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I don't want adhd I want to be normal!! : It's stupid, I am not officially diagnosed but I just know I am not bieng lazy, I don't do things even if my entire life depends on it, even if I am interested in things, and I hate it, why can't I jus4 fucking do things why the fuck am I here seeking empathy when I should be studying, I have wasted the last 3 years of my life, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to be normal, I don't know how to explain this to my closest friends and parents, "everyone goes through periods of demotivation" bless their hearts they want whats good for me, but i dont know how to explain it to them that its different wothout sounding like a massive crybaby narcisist. I am ashamed, I am alone in a foreign country, I can't afford a doc and even if I did the waiting list is 1 year minimum, I just don't know what to do, or how to make this all just stop.
Thnx 4 reading this lol, feels a bit better just typing this | 0adhd
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A story with a happy ending : I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig."
“Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying.”
"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man ... and then my dog bit me."
"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! But, hell, enough about me, how are you doing?" | 5none
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ADHD anxiety is just DIFFERENT : Quick lil rant I hope someone else can relate to. Idk about you guys, but everyone assumes I have no anxiety because I’m so “care free”, and a few people have even said “I wish I didn’t care like you my life would be so much easier”... but they have no idea what happens in my head. Yes I am very good at avoiding my problems which makes me SEEM care free but that IS a problem! I avoid! It’s not your typical anxiety where you’re forced to face things because you think about them constantly, I’m great at throwing things to the back of my mind.. but they are still ALWAYS in the back of my mind! And every time I’m able to distract myself with hobbies/friends/things that make me temporarily forget, it hits me harder when I do remember, I feel guilty as fuck for once again not being responsible enough to do the things that I know I am fully capable of doing. And after that happens enough, I break down and freak out just like everyone else. I also feel like my life will never be the way I want it to be. Just because I don’t break down in front of people doesn’t mean it never happens. I break down by myself at 4 am when everyone else is sleeping and I’m still awake thinking in circles because there’s nothing else to distract me. I break down where nobody can say “well why didn’t you just take care of it sooner” because I don’t have an answer! I thought I would too! And it sucks when u truly believe that you will do something and find yourself without it done weeks later, or even worse after it’s too late. So to everyone who says they want to be like me because I’m so “care free”.. I’m not, so stop wishing this shit upon yourself cause adhd has its own issues too
Edit: I also feel like a lot of the reason I don’t get things done is again, not because I don’t care but because I am so much of a perfectionist that if I don’t have the perfect picture of how it will turn out in my head, I can’t even start. And when I finally do start things, I restart 50 times because it can be better which leads me to never finish anything
Also, this is only my second post so I wasn’t sure if people would see it/ understand so thank u for all the responses I love reading them! It makes me feel so much better that I’m not the only one that feels like this(: | 0adhd
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I cried harder yesterday than I have in a long time. : Long post but need to vent to people that understand. I'm a nanny for three kids during the day and I work at a restaurant on weekends. Yesterday, I had a work meeting at my restaurant, then plans to get my nails done with a girlfriend, followed by a doctor's appointment, and then my usual routine of picking up the kids from school. I overslept by a few minutes and raced out the door yesterday a.m. without my phone charger. My phone died about 5 minutes into my work meeting. Since the meeting was going later than expected, I borrowed a friends phone, logged into FB and messaged my friend that I had plans with to tell her what was going on and that I wouldn't make it. Once the meeting ended, I raced straight to my doctor's appointment who didn't greet me for 30 mins. This whole time I'm stressed out that my phone is dead and that I can't contact the mom of the kids I nanny. (She typically texts me everyday to make sure we're still good for pickup and notify me of any changes to their soccer practice locations). Doctors appointment ends then I race straight to the kids school. I'm panicking that I can't get in touch with anyone, and go to see if my phone will even turn on, maybe giving me just enough power to send a text. Sure enough, the phone was back up to 10%, giving me just enough juice to call my gf and the mom. I immediately get about 20 texts from both women. They're FURIOUS. I call the mom and tell her that I'm at the kids school and she said forget it, she had to make other arrangements and have someone else pick up the kids because she hadn't heard from me all day. I call my girlfriend and asked if she received my Facebook message, only to find out she doesn't have Facebook messenger. She kept yelling that she got a babysitter and everything and this isn't the first time I've flaked on her. She accused me of lying about my phone being dead because she didn't understand why it was suddenly working now.
Fast forward to now, the mom and I made up. She explained that when I have kids I'll understand and that it's not just me that stressed her out yesterday, it was just a stressful day for her overall. One thing that got to me though was she said "you need to act more like an adult. Adults plan ahead and make sure they have everything they need in the morning. There's no excuse for forgetting to charge your phone when people are counting on you."
The friend I was supposed to get my nails done with refuses to talk to me. She won't answer my texts or phone calls and I get it because just last week I forgot that we had plans and didn't show up. I'm pretty hurt by the fact that she accused me of lying though.
When I turned on my phone yesterday and saw those texts and how mad these two women were with me, it stirred up so many past feelings of rejection and failure. I started hysterically crying because I legitimately felt like the whole situation was out of my control, and although I'm doing everything I can to get on the right medications and manage my add, I just felt like a total failure yesterday despite my best efforts. I'm so tired of messing up and I'm really so scared of losing one of the only friends I have left.
I wish people would understand that my brain works differently than theirs and normal adult things can be super difficult for me. Anytime in the past that I've tried to explain to people what I struggle with, I get reactions from people like ADHD is a total scam and I'm making excuses. Nobody cares what I struggle with, they care that I let them down.
TLDR: Phone died yesterday and now one of my best friends isn't talking to me. | 0adhd
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OCD about becoming a Sch00! Sh00てer : As title says. I really want science. I want to know the scientific reason why I won’t do that. Why and how I know I won’t loose control and do that. Pleas help. | 6ocd
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I did it guys. : I talked to a girl and actually got her number. As someone with sever anxiety and depression I finally did it. She even called me cute and complimented me on my hair. For the first time in a long time I feel something. | 4depression
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Afraid I will always live with this : I have tried everything. I dropped out of college, moved cities, moved across the country, years of traditional therapy, ketamine therapy, got into a new, supportive relationship, changed who was around me, changed my whole life but i will always be running it feels like. I can never get too upset or I’m thrown into a panic attack. Typing out anything more, explaining anything more, it’s all just too much. You guys get it. I just feel so hopeless and like it will never end. And don’t get me wrong, I can be happy. I can be really happy. But it’s still always there inside me, and when I’m not happy it makes me miserable. It’s been years of living with this, having it evolve inside of me, and it feels like a cancer almost. I tried everything | 7ptsd
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Does anxiety/ panic disorders make you THIS exhausted? : Hi all I’m a 21M and have been dealing with anxiety 4-5 months and had a panic attack usually once a day until about a month ago. I am now dealing with extreme mental fatigue to where I can’t really think and am extremely forgetful. I bump into things alot more now. I received blood/heart tests everything is normal. And I usually workout 3-4 times a week. Is this normal? Can I do anything to get rid of this exhaustion? Anything will help thanks! | 1anxiety
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Seeing BPD in a new light : I used to see my bpd as a burden, my greatest enemy. I would have given up anything in exchange to be healthy and normal, like the rest.
One day I wasn't depressed and the day turned into a week. In this time I came to the horrible conclusion of this happiness will pass it always does. Then this next thoguth changed me; the good times will always end but they always come back, which means the bad times will also end. So I came to the very general and not special conclusion of this too shall pass. Since then my life has gotten generally happier.
When my depression got under control I just started seeing how much I care about people and how self righteous I am. I have so many strong opinions and I would not think twice about putting my hand into the fire for a loved one. This is what makes me the person that I am. Honesty those are the qualities I love the most about myself and they wouldn't be possible without my BPD. BPD makes me unstable but it also makes me a great human being. I'm not humble and I have my problems. I put walls up and I talk Shit to people's faces, I will always have a harder time at dealing with simple things and changes than the avg person my age, yet I would not give up my BPD to have an easier life.
I know it isn't a great story, I would really want to have something more substantial but I don't; I just hope it helps someone. | 3bpd
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What great WW2 battles took place in China that we rarely hear about? : In the west we often focus on the Western Front in Europe or the war between the Allies and Japan in the Pacific. While all this was happening, there were also Stalingrad levels of violence as Japan invaded China. Nothing of note was ever mentioned in school, and I feel as a westerner, I only know part of the story. | 5none
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Trauma Making You Feel Old?? : I’m 24. And I feel old. I think it’s because I’ve white-knuckled it for so damned long. I only processed some of it in the last six months. I’ve lived three lifetimes in such a short amount of time. I’ve been through more but also lived so much more than some people twice my age and certainly more than a lot of 20-somethings. What is also contributing is that because of college and the trauma that happened there, the last few years have been a blur... like how am I already 24? I know mentally that I’m not old. But I feel like it, and it’s depressing me. | 7ptsd
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Can't host a friend for too long without some intense splitting : Whenever there's a friend in town that I'm hosting, even if I'm genuinely looking forward to seeing them/hanging out with them, they get on my nerves way too quickly. I split frequently with intensity.
Usually after a day or less with them, I just want alone time/need space from them. I feel disappointed by this because although we have all sorts of fun activities planned, I rarely ever enjoy the outings and I start feeling like a really ugly, grumpy version of myself which just wants to yell at my friends even though it's never the friend's fault.
I've gotten better at carving space out for myself while a friend is staying with me but this is such a pattern. I wish I could enjoy someone's company for longer periods of time.
(I'm open to any advice you may have regarding this kind of situation). | 3bpd
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Recipes should include a separate prep time for people with ADHD : Like sure, this COULD technically take me 30 minutes to prep provided I actually gathered all the required materials, started preparing in an efficient order instead of trying to do 3 different things at once, and didn't get distracted by cleaning something in the kitchen while prepping.
Some days I gotta set aside at least double the time to prep. Telling me it's only going to take 30 minutes just makes me cocky lol. | 0adhd
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Why didn’t the Persian Empire colonize Saudi Arabia? : I have searched low and high and read many a article but cannot find a single reason why the Persians didn’t colonize Saudi Arabia. One may assume there must have been another empire or country occupying said territory during the Persian reign (550-330 BCE) but I cannot find information on it anywhere.
Who lived there during that time?
Why didn’t they colonize that area?
Why is so little known about that region?
Thank you people of reddit! | 5none
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(22M) I have BPD it all makes sense now : My family is incredibly dysfunctional. I have little to no support mentally and emotionally. I’ve ruined my life due to having this mental illness and never knowing. No one took my mental health seriously. I’m all alone at this point, I haven’t felt anything in years.
I’m depersonalized, my memory is fading, my intelligence is gone, and I honestly have nothing to live for. I’ve never really cared about myself, and really only lived to help others as a kid. Now I hate people and the world is fucking disgusting. At this rate it’s gonna go from ideation to driving off a fucking cliff. I’m at that point now realizing this is just who I am.
I’m making this post because I need someone to tell me it’s worth it to stay throughout all of this bullshit. | 3bpd
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I can’t deal with it anymore : Does anybody else just feel like retreating from the world to a small log cabin or similar, with just the essential needs such as an en-suite shower and tiny kitchen. I’m almost ready to buy my first home but I’m 99% on getting something completely remote and as small as possible. I used to think the more I own the better I’ll feel but lately reality is crushing down and I really believe I’ll be better off with the complete opposite. | 6ocd
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Round Earth in the East? : I know that for a long time philosophers and the such in Europe and the Middle East knee that the Earth was round and it wasn't long before it became common knowledge among the educated. But what about in the East? Were there Chinese or Japanese astronomers that had come to the conclusion that the Earth is round before word from Europeans? | 5none
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Do trauma anniversaries affect you more on some years than others? : A lot happened in late April for me and especially on April 27. Death of my grandfather who was basically my father and the sudden, nasty, and complicated divorce process of my "real" parents that would take an entire novel to summarize but basically uprooted my entire life and threw it into a dumpster fire.
I don't remember much of that time, I just remember the feelings. And usually in late April they come flooding back. I'm used to this. But it seems like some years are better than others. Early on I had to basically take the week off. After a few years I'd belatedly realize what time of year it was and my crappy mood would make more sense. It generally got less bad every year.
Well this year it sucker punched me. I started feeling frantic last night and then woke up this morning feeling half-dead. I'm shaky and my attention span is shot. I had to take the day off of work. Maybe it's because I finally got my own apartment last summer and this is the first year I've spent the anniversary here. | 7ptsd
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What were the strangest years in history? : People are talking a lot about how 2016 is a bizarre year; history may or may not prove these people right.
But this got me thinking about what years in the past actually might qualify as unusually strange or inexplicable.
It's an amorphous, subjective definition (so perfect for a Reddit debate). Define it however you like — years that were momentous, that saw unusual coincidences, where things happened that no one could have predicted. As long as it's strange, it counts. | 5none
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Julians and Claudians : I'm re-listening to Mike Duncan's History of Rome and during his episodes about Tiberius he starts to describe antipathy between the Julian and Claudian sides of the family. I'm wondering why such tension would exist when essentially they're all related and Roman adoptions were legally as legitimate as being someone's blood offspring.
So why was Tiberius (a Claudian by birth) at odds with the Julian side of the family? He had been adopted by Augustus in 4 AD and was therefore legally Augustus's son and presumably then the adoptive grandson of Gaius Julius Caesar. I get that plenty of people don't get along with their relatives, but why does it seem from the historical accounting to have fallen along clan lines when they were basically all a mix of both clans anyway? | 5none
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Addicted to feeling bad : I'm drawn to videos, books and movies that are depressing. I feel like I'm always in search for a "release" of sad emotions but I never get enough. I noticed that I tend to navigate conversations towards a depressing topic and feel bad about that because I don't want to bring anyone down with me, also I think it alienates me from others understandably.
I see a therapist and have creative outlets like writing and making art...but it never feels like enough. Like I have a never ending supply of sadness that refills before I can make room for more positive feelings. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of tears and I don't know why except for the simple fact that I feel bad.
Can anyone relate?
| 3bpd
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Identity OCD might the best worst fucking thing I've ever gone through : I hate doing anything because no matter what it is, I constantly have to check wether it doesn't change my identity too much. Today I realized that I am now ready to take meds and that I now have closer relationships with people than before which makes me completely fucking mad. I can't stand any change at all, I want to stay exactly how I am.
I can't enjoy anything because it always feels wrong. | 6ocd
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Not eating as a form of self-harm : Hello. Typically whenever I start to have bad depression episodes (least when my depression gets worse...) or make mistakes (whether big or small) I tend to not feed myself. Pretty much saying in my head "I don't deserve to eat". That I deserve to go with the pain and uncomfortable feeling of not eating as a punishment. I'm not sure what this means for me in the grand scheme of things, but I figured I'd reach out to get some sort of answer(s) or at least guidance. Idk. I'm pretty sad atm cause I keep fucking up a lot of things and... I hate myself... | 4depression
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Byzantine Empire {Sports/Political} Faction Question : While we all know about the Famous Chariot Races of Constantinople, and the resulting riots that followed. I am still confused about the Blues and Greens. I understand how they came to influence, I just don't understand what they used that influence fore.
Basically I am confused to what politics the Blues and Greens actually had.
I have done some research on it, and I haven't really found anything satisfactory. I found one that said the Blues represented Greece and the Greens represented Anatolia; I found another that said the Blues represented the Catholic Church and the Greens represented the Orthodox Church; and one that claimed they represented "Sword Control."
I am frustrated at this point, and would love if anyone could just tell me the answer.
PS: also what happened to the Reds and Whites? Were they still around by the time of Justinian (if so did they have politics too?), or did the Blues and Greens...*stomp* them out? | 5none
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If I shower with socks on I don’t have to do the compulsion : I figured it out. The shower is a major trigger for my obsessions and when I get set off, I have to spent the whole shower watching the door and just absolutely terrified.
But if I wear socks in the shower, my mind spends the time thinking about the terrible feeling that is wearing socks in the shower so I don’t have to do the compulsion.
I win. | 6ocd
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Does your OCD “taint” everything you do? : I was wondering if you guys find that no matter what you're doing you feel as though your OCD invalidates every activity? I am in law school and have a great group of friends, but I find that I always end up thinking "none of this matters because you are having these thoughts". I was wondering how, if at all, to combat this seemingly endless feeling. | 6ocd
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To those struggling: a personal anecdote on how cutting caffeine MASSIVELY helped my anxiety. : All,
I apologize if this has been shared often on this sub. I just wanted to share that cutting out caffeine 100% from my diet has had a larger effect on my anxiety than anything I had tried previously, and is certainly worth a try for those who have not given it a shot. It can take around 4 months to fully see the effects, but even after a few weeks there can be a noticeable lessening of anxiety, which for me was substantial and nothing short of life changing.
I am now 5 months in, and I legitimately feel like I have been given my life back. My daily sense of calm is like nothing I have experienced prior, and I attribute my non-stop drinking of coffee as a definite exacerbator (ha) of my anxiety. I have been sleeping better, and finally have control over spikes of anxiety that try to surface as the day goes on. Sometimes I wonder how many times I was unnecessarily anxious just because I was pumped full of coffee.
For those wishing to lessen symptoms that currently ingest caffeine in their diet, I highly suggest trying cutting caffeine out of their diet. | 1anxiety
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Doctor frustration and the sad artist trope : So to clarify I do appreciate my doctor and her help. To add a little bit of context I’m a 23f currently finishing my masters degree in multimedia arts. I don’t know if the treatment process works the same in every country but what happened is that my doctor offered me to write me a new recommendation for new therapy but was very hesitant about it. And she said she doesn’t want to interfere with my artistic expression by me getting better. I was confused by that and said I’d definitely like to get better so she with some more hesitation wrote me the recommendation. When I got home I started getting annoyed…because I’m so tired of this whole sad artist stereotype. I don’t create when I have mental breakdowns I can’t even get out of bed. I create and I get inspired when I feel good and I just want to feel good for god’s sake. I’m in constant envy of people who can create consistently and not having their mental health interfere. I also really don’t think you need a touch of madness (actual expression people sometimes use) to be a good artist. You need skill, ideas and at least a bit of talent…nothing else. It feels like all of the hard work I’ve put into the skills is being overshadowed by and contributed to the biggest obstacle it faced… | 3bpd
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Today is my 21st birthday : And I'm sitting here alone in my dark room, without friends, money, job, living with my parents. I dropped out from college a year ago and haven't met anyone since then because of my social anxiety. I wake up, I eat (sometimes) and go back to sleep. I'm also addicted to porn and video games. It feels like it's impossible to deal with it alone. I'm not surprised with nobody wanting me in their life, I wouldn't like to be friends with a person like me neither. I love to sleep, sometimes I dream that I have a life. Then I wake up and cry. I can't live like this anymore. Happy birthday to all of you who are 'celebrating' today as well. | 4depression
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Does anyone else find it really hard to be an adult because of their childhood trauma? : I’m now 20 years old and I feel like I’m 4 years behind everyone else I know that’s my age. I can’t hold down a job because I get so stressed out by it that it makes me physically ill. When I’m looking for jobs I find it really hard to find one that I think I could actually do without letting anyone down. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where everyone is just asking me “so what are you going to do with your life?” And the answer is I have no idea. I don’t know how to be an adult, I don’t feel like an adult, I don’t feel ready to be an adult. It seems as I’ve gotten older my trauma is effecting me more, which I really don’t understand because as every year passes the trauma is further away. Does anyone else feel this way? | 7ptsd
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I finished my taxes! : I posted some inane complaint on here the other day (or week or whenever), and mentioned in the midst (ok, the beginning) my whining that I hadn't finished my taxes yet. All the comments I got were encouragements to finish my taxes, so I thought I'd update all you helpful internet friends that you successfully encouraged me to finish my taxes before the extension deadline. Thanks everybody! Here comes that sweet sweet refund moolah! | 0adhd
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You ever just place something down, turn away, and the object just randomly disappears from existence? : I was watching this video about ADHD to see if I really do have all the symptoms and if it’s worth getting diagnosed. The video played a skit where someone placed a remote down on a table, looked away for a few minutes then turned back towards the controller. The controller just disappeared and I seriously questioned reality because that’s happened to me more times than I can count | 0adhd
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So, I told my dissertation adviser that I have ADHD. Funny that I read all this academic theory about disability, yet have so much trouble applying it to myself! : It actually went pretty well. She basically asked if there was anything she could do to help, suggested that I talk to the disability resource center to see if there were any applicable accommodations that I might need in the future, and said it did help explain things a bit (lol I'm sure it did).
The funny thing is that I've been soooo hesitant to say anything to her, even though I literally study disability theory!! And yet I found myself saying things like "well I just don't want people to think I'm pulling the disability card, I don't want anyone to give me special treatment or make extra exceptions for me"...even though I could write you a whole essay on why that's a totally backwards way to think about disability accommodations. Idk, maybe it's just because I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but I still sort of feel like asking for help is cheating in some way. But, at least my adviser is supportive and I finally told her, so, that's good, right?
Related question: has anyone else sought accommodations for ADHD as a PhD student? It seems like there's not really much they can do besides give you a little bit of leeway on deadlines. | 0adhd
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King Philip's War : I was doing some reading about early American history and stumbled across King Philip's War, which took place between Boston-area English settlers (with help from some native tribes) and the Wampanoag tribe (with help from other tribes). I grew up just outside of Boston and somehow I never heard of this.
I've been looking for resources but I haven't been able to find much. I thought I'd poke you all to see if you knew of any books or at least something comprehensive on the internet so I could learn more about this.
Thanks! | 5none
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Brain fog is scarey : I just can't use my brain like I used to. I can't form sentences on the fly without becoming a stuttering mess. I hope I can become myself again, and I'm scared of it becoming worse and worse. | 1anxiety
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Does anyone else manifest trauma and hard emotions in their stomach? : I got diagnosed with ibs and noticed that when i take care of myself emotionally this disappears and my stomach works normally. If i shove feelings aside it’s like my body gets grumpy and protests by making my stomach hurt horribly. I also get so nauseated that I have no desire to eat for long periods. | 7ptsd
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fuck doctors🤷♂️ : me- yea i’m kinda interested in looking to speak with someone about bpd?
doctor- well you know just from your appearance and your mood coming in here i can tell you’re not bpd.
me-
doctor- usually it’s pretty easy to tell
me- BITCH IT TOOK ME 5 YEARS TO FIND OUT fuck you mean easy to tell we come in all shapes and sizes muthafucka
obv i didn’t say that shit i said “oh im sorry” and took my anxiety meds annnd left. possibly in dissociation... so i guess i’m stuck like this for life | 3bpd
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Pandemic is ruining me with no end in sight : Disease has been a big obsession for me since I was a teenager, so of course this pandemic has been hard...but I didn’t think it’d be this bad. I’m too scared to get a job and I haven’t received unemployment in months. I don’t have the skill set to do anything other than service jobs, and I can’t drive. I’ve been as frugal as possible, slowly running out of what I got from unemployment. My agoraphobia has never been so bad. I feel so isolated. I live with my partner who I love very much, but they have untreated adhd and it’s been difficult; them being messy and forgetful, me being so stressed by disruption of how I’d like to keep the house. Our house has also recently developed a small mold problem, and I’ve developed worse acne than even when I was a teenager, which have both been fucking with my OCD.
And I don’t know if it’s OCD related, but my fear of starting new things has worsened? Like I finally got prescribed new medication after waiting for months, but I’m scared to start it, and I’m scared to go back to therapy. Like, not just the usual fear of having to deal with my brain. And I’m scared to attempt to do anything about my 6/7/8/9am-4pm sleep schedule and change my routine, even though I hate it.
I have no motivation to get better because there’s no end in sight. The possibility of me getting vaccinated any time soon is so low, I kind of feel like it won’t actually happen until next year. Or winter at the earliest. I don’t feel that there’s much point to anything...I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to try. The last time I felt this bad I was sent to the psych ward. I’m scared of talking to anybody, especially my friends and family. I’m nervous to post this, I’m sorry it’s so long, I just hope somebody reads. | 6ocd
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I'm so fed up with the system. : I'm so angry with the system I live in. Here is my situation. I can't work because of my PTSD. Everytime I had a job, I only lasted 3 months and was fired due to my breakdowns. I am on disability with my government. Sadly my disability will not cover therapy costs. I have tried looking up cheaper therapists, but they always say my case is too complex and they can't help. Proper therapists that could help me cost $250 an hour. So, I started looking around seeing if I could find anything government funded. Well I finally thought I found an amazing program called Homewood Health. It states on their website that they offer a PTSD program that is covered by the government. I was thrilled. I didn't care if I had to wait a year for the program, because it finally meant I would get help. So, I went about getting all the proper documents and everything. Well, my world literally just came shattering down. They called and told me that they no longer offer government funded programs. All they offer is a 56 day program for PTSD that costs $18 grand. So, once again I am screwed by the system. There is nothing available for people like me. So remember how I told you I was going to apply for the PTSD program in Guelph, that is covered by OHIP, well turns out they dont do the OHIP coverage anymore. All they offer is if you pay. So once again, I'm fucked over by the system. So, since there is no help for people who suffer from PTSD, unless you pay out of your own pocket, I clearly am screwed for life and will have to live on disability for the rest of my life. | 7ptsd
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I feel like I can't start anything until January 1st- : \-because I keep track of the date of literally every project I start and the thought of starting on December 29th makes me feel ill when I can just wait a few days to have a "prettier" date. | 6ocd
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Does anyone else feel like alcohol works better than any medicine? : I am not talking about getting drunk. Just enough to feel relaxed and.. happy. Medication only makes me tired. A little bit of alcohol makes me appreciate things more. I feel better. Why can't medicine do that?
That being said, I probably feel worse later on. But I do wonder if any medication will ever make me feel such peace. | 1anxiety
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Anhedonic when not hypomanic. : For whatever reason, (maybe the meds aren’t working anymore) the almost constant low has steadily dropped even *lower* than it ever has. I’m not interested in anything. Work used to be interesting, but now it’s just…meh.
After a couple months of this (with scattered hypomanic episodes), I took a week off work just to do anything I wanted and found that what I usually find fun just wasn’t fun anymore. It’s all whatever. I slept more than I ever have last week because being in a dream is the only place where I’m not consciously living.
I told a friend that whenever I’d wake up I’d go right back to sleep because there’s nothing waiting for me here. He laughed and in some ironic way I also kind of find that funny, idk why. Finding that funny while in this current situation is kind of a big deal, because I’m not finding much that’s worth smiling about.
I used to clean my house regularly and go through all the positive motions but now I’m sitting here waiting for the next hypomanic episode. Literally nothing is entertaining or interesting. I barely eat or drink anything. This is so bad, I could actually cry out of boredom.
I don’t know what to do other than sleep. | 2bipolar
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Trying to escape my trauma : I don’t think this will have much structure to it, more of a collection of my thoughts being written down since I’m finally in a calm enough state to sit down and vent.
I’ve realised in the last few weeks that I heavily rely on substances to escape my thoughts and trauma. It’s gotten to unhealthy levels. Along with depression and severe anxiety, PTSD feels like I’m very trapped in my own body, I can’t really use words to describe what or how I feel, just that I have this itching almost to leave my body and to somehow shut my thoughts down. Substances temporarily distract me from my own mental but it’s gotten to the point where I’m constantly fatigued, I can feel my body ache and no matter how much I tell myself I’m going to stop and try to live more healthily, I will always spontaneously decide to go back on that and attempt to ease the pain again.
I live an area where we have very tight COVID restrictions. We’re not allowed to leave our houses only to exercise with 1 other person, shop etc. Most days I’m sitting inside, doing nothing productive whilst my work piles up with no motivation to even attempt to do it. I’m waking up multiple times a night having constant nightmares.
My PTSD diagnosis is quite recent - within the last 6 months and I can’t help but to feel I’m stuck and not able to get a grip on how I feel.
I’m not too sure what the point of this post was, maybe I hoped it would make me feel better, or perhaps I’m looking for other people to relate. I can’t be too sure. I appreciate you if you took the time to read this far. | 7ptsd
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Depression coping skill?¿ : So i was watching the try guys on YouTube and they were talking about how when you eat something really spicy, your brain thinks you’re on fire so it releases a bunch of chemicals, once being serotonin. I’m a sophomore in high school and I get bored in my chemistry so I usually just eat lunch in there. And I’ve noticed that when eating like for example takis or something that’s really hot, I’m not sitting there focusing on the bad stuff no matter how bad of a day it was. Because I’m focusing on getting the burning to stop with water or something. Obviously it’s not healthy to eat spicy foods very often but o feel like I’d just share that if it would help anyone. | 4depression
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Drinking : Does anyone else, when they binge drink, experience mood swings? I either go somewhat manic and have a great time, but also fuck around and start beef accidentally, or swing low as hell? | 2bipolar
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My rapist will give statement in December : Update on the last post in here (you can see here https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/qe4xzq/i_reported_my_rapist_and_im_giving_my_statement/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I got a message from the detective and he will be giving his statement soon. He has decided to hire a solicitor.
I am all over the place. Nervous because as soon as I heard solicitor I thought, “he won’t talk”. But also I think, he knows he’s guilty. My depression and dissociation has been very bad lately, I feel down most of the days and I’m struggling at work and at uni.
I just wanted to give you all an update because you were so supportive last time. I feel like I can come here and talk to you all. | 7ptsd
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Self-inducing mania. Have you done it? Experiences? Thoughts on it? : To keep this brief; I have Bipolar 2, I don't take any meds, I've been able to keep a strict diet and routine to remain mentally healthy for about 3 years now. I'm a musician and I work a corporate marketing job and run my own startup music label on the side. I'm very occupied with work, but also very passionate about it as well and have a lot of very ambitious goals within art, music, and business that I wish to achieve.
To cut to the chase; I self-induce mania and hypomania regularly for the sake of great art and work ethic.
What are your thoughts on this? Experiences? Feel free to ask me questions too. | 2bipolar
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Noise sensitivity : After periods of anxiety, I get really sensitive to sound, any loud noise just feels horrible to me, is this normal, anyone else have this? | 1anxiety
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Worse with age? : Does anyone else feel like their symptoms have gotten worse with age? As a teenager I struggled with schoolwork but was able to manage it without medication. Now as an adult I feel I am worse even with medication. Granted I've now been diagnosed with other illnesses that add to it but still. I just feel defeated right now. I've got so much going on and no motivation to do it even with imminent deadlines. | 0adhd
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Cube storage makes it so much easier to put clothes away and keep them tidy! : I've been working on arranging things at home to make life easier and to reduce the frequency that I end up with overwhelming piles of stuff that haven't been put away. Something that has worked really well for me is using cube storage for my clothes instead of traditional drawers. Like this:
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/pfZ46H5.jpg)
It makes the task of putting clothes away so much easier because it breaks it down with a single cube for each type of item. Stuff like underwear can just be thrown in the right cube and it's done. For things that need folding, I take out one cube at a time and use it to guide folding width. It also allows me to store folded items vertically so that I can see everything (and remember that things exist!) without the difficulty of trying to stand them up in drawers. I can stack items with the cube on it's side (pics of that below).
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/8OgkNeQ.jpg)
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/p3Kcr32.jpg)
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/NFrfyea.jpg)
I thought I'd share in the hope that it might work wonders for someone else's ability to keep clothes tidy like it did for me.
L;DR: Using cube storage instead of drawers really helps me to keep my clothes organised and I would highly recommend it if that's something you struggle with. | 0adhd
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how to manage emotions when bf has close female friends : i feel like i go insane when my bf has a close female friend and connects on an emotional level. i don’t get jealous over bfs liking pics on insta or looking at porn. but like a wholesome close friend ship, makes me insane. does anyone else feel this way and how do i manage it?? any advice helps, i really want this relationship to work | 3bpd
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Stuffed animal to therapy? : Hi so I get really anxious about going to therapy and I used to just cancel appointments last minute but I'm trying really hard to not do that anymore. Anyway, I want to bring a stuffed animal with me to help me feel better. I just don't want it to be like weird or something because I'm an adult woman and very independent. So I guess what I'm looking for are opinions in support or against. Thanks. | 7ptsd
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Any advice for dealing with hit and run ocd? : I've recently been having a hard time with this particular type of OCD. I haven't been able to leave my house in nearly 3 weeks now because I'm too terrified to drive. I'm planning on going to my doctor to get referred to a psychiatrist, but simply the thought of having to drive myself to the doctor's office fills me with anxiety. I miss going places without feeling like I've hit someone or something every time I feel a bump while driving. I feel like I'm a prisoner to my home because I can't go anywhere...Any advice would be seriously appreciated. | 6ocd
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The ADHD tax : I recently spent $900 on parking tickets and getting my car out of impound…. I pay $300 a month to park in a garage a few blocks away but parked on the street to carry some stuff in after Christmas. Totally forgot about it. Was mildly depressed and don’t drive much to begin with so I didn’t go to use it for nearly a month.
The only reason I knew it was even impounded was because I still haven’t updated updated my mailing address in 5 years since I moved out of my parents and they got the notice… if it had gone to me I never would have checked my mail and in 1 more week they would have sold my car at auction.
I’m lucky enough that I can afford it now but just a few years back it would have been like “car, rent and food, pick 2”.
A friend of mine called this is the ADHD tax. I’d never heard the term before but it definitely resonates. Most people just call me a dumbass so it was nice to have a word for it.
What’s been your experience with the “ADHD tax”? | 0adhd
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Does anyone else have SSS? (stuck song syndrome) Its a thought spiral that won't quit but its just music. : I thought this was part of having adhd and my brain locking onto a music clip. It cycles endlessly and stops me from functioning. I can't sleep. This is the 4th day/night in a row where just one section from We don't talk about Bruno has been playint over and over.
Its like a worrying or compulsive thought spiral but without a prompt. Like usually a spiral will be like no thats not clean keep cleaning it. Or no you didnt close that even though you literally just sat back down from closing it. Tasks the OCD wants me to do.
There is no task. There is only listen in my head. My eyes ache. I went to bed 5 hours ago and its been playing mentally that whole time.
Only just found out that its what this is which is insane because I was treated for 11 years and while bad earworms were an issue they never came up because we were dealing with the compulsions more than the spirals. | 6ocd
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Other then Yellow Journalism what were some times in history when media used false or sensationalist news to influence public opinion? : I have been looking at the spread of misinformation throughout the public and I was wondering if there were any times in history when the media used this to influence public opinion. I should probably clarify I'm not asking about blatant propaganda from authoritarian states but more like Yellow Journalism where the media is not controlled by the state. | 5none
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I have lost all my hobbies. : I am on month 8 since my first full blown mania, followed by a depressive episode. I’m doing pretty well with it all now that I’m properly medicated.
But my hobbies never came back. Can’t watch TV, movies. No interest in video games. Can’t do art or play instruments. Can’t listen to podcasts. Basically all I can do is listen to music and go for walks.
I don’t think I’m still in a depressive episode but I can’t break away from the persistent anhedonia. | 2bipolar
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How did India manage to resist religious conversion despite nearly a thousand years or Muslim and Christian rule? : Pretty much everywhere Christians and Muslims went the local population was converted. Virtually all of Africa, Europe, the Americas and the Middle East is now either Christian or Muslim. The only major exceptions where native religions are still big are countries like China and Japan that were never under Christian/Muslim rule, and even there it has synchronised with Buddhism. So how did India managed to keep their native religion this whole time? Did nobody really try? Were there simply too many to convert or is there something about Indian culture that just made it very difficult? | 5none
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It always comes back doesnt it : Ahhhh. Every time it seems like it might've "gone away" or gotten better it just hits you in the face like a ton of bricks doesnt it? I spent almost 5 months without any heavy "flare ups", feeling good, almost no nightmares, some triggers, sure but mostly just insomnia and the exaggerated startle response, other than that i was feeling good for so long...
A couple of weeks ago i went on holidays, two different countries, flew everywhere alone did it all with no big stress. Last week my mom was away and i spent the whole week alone, which is something i usually really enjoy. Well last wednesday the nightmares came back full blast, mixing my past with my present and instead of being able to just push them aside in the mornings, these stayed with me. Just like before. Like when i wasnt able to get out of the house or do anything for entire days because i just couldnt focus. Everybody that was with me these last few months can tell i have the death face going on like i did before. 5 months ago i had a really bad flare up and when it faded decided it was time to find myself some sort of partner because i had been alone for 2 and a half years. I didnt really expect to like this guy so much but i kind of do. He makes me feel safe but he has no idea what has happened to me. He says he "doesnt want to hear my bad stories" lol so even though we get along and we really enjoy eachother its literally the shallowest relationship ive ever had. It makes me so sad he will never understand me and probably no man will ever. I feel more alone now than i did before if thats possible? Its like before my partner was this, was ptsd, i lived with it everyday, i woke up with it i went to bed with it, i know how it works i (kind of) know what to expect. But now there's this person counting on me, counting on me being normal and able all the time. He lives with like 5 flatmates and on saturday he invited me to come over. Thursday and friday were really tough days but i just thought that maybe being with him would help. Well i get here and there are all these people super happy making dinner and dancing and chilling like i would too in a good day. But these are not good days and i dont know how to explain this. Yesterday after another flatmate dinner we went to bed and he started tickling me and he just held on to my armpit in a way it made me feel trapped and i freaked out on him and told him that if he does that to me unannounced my reaction is to go for his throat survival style. He got really serious asking me if ive ever been trapped before. I tried to escape the question but he kept it going so i just said yes. I told him i had survived alot of things (ive had more than one traumatic experience, since childhood) counting on just myself, my brain and my strength. He kept looking at me and i said "just think of me like my hometown is war and i never know when the next battle will be so im always prepared" he hugged me and said something like "i know youve been through alot but you need to understand the war is over".. sure its nice to hear that but i really dont believe it. Its a holiday here today and tomorrow and he wants me to stay but he has to study all the time and he expects me to just hang out with his flatmates, who dont get me wrong, are all super nice but im just not feeling chatty right now. We're supposed to go to the movies in like 40mins and ive been hanging out in a coffeeshop outside his house. I kind of want to leave but ill only see him again next weekend so i dont wanna waste it but damn its like its already wasted over this fucking curse, i probably wont even pay attention to the movie. Then go back and have dinner with his flatmates again. Arrrrghhh not feeling social at all but then if i go home i have to deal with my mom so right now this coffee place is like heaven to me. What am i even on about? I feel like this post is really confusing but i dont know what else to do.. maybe here ill find some understanding.. im sorry guys i just really needed to get this out and there's literally no one i can talk to that would understand me. I have this one friend that gets it and has been through similar things but she's in another country and at work right now... i just feel so alone, so trapped, i was enjoying life and the sunny days and food and everything and now its all grey and i kind of want it all to end..im really tired of this.... | 7ptsd
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How was the Marshall Plan funded? : I was just curious as to how the United States was able to fund billions of dollars to rebuild war torn countries after WW2. Was it from additional taxes payed by the American people? Was it from some kind of American cash reserve? Maybe from the money that they’d gotten from selling weapons to the Allies before they were officially involved in the war? I’m just not sure where the money came from especially after they’d just come out of over 3 years of war, which couldn’t have been cheap. I’d love to hear what you guys have to say! | 5none
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Person who used to like me now hates me : I’m just thinking about the times when my ex boyfriend used to be so happy, he would call me after he got home from school.. immediately
And now he wouldn’t ever speak to me and just feels like shit when he does.
I hate the comparison and I feel like everybody who knows me eventually hates me. I can’t believe myself. I feel so dislikable. I wish I could go back in time but I don’t know if I could change anything.
It’s like “if someone knew the true me, they would hate me” which I have thought times and times again, and this proves it. | 3bpd
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How did sexting originate? How did long-distance couples stay sexually active did they send risqué letters or drawings/ photos? : See title.
I'm sure soldiers were sent explicit photos while they were at battle from their loved ones back home, but I can't seem to find any specific examples of this research.
Furthermore, other than soldiers, were there many situations of this type of communication between people throughout history? | 5none
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Does anyone else doubt their depression? : So I'm mid 20s, i come from a long family history of depression and was diagnosed about 2 years ago. I've been on SSRI's (anti-depressants) since then, and in a lot of ways they have really helped.
My biggest problem, however, is that I worry I'm making this all up. My depression is not as bad as some people's seems to be, and I work hard at keeping it in check, but still sometimes I sit around the house feeling like shit and not getting any work done (I work from home). Then I beat myself up about it, telling myself that I'm just being lazy, that I've just invented my own depression, that other people actually have problems and that I'm being melodramatic.
Does anyone else ever have these thought patterns? I'd love to know because, if other diagnosed depressives think this way then perhaps I can consider it a symptom. If not, then perhaps I am making too big of a deal out of it, and the pain I feel is just the inevitable pain of existence.
I hope that made sense. Thanks in advance guys xx
**Update**:
Hey guys, I'm super new to Reddit, this was my first post (I hope I'm doing it right!).
I didn't know what to expect from doing this but I can't tell you how much you have all helped me with your comments and kind words. Knowing I'm not alone in my personal thought prisons is so powerful to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for taking the time.
x | 4depression
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Why is it that the (rich) people in Jane Austen movies often just sit in silence. Are people in the past not as easily bored? : I was watching Emma and wondered why the only thing they seemed to do was sit in silence or chat with the occasional book reading or piano playing. Like unless there is a ball, no one seemed to be doing anything else. I'm just wondering, why don't we see them play chess, or whatever board game was popular. Why not cards? Or something more exciting? Even if they did do it, are they really happy just sitting in silence? Like, where's the basket weaving? Or the crochet? Why is it that the movies only show them just sitting around the fire in silence?
I guess I'm more just wondering why they sit in silence in a big room. Sometimes they whisper. But when they do, it's like everyone wants to know, and that baffles me.
Also, while we are at it. Why do people often stay at each others homes and do... nothing? Like, what does staying there in silence contribute to anything?
Edit: to everyone getting hung up on the silence bit. Its not the silence that confused me. Its that they do nothing. Literally. Staring into space. I guess I can never do that. I'll be writing, reading etc. | 5none
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Why is ADHD affecting me now that I am aware of it? : I lived my life thinking I was "normal" before I was diagnosed. I was never happy but I was still working. After I was diagnosed I realized I needed to leave my job when I would often think of getting into an accident so that I could avoid work. I left my job and feel inadequate. When I had a job, I tried to fight it and live a normal life. But now that I am at home, I still feel uncomfortable. For example, I dreaded meetings and talking to people at work. Now that I don't work, I can avoid it because it makes me feel uncomfortable. But the fact that I avoid it, also makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know where to go with life anymore. I don't know if I feel uncomfortable because I have failed society since I don't work 9-5 or because of my ADHD.. its both. but what do I do from here? I work from home for my dad now but I cant focus and sometimes too much effort makes me want to go to bed and sleep.
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Edit: I never thought my life would play out like this. I was always the energetic one in high school and university. Now I am 27 and still living with my parents. I used to dream of being a singer and having my own business. I started my own business this year but I couldn't keep up with the amount of work. I want to sing but I am afraid it is too late for this. I don't know what makes me happy. I also buy things thinking "this is what I will do" for example, I bought candle wax thinking I will make candles. I bought resin, thinking I would make decorative items. I bought t-shirts, vinyl, and a Cricut maker thinking I would make crafts and sell them. I sewed masks and items which I actually sold but it became hard for me. I have tried all of these once and didn't know what to do after so I stopped doing them. How do I figure out what is right for me? I often fantasize about the things I could do; but I either buy things to do it and never end up trying, or I do it once and give up. | 0adhd
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Does OCD give you a "hangover" the day after? : Yesterday I had to work at the office instead of home. It was fine while I was there, q little too much sanitizer maybe but overall an okay day for me. The moment I went out the door, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety take over me and I was so tired it felt like working three or four shifts more than I did. Today I'm feeling particularly crappy. Very crappy. I'm so depressed it feels like someone just died, I don't feel like eating (which is rare) I feel nauseous and irritable and though I'm not sleepy I just want to lay down and snore for the next two days. Also, everything hurts. Do you guys go through that too? | 6ocd
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Wish my fiancé would hurt me : Lately I (26 F) have been in a really dark place, wishing my (23 M) fiancé would either hurt me or leave me.
4 years ago, I was in a really abusive relationship. I ended up leaving it, healing, and meeting someone new, who is now my fiancé.
My new fiancé is everything I could ever wish and hope for in a life partner - and everything my abusive ex wasn’t. He’s kind, patient, respectful, loving, etc. The new fiancé and I have now been together for almost 2 years. We’ve had such a sweet and healthy relationship.
But lately, I’m wishing (and god like I know how stupid and nuts this sounds) that he would just leave me. Or that he’d hurt me, how my ex did - call me names like worthless and stupid, hurt me physically.
I know how fucking crazy that sounds. I’m so embarrassed writing this and saying it out loud. And I’m extra embarrassed because like what sane person would want that? Also why am i now just feeling this way, if it is related to my abusive ex?
I told my fiancé I was having these thoughts. And he was so kind about it and told me that he wouldn’t ever hurt me and he wouldn’t ever leave me.
I feel like such a crazy person. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Is this PTSD or is this something else entirely? | 7ptsd
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my mom was a drug addict : My mom died of an overdose 3 weeks before my 16th birthday. She struggled with addiction since I was as young as the age of 5, so I saw a lot of fucked up things. I remember being 5 yrs old and finding my mom passed out on the floor; my dad was always working so my brother and I were left alone, and I'm not sure how we even got through all of that, as this happened every few months towards the beginning of her addiction; it obviously got worse as the years went on. She was addicted to pain killers, and when she was fucked up, she was unable to stand up, so she would fall on the floor repeatedly, which is traumatic to see.. I was always so worried that she was going to crack her head open or snap her neck or something.. I would witness this multiple times a month.. I would always hear the sound of her body hitting the floor. I remember witnessing her fall down the stairs and crack her head open. She crashed her car multiple times. I remember when my dad found a piece of a straw in her room (she snorted opiates), and when my dad confronted her, she grabbed a knife and said that she was going to slit her wrists. My mom and my dad were always fighting. My mom was fucked up on my brother and I's (I'm a twin) 15th birthday; she fell in the bathtub and couldn't get out, so she was screaming for my help, but I didn't help her. She would always ask why I hated her. My mom was in and out of the hospital.. a lot of my childhood/adolescence was spent at the hospital. My mom would come home from the psych ward, and attempt to get clean.. she would spend days in bed, and then she would get fucked up again, and the cycle would repeat itself. She was never there. Towards the end of her addiction, she would be out all day, and when she would come home, I would be asleep, so I never really saw her. A few days before her death, she came home from the psych ward once again, and she said that she felt happy.. she looked happy. The next day, she was messed up and she was slurring her words..she dropped my brother and I at school and said "bye I love you", but I didn't say anything back; I just slammed the door. I didn't see her the next day at all as she was out all day. The day after that, she was dead.. my dad woke me up saying "wake up, I think your mom is dead".. to be honest, I didn't care all that much whenever it happened.. I don't know.. my emotions felt forced.. I guess it was because it didn't feel real, or maybe it was because I was expecting that it was going to happen sooner or later.. I also had a lot of anger towards her and I guess I still do. Anyways, it has been 4 years since then, and I still have flashbacks everyday. I think about it everyday. It still kills me because she could have had a lot of potential as a mom. She was the sweetest person and she turned into a monster.. Her existence turned into a waste..she threw herself away. On top of that, I was being outcasted at school. I was treated like I was worthless, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that.. they laughed at me, whispered about me, spread rumors, gave me dirty looks, embarrassed me in front of the class, shouted things at me when I would walk home.. no one tried to get to know me or anything as my existence was a joke to them. I was treated so horribly at school, and then I had to come home to my drug addict mom. I haven't been the same since. I'm emotionally dead. I don't really feel love towards anyone. I am always isolating myself. I still feel worthless. I'm never going to be happy again. I'm plagued and weighed down by the memories of it all and I always will be. | 7ptsd
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I am finally doing well in my classes. : After having a horrible time in grade 7 and 8 I was very excited to start high school, hoping that the change in scenery would help me get my shit together. It was certainly better but I still had problems. In grade 9 I failed math and english. Come grade 10 (what I'm in now) I decided to drop down to applied math and English and things are much better. Less work load and slower paced teaching has helped significantly. Last semester I got a 75% in English, this semester I'm currently sitting at around 95% in math. | 0adhd
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PTSD has created a phobia of people's eyes. Will I ever be able to reintegrate myself back into society? : A recent traumatic experience has created a phobia of people's eyes.
Everywhere I go, I have an irrational fear of everyone looking down at me with eyes filled with disgust.
I try my best to tell myself I'm being irrational, but the slightest eye contact with strangers sends shivers down my spine. It's gotten to a point where I start trembling with fear when I feel someone walking behind me. I can't stop picturing their eyes, filled with disgust, scanning and judging me from head to toe.
The scariest part of all this is the realization that I once used to judge people with the exact same eyes that I am now so terrified of. Maybe I deserved this trauma. Maybe the trauma was a form of karmic lesson, teaching me the damage I've inflicted on people I've judged throughout my life.
Please, I've learned my lesson. I'm trying my best to be who I used to be. But I feel time passing by faster than it ever did.
I am a few weeks away from completing my master's from a relatively prestigious university in the UK, but in my current state, it seems impossible to make anything out of my diploma.
I remember I once loved to gaze into the eyes of people I cared about.
I just hope I can be that person in the near future. I've learned my lesson. I'm sorry. | 7ptsd
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Can't decide whether it's a BPD thing, or I'm just a lazy freeloader. (long) : I've been thinking recently about how I'm absolutely terrified of having to get out there and get a proper big girl job, and how going through the rigmarole of work placements and assessments sounds so dehumanising and exhausting.
When I think back to what I was like in my last job before the breakdown that lead to years of therapy and ultimately my BPD diagnosis, I can see that my boss was EXTREMELY lenient, and that there's no way that behaviour would fly in a 'real' job (I was employed in a part-time student position, and so was very junior).
The thing is, I can very much see myself getting into the same behaviours now, years later, even after lots of therapy. Higher brain functions just go totally offline when I get emotionally triggered, and despite lots of CBT addressing how to handle those situations, nothing's stuck, and I just go into a sort of emotionally-charged blackout.
I was talking to my sisters about how I don't really feel like a lot has changed despite all the therapy I've had, and how I still find a lot of things and situations really challenging. I told them that I felt kind of stuck, and couldn't really see how things would improve much going forward, and that I was frustrated by the fact that I'd most likely always have issues with my emotions.
They both said that it's important to keep trying, and that everyone has problems in a lot of areas, and that life is full of challenges. (Which incidentally also felt a bit invalidating, like my problems were just run-of-the-mill things that everyone has, not an actual mental illness..!)
While that is of course true, I just feel like it's a lot harder for me. And that makes me want to just throw in the towel and apply for early retirement or something. Which in turn makes me feel super guilty and like I'm not trying hard enough to become a productive member of society or something.
So, I don't know if feeling like this is because I'm lazy and can't be bothered, or if that's because all my BPD symptoms are working against me. All I know is that as things stand now, if I got put into a work placement on the 1st, I'd be fired before the end of the month.
I still have about 5 months of my current therapy course (3x a week, mixed group and CBT therapy) left, so of course I'll see that out and do my best, but I'm honestly not optimistic.
Does anyone else have similar doubts, or experiences with transitioning to employment while BPD? | 3bpd
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Run the Dishwasher Twice : Saw this somewhere and thought y'all might feel this as hard as I did, and I believe I might use this idea/thought in the future.
"When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.
I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.
“What are you struggling with?” he asked.
I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.”
Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?”
I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it.
I wanted to have something more substantial.
Something more profound.
But I didn’t.
So I told him, "Honestly? The dishes. It's stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.”
I felt like an idiot even saying it.
What kind of grown-ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?
But, my therapist nodded in understanding and then said:
“RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”
I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me.
“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules.”
It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.
That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.
I felt like I had conquered a dragon.
The next day, I took a shower lying down.
A few days later, I folded my laundry and put it wherever the fuck they fit.
There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.
Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.
But, at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:
THERE ARE NO RULES.
RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!"
-Author unknown | 2bipolar
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Is anyone else considered weird or different in their appearance or mannerisms? : Or I guess, do you tend to like weird things? I read somewhere that BPDers stand out, beyond emotions or reaction, like in their mannerisms and looks. I'm not sure if that is really true but I tend to like looking different. I'm a fairly attractive, feminine girl but I wear really weird clothes, lots of giant boy clothes, bejeweled denim shirts, like 90s vintage clothes from thrift stores, but pretty kitschy stuff. I also have no connection with others when it comes to favorite movies, and oftentimes with music too. And I feel like I am fascinated by odd things in life and whenever I talk about them I get strange reactions, or they don't understand. It's frustrating because I'm already an emotional outcast, but then I just also am kind of a weirdo, totally awkward and shy, etc. It makes me feel self conscious about being myself. Anyone feel that way? | 3bpd
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Your thoughts on non-ADHD users using adhd medicine for school? : Hey, ADHD-PI person here. I look online and I see people abusing these medicines for selfish purposes. It really infuriates me more than it should. Does anyone feel like this? I think I'm mad about it because as an unmedicated adhd person, there are people who cant access those medicines as of yet. Please tell me your thoughts! | 0adhd
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let’s be honest if your FP actually a good person or are you just attracted to shitty people who will use you,then you get surprised when they use you : i’m calling my self out i don’t know why tf i was surprised. he literally told me from the start “i’m a shitty person”. i’m finally losing all attraction to him but holy hell if only i just listened. once you stop looking through rose colored glasses they just seem very shitty to the point why you can’t even remember why you liked them. | 3bpd
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Does anyone else get anxious while sending friend/follow requests on fb or instagram? : I spent, at least, 10 minutes thinking if I should. I just couldn't because I was getting super anxious. It's such a minor thing.. | 1anxiety
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What’s going on in your head when you ditch social media? : Something happened and now you feel strongly about getting off your socials. Most likely, are you disappearing because…
- You’re feeling ignored/abandoned and want people to worry and wonder about you/hope they notice you’re gone and reach out?
- Your life is falling apart and you don’t want any “witnesses” to that (like if you know you’ll be tempted to vent post and then regret it later)?
- Your life is genuinely awesome now and you actually don’t care about social media anymore?
- You’re triggered into fear of being seen and need to hide / you’re trying to manage what information people have about you?
- You’re trying to get back at someone by going dark (similar to above)?
- You realized social media specifically sucks for people suffering from BPD and this is a way to improve mental health/reduce suffering?
Something else? Combination of things? Just curious where others are at with this. Thanks | 3bpd
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What’s the weirdest side effect you’ve experienced from your medication regimen? : I’ve been prescribed a myriad of pharmaceuticals in the 18+ years since my diagnosis and hands down the weirdest side effect was my tongue going numb and a dulled sense of taste while taking Risperidone.
What is the weirdest side effect you’ve experienced? | 2bipolar
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What are some historical examples of how "those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it"? : It is a well-known saying, but it struck me the other day that I don't know nearly enough about history to actually name an example of when this has happened. It is often brought up in arguments over political issues that one ought not to do something, because someone did that once and it turned out it was a bad idea.
Are there any examples in history where X warned Y not to do something, Y did it anyway, and it turned out bad for him/her? X and Y could be countries, governments, organisations and/or individuals. | 5none
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I just want a normal dating life, but I only date when I'm hypomanic. Starting to feel hopeless about finding love. : I have Bipolar II and I've had my diagnosis for 3 years now, but counting the years I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety, I've been like this for all of my teenage years, and now, my early twenties.
After a very recent dating failure, I've started to notice a pattern in my disastrous romantic life. When I am at my normal level, I am introverted and I have social anxiety so I generally keep to myself and I'm pretty content most of the time. I'd love to find true love, but the problem is the only time I actively look to meet new guys and go on dates is when I'm hypomanic. When I meet someone who I really like and is interested in me as well, I am over the moon. I'm very impulsive and hypersexual in these hypomanic swings, which often leads to me putting out on the first date. Unfortunately, I've found that guys don't really tend to take me seriously as a future girlfriend when I do this. But even when I do manage to control myself, I always mess it up because I probably come off as the most desperate and clingy girl in the world. I will want to text him all time, I will impulsively text him even if he hasn't texted back, and I always bring up wanting to see him again soon. In the past the most that has come from this is a short, casual sex arrangement that in my mind was successful dates. But then they stop texting back as much and the paranoia aspect of my hypomania starts creeping in. "Oh god," I think, constantly looking at my phone to see if he has texted back, my anxious thoughts going too quickly for my brain to keep up. "I fucked it up again. He's only using me for sex. He thinks I'm crazy. He's met another girl hotter than me." At a point I realize I need to stop texting him and if he texts me back, then cool, he's probably still interested in me. But the constant thoughts and anxiety makes my head feel like it's going to explode...and BAM the anxiety triggers a major depressive cycle and even if the guy actually wants to see me again, my depressed brain has no self-esteem left. I've convinced myself I'm just being used for sex again, or that nobody would ever want to date me.
Anxiety is a definite trigger for my depressive cycles. I know this to be a fact. Hypomania is still more difficult to predict, because most of the time I don't even want to admit that something's wrong. I feel like the situation above has repeated every time I try and date again. I've never had a normal dating life and I've never been in a healthy relationship. Hypersexuality is a major symptom for my hypomanic episodes. I've been in casual sex arrangements and at the time it seems like normal dating and I convince myself that any day now he'll ask me to be his girlfriend and that of course he's in love with me. It doesn't help that without fail it always ends up with me in a major depressive episode that makes me hesitant to even try dating again until I'm hypomanic and full of self confidence again.
I don't know how to break the cycle. I know that recognizing that this is happening is a big step, but now it just makes me even more nervous about dating. I just feel like I'm destined to fail. I know that when I'm normal, which thankfully is most of the time lately, I'm perfectly desirable and dateable. It just feels like Bipolar sabotages all my chances because I can see how I can come off as a nightmare woman when I am in a hypomanic high.
Does anyone else have this problem?
How have you managed to have a normal dating life with Bipolar?
When is it an appropriate time to tell the person you're dating that you have Bipolar? | 2bipolar
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Struggling : Struggling with my illness today. I am not having symptoms or in an episode, but I am trying to deal with the fact that I have this disorder (and possibly others). Even though I’m medicated and fairly stable, compared to where I used to be, I am not cured. I will never be cured. Bipolar will follow me for the rest of my life. This is who I am and it’s the reason behind a lot of what I do/how I react. My brain doesn’t work the same as most people. I’ve accepted this, but that does not make it easier for me to deal with. Its not fair. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to the people I’m closest with. I try my best. I fuck up sometimes, but trust me…I am trying. I need to remind myself that I cannot control this. I have to have mercy with myself. I can only ask that others try to be gentle with me, because I am trying.
**I was diagnosed approximately 10 years ago. I have been medicated in one form or another since then. It has been quite the journey. | 2bipolar
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3 weeks into my job and I want to quit : Dropped out of uni last year and have spent the past year unemployed. I hated the job application process because every time I got rejected I had a complete breakdown.
Got accepted into an apprenticeship scheme where I get a good salary and my degree tuition paid for, which on paper sounds perfect.
But here’s the thing, it’s 5 years long and I hate it. I’m trying my absolute best to be positive and rational but each time I step into the office I feel more and more suffocated. I pretty much dissociate the whole time I’m there and I am way too tired after work to do anything other than sleep. | 3bpd
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Any of you heard of the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) inventory? : As a person who is well versed in trauma related treatments and issues, I was surprised to learn of this tool.
Basically, it is a checklist for childhood trauma. There are 10 items.
There has been quite a bit of research related to ACE and psychological and physical health - including increased risk of many behaviors and illnesses. You can take the inventory [here](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean) (possible trigger warning for abuse).
There is also a lot of [statistics related to ACE](https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/) (again, possible trigger warning for abuse).
It definitely has a ton of limitations, but it was an interesting inventory. I got a 9/10 (you want 0/10). | 7ptsd
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Late night, a guy walks into a public urinal : Late night, a guy walks into a public urinal in New York City. The place is deserted except for a midget standing on a box, pissing into the old fashioned trough urinal. The guy's been in NYC for a while and finding a midget standing on a box pissing in a public urinal... he just didn't find the sight too surprising. So, pulling up next to the midget, he unzipped, unpacked and got down to business. Then he heard a gasp.
"My God," said the midget, "Have you got a beautiful cock!"
The guy didn't answer. Glancing sideways he sees the midget peering at his dick, smiling ear to ear. Unsure of what to say, he just mumbles...
"Ahh, thanks, I guess."
"No, really," the midget said, "It's beautiful! Just amazing."
By now the guy has finished his business and, intrigued, looks at the midget, then down at his own dick, then back at the little guy smiling so sincerely.
"Hey, thanks, man," he said, "I appreciate it."
"Just the truth, pal," said the midget, "Can I ask you a favor? Could I touch it?"
Silence in the urinal. The guy didn't know what to think. Looking down on the face of the midget he took stock of the man's small stature and came to the conclusion that if things were to get too weird with one sharp backhand he would flip him off the box and be out of there. What could be the harm? So...
"Sure," he said. "Have at it. But not to long, though."
Hand trembling, the midget reached over and started petting the guy's cock. Then suddenly, bending over a bit, once more the midget gasped.
"My God!" he said, "Have you got beautiful balls! Can... can I touch them too?"
By now the guy's feeling pretty proud of himself, what with this perfect stranger from nowhere telling him how well endowed he was, so he smiled and said,
"Sure!"
The midget grinned, wrapped his hand around the guys balls, looked up and said...
"Alright, give me your wallet or I'll jump off the box!" | 5none
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Is 'Get Help' Really the Right Thing To Say? : What if you're talking to someone who can't afford to get help? How about someone who can't be helped? Are there really that many PTSD sufferers out there who are completely unaware of their disease?
Telling someone with a severe mental health issue to 'get help' is a little like telling an obese person to go on a diet. No shit, asshole.
There's no doubt in my mind that people think they're doing the kind thing, but when I read/hear it, all I hear is "your broken brain makes me uncomfortable, talk to somebody else," and my normally elevated feelings of isolation go through the roof.
I know I can't expect people not to say it, but it hurts to hear. This disease has no known cure. We need a more nuanced way to approach it than 'get help.' | 7ptsd
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I left My best friend because he was bringing me down. I encourage you to do the same : **Deep Breath**
 
Here goes.
 
I have had severe social anxiety throughout the past four years of my life. It affects my work, my friends, and my every day life. I am almost completely unable to socialize without becoming physically and mentally immobilized. But I took a step this week towards overcoming this roadblock in my life. Basically , I had met a new best friend at my new university. We were really great friends, and everything was awesome. He was one of the only people I could hang out with without being nervous about fucking up my social relationship. We shared hobbies, and it was amazing having a supportive friendship (he actually encouraged me to go to therapy) that I didn't have to stress over, especially with school and life.
 
Unfortunately, six months ago, he changed. It started with him attacking my religion. Now let me put this out of the way. I'm Mormon. He knew that I was particularly sensitive about my religion, as I was constantly bullied and attacked physically and online because of my religion when I was in high school. But he consistently would attack me over text and in person, calling me stupid for submitting to a cult. During this time I had also just broken up with a long-term SO, so life wasn't going to great. Then he started talking to me, saying how nobody liked him, and he might as well not live, then beginning to go through a sucide-threat phase. If I had to pick a phase in my social anxiety was the worse, it would be during the time my best friend constantly talked about killing himself. I lost a significant amount of sleep and appetite over the two months he's threatened to kill himself. My friend knows he has tons of supportive friendships, and a SO. I've texted his friends, and they all try so hard to make him feel loved and included. I text him every night, saying what an awesome friend he is. He just turns this all down , and starts saying how much his life sucks, and he would be better off killing himself. We have a conversation like this 3-5 times a week for hours on end, and I have come to the conclusion that he wants nothing but for others to feel sorry for him. Others might have different opinions, but it was beginning to become clear, that he didn't look to me for support (which I freely gave) but rather for pity.
 
I tried discussing this with him in person; I told him he needed to get out of his head, and realize he had friends here for him. Long story short, he yelled at me saying I was too stupid to understand his problems, and yelled about my religion some more, then said the only reason I was stressed in social situations was because I didn't understand how people were feeling. And thus the daily conversations about him not being worth the trouble continued.
 
Two days ago marked the last conversation I will ever have with this friend. Many may have differing opinions, saying how I should of stayed by his side during this hard time in his life. But I will never regret this decision. He was increasing my anxiety, and decreasing my ability to reach out and make new social interactions, because I was too caught up in playing his pity game. It wasn't worth it. I now feel that the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer have to feel dread when my phone vibrates. It's time for a new chapter.
 
tl;dr: If a friendship is doing more harm than good, it may be worth evaluating if your friend has your best interests at heart. | 1anxiety
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DAE have dreams about their abusers but not the abuse itself? : Like I had this dream the other day completely unrelated to any of my trauma, I was just going through a library book about my city history and then boom, his faced showed up on the page as the city Mayor. This took me completely by surprise and then it was like I having flashbacks in my dream. What the hell? Before that happened, it was just a regular dream. I just don't understand why | 7ptsd
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i get anxiety attacks so frequently lately at the most random times, and it is so inconvenient : sometimes i'm just chilling, playing a game on my laptop. i tend to just space out playing it, but then my mind tends to go elsewhere and it always chooses to unearth bad memories that recently happened and the thoughts make me panic and get me anxious so badly that i get reduced to tears because i have a hard time breathing. i don't take any medication regularly anymore, because i have gotten a bit better til recently, where i feel like all my progress with coping with my anxiety all went back to zero because of a big thing that happened in my life that led to me feeling extremely isolated despite the fact that i have other friends that care about me. (i am aware that i am not alone, but i am lonely for particular people?? i dont know if that makes sense but it's like. selective loneliness) i admittedly have a lot of trouble coping with being alone (i think i have abandonment issues) so whenever i talk to someone that i love talking to and they dont reply immediately or dont reply at all, i get big anxiety attacks because my brain thinks about so many things that are mostly probably just fabricated out of nothing. i get so so anxious to the point that i get nightmares about what's giving me chest pains the entire time i'm awake. it just feels like i can't escape the thoughts because i can't even sleep them off. sorry if this entire thing is messily worded but i am at a loss with what i should do to prevent getting these anxiety / panic attacks all the time? and i am lookin for a solution that doesn't require me to drink some medication because medication is inacessible right now and those gifs that are supposed to calm me down don't work either? i hope someone can help me and i hope you're all having a nice week | 1anxiety
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I get vague thoughts all the time, is this common among people with ADHD? : So everyday I keep having so many intrusive (and vague) thoughts and memories, here's what I mean:
for example I would get a mental image of a very specific hand gesture, or very specific face expression, etc and I keep wringing my brain for so much time (sometimes even hours) to figure out whose gesture or face expression this is. It often makes me distracted from whatever it is that I'm doing.
And it's not only limited to these examples, other examples are: specific set of musical notes, specific parts of sentences that I heard in the past, a scene that I vaguely remember from some movie, etc
it drives me crazy and I wonder if it's an ADHD-specific trait.
Thanks in advance. | 0adhd
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I'm starting to not recognize my spouse... Is this just some form of anxiety or something like the first stages of dementia? : Im a 36 year old male.
Im finding myself looking at my spouse of 3.5 years and not recognizing her. Like she is a new person in my life. I am unable to recall most of my memories of our times together. It at times feels like Ive been with her for a few weeks - not 3.5 years. Deep down inside I KNOW that we've been together that long, but I have very little memories of it. Its really beginning to affect my relationship with her since its getting harder and harder to connect with her (I assume because I am unable to recall memories of us together, making a long term relationship difficult).
I have seen a neurologist and had 2 MRI's. Both came back normal. I am seeing a psychiatrist and we have tried numerous medications, but nothing seems to be helping. I have also had dozens of sessions with a normal therapist. This all started about a year and a half ago and I am feeling like I am at the very beginning stages of some form of dementia like Alzheimer's or something.
Any thoughts or others going through something similar? | 1anxiety
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All I want to do is quit school. : I'm in my fourth year at a community college. I dropped out for a year and a half to get clean, went back fall of 2014, and now have around a 3.2 GPA. Last semester was the first I had financial aid restored, and I pushed myself to get good grades. I got three low A's and one B, which really upset me because I was hoping for higher. If this is me at my best then it's not good enough. Community college should be a joke, but I can't even get straight A's when I give it 100%, so why try? It's now a month into spring semester and I've already dropped 6/12 credits (I did sign up for a mini session class at the end of the semester that should be easy.) I want to just drop this semester because I'm behind on both courses at this point. I feel worthless and incapable. They're all online, and since I'm newly medicated I was hoping to do even better this semester, but I don't feel motivated at all and I feel guilty for missing work. I had a similar breakdown a few weeks ago but decided to keep on part time, and now I'm thinking that was a bad idea. I don't know what to do. I got the best grades I've ever gotten in college last semester, but I just want to quit now. It takes me two days to answer twelve questions and I feel like it takes three times the effort for the same amount of work. I don't think I measure up to other people and I don't know what to do with my life. All I can think about right now is the relief I'll feel when I drop the remaining courses.
Sorry for the wall of text. I'm crying and haven't actually taken my Vyvanse today because it unpleasantly lasted over thirteen hours yesterday. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 29th where I'm going to ask for Adderall and I'm about 70% sure he's going to laugh in my face.
I don't have any questions, I just feel really inferior and overall not 'good enough' and thought maybe someone on here would have a similar story or advice.
tl;DR: I want to quit school after the best semester of my college career because I don't think my best is good enough. I don't know what I want to do with my life, so why put myself through this right now? Meds aren't helping, my psychiatrist is terrible and has laughed in my face before when I've asked about Adderall.
That's a long tl;DR, whoops. | 0adhd
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Work anxiety : I’m a cashier at a large department store, and have been for almost 2 years.. for about 1.5 years of that, I’ve been actively looking to transfer away from the registers because of the anxiety it causes me. Before during, and after work, I’m anxious about the next customer I see and possible confrontations, shaking as I clock in, etc
Anyways, I finally managed to secure 2 interviews for other positions this past week, and sometime between today and Monday I should hear back about both. For the first time since 2018 I have some sense of optimism on my drive into work, and it’s wonderful
Edit: so I got neither job so my optimism was misplaced lmao | 1anxiety
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Half my anxiety is coming up with excuses why i cant hang out and be social with friends and loved ones. : I thought I had shaken anxiety and panic attacks. I was doing good for 19 years until feburary when it came back full force. After struggling to go to work everyday, the last thing i want to do is go out in my free time. Im afraid everyone is going to catch on that something is wrong. Does anyone else get anxiety from people asking you to go out, and you constantly having to say no? | 1anxiety
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. : The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband." | 5none
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I started crying during sex : I’m currently going through a breakup. My fp and ex cut all contact with me and I’ve been struggling really hard to get over it so I started hanging out with one of my old fuck buddies again.
He’s been really respectful about waiting for me to be ready for sex and I finally thought I was ready the other day. But while he was fucking me I just started thinking about my ex and how much I miss him and I literally started tearing up. Thankfully the guy didn’t notice and I got my tears out when he left the room to pee but omg I’ve never had this happen before.
Has this happened to anyone else? I don’t know how I can get over him if I can’t even have sex with other people without thinking about him | 3bpd
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In Medieval Europe, what would happen to children if their parents were executed for crime? : I've been curious about this topic for sometime.
During the 12th-14th centuries of Medieval Europe *(Most Specifically Western & Central Europe: Germany, Denmark, Netherlands, France, England, etc.)*, if a peasant woman who's a mother of only one-three children *(or multiple)* was executed for a crime such as practicing Witchcraft and the children, who's father was already dead from fighting in a war, then what would become of the children?
Would they have been left to die? Would they be taken in as slaves to serve the king? Or would the nunnery take them in instead?
In another scenario, say if a woman of nobility was accused of Witchcraft or if a man was accused of adultery and if either one had 3, 5 or 7 children, then what would be the fates of those children in comparison to children of peasantry?
Please comment below! :)
EDIT: I meant to add this part to the original post. If one of the children had a disability *(ADD, Autism, Bi-Polar or more severely, downs-syndrome),* what would become of that child if he/she was part of the peasantry vs. nobility.
I ask this because I'm on the Autism Spectrum and I was rather curious of this. | 5none
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My dog has anxiety too : I’ve had GAD and cardiophobia since I was a kid, and by far the biggest help in my life is my dog. Since I’ve had him, I always went to him when I was anxious, and he will lick me and cuddle me until I calm down.
Now he’s going blind, so he’s very aware of sounds and any little sound freaks him out. Every time, he starts crying and panicking and rushes straight to me. It’s never anyone else in the house. Always me. He curls up right on me and begs for me to pet him until he stops crying and shaking.
It feels like I’m giving back to him everything he always gave me. He was my coping mechanism and now I’m his. I don’t think I’ll ever love any living thing more. | 1anxiety
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How to minimize the “swings” : Hello all.
I know you all are keenly aware of the frequent swings in mood, interests, energy, motivation, philosophies on life, coping mechanisms, etc.
It’s exhausting, but it is what it is.
Lately, I’m becoming increasingly frustrated with this, because it’s hard to enact useful, positive change in one’s life when you have absolutely no way of knowing which version of you is going to show up day to day, minute to minute.
It seems impossible to build anything positive. It’s like every positive habit I try to add into my daily life ends up just like every other hyperfixation.
Example, I’ll read some good advice or logic and think “yeah, that sounds like something that will help me”. I’ll start dabbling in it, feel optimistic for a bit, and then it’ll slowly fade away as I fail to see or feel the results I wanted and I’ll just think “well maybe I don’t need that” and the search continues.
This goes for anything; healthy physical habits, mental coping strategies, the very essence/meaning of life, social skills strategies, etc.
If I could get in the positive mindset I have when I first adopt these things and be able to lock that in, I’d be more than willing to do the work required to continue these things. Doing the habits themselves is hard enough, as we all know, due to executive dysfunction, but I’m not even really talking about that or task imitation at all. This feels different.
Is this making sense? Does anyone know how to improve on this at least a little bit? I’m just so tired of not knowing who I’ll be at any given moment. When I try to reject the negative thoughts or lack of interest in improving, all it does is fuel my constantly running negative thought loop. Then, I’m left with the thought that even when I try to improve myself, the cognitive dissonance and sense of hopeless failure just become stronger. So, why try?
Please tell me someone can at least relate. | 0adhd
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Today was a good day... : TLDR: Today was a good day and I hope you had one too.
I woke up this morning, like most, at 4:30am even though my alarm wasn't set to go off until 5:00am. Old habits and all. The dreams and nightmares have gotten better but there are still a couple rough nights every week. Last night wasn't one though. Had an actaully restful evening sleep.
As I lay in bed I notice I'm feeling calm and relaxed. Nothing is really on my mind but being present. I'm grateful for the restful evening and the quiet morning. I'm looking forward to the workout I have coming up and the friends I get to do it with. I'm especially looking forward to having lunch with my daughter. I roll out of my bed and begin my normal morning routine. Make my bed, grind some beans and start a brew, grab my foam roller and lacrosse balls and start some mobility drills. Anytime I catch myself wandering I quickly bring myself back to the present and focus on the task at hand. After the coffee is done brewing I grab a cup and sit down to start journaling. I've found it helps me to review and recommit daily to my roles, values, and goals and I take this time to do so. Like an old mentor said: "plan your dive and dive your plan..." I like to finish off my "power hour" by grabbing a book to read while finishing my coffee. Right now I'm working on Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind. Great book.
After finishing off my coffee I grab a small bag with my daily essentials and head out the door. It's a short run, a little over a mile, to the Crossfit gym I joined when I moved here and I like to use it as a good warm up. Morning PT is another old habit I just can't shake. Some of the Dawn Patrol have already arrived and the rest file in as we get ready. We go over the Workout of the Day, then it's 3...2...1...GO! An hour later I'm exhausted yet happy. Nothing like chasing some PR's to start the day. I pick myself up, high five my mates, wish everyone an excellent day and head out the door for a nice, easy run back home. The rest of the morning is taken up with simple chores around the house. Nothing dramatic. Anytime I catch my mind wondering I bring it back to the present. Be present. Be aware. Whenever I have negative thoughts I explore them. Why do I think this or that? What else could it be? Reframe.
Shower, shave, get cleaned up and head out the door for lunch. I'm meeting my daughter at a Tex Mex joint she really likes. It's close to campus and Thursday is always our day. The food is good and the conversation is even better.
My afternoon is as uneventful as my morning. I like to go to Brazilian Jim Jitsu at least a couple nights a week and tonight is one of those. Gotta put those 10,000 hours in. Like my Crossfit gym, the guys and gals that roll here are all awesome and a really great group. I make plans to come back on Saturday for the open mat and then head over to a team mates house for an afternoon cookout.
Throughout the day I had some challenges, but all were pretty small. I catch myself having negative thoughts every now and then, but I don't freak out. I explore the feelings/emotions, question them, reframe some and accept others. I still scan my environment and remember everything. I still anticipate where I would set up to get me and game plan scenarios in my head. I tell myself it's a game and I'm just being prepared, not paranoid, in case something happens but who knows anymore. Whatever it is, being prepared helps keep me calm and relaxed.
At the end of the day I sit down again and journal. It helps me process my feelings, thoughts and emotions. It also helps keep me accountable for my goals.
I don't watch a lot of television, but I'm not tired so I've got Colbert on and poured myself a Breckenrisge Bourbon. I don't know what tomorrow holds for me or what dreams may come tonight, but in the words of Ice Cube: "I gotta say, today was a good day..."
I hope everyone else had a good day too.
| 7ptsd
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PTSD symptoms unrelated to actual event? : In late July i was involved in an accident. Cruising in the right lane, approaching an exit, a mini cooper veered across 3 lanes of traffic and struck the left front of the soft top jeep i was driving. We rolled 3 times but somehow only received a few scrapes and bruises. From that point, i believed my life was slowly began to return to "normal". In the present, after research on the subject, i feel as if i may be experiencing symptoms that had been there from the beginning (that i had just pushed away).
I do not have full fledged attacks brought on by triggers. However, there are things (such as sirens, ambulances, seeing mini coopers, seeing the highway it happened on, etc) that do bring the event back into my mind and makes it somewhat hard to shake. I think about the event at least once a day. Its not necessarily in a detrimental way, but it is nonetheless on my mind. I dont do well as a passenger in a car. If im not driving then i feel anxious and dont want to be there. When i am driving, im constantly scanning every lane because i feel like every car is out to get me. I havent had any dreams about the event up until recently. The dreams are of completely unrelated, fictional events but with the 100% recognizable screams that i vividly remember from inside the jeep.
I consume marijuana recreationally and feel as if it helps with certain aspects of these things. However, lately, the anxiety that i had been experiencing with driving related activities has spilled over into most facets of my life. I get anxious (especially in public places) much more easily than i used to and feel generally on edge at times where i know i shouldnt be. I guess my main question is can PTSD manifest itself in a way that seems unrelated to the specific event that brought it on? I have yet to really discuss any of this with the people im close to as i feel they just wont get it.
Thanks | 7ptsd
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