD from you guys a few months back, I’m seeing it all throughout my life. And it’s pissing me off, I’m realising I let my bosses take the piss out of me because I’m so damn afraid of upsetting anyone. My family just expect me to do shit, that I’m realising I’ve always done just to try and get some stimulation. Don’t get me wrong, I like making my wife a coffee every morning, but I hate that she no longer appreciates it, it’s become normal, expected. And that’s just one little thing, my whole life is full of this shit. And I have to work my stupid brain so damn hard at times just to try and get some stuff done to please people. Then they don’t give a shit or take it for granted!
Does everyone who doesn’t suffer from this, only know how to take? | 0adhd
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Started 5mg Adderall XR. Here's what I've noticed. : Pre-Adderall:
"Oh shit, I have a paper to do. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway. Oh shit, I have a paper to do. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway. Oh shit, I have a paper to do. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway. Oh shit, I have a paper to do. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway. Oh shit, I have a paper to do. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway."
*a day passes, still hasn't gotten started*
Post-Adderall:
"Oh shit, I have a paper to do. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway."
*gets started on aforementioned paper*
It's certainly not some sort of miracle drug that puts you into sage mode like some people (who likely don't have ADHD in the first place) seem to expect. It gets rid of the barrier between thought and action. However, you still need to make the conscious choice to actually get stuff done once the barrier has been removed.
If you're somehow a person that's both genuinely ADHD *and* genuinely lazy at the same time, I strongly suspect that your thought process would be "I can do this any time I want, but I don't want to, so I won't." | 0adhd
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Pure O is convincing me that I will forget how to move any of my body parts, please help. : So the title is pretty self explanitory, but allow me to elaborate. A few days ago a thought popped into my head. "Could my brain forget how to move my arms?". This evolved into "how do I actually move my arms? " and "what's the difference between thinking about moving and actually moving?". Now I have a fear of my brain just casually turning off and I won't be able to do anything. The fact that I have cerebral palsy doesn't help matters either.
Now, I am aware that this is 100000000000% irational, because I moved my fingers countless times to type this out, but the fear still persists. | 6ocd
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Thanks : This subreddit makes me feel like I'm human, that there isn't anything wrong with me per se, that if other people are feeling the same way, then it's not my fault, I'm not evil or intentionally bad.
Anyway yesterday I was having a rough time regarding abandonment by my FP. A few of you showed support, and just that kindness means so much. It means that I don't have to suffer alone, that someone else understands that it's just not easy to let go etc. I really appreciate all of you who are so supportive in this sub. Sometimes we forget that one or two lines that resonate with us can have a huge impact.
Anyway, I quit my science career many years ago, became a hermit and started adopting stray dogs, very very radical! I live in Sri Lanka where people don't do this! Anyway, I've been ridiculed for giving up my phd for dogs. Of course the concept of unconditional love has really helped me cope and my dogs have given me a reason to keep plodding on.
After several years, I finally found the courage to upload some pics of my doggies. Just wanted to share them with you guys.
Thanks again for all the support all these years!
https://imgur.com/gallery/LjQXk | 3bpd
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Witnessed my girlfriend having a PTSD episode for the first time : Using a throwaway account for privacy reasons.
So I've been dating this girl for about two months, and I love everything about her. As cliche' as this sounds, she's been the greatest thing to ever happen in my life and I wouldn't trade her for anything. We're college aged lovebirds enjoying every moment together.
I've been staying at her place for about a week and tonight was the first time I've witnessed her PTSD episode come to fruition. Now, I already know about her condition and that she's had flashbacks and episodes before. This all stemmed from growing up with a mother who had multiple personality disorder to where during her mother's bad days she was abused heavily to the point of trauma. As of recent, my GF's episodes have been far less frequent and a lot better, and I personally have never seen it happen.
Until tonight.
Earlier in the day, she mentioned about having hallucinations and seeing the wall turn from white to purple wavy colors. She mentioned it was really nothing and not bad at all. I put it in the back of my mind and paid no further heed, as the rest of the day was very much a happy one, albeit I did notice her seemingly tired a bit more.
Tonight, we were laying in bed and after some merrymaking we were chilling and resting in silence. However, soon I started noticing tears form. She claimed it was nothing, but I knew better. I hugged her and held her close, then she started balling in my shoulder. As I have no experience, I did what I best thought I could do: I kept telling her everything is alright, I'm here, and I'll protect and be with her always no matter what, hugging her as tight as I could.
She continued for about thirty minutes in my arms, then seemed to have calmed down. She was less audible but she said she felt better. I turned on all the lights and currently have some of her favorite songs playing and get her comfortable enough to get some good sleep.
I haven't had a deep conversation concerning the specifics of how her episodes manifest, what they're like, and how best to deal with them due to not wanting to instigate a possible episode. I've entered in this relationship knowing full well about her condition and I still love her anyways and want to be there even more and help her the best way possible. She's been seeing a therapist near our college since last year, until COVID-19 happened and we moved back to our respective homes from college. She said she dissociated a lot in the past and she's had a mental breakdown episode that lasted for two weeks last year that prompted her to start therapy.
Anyhow, as someone who can say they don't have much experience with PTSD, how can I best help her as her boyfriend? As of now, I cannot physically be with her 24/7, so I'd love to know tips for long distance help as well. Just anything in general to help her through this condition and help her be as happy and feel as safe as possible. | 7ptsd
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Support needed- memory loss : I apologize in advance for the negative nature of this post. I suffer from bipolar 1, autism, and significant cognitive decline for my age. Im a teacher and I can’t remember ANYTHING. I’m talking literal seconds after I see or hear it. For example, I will watch a kid get hurt on the playground and seconds later I can’t remember what happened to write the incident report. The other day, another teacher asked me to stand in the classroom while she took a child to the restroom and I forgot a few seconds later and LEFT THE CLASSROOM, leaving a whole class unattended. Some days are worse than others, but it’s very difficult for me to follow multi step directions. I also feel like I’m always behind because my moods make it so hard when I feel so badly all the time. Oh top if that, I have so many social issues and when you add stress, I can’t even help the weird quirks like strange body movements and weird comments. I look “normal” but any time anyone interacts with me, especially in a work setting, they know immediately something is wrong with me. I can see it in their face. I sincerely wish I was never born so badly. I don’t want to feel this much pain every day. I want to know what’s going on and be able to do simple things. I don’t want to be seen struggling every fucking day of my life. Does anyone else suffer this badly? | 2bipolar
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What's your anxiety symptoms? And how did you find out what your triggers were? : I'm not really sure if mine is considered anxiety but I think it is. You know that feeling on your chest when you're scared or nervous? That's mine. Also, getting only 5 hours or less of sleep. And I don't know what my triggers are as it usually happens as soon as I wake up. | 1anxiety
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Has anyone else a really deep desire to be obsessed whit consuming knowledge? : Like if i don’t Fully imers myself in writing, playing guitar and drawing i get unstable. But if consistently presue my hobbies and my endless gnawing hunger for knowledge i thrive insanely well.
Like i value learning to such a high degree. Math, physics, biology, language, history (phycology and sociology to but those make me insane)
Philosophy, art, cinematography, photography so on so forth.
I’m not that “good” at most of the subjects. But it’s just the learning part that’s so un for filling in a good way. | 3bpd
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My dad killed himself in front of me. Now my life is a complete tragedy. I don’t want to live anymore. : I’ll try to make this as short as possible; in the summer right before my senior year of high school started, and right before my birthday, my dad committed suicide. Me, my little sister, and my mom were in the house when he did it. We were all in our rooms and he was downstairs when we heard a loud pop..we rushed down the stairs and found him slumped over in his chair, covered in blood, holding a 9mm handgun in his right hand. He had shot himself in the head. That was the end...here I am 3 years later, even more depressed than ever. I live with my little sister and my mom. My mom has become extremely abusive and irrational. She absolutely despises me and my sister. And now she has a boyfriend who she puts before us. I don’t want to go on all day but basically my life is a living hell. I have no friends because I can’t relate to anyone about anything. I hate social media, all of the trends, the slang, all of it, I’m annoyed by everything. Everyone seems so hateful and unsympathetic these days. So it’s just me and my sister. The only reason I’m still in the house is to protect my sister from our mom because she is extremely dangerous. (Points her gun at us and makes lots of other threats) we’ve gotten the police involved before but they just took our mom’s side and left. I don’t know what to do. I want to be here for my sister but at the same time I just want to die. But that’s so selfish...I don’t know...I can’t see a point to life at all. We all just die anyway so what’s the purpose. I guess I’m just asking for motivation to live..someone please give me a good reason.
Thank you | 7ptsd
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My inner toddler -- any ideas for overcoming or is this just my life? : I feel like I have a mature, responsible adult voice who lives in my head, but an unruly, immature toddler is in control of my actions. The toddler has very strong ideas about what he wants to do, and my mature adult voice has to reason with, cajole, argue, force, trick, etc., my inner toddler in order to do anything different.
Like, have you ever seen a parent with a misbehaving toddler at a church, restaurant, etc.? The parent will say things like, “If you’re good, you can have a cookie. Don’t you want a cookie? Remember how good cookies are? Well only good boys get cookies.” Then the kid’s still pretty unruly but maybe slightly better, but he’s grumpy the whole time. Maybe he’s still acting out, and you’re silently thinking “Don’t give the kid a cookie, the kid will never learn if he misbehaves but still gets the cookie…” But then sure enough at the end, the kid’s like, “GIMME COOKIE” and the parent’s like, “Well…..okay, here’s your cookie. But be better behaved next time.” But the kid doesn’t even hear cause he’s too busy scarfing down the cookie.
It’s depressing how that metaphor pretty accurately describes my internal thoughts about anything. Like take sleep. When it hits 10pm, my wife just gets up and goes into bed, because she wants to. It’s just what she does. She’s tired, it’s bedtime, she goes to bed.
Meanwhile, I don’t think I’ve ever had a night like that. Every night I have to argue with myself, try to reason with myself, talk myself into going to sleep. “It’s 11 pm… normal people would be getting ready for sleep now… probably a good idea to think about doing that, right?” “OK, now it’s 1 am. Normal people would have been asleep hours ago. Don’t you feel guilty about how terrible you are at sleeping normally?” The only thing that ever works is stuff like, “OK, if you go to bed now, you’ll have more energy to do [insert impulsive thing here]. Don’t you want to do [impulsive, probably somewhat harmful reward]?” I feel like non-ADHD people, that first time they have the thought, “11 pm… bedtime?”, it just gets forwarded on to whatever brain center puts it into action. But for me, there’s some disconnect, and the thought “bedtime??” just hangs there as a thought that doesn’t actually go anywhere.
And it’s like that with everything. I have to constantly argue with and cajole this inner toddler in order to live any semblance of a healthy life and it’s exhausting.
tl;dr: My reasonable adult voice knows what I should do, but trying to actually do it is like trying to get a toddler to sit still in church.
I've been diagnosed for ~18 months now; does this ever get better or is this just what it's like? | 0adhd
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John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray..... : ''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn't win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ''You're starting to disappoint me, God,'' he said. ''I've prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I'll be a better person. I don't have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I'll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.'' John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside.
The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ''John, buy a fucking lottery ticket.'' | 5none
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All my friends have stopped caring. I need a hug. : I just graduated high school, and all the people I used to talk to don’t text me anymore. My very supportive boyfriend is away in Japan and I can’t get comfort from him. I’m stuck on a family vacation and I’m so sick of not being able to do what makes me happy. Even my close friends don’t answer my panic texts with anything except the bare minimum. My family doesn’t know what I’m going through and I don’t intend to tell them cause it hurt them last time. | 1anxiety
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How do you hold onto people? Everyone leaves or traumatises me so I have to ghost… : I hate this condition. I hate feeling like an outsider looking in through thick glass. People leave my life as fast as they come in and I always feel like I end up looking crazy due to severe anxiety, hyper vigilance, overthinking, looping thoughts, over sharing or over explaining to make myself feel understood, pulling away due to overwhelm…like how can you maintain normal relationships? I just wait for the shoe to drop when someone new comes along…lovers included. I’m exhausted… | 7ptsd
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My thoughts on the public reaction to Kanye. Why is there no understanding that a mentally unstable brain is malfunctioning? Why do people understand that head injuries change people and think mental illness doesn’t? : I feel bad for him. I am so grateful there are no pictures of me sobbing... turned into a meme especially. People just don’t get it or believe that being mentally ill does change you. That your physical brain is actually malfunctioning. People don’t accept an insanity defence. They don’t believe that the lights were on but no one was home. So yeah, maybe he loves trump. Maybe he would love trump anyway, want to run for president anyway, and it’s his personality. Maybe he would believe the Harriet Tubman thing without being ill. But I doubt he would be so reckless about opinions if he wasn’t struggling. I doubt he would be so easily led to believe things that are delusions and I would bet there are more he doesn’t share.
When I was sick: it did change everything I thought, it effected everything about who I was as a person. Your brain is who you are, when it’s malfunctioning you change.
People have sympathy for people who murder people because of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). They have sympathy for Alzheimer’s patients who begin to hate their family, scream at them. But they have no sympathy for bipolar people believing delusional things for some reason. | 2bipolar
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Why : WHY CANT I STOP THINKING? Why? I just want it to stop. I don't need to remember everything I've ever done wrong. I don't need to be reminded about how a judge wants to send me to prison for 3-5 years over a felony drug charge. I DONT NEED TO KNOW WHAT I COULDVE DONE DIFFERENTLY WHILE MY DAD WAS STILL ALIVE. I DONT NEED TO BE FUCKING UNABLE TO EVEN DO MY GODDAMN HOMEWORK BECAUSE IM TOO ANXIOUS, STRESSED, AND DEPRESSED TO EVEN BE ABLE TO LEAVE MY FUCKING BED. I hate this. My heart won't stop beating fast, breathing exercises just freak me out more because they don't seem to help. My meds aren't working. I haven't slept for a little over a day. Why why why why why why why why? I didn't ask for this. Any of it.
I thought drugs would stop the anxiety, the depression, and the grief. And they did. For a month and a half, I felt free from my mental prison. I didn't have to worry about anything. Then the cops had to arrest me. It's worse than ever. I can't stop thinking about the humiliation of being naked and being searched in front of the only friends I had at the time. I can't stop the fear of having to be humiliated in front of another group of people. I can't. I thought the bullying would stop when I left high school, but I didn't realize that judges could bully defendants. I can't take the soul crushing feelings of doom and helplessness. I won't last in prison, he'll, I'm having a hard enough time surviving in my mental prison.
I used ask myself why. Why me. Why couldn't I have escaped this cage when I had the chance. Then it dawned on me. In the past 10 years, I've never had a chance. I can't escape. I'll never escape.
EDIT: Thanks... all of you.. I was having a freak out when I posted this.. It means a lot to me that total strangers actually care. <3 | 1anxiety
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54 days off Xanax today (while homeless lol) : I’ve never posted on here before, maybe it’s the fact that thinking about anxiety makes me more anxious, haha. But, I wanted to share that I’m 54 days off of Xanax today, and I feel pretty good about that.
I developed some pretty crippling anxiety and panic attacks 5 years ago and was prescribed Xanax immediately after meeting with a psychiatrist. For a while, I was just relieved that it meant I wasn’t necessarily schizophrenic or developing similar, serious mental illness.
Before I was put on Xanax, going outside my house was nearly impossible. I would white knuckle the wheel while driving, and standing in line anywhere made me feel like I was falling. My anxiety presented itself in feelings of impending doom, dizziness, hyper hydrosis (extreme swesting), and light headedness. I would often focus so harshly on a made up sequence of events I would create in my head where I would fall or something similar in public.
Working was a nightmare, everything felt like a performance, from taking an order to standing next to someone. I felt like I was always under the microscope, even though I wasn’t. These thoughts made me second guess myself constantly. I felt like maybe I had brain damage and could believe any scenario my anxiety would produce.
When I went on Xanax, it made things a lot easier. I could kinda veg out and didn’t care as much about my anxiety. If I had a panic attack I could strong arm my brain into pushing past it and refocusing my mind.
I stayed on that stuff for almost 5 years. I gained weight and stopped caring as much about important things, like my family. I started not liking the fact that I couldn’t go without it and began to fear when my psychiatrist would cut me off. I was living a life like a candle, burning the wax while inevitably only a burnt husk of a wick would remain. My anxiety began to become a reflection of my fears of coming off the medication some day. Fear of the visceral anxiety returning.
Then, I faced the most difficult challenge of my life. My landlord decided to not renew our lease after 10 years, and suddenly I was faced with monumental financial difficulty. The stable foundation I had created was being uprooted, and I had to leave my home state of Florida to find a cheaper place to live.
When I left Florida, I could no longer see my psychiatrist and was left with a 2 months supply of my medications. Slowly but surely, as the days and weeks passed in my journey I found myself running out of my meds. There was only a month left on my Xanax, which I was most afraid of not having anymore. What had helped me for so long was now the sole focus of my anxiety, the medicine became the poison.
&#x200B;
So, I ran out. And things were... fine.
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Completely. Fine.
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I didn't feel any more anxious than I did after having a bit of caffeine while I was on Xanax. Bad circumstances turned worse, and I accepted it. I did what I could to fix things and make the right decisions and while the dizziness and hatred for standing in line returned, they were like little droplets compared to the ocean of fear they were before.
&#x200B;
I was never able to find another doctor due to financial troubles and ran out of Xanax. I still remember wondering what would happen after I took the last sliver of a 1mg pill.
&#x200B;
Fast forward to today and I'm currently homeless, living out of a hotel, and my future has never been more unpredictable. But I'm not scared. I will make it out on the other side of this. 54 days without Xanax and I have proven to myself that I can manage pretty damn well without it.
&#x200B;
For those of you who are scared of the day that you no longer have your anxiety meds, or worry about coming off of them eventually, I was exactly like you. I never thought I would be able to face tumultuous circumstances without something like Xanax to help push the anxiety. You're stronger than you think you are. Your anxiety is preparing you for the day you no longer need that crap. When you're ready, take the jump and embrace it.
&#x200B;
They say pimpin' ain't easy, but who would wanna pimp if it was?
\- Jiszle | 1anxiety
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It does get better. (A positive post for once! Vent/progress) : (I am on mobile and can't tag! If mods could take care of that for me that would be awesome!!)
I just wanted to write something positive to give those struggling some hope. It does get better. You'll still have your ups and downs but the ups start lasting longer and the downs aren't so hard.
It is absolutely the best feeling when all the stuff you've been doing (DBT, mindfulness etc) finally starts to kick in and becomes like a reflex. Instead of reacting negatively and acting on bad impulses, you're able to step outside yourself for a moment and pick another, healthier option.
Some daily things I remind myself about that have helped me are these:
It's one bad moment, not a bad life.
Life is a cycle of bad and good. If it's bad just remember good times are coming.
You deserve to be loved, and respected.
Live in the moment, and don't let fear of the future or pain from the past suck the fun and happiness out of the now.
(If I'm feeling a negative emotion:) why am I feeling this way? Is it perhaps because I am hungry/sick/tired?
Love yourself.
It's basically a daily process of reminding myself that things are okay, and if they're not, that things will work out in the future if I have patience. I remind myself of who I am (and acknowledge that it's okay to not know who that is sometimes!) and what I believe in.
I also cannot stress enough how important exercise, eating good, and sleeping right are! I notice that even the slightest thing can throw me off balance and put me in a foul mood which makes it hard to cope!
Things will get better. I believe in you. You will make it through this and come out of the other side stronger and a whole different person. 💙 keep on plugging away at it. | 3bpd
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DAE get pre-heartbreaks? : I met this guy and he is truly amazing in every way. He knows my mental health condition and he is still very loving and supporting.
But I'm so sure that it wont last. I feel like he will get tired of my bullshit. I just know that everything will turn out to be horrible again and it breaks my fucking heart. Like everything is fine. We are really really happy together but being so happy makes me even more sad because I'm so afraid that this wont last. I break my own heart with thoughts like this but absolutely nothing is wrong. Does anyone else know this feeling? | 3bpd
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A man walked up to the most beautiful woman in the supermarket and asked, "You know, I have lost my wife here in the supermarket?" "Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" : The woman is intrigued and asks him, "Why?"
The man replies, "Because every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere". | 5none
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I can’t stop panicking over a plane ride coming up. Is it normal to get afraid of flying the more you do it? : I don’t know if my anxiety is just getting significantly worse or if this is a relatively common thing. I’m going on a trip in less than a week and my anxiety is outrageous right now. I used to not have any fear of flying but over the years and after flying more and more it’s just getting worse. It’s come to the point where I want to cancel the whole trip. I usually may have one or two unnecessarily dark thoughts before flying but they were incredibly easy to ignore, but over the past months it’s been dozens of these thoughts daily. I don’t even believe in “signs” yet I’ll be damned if my mind isn’t telling me “that’s a sign something bad is going to happen” over the dumbest of things. It’s just making me physically sick when I think of this trip. Hell I’m crying while writing this, because I just can’t get it out of my head. It’s made it’s way into my dreams too and that’s certainly not helping. I know people without anxiety have a gut instinct they can listen to, but if I listened to my gut I wouldn’t leave the house so I don’t know. | 1anxiety
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Never been drunk due to OCD : How many others chronically sober?
The thought of getting drunk scares me, the thought of being out of control, not remembering what I did, doing embarrassing things just has me never exceeding more then one drink.
(Also the fact its basically poison too) | 6ocd
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DAE ever feel guilty to be alive? Like someone else could be in your spot doing 10x more than you and enjoying it? : I feel like I'm a waste of a "spot", someone else could be using my life doing more and loving it. I know that's not how it works, but still. I feel guilty for taking up a spot.
That's the best I could explain it. | 4depression
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I zone out when people talk to me. And I hate myself for it. : When my girlfriend talks to me, sometimes I’ll zone out, and she’ll ask “are you even listening to me?” I’m not sure what to say to her. She knows about my disability and she tries her best to love me the best she can. She really makes an effort and I love her for it. But she still can’t understand it when I tell her I just zone out sometimes and it’s not cuz I’m not interested in what she’s saying, it’s because I get easily distracted. I feel horrible. I then proceed to overthink and put myself through panic attacks. I myself am Christian, so I try to pray it off I guess. It helps but it doesn’t change what I go through. I’m just very upset by this cycle and people seem to see me as less of a person because of my ADHD. It starts to hurt when enough people say something about it, especially when you love those people. Anyways does anyone have any strategies on how I can snap back into it or how she can snap me back into it? | 0adhd
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Anyone else anthropomorphise literally everything in their life? : I just picked a banana from a bunch of bananas because he was curved weird and I thought everyone else would pick him last :(
If I think too hard I start feeling bad for eating him too :/ | 6ocd
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A man goes in to talk to his psychologist. : A man says to his psychologist, "I keep dreaming that I'm a sadistic, necrophiliac zoophile. Should I be worried, or am I just beating a dead horse?" | 5none
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Please don’t comment anything. Just a confession of my feelings to feel better. : I’m 20 year old shy, depressed and introverted guy. I haven’t felt joy since 2016. For the last year I had gotten better. Slightly. I wasn’t actively thinking of ways to kill myself during the last year. Usually I have not wanted to kill myself, but to stop existing or get killed by any other way than suicide. Today I had a breakdown and I wanted to take a gun and pull the trigger.
It all started when I graduated from highschool and got to work. I got to work slightly over a year before I had to go to the military (conscription). This year was the year when I hadn’t thought ways to commit suicide.
When the military started, at the start it was ok. I had some privacy. I had found a way to keep mysef functioning. Then I started thinking about my possible suicide daily. I had to be around 40 people everyday. Every night there were only 10 people sleeping in the same room as me. I couldn’t ”recharge my batteries” since I needed to be alone and there were always people around. And because I haven’t talked about my depression to anyone, I didn’t talk about it there. I just played the same role as I have always played. Being fine. It’s been 118 days of mental torture for me and today I wanted to pull the trigger. Luckily the assault rifle I got today was put in the vault downstairs and I wasn’t given ammo.
I just had to let this out of my chest to make myself feel a little better. Please don’t comment. | 4depression
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Even my phone bores me now : I reached the point where every single thing that i do bores me, and i don't wanna do anything also. I've been using my phone for years from day to night, same with my pc, i used to play games all day, or watch people playing, now everything bores me, nothing satisfies me anymore, i feel like after all these years i did everything and there's nothing fun anymore in using my pc or phone, and that makes me fell depressed because it used to be my only escape from reality. | 4depression
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Anyone here was or is a fan of Lana Del Rey? : Asking because I use to be obsessed with her in high school. Her music now is much more mature and well..not so much screaming “daddy issues”
I’m not trying to hate on her, I’m a really big fan here..but anyone else think the character she portrays in her music (especially her first two albums “Born to Die” & “Ultraviolence”) may allude to BPD?
Either way I loved her music a lot when I was younger, and really related to her..I don’t know if I think it’s necessarily the healthiest type of music to obsess over but she resonated a lot with me.
Anyone else a big fan of her music? | 3bpd
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Weight loss with OCD - help! : This is a cross-post because /r/loseit isn't so great with mental illness.
I'm currently a 30 year old female second year Family Medicine resident. My schedule changes drastically every few weeks and I work 40-72 hours/week, days and nights depending on the week. I'm finding it very hard to stick to diet and exercise recently. The health field is full of donuts, bagels, and pizza in break rooms. I have gained 30 pounds since I started and am now technically obese :(
Add to this, I am a VERY compulsive eater and have OCD. So calorie counting does not work for me. Every time I try all I can do is think of foods and meal planning and end up binging because my cravings get so bad. I've discovered Intuitive Eating which is more listening to your body, gauging your type of hunger (flavor, emotional, texture, etc), and things of that nature. I find this very enlightening but wonder if I will ever be able to actually lose weight. I really want to look better for myself, feel better in my body, and not hate the way I look in engagement pictures (should be coming up next summer). Should I just give up until after residency?
Further clarification:
* OCD - I am medicated and recently increased my dose in fact, see my private counselor as often as I can and even have a psychologist in clinic who counsels us residents when we need as well who is great with CBT, I'm actually reading Beck's "Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders" (Psych textbook for OCD/anxiety/depression treatment), I try to sleep as much as I can and am a napping queen, and I've learned to take time to relax every day doing something silly for fun before bed (lately a videogame).
* Previous diets - I have tried MFP for many years in the past. Originally started 140 pounds wanted to get down to ideal for my height of 125 and lost 10 pounds over several months. Then stopped logging and trying to eat healthy and gained it all back. Tried again and started having even worse obsessive food thoughts to the point it was hard to focus. Did several cycles of this as well as one ketogenic diet attempt which was horrible. I got to ideal weight finally with keto but I was an angry person and ALL I could think about was when the diet was over and I could have pasta. I am VERY grumpy without carbs. I've tried to go back to MFP a few times. The last attempt I couldn't log for more than a day without getting so obsessive in my food thinking I felt like I was going to die if I didn't eat food when I saw it. Overall, I've GAINED 40 pounds of weight from these attempts and then the rebound after and binging from the obsessive/starvation thinking. Lately, my health attempts have been really limiting my sugar intake (watched "Sugar the Bitter Truth), I'm a vegetarian and eating crap-tons of fruits and veggies, and I've picked up the book "Intuitive Eating".
I'm tired of feeling so obsessive about food. I can't live like that. I don't mind physical hunger occasionally, but this feeling like I'm gonna die if I don't eat everything I see is NOT healthy and not a way to live or lose weight. Calorie counting is HORRIBLE for my mental and physical health I've learned. | 6ocd
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One Step Forward, One Hundred Steps Back : Just when I thought things were finally better, I’m right back to where I began if not, feeling even worse. The hardest part for me is like, I feel like I’m watching everything happen from somewhere far back in my mind…I’m not even sure if that makes any sense but I just had one of the biggest freak outs to date. I’m 24 and had to move back home with my parent due to financial reasons (I.e I have no fucking money because I can’t get my spending under control, ie ie I spend all my money on food because I can’t stop eating.) Anyways, my room is underneath my little brothers and for the past while I’ve been trying to tolerate the noise, and I hate that everyone feels like they need to walk on eggshells around me so I’ve been bottling up the frustration. Well today, I clearly couldn’t take it anymore so I went upstairs *calmly* to try and figure out where it was coming from. Immediately my mom being her snarky self made me feel like I was crazy when right off the rip I made it clear I was a little overstimulated. It’s like a flip switched in me immediately and I started screaming about how I want the noise to stop and that my head is overloaded, I started pulling my hair and as if in slow motion I started slamming my head against the wall…it’s like my arms were trying to stop me but I just could not stop. I’ve never done that before…my mom began threatening to take me back to the hospital (I was admitted to the psychiatric ward a few months ago) and if anything, that made it worse. I started threatening to beat her if she even tried which is NOT me, I would NEVER in a million years do anything to harm my mom…I don’t know who that was and I hate it. I hate that it’s like I lose control. And now my mind won’t stop spinning and telling me I should have just ended it that day and I wouldn’t be doing things like this to my family. I just want it to go away. | 3bpd
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27 and Im the last one left : I couldnt imagine id ever post online, but the dark under current thats been deciding my life has taken me down deep. I lost my brother in November to a fentanyl OD. My sister and I both have epilepsy. She had a seizure last week, and cracked her head with no one around. She died. Don’t know my dad. Mom passed away from a stroke in 2016. Feel like my childhood and any warm feelings of nostalgia have been ripped away. This grief feels different than losing one loved one. Any advice? | 4depression
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Male suicide : I'm currently reading the boy crisis by warren Farrell and I didn't know the suicide rate was this high. It was calculated that if the male suicide rate was reduced to the rate at which women kill themselves than it would do more measurable good for the world than if we found and used the cure for cancer.
Women constitute 75% of those who seek help to prevent suicide while men constitute 75% of those who commit suicide.
One of the factors that contributes to this is the lack of study for male suicide. The national association of social workers only studies suicide as it relates to women. when asked they reported that they're funding only allowed the study of girls. the American association of suicidologys director lamented "as much as i would like to lead the charge on finding out why boys kill themselves try to go out and get funding for it". funding comes from caring because caring produces the political pressure that creates funding.
I'd like for anyone who feels depressed to read the book because it offers strategy for prevention and insightful information. Perhaps if enough people read the book and recommend it to their friends the more society will start to care. Stay safe. | 4depression
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Having PTSD for almost 20 years now- a reflection : My first symptoms started when I was around 4/5 years old, and I'm almost 25 now. I cannot even begin to explain how hellish this life is, not just the multiple traumatic experiences that have permanently shaped the course of my life, but the way that other people treat you when being affected by it becomes permanent and not a temporary fleeting condition like it is often portrayed in the media.
I've had more therapists and been on more pills than you can count, and each time something failed/didn't work, it would be blamed on me for not trying hard enough and increase the feelings of shame and fear, especially so when I was an impressionable child. There is something uniquely depressing about being told by so called "trauma expert" therapists that you're beyond help as a barely turned 18 year old. Or grifters claiming they finally have the cure for PTSD - if you have 1000$ to spare for their session or course.
I've tried psychedelics, every normal psych drug, up till they were trying to put me on actual neuroleptics because "we don't know what else to do", I've heard the same advice over and over again to diet and exercise and meditate, which while well intentioned, doesn't help me in any tangible way even more so since I developed physical health problems which aren't taken seriously by anyone because I have a PTSD diagnosis, a convenient excuse to handwave dehabilitating physical symptoms like chronic pain.
There is a lot of emphasis on the shorter-term cases in our world, and for good reason, so that timely interventions can take place and prevent someone from developing worse symptoms. But in the process, there is a lack of awareness for the people who have this condition for years or decades, being treated like we just didn't try hard enough to heal. I have started to hate the word heal, because no one ever seemed to want to actually see me happy, functional, or at peace when they used this phrase with me-- they wanted me to become docile and be able to do triggering things without complaint. To many people in my life- no matter how much I was suffering on the inside or physically panicking, if I can force myself to do the thing, I'd be fixed. And I don't want to be "fixed" anymore, I want to be happy, to not be treated like a broken, fucked up creature who wants to be deficient and non functional because of a series of events that first started when I was a barely cognisant 5 year old.
When you have PTSD for decades, sometimes it feels like you don't only carry the trauma anymore, but the shame and mistreatment from other people if you can't conceal it, judgement or disbelief from the mental health system, and so much more. It's a special kind of hell. | 7ptsd
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Stay Strong for the Holidays Everyone… It’s a Tough Time for People with OCD. : I know how hard the holidays can be when you’re dealing with OCD. I’m struggling through Christmas Eve right now and it isn’t easy. There is a lot of pressure to act “normal” when sometimes it feels like things are falling apart. I know I’m personally struggling. Feel free to use this post as a place to vent. | 6ocd
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Can ocd affect the way people see you? : So I have OCD and have been dealing with anxiety and stress migraines for a while because of it.... I also feel that when I come across people they find me a little odd, I can tell because I can see it in there face and sometimes they are dismissive with me.. I wasnt like this before I started having ocd symptoms. Also I cant get back to the dating scene anymore I used to be able to have fun and go out with girls that I liked but now I've just been so isolated because the conversation doesnt have the same spark and energy that I used to get I believe this can be from me being so caught up in my mind and having urges thanks to this OCD ..........does Anyone else feel like this???? | 6ocd
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Feeling attacked when I don't understand something : When ever I ask someone for help with work / homework or with understanding anything really if they explain it to me and I don't understant immediately I start feeling very stupid. Then as they continue explaining my brain shuts down completely and I just go into this sudden spiral of hating myself so so bad because I think I'm the dumbest person on Earth for not understanding and then I'm convinced that the person explaining (especially if it's my FP) hates me and is angry at me and is deliberately trying to explain it in a way that I won't understand because they want to hurt me and belittle me and make fun of me... and it's just blinding rage from then on... Does anyone else have this? | 3bpd
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Extreme anxiety about getting into trouble at work : I’m a teacher, and kids can do a lot to get you into trouble (such as falling off a piece of playground equipment) even when they don’t try
When something happens I am TERRIFIED that I’m going to be in big trouble. Like I’m some kind of kid myself! I’m so scared of being yelled at or disciplined.
How do I get over this fear ? | 1anxiety
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Hunger pain that does not go : Has anyone had this from anxiety? I’m anxious that it’s an infection I had recently (that can come back). Doesn’t matter how much I eat, the hunger “pain” comes back very quickly and sometimes doesn’t go even when eating. I often end up with a lot of gas and trapped wind cramps as well.
I had lost 25lb in 3 months, whether that was from anxiety/stress or the infection I don’t know. | 1anxiety
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Anyone else have problems with drinking? : I have had PTSD for the past 8 years due to childhood sexual abuse. It's something I've tried for many years to work past, but it's still a work in progress.
I've always struggled with limits and alcohol. I don't drink at all or I go hard, and have blacked out on numerous occasions. On these occasions thoughts of my past usually come to the forefront of my mind as well and I can become quite distressed.
Saturday night I had too much to drink, and ended up self harming more seriously than I ever have before. My partner found me and took me to the hospital straight away, where I needed stitches. I feel horrible about the night and causing so much fear and pain for my partner and my family.
My partner and I have talked since then, and both agree that 1) I need to re enter therapy, and 2) no more drinking for the foreseeable future. I just want to know if anyone else has had similar problems with alcohol, and if you were ever able to drink again without crossing the line?
Any help is really appreciated. Struggling a bit right now with my bad decisions. | 7ptsd
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don't you hate when people talk about you? : Just that, like literally hating when someone is talking about you, doesn't matter if it's good or bad, like when people say "we were just talking about you" or you directly hear it, i don't even know why, i just hate it so much | 1anxiety
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For the ADHD’er in your life. Consider getting them basic things they forget to resupply as stocking stuffers. : Hear me out. The last thing I want to do when I find out I’m out of something is go out and get more of it, or order it online or whatever. It’s a relief to know I don’t need to bother if someone gets me that stuff as a gift.
I’m talking things like that hair product you know they like, a new toothbrush, a favorite soap, a condiment they like, cotton balls, sponges. That stuff is lame as a kid, but as an adult who is now in charge of getting all the crap in a never ending death march of chores, it’s awesome. | 0adhd
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shat myself during my gcse chemistry exam and had a panic attack : first off: this was on friday, not today, i was on my period, and i’m diagnosed with both anxiety and ibs
so i had my aqa paper 1 chemistry gcse on friday at 9am, exam started and everything was fine, i’d shit before the exam bc of anxiety shits at home and even went at school just in case (i literally never do that but i was rly stressed bc i need to do well in chemistry)
exam started and after like 50 minutes ( out of 1h 15) i feel this sudden urge to poo really badly, like diarrhea. i was clenching and then had one of those farts that literally u can’t hold in. period shits combined with anxiety shits and ibs is a really bad combo. a few more farts and then suddenly farted and it felt rly warm/wet, i moved in my seat and then realised that it wasn’t the fart, but that i’d just fully shat myself during my fucking gcse. of course i panicked and tried to act natural, but i still desperately had to poo and also had diarrhea literally covering my ass, underwear and the inside of my skirt.
sat there for the remaining 25 minutes of the exam worrying over whether i ask to go and risk it running down my legs out of my skirt, or sit there and try to hide what happened. I chose to sit there, which yes ik is disgusting but I couldn’t face walking past 300 people in my year with shit streaming down my legs.
I was on the farthest row to the right, at the back corner. The door was at the front left corner. The exam ended and luckily my row was last to be let out as we were the furthest away from the door. I awkwardly waited in my seat until most ppl had walked off and whispered to the invigilator at the back to say i’d had “a period accident” and needed to wait here till everyone had gone bc i was embarrassed.
Everyone left and she walked me out the fire exit door at the back and made sure i was okay bc i literally had a panic attack bc i was so stressed about it. She walked me to the disabled toilets and left me to clean up and stuff, even brought me some spare underwear and uniform that the school must of had for things like this.
My schools exam officer applied for me to have special consideration for extra marks bc of distress bc ibs/anxiety and was rlly nice to me saying accidents happen it’s okay, and somehow no one found out id shat myself during a gcse exam. | 1anxiety
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Hurrah for therapy dogs! : At my therapist's office there is a sweet therapy dog. The dog doesn't come in with me all the time but today she did and when I got a little stressed talking the dog came over for scratches. I just wanted to say hurrah for therapy dogs in pdoc and therapists offices. Does anyone else have a story about a therapy dog who helps during office visits? | 2bipolar
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Does BPD also make you question the legitimacy of your own judgement? : I have experienced that in romantic relationships I get doubts very frequently and quickly latch onto them. But I also get so consumed by my love-dovey feelings and put the person on a pedestal.
I know that this is a perfect example of black and white thinking. And that it is totally normal in BPD.
But sometimes I wonder if my BPD prevents me from really tapping into my own authentic judgement to figure out if there is legitimacy to these thoughts. Especially doubts.
And likewise when I really feel I love someone and that I am in love I sometimes find myself thinking “well, what if it is just my BPD and I don’t actually love them?”.
Do you relate to this?
And if you have learned it: how have you learned to maintain the same stance towards your romantic partner and limit the shifts in perception of your relationship? | 3bpd
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Are you a "clencher?" : By that I mean do you super tense up some part of your body when you are anxious about something like going out, or a health thing?
I used to clench my upper abdomen now I do my lower abdomen.
This can often give me cramping in my intestines, gas and sometimes even diarrhea.
Oddly enough I will, also, do this en I'm going to bed - for some reason I've become anxious about this now, too.
Anyone else do this? | 1anxiety
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My life has changed so much in the past 3 months : I've gone from having a kind, loving fiance, a group of tight knit friends who I'd speak to every day, loads of day trips out to cinemas, walks playing Pokemon GO, weekend LAN parties etc. Its was Life Goals at it's best.
Me and my partner broke up 3 months back, and it kind of all spiralled from there. I started being plagued by anxiety, paranoia, depression (Likely due to sleep deprivation) Stupid thoughts came with this, a constant scratch at the back of my head, despite knowing it wasnt true, it was just beating me down, day by day, so eventually it broke me and succumbed to the thoughts of my friend seeing my ex behind my back.
I knew it wasnt true, I'm not an idiot, I know a stupid thought, but I just needed that reassurance. Obviously my friend denied me asking this, as i say, i knew it wasn't true. A few days later my friend had gone to bed, around 22:00, as he was up for work, his normal routine.
Me not sleeping well, I had gotten onto the couch and turned my bluetooth headphones on at around 02:00, which then connected with my Ex's phone (still living together while I arranged moving out) and I hear his voice, they were both talking early morning. That's it talking, but that had sent my head into overdrive, which caused me to ask again what's going on between them. Since me asking this, I feel my friend has taken it personally despite this being an issue with my head at the time rather than my perception of them.
I feel like I've been held at a distance by my friends, they're going on 3-4 day trips with the Ex etc, but anything more than an afternoon with me seems to be enough.
I was the lowest I've ever been 2 weeks back, contemplated suicide, had the drugs ready to do it, 2 hours sleep a night, crying most of the day in work, eating just enough to not pass out throughout the day. the works. I was a state.
I realised how bad I'd gotten after getting the pills ready, so I flushed them all, Doctors the next morning, signed off work, counselling booked, and 2 weeks with family.
I'm back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks signed off work, and I've really realised how lonely life can be away from family. Friends seem distant, I tend to not hear from them unless I engage first, it's strange.
However I'm feeling better in my body at this point. My new apartment is finally starting to feel like home, and my sleep has improved alot.
Just wanted to get this out of my head.
Isolation is brutal, I know that. Always here if anyone needs a chat. X
Thanks :] | 4depression
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I am struggling to talk *properly* : Whenever I want to say something, it either comes out exactly like I wanted it to, or like most of the times, not anything that would make sense.
- Mid way I can change what I want to say and end up merging words.
Like I would want to say Bye but then the other person said Cya so I would naturally say the same, only thing is I already started to say bye so what comes out sounds a bit like Bcya
- I can try to say something but it won't make sense. Others know what I mean but it won't make sense
~~I cannot remember any examples on top of my head as~~ I don't notice it as much since I am under the first impression that I got my thoughts across. I only really realise that I've done it again when other people call me out on it.
Edit: I just remembered that when I say left when I meant right sometimes. Or that when there are too many (2/3) names involved or things, I always juggle them up, as if my brain was not able to correctly handle information.
Or how I was meant to say ceiling but said roof instead. It's things of similar but not exactly same thing.
I am quite sure that is not due to me being bilingual - this happens in my native language too | 0adhd
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My letter to you. : This cannot be our reality. I need you to hear me: see my anxiety overestimated the threat and flung me into an abyss where I could not see the light. I stumbled into you but I could not see your face, you were a shadow in the dark chasing me and I ran, leaving you behind. I’m sorry I missed your white flag and saw a sea of skeletons instead. my body, floating in murky waters. God I wish you had grabbed my hand. Maybe I would’ve known your touch, maybe you could’ve tethered me to you and that way we wouldn’t be apart because losing you is akin to losing myself and I do not want to grieve me, please don’t make me do this.
But if there is no other way, know that I will grieve you. I will grieve you every day that I am alive because what is grief if not preserving love. And what am I if not drowning in my love for you. | 3bpd
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About to go on a date in half an hour and I can't breathe. : I don't know what exactly I'm so nervous about. I've been friends with the person for years and been on one date already. But I'm afraid to let people in. I'm afraid to be intimate. I don't know how to get over this. | 1anxiety
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"The first time I met you I didn't like you." Does this sound familiar? : Lately I've been making improvements in my life and things are going pretty smoothly except for one thing, my social skills. When I am on my medication I am so much better in social situations, but as a college student most of my social interactions are at night, long after my medicine has worn off.
Most people that didn't take the time to get to know me through my life thought I was an insufferable prick. I can't help but speak my mind and I don't think there is anyway to change that. The problem is that most of the time speaking my mind is okay, but eventually I'm going to say something offensive.
A lot of people told me they have to "get used to me," whatever that means. Even an ex once told me I come off as extremely intimidating. From what I've collected over the years I am never aware of my body language and facial expressions. So, it's not hard to imagine me appearing odd in certain situations. People think I'm the bad guy, but I'm really not, I just like to see people laugh and having a good time. Maybe my sense of humor is shit.
How can I possibly fix these issues? I can learn skills and techniques for these issues, but I'm betting that unmedicated I'll forget to even use them. I've seen CBT being talked about but would that even help with something I can't see constantly like body language?
**Unrelated discussion point:**
Something that's been bothering me lately is my ability to see the complete opposite of my problem. I keep noticing people that are insincere. I know that to an extent most people are insincere, but I'm talking about people I know that are just full of bullshit. I know they're insincere but I can't figure out why I feel that way. These people are usually well liked and admired. I can't ever convince friends to not trust these people because I don't have evidence. I used to think I was just jealous of admired people but I have friends that are popular and admired that I consider very sincere. I just sense this blatantly emotional deception in certain people that no one else ever seems to notice. It makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills. | 0adhd
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I used a coping skill that my new therapist recommended and it worked really well :) : I had my first session with my counselor from Betterhelp today, and one of the things we talked about was how I usually deal with bad memories and stuff like that. Normally I sort of rock back and forth or hide, and I recite a recent memory in as much detail as I can. Usually it’s just something mundane, like what I did today or yesterday, from the moment I woke up to now, until I calm down. She introduced me to something similar, essentially I think of a happy memory but instead of saying it out loud to myself I just kind of immerse myself into how it felt and stuff. I know it sounds really simple but it’s never actually worked for me until she walked me through it.
Anyway, I woke up from a nightmare an hour or two ago. It wasn’t nearly as bad as they get for me, but it was still pretty distressing. I walked around for a bit, splashed some lukewarm water on my face (also something she suggested), then I just kept walking around for a while, thinking about different happy memories. It actually made me feel better. I’m really glad I got paired with this lady as my counselor, because the way the session went just made me feel really hopeful for the first time in months. I’m really glad I chose to try reaching out once more, and gave online therapy a chance despite thinking it would be a wasted effort. | 7ptsd
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The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra... : In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. | 5none
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It physically hurts when people are nice to me, but it doesn’t emotionally hurt : The more beautifully sincere and close to me they are, the more it hurts. Strangely the pain is all in my chest and in my heart. It’s like the physical discomfort of anxiety and sadness without actually feeling those emotions. As for my emotional response, I guess I feel speechless and kind of happy in a worried way. Does anybody else experience this, or is there an explanation? | 7ptsd
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Just got officially diagnosed with ADHD. This has been a 4 month process of discovering this then coming to terms with it, and now I feel like I'm at the beginning of a new, positive stage of my life. I just want to thank everyone in /r/ADHD, you guys are the best community. : Even if I've never spoken to you directly, just reading through posts in this sub have helped me recognise things about myself and both come to terms with and address those things positively.
Just been put on 40 mg of Ritalin, starting next week. So excited- I'm also starting a new degree this year, and I feel like now that I have this diagnosis and professional help I might be able to do well this time around! Woo!! | 0adhd
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What's the longest period of time you went without sleeping : Coming up on about 20 hours here. I also quit smoking when I woke up Friday I said fuck it I'm done. Last time I smoked was Thursday night before bed walking my dog. I feel weird and I can't shut off my brain or leg muscles. I laid down in bed from about 2am to 5am and it got worse the entire time. Just got my from fhe gym cause I needed to do something and holy crap I feel so much better. My plan is to replace all the times I'd go for a smoke break with exercise sessions and hopefully going before or after work. I laugh at myself cause I'm trying to plan something... and that always works out for us folks with adhd 🤣 | 0adhd
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A poem by me to you. : He may sneak in anytime of life
You never really know
As sexual thoughts or as a knife
Inside this feeling grows
You watch him steal away with strife
You hit your lowest lows
with disturbing thought you're always rife
but so the world just goes
First he takes away your time
And then he steals your zing
When you think he's gone he chimes
What about that one spring
remember once when you were nine
Obsess about that thing
Before you know the day is gone
Don't blink their goes another
Then another conclusion drawn
am I attracted to my mother?
I feel as though I'm satans spawn
The thoughts just start to smother
You stole my health and stole my days
You will not get to me
Cause here I stand a say this phrase
You are just OCD | 6ocd
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Does anyone one else feel like doing anything is pointless? : I feel like everything is pointless. I don’t do anything for entertainment anymore besides be a lazy fuck in my room crying playing video games. Things like playing guitar and hobbies seem so pointless knowing nothing makes me happy. Also I feel careless, I’m in control. If anything goes wrong I feel like I can just end it and be fine. It’s not fine. I’m not fine. I want to die. | 4depression
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Person w BPD dating another person w BPD? : Has anyone experienced a relationship where both people were people with BPD? How'd it go?
In general would it be a perfect match or potentially a train wreck?
I've pretty much given up on relationships because I can't take another heartbreak and partners never seem to understand or care (I have a pattern of falling in love with people w NPD). Maybe we should start a BPD exclusive dating community... | 3bpd
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A boy asks his dad "Dad what's an alcoholic?" : Dad replied: "Well son, do you see those 2 yellow cars over there? An alcoholic would see 4"
The son responded: "But dad, I can only see 1 car" | 5none
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Does anyone else feel triggered all the time/no specific triggers? : Basically the title. I will just be randomly walking around going about my day and get hit with a flashback/intrusive thought/sudden panic... I can't identify any specific trigger that causes it. Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it? | 7ptsd
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Joke to burn your friend : You die and goes to heaven.
Arriving at the pearly gates, you are greeted by St. Peter.
"Welcome to heaven!"
Behind the gates, all you can see is clocks. Clocks as far as the eye can see.
And they're all going at different speeds. Some very slow, some with hands spinning quickly.
"Um, Peter, I have a question; what's with all the clocks?"
"Oh, well, everyone on Earth has a clock. Each time you masturbate, the hands on the clock moves."
Turning red-faced, you ask "Which one belongs to me?"
"Yours is right there", Peter says, "Don't worry, yours moves as much as anyone elses".
"I have a friend back on Earth, (Insert friends name here), where is his/hers?"
"Oh, (name)? Theirs is in the back room. We use it as a fan." | 5none
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Anyone look at a parent and think “how on earth do you not realise you also have ADHD?” : My dad is 60. He so clearly has ADHD. My mum and brother think he does too. We’re, sadly, identical. He never sits down. He is constantly flitting from one thing to another. He never has long conversations. He has no emotional intelligence but he has a heart of gold and, while he may seem impatient, he will work himself to the bone to help you.
While I am not a medically qualified person, it seems so clear to me now he has ADHD, especially since my own (late) diagnosis.
With thanksgiving just over, did you go home and think “boy! My family is one lovely bunch of ADHDers!?” Have you ever suggested to a parent they get diagnosed too? How did that go? | 0adhd
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Do we really want love? : Is it just me or once I get to know a person completely and I have them for a sufficient amount of time, I don’t care walking away? I’m not the person to walk away most of the times, but anywho even if they walk out, it’s very easy for me to let go? I don’t miss them? I barely remember them it seems like? It’s weird and I’ve to sit and brainstorm good memories with them? All I have is the negative, sometimes hate and most of the times just nothing? Just, I don’t care? Whereas if I meet someone and they leave before I ‘get’ them that’s what fucks me up gets me all obsessive and makes me heartbroken. Is it just me or do we just think we want love and once we get it, it just makes us arrogant and nonchalant and maybe even gives us the ick…? | 3bpd
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Overwatch is like ADHD heroin. You have been warned. : It is well known that ADHD sufferers tend to like videogames. I've always felt that ADHD drew me towards more intense action shooters, but it's been a long time since a game really satisfied me. Overwatch is like a whole new level. Some of the characters like D.Va are incredibly intense, in the moment vehicles of norepinephrine and dopamine release. I really can't remember the last time I got more hyperfocused than this. | 0adhd
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Intentional Sleep Deprivation : I know a lot of people talk about sleeping too much, but is anyone else here a night owl?
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For me, for a while now (months maybe; I'm not sure), I've been staying up as long as I can each night, getting as close as I can to sunrise. I think at first it was so I would sleep later, thus making the day feel shorter. I think I also feel something calm and freeing about the night (although I have to be careful to stay quiet so I don't wake others). But I think it's getting to the point where going to bed at a more normal time would be weird for me...like I have to exhaust myself (I probably ultimately get 3-5 hours of decent quality sleep each day). Does anyone else keep themselves' tired, like a deep tired you sometimes feel weighing in your chest? | 4depression
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Feel like a zombie while stable on meds : I've been stable on my meds for about a year now. I take them daily and never miss a dose. Recently, however, I feel like I can't cry, I can't smile, or get angry or anything along those lines. I just feel emotionless. It's weird because l've never felt like this before. Like a zombie or something. Please let me know your experiences if you can. Thanks. | 2bipolar
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Do you ever feel… not alive for a bit after coming face to face with a trigger, or flashback? : For the past few years, I’ve felt like this. Sometimes it’s random. However more often than that, its when I come face to face with a trigger… or a really bad flashback.
I just don’t feel alive. It makes me feel like I’m outside of my own body, watching things happening to me when I get like that. Or that the action(s) that I’m doing, aren’t really being done. It lasts days. Weeks. Months even sometimes. My longest stretch was 10 months.
Does… anyone else ever feel like this..? | 7ptsd
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Anyone listen to a song and relate to the lyrics a bit too much? : I've been listening to the rap song 'Kill Yourself Part 3' by the $uicideBoy$ (yes I know how it sounds, also I don't usually listen to rap). I've heard cheesy sad songs before but I keep really relating to this one, considering it has lyrics like "They made me say that, get back". What are some songs you relate to in regards to BPD?
(Warning, don't listen to the song if you're sad, it's really deep and sad sounding) | 3bpd
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Something that has really helped me out : My PTSD is often worse at night because I have vivid flashbacks and where I sleep is sort of similar to where one of my traumas happened. So when I have a flashback I have to switch on the lights to remind myself that I'm not there. This made falling asleep really difficult as I sleep best in pitch black thanks to my lovely insomnia.
I needed enough light so I could tell that I'm in a safe place but everything I could find was too bright. However, I finally found something that works!
Flameless pillar candles!
They emit enough light to see the room but it's not so bright that it's distracting. They also have a really warm tone so it's not uncomfortable to sleep through and is actually really relaxing. The one I own also has a timer on it so it automatically shuts on and off. One on my bedside table is enough for me and has helped me most of the time! | 7ptsd
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Self-Care victory : without getting into too much backstory, this week has been the worst week of my adult life.
i had to call the police on my girlfriend and have her sent to jail; i found out that i have two months to find a new place to live; today i found out i am not eligible for the kidney transplant ive spent the last two years trying to get, which means more time spent on dialysis.
i didnt blow up at my roommate or panic when he told me i was getting booted. we talked about it like adults, made sure there were no hard feelings and even hugged.
ive accepted that i cant do anything about the no contact order between my girlfriend and i, and am doing things to keep myself from dissociating to pass the time. keeping up on my hobbies and seeing more of my friends, etc.
and i let myself break down and cry over the transplant, telling myself things like “let yourself feel what youre feelings, you need to start the grieving process,” and reminding myself where i was so that i didnt lose myself. And then at one point i kind of just said ,”okay, you had your time, now you need to eat something because you can at least make yourself feel physically better.”
im really proud of myself. | 3bpd
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Raise your hand if you're just going through the motions of life because you're too afraid to kill yourself! : Lol day after day, I wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, take my meds and vitamins, and try to tell myself that today is the day my life turns around.
Then of course, it doesn't because why would it? A positive attitude doesn't negate mental illness holy shit. But who knows what's on the other side, grass might not be so much greener, so I rinse and repeat day after day hoping, begging, for someone to hit me with their car.
Plz if you or someone you love is a raging psychopath who feels the need to murder someone but can't decide on a victim, I am here 2 help. God bless | 2bipolar
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I CANT WAIT TO FUCKING DIE : Anyone else? I am sick and fucking tired of being sick. I'm always so fucking angry I'm constantly on the verge of a fucking mental breakdown. | 4depression
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I don't like my old friends anymore. : Recently met some new people who are very nice and supportive. I was with my normal group last night and I realized how mean they are to me and they kept making suicide jokes. They knew I was suicidal less than a month ago as well. It feels horrible saying I don't like them and I feel nervous around them. I don't know what to do anymore I don't want to be around them, but then they just show up at my house. Just needed to vent. | 1anxiety
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What does a person with BPD experience during the “discard stage”? : I don’t have BPD, but I want to be clear don’t have hate. I understand almost every single person with BPD has had a very rough upbringing. So I have a lot of sympathy. And while I have had many bad and hurtful experiences with people who have the PD, I have had a lot of really enjoyable times too. So the question is, what does a person who has borderline think and feel about themselves and they other person during the notorious discard stage? How do you get to a point where you feel so strongly that you basically abandon them? Also do you ever think about the people you left behind without a trace? | 3bpd
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I DON'T WANT TO FUCK EVERYONE I RESPECT, OCD! : I SWEAR I DON'T WANT TO FUCK PEOPLE THAT I RESPECT. I _DON'T_ WANT TO FUCK MY TEACHERS AND I'M NOT A LESBIAN FOR THINKING ANOTHER CHICK IS PRETTY. PLEASE STOP MAKING EVERYTHING SEXUAL YOU PERVERTED CUNT OF A DISEASE.
^That's ^all | 6ocd
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Has anyone ever had someone stalk you? : And then try to convince you that you are a crazy and are harmful to others?
This person is someone I would call the cops on.
Not someone I would listen to. Or care about what they did. | 7ptsd
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