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5774ccf16e5d8fd6231b5d17 | My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her when I haven't | Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-girlfriend-is-always-accusing-me-of-cheating-on-her-when-i-haven-t | Relationships,Social Relationships | Lola Georg | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg | <p>Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her when I haven't <</SYS>> Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand? [/INST] <p>Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her. </p> </s> |
574f7aacc792dd6c7063e578 | How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? | I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-overcome-an-embarrassing-mistake-and-forgive-yourself | Self-esteem | Deana Bieker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/deana-bieker | <p>First I think we have to acknowledge that you are doing something amazing. You are putting yourself out there and becoming a Water Safety Instructor. We often times will focus on the negative and forget about the positive. Next, you had an incident where someone pointed something out which may have caused embarrassment. Whether or not it was malicious on his part I think the important thing to focus on is what is called "Common Humanity". Common Humanity is one of the three elements of self-compassion. Common humanity essentially recognizes that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience. While you may have had this embarrassing moment at this time, that boy may have had an embarrassing moment another day. We all have embarrassing moments. When we recognize that we do not suffer in isolation then we are able to move past that suffering. Additionally another element to self-compassion is self-kindness. My question is why must you forgive yourself? Rather, be kind to yourself for learning an amazing new talent. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? <</SYS>> I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. [/INST] <p>First I think we have to acknowledge that you are doing something amazing. You are putting yourself out there and becoming a Water Safety Instructor. We often times will focus on the negative and forget about the positive. Next, you had an incident where someone pointed something out which may have caused embarrassment. Whether or not it was malicious on his part I think the important thing to focus on is what is called "Common Humanity". Common Humanity is one of the three elements of self-compassion. Common humanity essentially recognizes that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience. While you may have had this embarrassing moment at this time, that boy may have had an embarrassing moment another day. We all have embarrassing moments. When we recognize that we do not suffer in isolation then we are able to move past that suffering. Additionally another element to self-compassion is self-kindness. My question is why must you forgive yourself? Rather, be kind to yourself for learning an amazing new talent. <br></p> </s> |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">Do you want to be upset about a girl that he forgot about? Think about it for a minute. Do you want to measure your trust based on knowing how many female co-workers your husband has? And if so, what does that say about your marriage? Trust is something that we earn based on our actions and the actions of people we interact with; it’s also based on our ability to communicate and understand what we value and have in common. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">If you are focused on every little detail around your relationship, it may turn into an unhealthy obsession and it may harm your relationship more. If instead you focus on opening the lines of communication, let him know what you expect from him, and discuss how you could both build trust again, you may become closer and give your relationship the opportunity to grow. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Debería este molesta porque mi esposo me mintió de nuevo?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Estoy tratando de hacer que mi matrimonio funcione después de una separación. Antes de separarnos el mentía mucho y rompía todas sus promesas. No creo que me haya sido infiel. El mes pasado, le pregunté cuantas mujeres trabajan con él, y él me dijo. Ayer, me enteré que se olvido de una muchacha. ¿Debería estar enojada?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Quieres estar molesta porque se le olvido con cuantas mujeres trabaja? Piénsalo por un momento. ¿Quieres determinar la confianza que le tienes en tu esposo basándote en su capacidad de reportar la cantidad de mujeres que trabajan con él? Si tu respuesta es sí, ¿qué refleja eso sobre tu matrimonio? La confianza es algo que se gana basado en nuestras acciones y las de aquellos con quienes interactuamos; también en nuestra habilidad de comunicar y entender los valores que tenemos en común. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Si practicas estar preocupada por cada pequeño detalle en tu relación, esto se puede convertir en una obsesión que potencialmente dañara tu relación. Si en cambio te enfocas en abrir las líneas de comunicación, le dejas saber lo que esperas de él y discuten cómo pueden trabajar juntos para recuperar la confianza, pueden volverse más cercanos y darse la oportunidad de que la relación crezca.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? <</SYS>> I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">Do you want to be upset about a girl that he forgot about? Think about it for a minute. Do you want to measure your trust based on knowing how many female co-workers your husband has? And if so, what does that say about your marriage? Trust is something that we earn based on our actions and the actions of people we interact with; it’s also based on our ability to communicate and understand what we value and have in common. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">If you are focused on every little detail around your relationship, it may turn into an unhealthy obsession and it may harm your relationship more. If instead you focus on opening the lines of communication, let him know what you expect from him, and discuss how you could both build trust again, you may become closer and give your relationship the opportunity to grow. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Debería este molesta porque mi esposo me mintió de nuevo?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Estoy tratando de hacer que mi matrimonio funcione después de una separación. Antes de separarnos el mentía mucho y rompía todas sus promesas. No creo que me haya sido infiel. El mes pasado, le pregunté cuantas mujeres trabajan con él, y él me dijo. Ayer, me enteré que se olvido de una muchacha. ¿Debería estar enojada?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Quieres estar molesta porque se le olvido con cuantas mujeres trabaja? Piénsalo por un momento. ¿Quieres determinar la confianza que le tienes en tu esposo basándote en su capacidad de reportar la cantidad de mujeres que trabajan con él? Si tu respuesta es sí, ¿qué refleja eso sobre tu matrimonio? La confianza es algo que se gana basado en nuestras acciones y las de aquellos con quienes interactuamos; también en nuestra habilidad de comunicar y entender los valores que tenemos en común. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Si practicas estar preocupada por cada pequeño detalle en tu relación, esto se puede convertir en una obsesión que potencialmente dañara tu relación. Si en cambio te enfocas en abrir las líneas de comunicación, le dejas saber lo que esperas de él y discuten cómo pueden trabajar juntos para recuperar la confianza, pueden volverse más cercanos y darse la oportunidad de que la relación crezca.</span></p> </s> |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization, to get follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.</p><p>It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter. So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.</p><p>If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always a good option if you are not sure. </p><p>Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. </p><p>If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. </p><p><br></p><p>I do hope things work out alright. Be well. </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? <</SYS>> After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization, to get follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.</p><p>It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter. So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.</p><p>If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always a good option if you are not sure. </p><p>Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. </p><p>If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. </p><p><br></p><p>I do hope things work out alright. Be well. </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
57329f65aaeea25a1918b650 | Should I move on from my ex-husband? | My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-move-on-from-my-ex-husband | Relationship Dissolution | Gina Guddat | https://counselchat.com/therapists/gina-guddat | <p>It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. </p><p>For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I move on from my ex-husband? <</SYS>> My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new? [/INST] <p>It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. </p><p>For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before. <br></p> </s> |
577b9eea7fe85f1465e1ffff | How do I deal with bullying at school? | I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.
How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-bullying-at-school | Children & Adolescents | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | <p>That's a very difficult situation that you are in. But you are not alone. I have several school-aged clients who find little to no assistance from their teachers at their schools regarding bullying.</p><p>There are a few options that are available to you to help deal with being bullied at school. One option that I would suggest is for you to talk to your support network. Friends and family can sometimes be good sources of support. Another option would be to speak with us about your counselor, if you have one. And third, there are some excellent online sources of support regarding the bullying at school (www.stopbullying.org).</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with bullying at school? <</SYS>> I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.
How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? [/INST] <p>That's a very difficult situation that you are in. But you are not alone. I have several school-aged clients who find little to no assistance from their teachers at their schools regarding bullying.</p><p>There are a few options that are available to you to help deal with being bullied at school. One option that I would suggest is for you to talk to your support network. Friends and family can sometimes be good sources of support. Another option would be to speak with us about your counselor, if you have one. And third, there are some excellent online sources of support regarding the bullying at school (www.stopbullying.org).</p> </s> |
579e4020188cd61c1684e837 | I'm very depressed? | I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed | Depression | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>If there is no one in your life with whom you feel comfortable, I would recommend identifying someone on this site, psychology today or goodtherapy.org who is in your area, then give that therapist a call to see if you would be a good match. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm very depressed? <</SYS>> I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? [/INST] <p>If there is no one in your life with whom you feel comfortable, I would recommend identifying someone on this site, psychology today or goodtherapy.org who is in your area, then give that therapist a call to see if you would be a good match. </p> </s> |
57461ed6c792dd6c7063e431 | How do I deal with my trauma? | I was a victim of an incident. I've been made fun of and have been beating myself up for it because I don't feel anyone honestly believes me. There are so many other factors I deal with on a daily basis. I ignore my problems when I'm with my friends, but it’s scary when I’m alone. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-trauma | Trauma | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm glad you have some time when you're not thinking about your trauma when you're with your friends.</p><p>As far as feeling scared when you are alone, I'm not sure if you are referring to having flashbacks or thoughts on what happened to you or reminders in the environment around you or something else.</p><p>One thing that might help is to find a bead or a rock that is smooth that you can hold onto or rub against your hand or fingers. Think of a time when you felt safe, comfortable, happy – basically a positive and safe moment – while holding onto the rock. Then, when you have scary thoughts, you can hold on to the rock and remember the happier place. Try to associate as many happy and safe moments with the rock as you can.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with my trauma? <</SYS>> I was a victim of an incident. I've been made fun of and have been beating myself up for it because I don't feel anyone honestly believes me. There are so many other factors I deal with on a daily basis. I ignore my problems when I'm with my friends, but it’s scary when I’m alone. [/INST] <p>I'm glad you have some time when you're not thinking about your trauma when you're with your friends.</p><p>As far as feeling scared when you are alone, I'm not sure if you are referring to having flashbacks or thoughts on what happened to you or reminders in the environment around you or something else.</p><p>One thing that might help is to find a bead or a rock that is smooth that you can hold onto or rub against your hand or fingers. Think of a time when you felt safe, comfortable, happy – basically a positive and safe moment – while holding onto the rock. Then, when you have scary thoughts, you can hold on to the rock and remember the happier place. Try to associate as many happy and safe moments with the rock as you can.</p> </s> |
5776119072f4321a37b641c4 | Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse? | My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse | Legal & Regulatory,Parenting,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, screaming and cussing at your child is considered abuse.</p><p>Here are two points I suggest you consider for your situation.</p><p>If your dad is ever calm when you and him are with one another, ask for some time to talk about your relationship with him.</p><p>Schedule it for sometime in the near future from your request. This way he has time to consider his points of view on his relationship to you. </p><p>Even if he does no thinking about your relationship at all, he will not feel pressured by the surprise of suddenly being expected to talk about a topic he may prefer to prepare himself.</p><p><br></p><p>My second point to you is to keep steady in your own views of who you are. When a parent demeans and mistreats a child, the child is affected in a negative way. Concentrate on loving yourself and keeping people in your friendship circle who care about you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse? <</SYS>> My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse? [/INST] <p>Yes, screaming and cussing at your child is considered abuse.</p><p>Here are two points I suggest you consider for your situation.</p><p>If your dad is ever calm when you and him are with one another, ask for some time to talk about your relationship with him.</p><p>Schedule it for sometime in the near future from your request. This way he has time to consider his points of view on his relationship to you. </p><p>Even if he does no thinking about your relationship at all, he will not feel pressured by the surprise of suddenly being expected to talk about a topic he may prefer to prepare himself.</p><p><br></p><p>My second point to you is to keep steady in your own views of who you are. When a parent demeans and mistreats a child, the child is affected in a negative way. Concentrate on loving yourself and keeping people in your friendship circle who care about you.</p> </s> |
579ed169188cd61c1684e83e | How do I tell a girl that I crossdress? | I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.
How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ,Intimacy | Allison Velez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez | <p>While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself. It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell a girl that I crossdress? <</SYS>> I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.
How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do? [/INST] <p>While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself. It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can. </p> </s> |
58432b4a950e2507cf23dc88 | What makes a good marriage? | What makes a healthy marriage last? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-a-good-marriage | Marriage | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This is a fantastic question. In one sentence, I would say the following:</p><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Recognize that </span>while you and your partner probably have common interests and areas of commonality, <span style="font-weight: bold;">you are separate people, each with different wants, wishes, and desires</span> – if you consider a diagram of two overlapping circles, they may share perhaps a third of the circle with overlap to indicate commonality (could be more or less) and then there are parts of the circles that are not overlapping, indicating separate interests</li></ul><p>As for ways that may strengthen any relationship, even the great ones, this is what came to mind. There are certainly more specific unique answers or elements for different people as far as the details, but here are some general ideas:</p><ul><li>Try to have at least <span style="font-weight: bold;">15 minutes a week where you are spending time together </span>and not problem-solving</li><li>Realize that <span style="font-weight: bold;">listening to your partner does not mean that you are agreeing with them, </span>it just means that you are saying that you hear where they are coming from</li><li>Learn to <span style="font-weight: bold;">hold on to your own wants, wishes, and desires while also recognizing those of your partner</span></li><li>Set boundaries for <span style="font-weight: bold;">what is and isn't acceptable behavior during an argument </span>or difficult discussion</li><li>Discuss how having important discussions can be anxiety-producing and consider having an understanding that if one of you (or both of you) <span style="font-weight: bold;">feels overwhelmed, you can take a timeout </span>for a certain amount of time. For example, you may say "okay, I'm feeling really stressed about this right now. Let's discuss it in an hour." And at that time, go back to the discussion</li><li>Consider what your <span style="font-weight: bold;">partner's top three or four complaints </span>about you may be. Check in with them and see how accurate you are. If you see validity in their responses, consider whether or not you may want to make changes</li><li>Discover what makes <span style="font-weight: bold;">your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special</span></li></ul><p>Relationships are always in progress and constantly changing. Some anxiety around change is typical. Being able to effectively discuss the anxiety and <span style="font-weight: bold;">actually listen to one another without being defensive, name calling, finger-pointing, or asking each other to change</span> is a true gift.</p><p>You may enjoy this quote: "Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment." ~Brene Brown</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What makes a good marriage? <</SYS>> What makes a healthy marriage last? [/INST] <p>This is a fantastic question. In one sentence, I would say the following:</p><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Recognize that </span>while you and your partner probably have common interests and areas of commonality, <span style="font-weight: bold;">you are separate people, each with different wants, wishes, and desires</span> – if you consider a diagram of two overlapping circles, they may share perhaps a third of the circle with overlap to indicate commonality (could be more or less) and then there are parts of the circles that are not overlapping, indicating separate interests</li></ul><p>As for ways that may strengthen any relationship, even the great ones, this is what came to mind. There are certainly more specific unique answers or elements for different people as far as the details, but here are some general ideas:</p><ul><li>Try to have at least <span style="font-weight: bold;">15 minutes a week where you are spending time together </span>and not problem-solving</li><li>Realize that <span style="font-weight: bold;">listening to your partner does not mean that you are agreeing with them, </span>it just means that you are saying that you hear where they are coming from</li><li>Learn to <span style="font-weight: bold;">hold on to your own wants, wishes, and desires while also recognizing those of your partner</span></li><li>Set boundaries for <span style="font-weight: bold;">what is and isn't acceptable behavior during an argument </span>or difficult discussion</li><li>Discuss how having important discussions can be anxiety-producing and consider having an understanding that if one of you (or both of you) <span style="font-weight: bold;">feels overwhelmed, you can take a timeout </span>for a certain amount of time. For example, you may say "okay, I'm feeling really stressed about this right now. Let's discuss it in an hour." And at that time, go back to the discussion</li><li>Consider what your <span style="font-weight: bold;">partner's top three or four complaints </span>about you may be. Check in with them and see how accurate you are. If you see validity in their responses, consider whether or not you may want to make changes</li><li>Discover what makes <span style="font-weight: bold;">your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special</span></li></ul><p>Relationships are always in progress and constantly changing. Some anxiety around change is typical. Being able to effectively discuss the anxiety and <span style="font-weight: bold;">actually listen to one another without being defensive, name calling, finger-pointing, or asking each other to change</span> is a true gift.</p><p>You may enjoy this quote: "Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment." ~Brene Brown</p> </s> |
56453f5d0a6eb23613af04b4 | My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. | He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-wants-a-divorce-after-i-was-diagnosed-with-severe-depression | Relationship Dissolution ,Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling from your husband's decision.</p><p>Keep in mind that if one partner does not want to be in a relationship and remains in it, then both people will be unhappy, dissatisfied and feel stressed.</p><p>Imagine being in a relationship that you'd rather leave.</p><p>All the negative feelings and resentment of being with someone whom you'd rather be without, would not leave very much energy to satisfy your partner.</p><p>I'm glad you realize that you feel depressed.</p><p>Depression is a mood that can change once you understand what is causing it.</p><p>Depression is an area that very often therapists help their patients understand, and emotionally support and encourage them during the course this takes.</p><p>For now, concentrate on decreasing the tension in your life. Your husband's indecision may very well be adding to your stress.</p><p>Only he can make up his own mind.</p><p>As hard as this may be, all you really can do is take care of how you feel so that you will feel better.</p><p>From what you write, your husband is too unsure to offer you the love and care you'd like from him.</p><p>Learning to love oneself is always worthwhile. At this stage in your marriage, now sounds like an ideal opportunity for you to teach yourself self-love.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. <</SYS>> He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling from your husband's decision.</p><p>Keep in mind that if one partner does not want to be in a relationship and remains in it, then both people will be unhappy, dissatisfied and feel stressed.</p><p>Imagine being in a relationship that you'd rather leave.</p><p>All the negative feelings and resentment of being with someone whom you'd rather be without, would not leave very much energy to satisfy your partner.</p><p>I'm glad you realize that you feel depressed.</p><p>Depression is a mood that can change once you understand what is causing it.</p><p>Depression is an area that very often therapists help their patients understand, and emotionally support and encourage them during the course this takes.</p><p>For now, concentrate on decreasing the tension in your life. Your husband's indecision may very well be adding to your stress.</p><p>Only he can make up his own mind.</p><p>As hard as this may be, all you really can do is take care of how you feel so that you will feel better.</p><p>From what you write, your husband is too unsure to offer you the love and care you'd like from him.</p><p>Learning to love oneself is always worthwhile. At this stage in your marriage, now sounds like an ideal opportunity for you to teach yourself self-love.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
577dc3417fe85f1465e20061 | Is it normal to dislike one child? | I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-dislike-one-child | Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Congrats on being honest about the way you feel!</p><p>Many people state having a favorite child so the reverse would also be possible, of having a least favorite child.</p><p>Try to understand your own reasons for not liking your youngest child as much as the others.</p><p>One point to consider is whether it is the child' personality or the way they interact with you which gives you the feeling of not liking this child as much as the others, or does the reason have more to do with younger children requiring more care?</p><p>Also, do you generally prefer older kids to younger ones? </p><p>It is possible the problem will go away as your youngest grows older.</p><p>Is there another parent in the household who can make up for what you feel unable to naturally give to your youngest?</p><p>Is it possible you feel your own need to be involved with activities or to have time on your own? Maybe you simply need a break from constant mothering.</p><p>Continue to give as much as possible to your youngest child.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to dislike one child? <</SYS>> I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal? [/INST] <p>Congrats on being honest about the way you feel!</p><p>Many people state having a favorite child so the reverse would also be possible, of having a least favorite child.</p><p>Try to understand your own reasons for not liking your youngest child as much as the others.</p><p>One point to consider is whether it is the child' personality or the way they interact with you which gives you the feeling of not liking this child as much as the others, or does the reason have more to do with younger children requiring more care?</p><p>Also, do you generally prefer older kids to younger ones? </p><p>It is possible the problem will go away as your youngest grows older.</p><p>Is there another parent in the household who can make up for what you feel unable to naturally give to your youngest?</p><p>Is it possible you feel your own need to be involved with activities or to have time on your own? Maybe you simply need a break from constant mothering.</p><p>Continue to give as much as possible to your youngest child.</p> </s> |
588861ae152ba8625f400559 | My family says I have depression. | I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression | Depression | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Being a teenager in our society today can cause depression quite easily. We look at the world in which we live, and the doubts we have about being able to make a contribution, or to have value and worth with the people around us, and we begin to internalize those messages of self-worth. If that alone were not enough, you are trying to figure out where you want to go in life, and who you are supposed to be in the world. Teens are faced with pressures of being judged by your peers for how you present yourself; following current fashions; possessing the trendy things; and hanging out with the "in crowd." Here's a "secret" that might help with most of those issues: Not much of those problems I've just described will really matter as they might seem to right now, in the real world. If you are feeling depression because you feel you lack some of those things that are seen as important by others (like your peers), I can assure you that being someone who is kind; compassionate; understanding of another person's suffering; and the effort you make to be the best person you can become in the world, will far outweigh anything you experienced in your teen years.</p><p>When we are young, we judge everything based on what our peers have, what they say, the way they dress, who's popular, who's not popular, and for the most of it, all of that is external. So the question becomes, are you trying to fix the feelings on the inside (the internal stuff), with the trappings of all the stuff on the outside (the internal)? That is to say, do you feel that if you had what your friends have, you would be happy and less depressed? Depression is usually a symptom of something much bigger, it is not typically a problem by itself (just as a person who experiences a high temperature may likely have a cold). So fixing the symptom requires looking at the possible causes. In your post, you mentioned that you live with your dad. Are your parents divorced or separated, or has your mom passed away? Either of these circumstances could certainly cause depression. Finding out when you started feeling depressed, might be able to pinpoint the trigger that caused it, which requires looking at when you last felt really happy. It is also important to keep in mind, that as a teenager, your emotions are often being experienced very randomly, and sometimes without cause. It is part of your emotional development, but as you grow older can learn how to manage those emotions better and practice doing things that help you feel better (without causing harm to yourself).</p><p>Have you tried talking to your dad about your feelings, or maybe another relative if you feel safer doing so? Do you have a friend who is your best friend...someone who is there for you no matter what? If not, there is a service you can use that is a national number for teens to talk with teen peer counselors. They are teens like yourself, but they have some insights that might be helpful. Its called Teen Line (https://teenlineonline.org/). It helped me when I was in my teens, and has helped lots of other teens as well. You might find a place to get some referrals to other local services in your area. If you want are in Washington state and would like to connect with me directly, you call link to me via my profile page. Or perhaps finding a counselor in your local area might be useful. Most towns and cities have some form of low cost counseling. You might also check with your school for assistance.</p><p>Don't be afraid of not always knowing how you are supposed to feel. Adults don't always have a handle on it either. Being a teenager carries a lot stress, fear, and uncertainty. But you are not alone, and there is help if you reach out for it. I wish for you the very best, and bright future. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My family says I have depression. <</SYS>> I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? [/INST] <p>Hello. Being a teenager in our society today can cause depression quite easily. We look at the world in which we live, and the doubts we have about being able to make a contribution, or to have value and worth with the people around us, and we begin to internalize those messages of self-worth. If that alone were not enough, you are trying to figure out where you want to go in life, and who you are supposed to be in the world. Teens are faced with pressures of being judged by your peers for how you present yourself; following current fashions; possessing the trendy things; and hanging out with the "in crowd." Here's a "secret" that might help with most of those issues: Not much of those problems I've just described will really matter as they might seem to right now, in the real world. If you are feeling depression because you feel you lack some of those things that are seen as important by others (like your peers), I can assure you that being someone who is kind; compassionate; understanding of another person's suffering; and the effort you make to be the best person you can become in the world, will far outweigh anything you experienced in your teen years.</p><p>When we are young, we judge everything based on what our peers have, what they say, the way they dress, who's popular, who's not popular, and for the most of it, all of that is external. So the question becomes, are you trying to fix the feelings on the inside (the internal stuff), with the trappings of all the stuff on the outside (the internal)? That is to say, do you feel that if you had what your friends have, you would be happy and less depressed? Depression is usually a symptom of something much bigger, it is not typically a problem by itself (just as a person who experiences a high temperature may likely have a cold). So fixing the symptom requires looking at the possible causes. In your post, you mentioned that you live with your dad. Are your parents divorced or separated, or has your mom passed away? Either of these circumstances could certainly cause depression. Finding out when you started feeling depressed, might be able to pinpoint the trigger that caused it, which requires looking at when you last felt really happy. It is also important to keep in mind, that as a teenager, your emotions are often being experienced very randomly, and sometimes without cause. It is part of your emotional development, but as you grow older can learn how to manage those emotions better and practice doing things that help you feel better (without causing harm to yourself).</p><p>Have you tried talking to your dad about your feelings, or maybe another relative if you feel safer doing so? Do you have a friend who is your best friend...someone who is there for you no matter what? If not, there is a service you can use that is a national number for teens to talk with teen peer counselors. They are teens like yourself, but they have some insights that might be helpful. Its called Teen Line (https://teenlineonline.org/). It helped me when I was in my teens, and has helped lots of other teens as well. You might find a place to get some referrals to other local services in your area. If you want are in Washington state and would like to connect with me directly, you call link to me via my profile page. Or perhaps finding a counselor in your local area might be useful. Most towns and cities have some form of low cost counseling. You might also check with your school for assistance.</p><p>Don't be afraid of not always knowing how you are supposed to feel. Adults don't always have a handle on it either. Being a teenager carries a lot stress, fear, and uncertainty. But you are not alone, and there is help if you reach out for it. I wish for you the very best, and bright future. </p> </s> |
566e83819f3a71de09b3c199 | My ex-boyfriend is with someone new, and it hurts. | I just got out of a two year relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't showing any affection at all. He was talking to other women and lying about it. It pushed me away and hurt me, but I'm still in love with him. A couple days after our breakup, he was talking to someone new. He told me he wasn't sure if he loved me. I cried for several days, lost my appetite, and couldn't sleep. Our whole relationship was only us. We didn't have friends. It was me and him against the world. We didn't talk to anyone else because we only wanted to talk to each other. We hung out constantly and Skyped to sleep every single night. Then, when I cut myself, we talked on Skype. He cried and told me "I'm still in love with you, I never stopped loving you," and I cried tears of joy. I asked multiple times if he loved me and asked to make sure he wasn't just saying that because of me being so depressed. He promised and assured me he loved me. He came over after that, and we had sex because he wanted to. He went the home that night and told me he didn't love me, and he lied because he was scared. He told me I wasn't attractive, I wasn’t beautiful to him, and that I changed. He also told me he was 100% sure he'd never love me again. I'm still in love with him. Why do I love him? How do I stop? Just knowing that someone else is with him hurts me. That I wasn't good enough and that I'm no longer beautiful hurts me. I think I need a therapist, but don't know if I should. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-ex-boyfriend-is-with-someone-new-and-it-hurts | Depression,Relationships | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>I am very sorry for the pain you are suffering. Losing the most significant person in your life is extremely painful and breakups are often equated to a death. There will certainly be a grieving process that you go through and time passing will allow the hurt to subside. With that being said, seeing a therapist is highly recommended as it sounds like continuous support may be necessary for healing to take place. Anytime sadness causes thoughts of suicide or self harm, it is important to get help immediately. A therapist can help you by validating your feelings and what you are going through, while also working with you to move through the grieving process, adopt new hobbies, social outlets, and goals for your future. While starting over and trying out new ways of being may seem like a daunting task, it will only make things easier and give you a sense of hope and purpose for your future. With the new year right around the corner, this could be viewed as a good time and opportunity to get reaquainted with yourself and set goals related to living a more fullfilling life. Hang in there. With a support system in place and a healthy mindset, things can only get easier. Best of luck to you! <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My ex-boyfriend is with someone new, and it hurts. <</SYS>> I just got out of a two year relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't showing any affection at all. He was talking to other women and lying about it. It pushed me away and hurt me, but I'm still in love with him. A couple days after our breakup, he was talking to someone new. He told me he wasn't sure if he loved me. I cried for several days, lost my appetite, and couldn't sleep. Our whole relationship was only us. We didn't have friends. It was me and him against the world. We didn't talk to anyone else because we only wanted to talk to each other. We hung out constantly and Skyped to sleep every single night. Then, when I cut myself, we talked on Skype. He cried and told me "I'm still in love with you, I never stopped loving you," and I cried tears of joy. I asked multiple times if he loved me and asked to make sure he wasn't just saying that because of me being so depressed. He promised and assured me he loved me. He came over after that, and we had sex because he wanted to. He went the home that night and told me he didn't love me, and he lied because he was scared. He told me I wasn't attractive, I wasn’t beautiful to him, and that I changed. He also told me he was 100% sure he'd never love me again. I'm still in love with him. Why do I love him? How do I stop? Just knowing that someone else is with him hurts me. That I wasn't good enough and that I'm no longer beautiful hurts me. I think I need a therapist, but don't know if I should. [/INST] <p>I am very sorry for the pain you are suffering. Losing the most significant person in your life is extremely painful and breakups are often equated to a death. There will certainly be a grieving process that you go through and time passing will allow the hurt to subside. With that being said, seeing a therapist is highly recommended as it sounds like continuous support may be necessary for healing to take place. Anytime sadness causes thoughts of suicide or self harm, it is important to get help immediately. A therapist can help you by validating your feelings and what you are going through, while also working with you to move through the grieving process, adopt new hobbies, social outlets, and goals for your future. While starting over and trying out new ways of being may seem like a daunting task, it will only make things easier and give you a sense of hope and purpose for your future. With the new year right around the corner, this could be viewed as a good time and opportunity to get reaquainted with yourself and set goals related to living a more fullfilling life. Hang in there. With a support system in place and a healthy mindset, things can only get easier. Best of luck to you! <br></p> </s> |
56453f5d0a6eb23613af04b4 | My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. | He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-wants-a-divorce-after-i-was-diagnosed-with-severe-depression | Relationship Dissolution ,Depression | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";color:#404040;mso-themecolor:text1;mso-themetint:191">Although the marriage vows say in sickness and health, each person has the right to choose to stay or to leave, depending on their ability to cope and handle marriage challenges. I know is hard not to focus on him and his choice, but the more you put the focus of attention on him the least support you will receive. Focus on increasing self-care activities and building a support system around you. A therapist can help you to work with depression symptoms, build up your self-esteem, and developing coping skills. Also, invite him to a therapy session so he can clarify any questions and concerns regarding your diagnosis.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3333px; line-height: 22.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you would like to engage in therapy, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Mi esposo quiere divorciarse después que fui diagnosticada con depresión severa.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">El </span>dijo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> intentaría y </span>nunca<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> lo </span>hizo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">. Has </span>pasado<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>nueve<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>meses<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">, y </span>esto<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> me está </span>haciendo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>sentir<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>peor<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">. Hoy, el </span>dijo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> yo </span>debo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>respetar<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> la decisión </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> el tome. ¿Es </span>eso<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>cierto<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">? ¿SE </span>supone<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>respete<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> la decisión de </span>irse<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>porque<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> él no </span>puede<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>manejar<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> lo </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> yo </span>estoy<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>pasando<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> y me </span>deja<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>llorando<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> y </span>preocupada<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>cada<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>noche<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">? El cambia de opinión todo el </span>tiempo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">A pesar de que los votos matrimoniales dicen en la salud y la enfermedad, cada persona tiene el derecho de decidir si se queda o se va, dependiendo en su habilidad de lidiar los retos del matrimonio. Entiendo que es difícil evitar enfocarte en él y sus decisiones, pero mientras más enfocas tu atención en el, más vas a resentir la falta de apoyo. Enfócate en aumentar el cuidado personal y en desarrollar tu sistema de apoyo. Un terapista te puede ayudar a trabajar con los síntomas de depresión, mejorar tu autoestima y desarrollar mecanismos de defensa. También puedes invitar a tu esposo a terapia para hablar sobre tu diagnosis y que aclare dudas sobre los síntomas y expectativas.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3333px; line-height: 22.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Si te gustaría recibir terapia, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. <</SYS>> He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";color:#404040;mso-themecolor:text1;mso-themetint:191">Although the marriage vows say in sickness and health, each person has the right to choose to stay or to leave, depending on their ability to cope and handle marriage challenges. I know is hard not to focus on him and his choice, but the more you put the focus of attention on him the least support you will receive. Focus on increasing self-care activities and building a support system around you. A therapist can help you to work with depression symptoms, build up your self-esteem, and developing coping skills. Also, invite him to a therapy session so he can clarify any questions and concerns regarding your diagnosis.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3333px; line-height: 22.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you would like to engage in therapy, I am licensed in Texas and Puerto Rico, you can contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Mi esposo quiere divorciarse después que fui diagnosticada con depresión severa.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">El </span>dijo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> intentaría y </span>nunca<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> lo </span>hizo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">. Has </span>pasado<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>nueve<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>meses<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">, y </span>esto<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> me está </span>haciendo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>sentir<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>peor<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">. Hoy, el </span>dijo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> yo </span>debo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>respetar<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> la decisión </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> el tome. ¿Es </span>eso<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>cierto<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">? ¿SE </span>supone<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>respete<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> la decisión de </span>irse<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>porque<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> él no </span>puede<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>manejar<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> lo </span>que<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> yo </span>estoy<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>pasando<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> y me </span>deja<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>llorando<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> y </span>preocupada<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>cada<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;"> </span>noche<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">? El cambia de opinión todo el </span>tiempo<span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">A pesar de que los votos matrimoniales dicen en la salud y la enfermedad, cada persona tiene el derecho de decidir si se queda o se va, dependiendo en su habilidad de lidiar los retos del matrimonio. Entiendo que es difícil evitar enfocarte en él y sus decisiones, pero mientras más enfocas tu atención en el, más vas a resentir la falta de apoyo. Enfócate en aumentar el cuidado personal y en desarrollar tu sistema de apoyo. Un terapista te puede ayudar a trabajar con los síntomas de depresión, mejorar tu autoestima y desarrollar mecanismos de defensa. También puedes invitar a tu esposo a terapia para hablar sobre tu diagnosis y que aclare dudas sobre los síntomas y expectativas.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.3333px; line-height: 22.3333px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Si te gustaría recibir terapia, soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478.</span></p> </s> |
57525278c792dd6c7063e5d9 | How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems? | I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-parents-that-i-think-i-have-some-mental-problems | Family Conflict,Depression,Anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you have already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, can you go back to the people who diagnosed you with those things?</p><p>It may be that your parents would be open to you talking with someone because it sounds like you have done this in the past. I don't know whether you have a specific reason that you are thinking they may have some hesitation, but if you are comfortable saying that you would really like to talk to someone because you are feeling sad or anxious (or whichever of your concerns you feel comfortable revealing to them), that may be a way to start the process. As for how you tell them about the fact that you have harmed yourself in the past and used to be suicidal, a therapist may be able to work together with you to discuss the best way to tell them about that.</p><p>I'm not sure if you have told anyone about what you have been experiencing, but if you have some support there, perhaps they would be able to give you feedback about ways to talk with your parents as well.</p><p>You mentioned that sometimes you hear voices. This can happen for a variety of reasons, but if the voices that you hear are giving you directions and you feel as though you might follow them, that would be a time to ask for immediate help, before you follow through with what they are telling you, perhaps by calling 800-273-8255. They may be able to connect you with local resources and they can definitely talk with you in the moment that you call.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems? <</SYS>> I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy? [/INST] <p>If you have already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, can you go back to the people who diagnosed you with those things?</p><p>It may be that your parents would be open to you talking with someone because it sounds like you have done this in the past. I don't know whether you have a specific reason that you are thinking they may have some hesitation, but if you are comfortable saying that you would really like to talk to someone because you are feeling sad or anxious (or whichever of your concerns you feel comfortable revealing to them), that may be a way to start the process. As for how you tell them about the fact that you have harmed yourself in the past and used to be suicidal, a therapist may be able to work together with you to discuss the best way to tell them about that.</p><p>I'm not sure if you have told anyone about what you have been experiencing, but if you have some support there, perhaps they would be able to give you feedback about ways to talk with your parents as well.</p><p>You mentioned that sometimes you hear voices. This can happen for a variety of reasons, but if the voices that you hear are giving you directions and you feel as though you might follow them, that would be a time to ask for immediate help, before you follow through with what they are telling you, perhaps by calling 800-273-8255. They may be able to connect you with local resources and they can definitely talk with you in the moment that you call.</p> </s> |
579d62d3188cd61c1684e827 | How can I make the voices stop? | I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.
I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-voices-stop | Anxiety | Vikas Keshri | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vikas-keshri | <p>You are right. It is not normal to hear voices that aren't your own but the fact is some people do. In my experience, medication seem to help. It is also important to understand when you hear voices the most - meaning it is important to understand what the triggers are. It is also important to understand when the voices are the least - meaning what helps you deal with the voices better. My clients have reported that their triggers are being in social gathering or around strangers or for some even the TV. Trying to identify your triggers is helpful for some people. Clients have also reported that listening to music, watching TV, being with friend or family helps them deal with their voices. Every individual is different and you need to figure out what works for you and what triggers your voices. My suggestion is to see a therapist / health care provider and then go from there.</p><p>I hope this helps. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the voices stop? <</SYS>> I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.
I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop? [/INST] <p>You are right. It is not normal to hear voices that aren't your own but the fact is some people do. In my experience, medication seem to help. It is also important to understand when you hear voices the most - meaning it is important to understand what the triggers are. It is also important to understand when the voices are the least - meaning what helps you deal with the voices better. My clients have reported that their triggers are being in social gathering or around strangers or for some even the TV. Trying to identify your triggers is helpful for some people. Clients have also reported that listening to music, watching TV, being with friend or family helps them deal with their voices. Every individual is different and you need to figure out what works for you and what triggers your voices. My suggestion is to see a therapist / health care provider and then go from there.</p><p>I hope this helps. </p> </s> |
564b58c85e8030c4305b311b | I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much. | I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-insecure-on-edge-and-drink-too-much | Addiction,Substance Abuse,Anxiety | Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/todd-schmenk-m-s-m-ed | <p>Given the description you have posted here, it may be time to find someone to work with. First and foremost, look into working with someone who specializes in working with individuals with challenges surrounding drinking. This would need to be assessed first since if it has been ongoing, it may be making the situation worse and given the time it has been utilized as a coping mechanism, there is reason to believe that the structure of your brain may have been effected as has been demonstrated by current neurological research. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There are however, ways to address this. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">As for coping mechanisms, the person you work with should also look at offering you alternatives such as the skills found within the Dialectic Behavior Therapy model (DBT) which has several useful tools to help address the underlying anxiety and difficulty managing emotional regulation. Mindfulness, another component of DBT should also prove to be useful in both becoming aware of your state of mind and emotional state to allow you to make different choices which has been supported by a growing body of evidence. There are also other tools designed to help repair damaged relationships. Well worth looking into.</span></p><p>Seeking help is never easy and it is only human to be hesitant given some of the cultural views of working with therapist. This is a difficult place to be in and one that is not easy to move out of, but sitting on it is not going to help it go away. Think of it this way, if you broke your arm, would you just wrap it up and hope for the best? or seek out a professional to help you set the break and teach you how to mend the wound. The same applies here. Think of it as first aid for the mind. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much. <</SYS>> I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises. [/INST] <p>Given the description you have posted here, it may be time to find someone to work with. First and foremost, look into working with someone who specializes in working with individuals with challenges surrounding drinking. This would need to be assessed first since if it has been ongoing, it may be making the situation worse and given the time it has been utilized as a coping mechanism, there is reason to believe that the structure of your brain may have been effected as has been demonstrated by current neurological research. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There are however, ways to address this. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">As for coping mechanisms, the person you work with should also look at offering you alternatives such as the skills found within the Dialectic Behavior Therapy model (DBT) which has several useful tools to help address the underlying anxiety and difficulty managing emotional regulation. Mindfulness, another component of DBT should also prove to be useful in both becoming aware of your state of mind and emotional state to allow you to make different choices which has been supported by a growing body of evidence. There are also other tools designed to help repair damaged relationships. Well worth looking into.</span></p><p>Seeking help is never easy and it is only human to be hesitant given some of the cultural views of working with therapist. This is a difficult place to be in and one that is not easy to move out of, but sitting on it is not going to help it go away. Think of it this way, if you broke your arm, would you just wrap it up and hope for the best? or seek out a professional to help you set the break and teach you how to mend the wound. The same applies here. Think of it as first aid for the mind. </p> </s> |
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c | My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. | I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do | Family Conflict,Parenting | Dr. Theresa Moore | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-theresa-moore | <div>Hello. </div><div>It sounds like you and your parents are not balanced in your communication and awareness of expectations. Your growth is not only reflected in your ability to understand and apply new knowledge and skills, it is also reflective of your parents acceptance of your understanding and application. </div><div><br></div><div>Have you tried talking with your parents to let them know your concerns?</div><div>This talking is best when face to face and during non active conflict ( can't begin stating rules during an argument, etc). Sometimes it is even helpful to write down ways you feel you can be supported by them and supportive to them. Maybe share this list or reflective piece with them to review, or use when communicating the expectations. </div><div>Unfortunately, until there are clear expectations stated and expressed, the scale will be uneven and frustrations will increase. </div><div>Dr. T<br></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. <</SYS>> I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? [/INST] <div>Hello. </div><div>It sounds like you and your parents are not balanced in your communication and awareness of expectations. Your growth is not only reflected in your ability to understand and apply new knowledge and skills, it is also reflective of your parents acceptance of your understanding and application. </div><div><br></div><div>Have you tried talking with your parents to let them know your concerns?</div><div>This talking is best when face to face and during non active conflict ( can't begin stating rules during an argument, etc). Sometimes it is even helpful to write down ways you feel you can be supported by them and supportive to them. Maybe share this list or reflective piece with them to review, or use when communicating the expectations. </div><div>Unfortunately, until there are clear expectations stated and expressed, the scale will be uneven and frustrations will increase. </div><div>Dr. T<br></div> </s> |
587d14b8152ba8625f40048a | How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.
His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past | Relationships,Intimacy,Spirituality | Allison Velez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez | <p>You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue. You cannot change that for him. He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own. </p><p>What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him. </p><p>When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this: Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today. The person they claim to love. If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that. </p><p>Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through. Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!</p><p>Hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.
His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? [/INST] <p>You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue. You cannot change that for him. He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own. </p><p>What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him. </p><p>When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this: Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today. The person they claim to love. If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that. </p><p>Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through. Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!</p><p>Hope that helps, </p><p>Allison </p> </s> |
56f41579466e9f5456bb48e5 | How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them? | I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-becoming-wrapped-up-in-family-issues-and-control-my-anxiety-about-them | Anxiety,Family Conflict | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>When you're upset about something, the first question you can ask yourself is "Whose problem is this?" It is amazing how many problems will disappear right at that point, because you realize the problem isn't even yours. You can't fix everything in your family. You are starting a new family of your own, and it's time to create a protective bubble around your family unit that keeps other people's issues away. I tell myself "Not my pig, not my farm, not my problem." When you stop trying to take care of other people's problems, they are more likely to step up and deal with it themselves. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them? <</SYS>> I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom. [/INST] <p>When you're upset about something, the first question you can ask yourself is "Whose problem is this?" It is amazing how many problems will disappear right at that point, because you realize the problem isn't even yours. You can't fix everything in your family. You are starting a new family of your own, and it's time to create a protective bubble around your family unit that keeps other people's issues away. I tell myself "Not my pig, not my farm, not my problem." When you stop trying to take care of other people's problems, they are more likely to step up and deal with it themselves. :)</p> </s> |
5744e52ac792dd6c7063e40e | What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body? | I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-insulting-my-body | Relationships,Intimacy | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. </p><p>The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we can actually <i>do </i>to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling <i>you </i>how to improve yourself. </p><p>What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. </p><p>It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! </p><p>You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. </p><p>Here are some things to consider and some ideas:</p><p>1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. </p><p>2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abused or have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. </p><p>3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor would be a good idea. </p><p>http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif </p><p>Be well.... </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body? <</SYS>> I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. </p><p>The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we can actually <i>do </i>to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling <i>you </i>how to improve yourself. </p><p>What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. </p><p>It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! </p><p>You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. </p><p>Here are some things to consider and some ideas:</p><p>1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. </p><p>2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abused or have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. </p><p>3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor would be a good idea. </p><p>http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif </p><p>Be well.... </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
56ff46b4fa722cdf047f292a | Why am I with my husband if he is mean? | I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-with-my-husband-if-he-is-mean | Marriage | Lovener Wightman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lovener-wightman | <p>What you are describing is a state of abandonment like no other; a direct lack of respect. The challenge here is: you cannot control another person no matter how hard you try. The only person that you have control of is yourself. So then the question that this reality poses is: What are you willing to change? If you love yourself and know that you have tremendous value, if you can see what you bring to a relationship and that you deserve respect and love and tenderness, then you will get to a point where you will settle for nothing less than that. The change that might be necessary in yourself is to change the way you see yourself, the way you treat yourself and what you accept. Your husband also needs to change and that is something only he can do for himself but reaching out to get help as well. It would be helpful for you both to get help because there is damage on both parts. You have much more power than you realize and talking with someone can help you to hone that power and make a difference in your own life. Sometimes, the difference/change can be walking away from a bad situation or it can simply be changing your attitude and raising the bar. Sometimes our loved ones come with us on the elevation, and sometimes they get left behind. You must do some deep introspection through therapy to get to the point where you can answer this question for yourself.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I with my husband if he is mean? <</SYS>> I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. [/INST] <p>What you are describing is a state of abandonment like no other; a direct lack of respect. The challenge here is: you cannot control another person no matter how hard you try. The only person that you have control of is yourself. So then the question that this reality poses is: What are you willing to change? If you love yourself and know that you have tremendous value, if you can see what you bring to a relationship and that you deserve respect and love and tenderness, then you will get to a point where you will settle for nothing less than that. The change that might be necessary in yourself is to change the way you see yourself, the way you treat yourself and what you accept. Your husband also needs to change and that is something only he can do for himself but reaching out to get help as well. It would be helpful for you both to get help because there is damage on both parts. You have much more power than you realize and talking with someone can help you to hone that power and make a difference in your own life. Sometimes, the difference/change can be walking away from a bad situation or it can simply be changing your attitude and raising the bar. Sometimes our loved ones come with us on the elevation, and sometimes they get left behind. You must do some deep introspection through therapy to get to the point where you can answer this question for yourself.</p> </s> |
57294f73f90871f676cf4858 | My friends don't put effort into our relationship | It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friends-don-t-put-effort-into-our-relationship | Social Relationships | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>One thing I would ask is "why are you still hanging with those {<span style="font-weight: bold;">friends}</span>?" A relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties, it is a dynamic fluctuation between two people. I would ask you to question why you continue to remain together as friends, I always believed that a relationship should emit positivity towards all parties involved, if your in a relationship that is one-sided, it is inevitable that it will start to de-compensate. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Never travel with the circus, never travel with fools, </span>everything in life should have some positive payout, will things at times be negative, of course they will, but in order to keep something or someone in your life there should be more positivity than negativity.</p><p>Hope this helps, <br></p><p>C<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My friends don't put effort into our relationship <</SYS>> It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship. [/INST] <p>One thing I would ask is "why are you still hanging with those {<span style="font-weight: bold;">friends}</span>?" A relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties, it is a dynamic fluctuation between two people. I would ask you to question why you continue to remain together as friends, I always believed that a relationship should emit positivity towards all parties involved, if your in a relationship that is one-sided, it is inevitable that it will start to de-compensate. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Never travel with the circus, never travel with fools, </span>everything in life should have some positive payout, will things at times be negative, of course they will, but in order to keep something or someone in your life there should be more positivity than negativity.</p><p>Hope this helps, <br></p><p>C<br></p> </s> |
56ba06fe92c6c8121977a0dd | Can a person be mean towards another person if that person was treated poorly before? | I keep being mean to my best friend, and I don't know why all the time. I did come to maybe some kind of conclusion that it is because my mother is mean to me all the time. Could that be a cause? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-a-person-be-mean-towards-another-person-if-that-person-was-treated-poorly-before | Family Conflict,Social Relationships | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Morristown,</p><p>There's a saying that goes "hurt people hurt people". It's possible that your aggression towards your friends is connected to your mother's behaviours. When we are treated poorly, especially as children, it affects how we ourselves, others, and the world. It's also powerful modelling of aggressive behaviour. </p><p>The good news is that you have this lovely awareness and I think a desire to learn about yourself and grow in your ability to be respectful to people you care about. I recommend you consider sitting down with a therapist and exploring these ideas and moving forward on that path you seem to want to be on. Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can a person be mean towards another person if that person was treated poorly before? <</SYS>> I keep being mean to my best friend, and I don't know why all the time. I did come to maybe some kind of conclusion that it is because my mother is mean to me all the time. Could that be a cause? [/INST] <p>Hi Morristown,</p><p>There's a saying that goes "hurt people hurt people". It's possible that your aggression towards your friends is connected to your mother's behaviours. When we are treated poorly, especially as children, it affects how we ourselves, others, and the world. It's also powerful modelling of aggressive behaviour. </p><p>The good news is that you have this lovely awareness and I think a desire to learn about yourself and grow in your ability to be respectful to people you care about. I recommend you consider sitting down with a therapist and exploring these ideas and moving forward on that path you seem to want to be on. Good luck!</p> </s> |
55d71db3ff9b28e51abfd230 | I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth | She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lied-to-my-mom-then-felt-bad-and-told-her-the-truth | Parenting | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>It sounds like you've already learned that just being honest is often the best approach. </p><p>What do you think about telling your mom how you're feeling? She might really appreciate it if you also let her know that regaining her trust is really important to you. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth <</SYS>> She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do? [/INST] <p>It sounds like you've already learned that just being honest is often the best approach. </p><p>What do you think about telling your mom how you're feeling? She might really appreciate it if you also let her know that regaining her trust is really important to you. </p> </s> |
56f8435fb814e1ce46371934 | I am afraid of sex. | I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-afraid-of-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed. This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about. The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am afraid of sex. <</SYS>> I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex. [/INST] <p>The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed. This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about. The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience. <br></p> </s> |
574557e9c792dd6c7063e42b | How can I make my mom love me the same as my siblings? | I have three siblings. My mom loves them and not me. She’s always yelling at me, but when it comes to my siblings, she talks to them. I’m always crying in my room. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-my-mom-love-me-the-same-as-my-siblings | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Have you ever tried talking with her about this when she's not angry? While I hear you saying that it feels like she doesn't love you, there could be a lot of other pieces to this. Have you ever told her about how much she means to you (when she's not angry)?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make my mom love me the same as my siblings? <</SYS>> I have three siblings. My mom loves them and not me. She’s always yelling at me, but when it comes to my siblings, she talks to them. I’m always crying in my room. [/INST] <p>Have you ever tried talking with her about this when she's not angry? While I hear you saying that it feels like she doesn't love you, there could be a lot of other pieces to this. Have you ever told her about how much she means to you (when she's not angry)?</p> </s> |
574da957c792dd6c7063e560 | The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings. | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | https://counselchat.com/questions/the-organization-i-work-for-has-told-me-i-cannot-go-to-my-12-step-meetings | Addiction,Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>You definitely want to make sure not to inadvertently create an inappropriate dual relationship with a client. </p><p>In fact, it is not uncommon for state regulatory boards to determine that a clinician and client being in the same 12 step group is professional misconduct. </p><p>You might want to consider attending a 12 step meeting that is located in a different community than the one you work in. Another option would be to look for one-on-one or small group recovery support.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings. <</SYS>> This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. [/INST] <p>You definitely want to make sure not to inadvertently create an inappropriate dual relationship with a client. </p><p>In fact, it is not uncommon for state regulatory boards to determine that a clinician and client being in the same 12 step group is professional misconduct. </p><p>You might want to consider attending a 12 step meeting that is located in a different community than the one you work in. Another option would be to look for one-on-one or small group recovery support.</p> </s> |
56cd3f319fda1fcc7f4ccdd5 | How do I know if I have depression? | I'm almost never happy. Half of the time, I don't feel anything. I find it easy to make myself feel nothing. I know I push people away because it’s easier. I just want answers. I'm sick of feeling this way. It’s ruining my relationships with people. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-depression | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Maybe you have depression.</p><p>The name of your condition matters much less than the descriptions you wrote of how you feel.</p><p>Since you've observed how you sometimes interact with people and realize you aren't happy with the result, you've a very solid starting point for reflecting on your deeper wishes in relating to others.</p><p>Start with asking reasons of yourself about the puzzling aspects of how you're engaging with others.</p><p>Theorizing as to "why" you feel that pushing people away is "easier", and easier than what?</p><p>Googling the keywords of how you feel, may open a starting point for ideas on knowing yourself and what you wish for.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I know if I have depression? <</SYS>> I'm almost never happy. Half of the time, I don't feel anything. I find it easy to make myself feel nothing. I know I push people away because it’s easier. I just want answers. I'm sick of feeling this way. It’s ruining my relationships with people. [/INST] <p>Maybe you have depression.</p><p>The name of your condition matters much less than the descriptions you wrote of how you feel.</p><p>Since you've observed how you sometimes interact with people and realize you aren't happy with the result, you've a very solid starting point for reflecting on your deeper wishes in relating to others.</p><p>Start with asking reasons of yourself about the puzzling aspects of how you're engaging with others.</p><p>Theorizing as to "why" you feel that pushing people away is "easier", and easier than what?</p><p>Googling the keywords of how you feel, may open a starting point for ideas on knowing yourself and what you wish for.</p> </s> |
5724223bf90871f676cf4702 | I hate the way I look | I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-hate-the-way-i-look | Self-esteem | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>This is so very common in this crazy looks-obsessed world! I meet so many beautiful people who can't see their beauty. Is there something getting in the way for you? Was there a time in your life when people teased you or told you something hurtful, or did something to you that made you feel ugly? If so, this can be addressed first. Sometimes stories are told about us when we're young and the best thing we can do is see the author's evil or careless intent and not take that on. A therapist can help you with this part.</p><p>Once you've addressed any past barriers to feeling confident, you can focus on a few simple things. First, your thoughts. If you keep telling yourself that you don't like what you see, then you will never feel okay about your looks. Experiment with telling yourself something different. Look in the mirror and I dare you to find something that's lovely about your face. Focus on that. Describe what you see? If you were your own best friend, what would you say about your face? Eliminating those negative scripts and building new positive ones will help you feel more accepting of how you look. You can't change your face, but you can change your attitude towards your face. Confidence is the things that will make you beautiful!</p><p>Accepting how you look is important. Without going to plastic surgery (the popularity of which is a testimony to how nuts this whole thing has become), you were born with that nose, those eyes, those lips. Accepting yourself and knowing it won't change is a good idea, because wishing it were different won't make it so!</p><p>Looking good is also about minimizing flaws and building on your assets. Are you in a rut about hairstyle or makeup? Ask a good friend to give you a make-over. Play with your features and wardrobe. There are plenty of average looking people who know how to make themselves shine because they are creative! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I hate the way I look <</SYS>> I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>This is so very common in this crazy looks-obsessed world! I meet so many beautiful people who can't see their beauty. Is there something getting in the way for you? Was there a time in your life when people teased you or told you something hurtful, or did something to you that made you feel ugly? If so, this can be addressed first. Sometimes stories are told about us when we're young and the best thing we can do is see the author's evil or careless intent and not take that on. A therapist can help you with this part.</p><p>Once you've addressed any past barriers to feeling confident, you can focus on a few simple things. First, your thoughts. If you keep telling yourself that you don't like what you see, then you will never feel okay about your looks. Experiment with telling yourself something different. Look in the mirror and I dare you to find something that's lovely about your face. Focus on that. Describe what you see? If you were your own best friend, what would you say about your face? Eliminating those negative scripts and building new positive ones will help you feel more accepting of how you look. You can't change your face, but you can change your attitude towards your face. Confidence is the things that will make you beautiful!</p><p>Accepting how you look is important. Without going to plastic surgery (the popularity of which is a testimony to how nuts this whole thing has become), you were born with that nose, those eyes, those lips. Accepting yourself and knowing it won't change is a good idea, because wishing it were different won't make it so!</p><p>Looking good is also about minimizing flaws and building on your assets. Are you in a rut about hairstyle or makeup? Ask a good friend to give you a make-over. Play with your features and wardrobe. There are plenty of average looking people who know how to make themselves shine because they are creative! </p> </s> |
56c1557be585814a2b474352 | How do I get over my fears of dying? | Recently, I had a close call after delivering my second child (blood clot followed by internal bleeding and several blood transfusions). It was a close call. I am currently undergoing medical treatment because of the event, and I am constantly afraid the whole ordeal will happen again. I have never really had anxiety in the past, but I find now that it consumes my every day and night. With two beautiful children to raise, I am most terrified of not being able to raise and protect them. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-my-fears-of-dying | Trauma,Anxiety | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Meriden, it's natural that after a serious scare like that you would have some anxiety and fear. This fear is helpful to some extent, because it will assist you in taking care of yourself and not taking unnecessary risks with your health. You can say "thanks very much" to fear for trying to protect you, and then you can take steps to reduce it. Right now, fear is working overtime and stealing your quality of life. You can work to put it into perspective.</p><p>I invite you to imagine that your job is to convince fear that you don't need it screaming in your ear constantly in order to be as safe as you can be. Imagine that fear is in front of you. It's saying "hey, you need me! If I wasn't keeping you alert, you would be very ill". Fear doesn't trust you to take care of yourself. </p><p>What is the evidence you are caring for yourself and doing everything you can to prevent a recurrence? What is the evidence that this won't likely happen again (it was specifically connected to the stress of labour, right?). What is the evidence from your doctor that this is unlikely to recur? What is the evidence that you are healing? What is the evidence that you are very aware of the danger and will respond quickly if there is a recurrence? What is the evidence that worrying about it will hurt you, not help you? How many hours of your life do you want to hand over to fear?</p><p>Fear is trying to keep you safe, but you can turn the volume down by talking to yourself about all these things. I wish you well.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over my fears of dying? <</SYS>> Recently, I had a close call after delivering my second child (blood clot followed by internal bleeding and several blood transfusions). It was a close call. I am currently undergoing medical treatment because of the event, and I am constantly afraid the whole ordeal will happen again. I have never really had anxiety in the past, but I find now that it consumes my every day and night. With two beautiful children to raise, I am most terrified of not being able to raise and protect them. [/INST] <p>Hi Meriden, it's natural that after a serious scare like that you would have some anxiety and fear. This fear is helpful to some extent, because it will assist you in taking care of yourself and not taking unnecessary risks with your health. You can say "thanks very much" to fear for trying to protect you, and then you can take steps to reduce it. Right now, fear is working overtime and stealing your quality of life. You can work to put it into perspective.</p><p>I invite you to imagine that your job is to convince fear that you don't need it screaming in your ear constantly in order to be as safe as you can be. Imagine that fear is in front of you. It's saying "hey, you need me! If I wasn't keeping you alert, you would be very ill". Fear doesn't trust you to take care of yourself. </p><p>What is the evidence you are caring for yourself and doing everything you can to prevent a recurrence? What is the evidence that this won't likely happen again (it was specifically connected to the stress of labour, right?). What is the evidence from your doctor that this is unlikely to recur? What is the evidence that you are healing? What is the evidence that you are very aware of the danger and will respond quickly if there is a recurrence? What is the evidence that worrying about it will hurt you, not help you? How many hours of your life do you want to hand over to fear?</p><p>Fear is trying to keep you safe, but you can turn the volume down by talking to yourself about all these things. I wish you well.</p> </s> |
5796a111bc069dff6a5339ca | What are the long term effects of losing one's adopted mother? | The birth mother attempted suicide several times while pregnant. The adopted mother was terminally ill upon adopting the baby and died when the child was just over one year old. The adopted father then remarried to a physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive woman. The child was placed in foster care at 11 years old.
What might be the long term effects on an adult with this childhood history? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-long-term-effects-of-losing-one-s-adopted-mother | Family Conflict,Parenting,Children & Adolescents | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The true answer is, "no one can really say with certainty".</p><p>The variables are the way this child absorbs and adjusts to these significant changes in their life. All anyone can do is guess at this point and there's no good reason to guess.</p><p>The only general certainty is that the adult whom this child becomes will have had a profound encounter with the biggest types of human losses a child can go through.</p><p>Some people become great teachers, therapists and philosophers who have this background. Some give up on life and hide away from others.</p><p>The best anyone could do who knows this child is to offer love bc this is the greatest guarantee to show there are good people on this earth.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the long term effects of losing one's adopted mother? <</SYS>> The birth mother attempted suicide several times while pregnant. The adopted mother was terminally ill upon adopting the baby and died when the child was just over one year old. The adopted father then remarried to a physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive woman. The child was placed in foster care at 11 years old.
What might be the long term effects on an adult with this childhood history? [/INST] <p>The true answer is, "no one can really say with certainty".</p><p>The variables are the way this child absorbs and adjusts to these significant changes in their life. All anyone can do is guess at this point and there's no good reason to guess.</p><p>The only general certainty is that the adult whom this child becomes will have had a profound encounter with the biggest types of human losses a child can go through.</p><p>Some people become great teachers, therapists and philosophers who have this background. Some give up on life and hide away from others.</p><p>The best anyone could do who knows this child is to offer love bc this is the greatest guarantee to show there are good people on this earth.</p> </s> |
562038e4e3be3a3128a82801 | Am I going to be alone forever? | I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone. | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-going-to-be-alone-forever | Self-esteem | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>As social creatures, we humans all long for deep human connection. To know that we belong and are part of something larger. It is so important to us that when we feel alone - it can feel almost unbearable. You are not alone in feeling alone. While it can take time to build deep relationships there are moments in each day where we have the opportunity to interact with other people who may also feel lonely and scared and <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">want to be seen and acknowledged</a>. I wonder what it might be like for you if you took on an experiment of trying to really see the people around you and make little attempts to acknowledge and connect with them - fellow humans on this journey of life. A "good morning" at the bus stop or really looking at the person who you buy your groceries from or thanking or complimenting someone for something that you notice and appreciate. While this is not a substitute for close relationships these moments of real connection with the people who we share our communities with can go a long way to realizing that we are not as alone as we may have thought. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I going to be alone forever? <</SYS>> I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone. [/INST] <p>As social creatures, we humans all long for deep human connection. To know that we belong and are part of something larger. It is so important to us that when we feel alone - it can feel almost unbearable. You are not alone in feeling alone. While it can take time to build deep relationships there are moments in each day where we have the opportunity to interact with other people who may also feel lonely and scared and <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">want to be seen and acknowledged</a>. I wonder what it might be like for you if you took on an experiment of trying to really see the people around you and make little attempts to acknowledge and connect with them - fellow humans on this journey of life. A "good morning" at the bus stop or really looking at the person who you buy your groceries from or thanking or complimenting someone for something that you notice and appreciate. While this is not a substitute for close relationships these moments of real connection with the people who we share our communities with can go a long way to realizing that we are not as alone as we may have thought. </p> </s> |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p>I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? <</SYS>> I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? [/INST] <p>I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation. </p> </s> |
573163c9aaeea25a1918b5f2 | My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life. | We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-wants-to-know-every-details-of-my-sex-life | Relationships,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How is he penalizing you?</p><p>Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?</p><p>His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.</p><p>What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.</p><p>Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life. <</SYS>> We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him? [/INST] <p>How is he penalizing you?</p><p>Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?</p><p>His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.</p><p>What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.</p><p>Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.</p> </s> |
579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada | I want to become a better man. | I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man | Relationships | Steve McCready | https://counselchat.com/therapists/steve-mccready | <p>Hard to say a whole lot without knowing more. However, if you focus your attention on her, what she's saying, what she's feeling instead of trying to make yourself heard and understood first, that's often a good step. Also, work on building win-win agreements with her, and follow through on them. </p><p>Those are the areas I see men fall short on most often. Hope that helps!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to become a better man. <</SYS>> I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? [/INST] <p>Hard to say a whole lot without knowing more. However, if you focus your attention on her, what she's saying, what she's feeling instead of trying to make yourself heard and understood first, that's often a good step. Also, work on building win-win agreements with her, and follow through on them. </p><p>Those are the areas I see men fall short on most often. Hope that helps!</p> </s> |
576442d0ca5745ed07aa14b9 | How do I cope with a break up if we still live together? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-a-break-up-if-we-still-live-together | Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>This would be very unsettling for most people.</p><p>Once a relationship is finished, then starting a relationship of only roommates would require to constantly be watchful to keep the relationship businesslike and friendly and avoid acting on any romantic or partner feelings toward the other person.</p><p>The best situation would be if one of you would relocate because avoiding so many feelings on a long term basis, creates a lot of tension.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope with a break up if we still live together? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>This would be very unsettling for most people.</p><p>Once a relationship is finished, then starting a relationship of only roommates would require to constantly be watchful to keep the relationship businesslike and friendly and avoid acting on any romantic or partner feelings toward the other person.</p><p>The best situation would be if one of you would relocate because avoiding so many feelings on a long term basis, creates a lot of tension.</p> </s> |
572fe1a1aaeea25a1918b58c | Is there a reason I have always been attracted to men much older then me? | I am a young adult, and I was sexually assaulted by an older man when I was a teenager (which has really intensified the guilt/shame). However, I've been attracted to much older men since I was even younger than that. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-a-reason-i-have-always-been-attracted-to-men-much-older-then-me | Human Sexuality | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sometimes the reason for being attracted to older men is because of growing up with a father who was distant.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you grew up having enough interaction with your dad to know you'd have liked more and didn't receive this, then maybe your longings of childhood are still active within you.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is ok to like older men.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Just be sure you're not idealizing them, or anyone else.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Because regardless of age, a relationship is based on who the two people really are, not how we'd like imagining them.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is there a reason I have always been attracted to men much older then me? <</SYS>> I am a young adult, and I was sexually assaulted by an older man when I was a teenager (which has really intensified the guilt/shame). However, I've been attracted to much older men since I was even younger than that. [/INST] <p>Sometimes the reason for being attracted to older men is because of growing up with a father who was distant.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you grew up having enough interaction with your dad to know you'd have liked more and didn't receive this, then maybe your longings of childhood are still active within you.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is ok to like older men.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Just be sure you're not idealizing them, or anyone else.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Because regardless of age, a relationship is based on who the two people really are, not how we'd like imagining them.</span></p> </s> |
575a6291c792dd6c7063e796 | How can I make the dreams and voices go away? | For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-dreams-and-voices-go-away | Behavioral Change | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Voices and dreams could be suppressed feelings or thoughts that result from negative experiences. Many times when people go to trough traumatic incidents or changes in their lives without being equipped to manage them and as a result they start having similar symptoms. It is helpful to find a therapist to talk to about those dreams and voices, once you get them out, you could analyze the concerns and fears that they reflect and normalize them, which will also be a good time to discuss their source, if any traumatic event has occurred in your life. Also, I recommend to journal your dreams, especially if they keep you awake at night, and meditate after, so you could go back to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">¿Cómo puedo hacer que los sueños y las voces desaparezcan?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Durante las últimas cuatro semanas he estado teniendo pesadillas y escuchando voces que me dicen cosas horribles. No son voces que hablan al azar, pero voces de las personas que me importan.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Las voces y los sueños pueden ser sentimientos supresos o pensamientos que resultan de experiencias negativas. Muchas veces estos síntomas surgen cuando las personas pasan por situaciones traumáticas o cambios que no estaban preparados para enfrentar. Es útil encontrar a un terapeuta con quien puedas hablar de esos sueños y voces, y aprender a normalizar el contenido de los mismos. También sería un buen momento para discutir cualquier situación traumática que te haya ocurrido. Además te sugiero que escribas tus sueños, especialmente si te mantienen despierto en la noche, y que medites luego de escribirlos para que puedas volver a dormir.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the dreams and voices go away? <</SYS>> For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Voices and dreams could be suppressed feelings or thoughts that result from negative experiences. Many times when people go to trough traumatic incidents or changes in their lives without being equipped to manage them and as a result they start having similar symptoms. It is helpful to find a therapist to talk to about those dreams and voices, once you get them out, you could analyze the concerns and fears that they reflect and normalize them, which will also be a good time to discuss their source, if any traumatic event has occurred in your life. Also, I recommend to journal your dreams, especially if they keep you awake at night, and meditate after, so you could go back to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">¿Cómo puedo hacer que los sueños y las voces desaparezcan?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Durante las últimas cuatro semanas he estado teniendo pesadillas y escuchando voces que me dicen cosas horribles. No son voces que hablan al azar, pero voces de las personas que me importan.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Las voces y los sueños pueden ser sentimientos supresos o pensamientos que resultan de experiencias negativas. Muchas veces estos síntomas surgen cuando las personas pasan por situaciones traumáticas o cambios que no estaban preparados para enfrentar. Es útil encontrar a un terapeuta con quien puedas hablar de esos sueños y voces, y aprender a normalizar el contenido de los mismos. También sería un buen momento para discutir cualquier situación traumática que te haya ocurrido. Además te sugiero que escribas tus sueños, especialmente si te mantienen despierto en la noche, y que medites luego de escribirlos para que puedas volver a dormir.</span></p> </s> |
5703cda5389d1f030997de5f | I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel. | I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-cheated-on-my-partner-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>My questions to you would be: Why did you get married? Would it bother you if your spouse did the same to you?<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel. <</SYS>> I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like. [/INST] <p>My questions to you would be: Why did you get married? Would it bother you if your spouse did the same to you?<br></p> </s> |
5707219e2f77a225438f164d | null | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/ | null | Trisha Fitts | https://counselchat.com/therapists/trisha-fitts-2 | <p>Honestly I think maybe it it time to 32nd this relationship before things gets any worse between you two. I know it will be very hard. Trust me I learn the hard way myself my ex hubby Robert Thomas Fitts actually had me arrested last year and ban kick out of the house. I still love him and care about him but I will never forgive him for what he did to me. He also file a false police report on me and put up a protective order up between is for at least 5 months. We also have a 5 year old daughter together. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> None <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Honestly I think maybe it it time to 32nd this relationship before things gets any worse between you two. I know it will be very hard. Trust me I learn the hard way myself my ex hubby Robert Thomas Fitts actually had me arrested last year and ban kick out of the house. I still love him and care about him but I will never forgive him for what he did to me. He also file a false police report on me and put up a protective order up between is for at least 5 months. We also have a 5 year old daughter together. </p> </s> |
567797b78e5e79ff3a20c7f1 | How do I deal with parental figures who have hurt me? | People who are parental figures in my life have, in the past, hurt me, and some continue to do so. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for my husband or the life he provides me. I have had jobs, but I am going through a lot of my past garbage and trying to figure out when it all went wrong. Any time I bring these things up, I am expected to be over the issue. These are people that you can't just cut out, but I have never received apologies for so much of my pain. I don't know what to do any more. I don't know who I am anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-parental-figures-who-have-hurt-me | Depression,Family Conflict | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Adults who come from abusive home histories (physical, emotional, or even psychological), may take a long time to heal from that abuse. We carry our past with us everywhere we go, and it is up to us to find resolutions to past hurts. This is often easier said than done, but it is possible. From the perspective of those with whom you have shared your concerns, it might be assumed that based on where you are in life and who you are now, that you have already worked through any issues from your younger years. Some of our deepest scars in life are indeed invisible and suppressed. We have to get to the place where we can take care of the inner child that is still hurting, by recognizing that those who hurt us - however they did, might have had their own challenges which prevented them from functioning and behaving in ways we might have deeply needed. </p><p>Those who have directly hurt you, may not be capable of acknowledging and understanding how you were affected by their actions - even in the worst of cases. They themselves may be doing what they can, either out of shame or heartbreak for their own actions, to work on forgetting how they behaved toward you all those years before. How are they behaving toward you now? Can you find it in your heart to forgive those who have hurt you? Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves, and isn't dependent on an apology from an offender. By forgiving (even in the absence of any apology), we are releasing the weight of the burden we are carrying that reflects the offense we feel was committed against us. Sometimes therapy can be helpful in this process. Talking with someone who can be non-judgmental and reflects an empathetic position toward you might be what you need right now. Seeking out a therapist to help you work through these negatives feelings and thoughts is much easier, than trying to go it alone. I would encourage you to reach out and find someone who resonates with you on that journey, so that you can begin a path toward healing.<br></p><p>Warm regards,</p><p>Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC<br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with parental figures who have hurt me? <</SYS>> People who are parental figures in my life have, in the past, hurt me, and some continue to do so. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for my husband or the life he provides me. I have had jobs, but I am going through a lot of my past garbage and trying to figure out when it all went wrong. Any time I bring these things up, I am expected to be over the issue. These are people that you can't just cut out, but I have never received apologies for so much of my pain. I don't know what to do any more. I don't know who I am anymore. [/INST] <p>Hello. Adults who come from abusive home histories (physical, emotional, or even psychological), may take a long time to heal from that abuse. We carry our past with us everywhere we go, and it is up to us to find resolutions to past hurts. This is often easier said than done, but it is possible. From the perspective of those with whom you have shared your concerns, it might be assumed that based on where you are in life and who you are now, that you have already worked through any issues from your younger years. Some of our deepest scars in life are indeed invisible and suppressed. We have to get to the place where we can take care of the inner child that is still hurting, by recognizing that those who hurt us - however they did, might have had their own challenges which prevented them from functioning and behaving in ways we might have deeply needed. </p><p>Those who have directly hurt you, may not be capable of acknowledging and understanding how you were affected by their actions - even in the worst of cases. They themselves may be doing what they can, either out of shame or heartbreak for their own actions, to work on forgetting how they behaved toward you all those years before. How are they behaving toward you now? Can you find it in your heart to forgive those who have hurt you? Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves, and isn't dependent on an apology from an offender. By forgiving (even in the absence of any apology), we are releasing the weight of the burden we are carrying that reflects the offense we feel was committed against us. Sometimes therapy can be helpful in this process. Talking with someone who can be non-judgmental and reflects an empathetic position toward you might be what you need right now. Seeking out a therapist to help you work through these negatives feelings and thoughts is much easier, than trying to go it alone. I would encourage you to reach out and find someone who resonates with you on that journey, so that you can begin a path toward healing.<br></p><p>Warm regards,</p><p>Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC<br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
55717c13a03de6c365f45be9 | Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety | I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/sleeping-anger-and-anxiety | Anxiety,Anger Management | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>It sounds as if you may be experiencing a bout of anxiety and/or depression. Sleeping difficulties, irritability and anxiety attacks all are correlated with these mood disorders. And it’s actually quite common for someone to deal encounter this during their lifetime. </p><p>Also, keep in mind that just because you are experiencing this now does not mean that you will be dealing with it the rest of your life. Many times, it can be a single episode and if treatment is received, you can help prevent any recurrent episodes.</p><p>However, you may want to first talk with your primary physician to rule out any medical issues that could be causing these problems. There may be a reason for the sudden onset of these symptoms that can be addressed quickly. </p><p>On the other hand, if it is determined that you are experiencing anxiety and/or depression without a medical reason, there are two methods that are very helpful in your treatment:</p><p><b>#1 Talk therapy with a certified therapist</b></p><p>He/She will be able to address the concerns you’re experiencing and discovering if there is an underlying issue that may be causing it.</p><p><b>#2 Medication</b></p><p>There are many medications that can assist you with the feelings that you are experiencing. Your doctor will be able to help you find the right one that works for you. If one doesn’t work, keep trying. There are many different options to address your specific needs.</p><p>Also, a combination of these two options is extremely beneficial!</p><p>Thank you for your question. I sincerely hope that you feel better soon!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety <</SYS>> I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do? [/INST] <p>It sounds as if you may be experiencing a bout of anxiety and/or depression. Sleeping difficulties, irritability and anxiety attacks all are correlated with these mood disorders. And it’s actually quite common for someone to deal encounter this during their lifetime. </p><p>Also, keep in mind that just because you are experiencing this now does not mean that you will be dealing with it the rest of your life. Many times, it can be a single episode and if treatment is received, you can help prevent any recurrent episodes.</p><p>However, you may want to first talk with your primary physician to rule out any medical issues that could be causing these problems. There may be a reason for the sudden onset of these symptoms that can be addressed quickly. </p><p>On the other hand, if it is determined that you are experiencing anxiety and/or depression without a medical reason, there are two methods that are very helpful in your treatment:</p><p><b>#1 Talk therapy with a certified therapist</b></p><p>He/She will be able to address the concerns you’re experiencing and discovering if there is an underlying issue that may be causing it.</p><p><b>#2 Medication</b></p><p>There are many medications that can assist you with the feelings that you are experiencing. Your doctor will be able to help you find the right one that works for you. If one doesn’t work, keep trying. There are many different options to address your specific needs.</p><p>Also, a combination of these two options is extremely beneficial!</p><p>Thank you for your question. I sincerely hope that you feel better soon!</p> </s> |
573247a2aaeea25a1918b649 | How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? | I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-bring-up-my-possible-depression-to-my-parents | Depression | Tanairy Fernandez, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanairy-fernandez-lmhc | <p><font color="#000000" face="Open Sans, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">You are not alone, many people fear opening up to family members about the topic of depression or mental illness. There are many different reason why some may fear telling their parents. The most common thoughts I hear in my office are: " My parents won't understand me", I may cause more problems to the family", "I am worried that something bad may happen if I tell them". </span></font></p><div><div><br></div><div>If possible express your current concerns and worries to your parents. You can start the conversation with your parents by saying "I have not been feeling like myself lately, and I may want to see a counselor". </div><div><br></div><div>I think you are doing the right thing by going on this website and asking for help. Just a helpful tip: positive self-talk can be beneficial before having difficult conversations with others. For example, tell yourself something positive before talking to your parents such as "I feel confident in myself, and I am doing this to overcome my fear of talking to my parents" can help to decrease the anxiety you are feeling leading up to the conversation. </div><div><br></div><div>I would recommend if you are feeling depressed or down it would be beneficial to seek counseling to understand your current thoughts and behaviors. Best of luck and hope you decide to start counseling. </div></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? <</SYS>> I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. [/INST] <p><font color="#000000" face="Open Sans, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">You are not alone, many people fear opening up to family members about the topic of depression or mental illness. There are many different reason why some may fear telling their parents. The most common thoughts I hear in my office are: " My parents won't understand me", I may cause more problems to the family", "I am worried that something bad may happen if I tell them". </span></font></p><div><div><br></div><div>If possible express your current concerns and worries to your parents. You can start the conversation with your parents by saying "I have not been feeling like myself lately, and I may want to see a counselor". </div><div><br></div><div>I think you are doing the right thing by going on this website and asking for help. Just a helpful tip: positive self-talk can be beneficial before having difficult conversations with others. For example, tell yourself something positive before talking to your parents such as "I feel confident in myself, and I am doing this to overcome my fear of talking to my parents" can help to decrease the anxiety you are feeling leading up to the conversation. </div><div><br></div><div>I would recommend if you are feeling depressed or down it would be beneficial to seek counseling to understand your current thoughts and behaviors. Best of luck and hope you decide to start counseling. </div></div> </s> |
57735acab9ff751f196e8deb | I am very self conscious about my body. | On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest.
How do I fix this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-very-self-conscious-about-my-body | Self-esteem,Social Relationships | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>Sometimes we let our insecurities get the best of us, causing us to make some interesting choices. </p><p>Honesty is always the best policy, but honesty comes with risk. Perhaps you may want to start with your family first, explaining to them what you have done and why. Perhaps they can help you to practice talking about your insecurities with your friends. </p><p>Another way is to start, slowly, to dress more and more like yourself and your true body shape. Some of your "friends" may make fun of you, true, but then you must ask yourself...why do you want to be friends with people like that? </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am very self conscious about my body. <</SYS>> On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest.
How do I fix this? [/INST] <p>Sometimes we let our insecurities get the best of us, causing us to make some interesting choices. </p><p>Honesty is always the best policy, but honesty comes with risk. Perhaps you may want to start with your family first, explaining to them what you have done and why. Perhaps they can help you to practice talking about your insecurities with your friends. </p><p>Another way is to start, slowly, to dress more and more like yourself and your true body shape. Some of your "friends" may make fun of you, true, but then you must ask yourself...why do you want to be friends with people like that? </p> </s> |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This sounds stressful.</p><p>You mentioned that you want to learn how to avoid them. I'm not sure whether you want to avoid them overall or if you would like to ask your mom to maybe only talk to you about it for a few minutes about your niece in each conversation that you have.</p><p>Maybe you can connect your mom with some support. It sounds as if she has lost part of herself and/or is very stressed out and in talking with you about it because she trusts you enough for you to be someone she can speak openly, you are becoming stressed because of things that you cannot directly change. This is the presumptive based on the amount of information that you posted, but it sounds like there is a bit of a circle of stress here.</p><p>I also wonder who you could talk with when you are stressed.</p><p>It may be helpful to see a local mental health professional to help redefine some boundaries so you can have the type of relationship with your mother that you want without necessarily feeling stressed out by it every day.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid family members who stress me out? <</SYS>> My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] <p>This sounds stressful.</p><p>You mentioned that you want to learn how to avoid them. I'm not sure whether you want to avoid them overall or if you would like to ask your mom to maybe only talk to you about it for a few minutes about your niece in each conversation that you have.</p><p>Maybe you can connect your mom with some support. It sounds as if she has lost part of herself and/or is very stressed out and in talking with you about it because she trusts you enough for you to be someone she can speak openly, you are becoming stressed because of things that you cannot directly change. This is the presumptive based on the amount of information that you posted, but it sounds like there is a bit of a circle of stress here.</p><p>I also wonder who you could talk with when you are stressed.</p><p>It may be helpful to see a local mental health professional to help redefine some boundaries so you can have the type of relationship with your mother that you want without necessarily feeling stressed out by it every day.</p> </s> |
55f9cfb41bdd1dae56cc561a | What can I communicate with a person who is sensitive to negativity in a disagreement? | I know someone who is extremely sensitive to stress and very sensitive to a negative tone of voice. Sometimes during a disagreement he tells me that my communication is having a harmful impact on him. Once he believes I am being negative I can't seem to find a better way of communicating. In fact, it is often a self fulling prophesy because his accusatory manner becomes unbearably frustrating.
What advice might you offer? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-communicate-with-a-person-who-is-sensitive-to-negativity-in-a-disagreement | Relationships | Diana Johnson, MS, LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/diana-johnson-ms-lpc | <p>With any type of criticism, it is usually best to introduce the topic at a neutral time, ie: when both of you are relaxed, with no current stressors involved, having fun, etc. </p><p>Begin with a non-judgmental reflective comment about a recent bothersome event, as if it were just then crossing your mind (therefore not something you've been consumed with ruminating over - eases the impulse for him to dive straight into defense mode).</p><p><br/></p><p>Then share how you felt at the time of the event. Just say when.... I felt kind of hurt / shocked (or whatever the feeling was). PERIOD. THATS ALL YOU SHOULD SAY. Wait for him to respond to your matter-of-fact statement.</p><p>No matter what his response is, stick to your same message - don't get overwhelmed by trying to rephrase or explain your view as that will likely set you up for continued arguing. You can even add, "I agree I could have misunderstood it (event).... I just know it made me feel uneasy."</p><p>Here you give him little wiggle room for a debate.</p><p>Good luck & I'd love to hear how it goes!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I communicate with a person who is sensitive to negativity in a disagreement? <</SYS>> I know someone who is extremely sensitive to stress and very sensitive to a negative tone of voice. Sometimes during a disagreement he tells me that my communication is having a harmful impact on him. Once he believes I am being negative I can't seem to find a better way of communicating. In fact, it is often a self fulling prophesy because his accusatory manner becomes unbearably frustrating.
What advice might you offer? [/INST] <p>With any type of criticism, it is usually best to introduce the topic at a neutral time, ie: when both of you are relaxed, with no current stressors involved, having fun, etc. </p><p>Begin with a non-judgmental reflective comment about a recent bothersome event, as if it were just then crossing your mind (therefore not something you've been consumed with ruminating over - eases the impulse for him to dive straight into defense mode).</p><p><br/></p><p>Then share how you felt at the time of the event. Just say when.... I felt kind of hurt / shocked (or whatever the feeling was). PERIOD. THATS ALL YOU SHOULD SAY. Wait for him to respond to your matter-of-fact statement.</p><p>No matter what his response is, stick to your same message - don't get overwhelmed by trying to rephrase or explain your view as that will likely set you up for continued arguing. You can even add, "I agree I could have misunderstood it (event).... I just know it made me feel uneasy."</p><p>Here you give him little wiggle room for a debate.</p><p>Good luck & I'd love to hear how it goes!</p> </s> |
5689cdeee716b51523007b9b | Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-for-almost-two-years-talk-about-our-future-together-when-he-says-he-s-in-love-with-me | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The good news is you're aware of what you'd like from your relationship.</p><p>The possible less good news, is that your boyfriend's ideas for the relationship are not similar to yours.</p><p>Really, you will only find this out for sure by deciding to start the conversation about your expectations and ask about his.</p><p>People have as infinitely different ideas of what, if anything generates from feeling in love, as there are people on this earth.</p><p>Speculating and theorizing about how he combines love and a future with you, at some point are better answered directly by him.</p><p>You sound ready to find out his reality in order to compare it with yours.</p><p>Sometimes people are afraid that the answer they'll hear will disappoint. </p><p>While this is possible, it is also possible you will be greatly surprised in a very happy way. What if he was being shy and hesitant to tell you his wish of being together with you for many years?</p><p>Either way the answer turns out, you will gain as a person by appreciating your own need for peace of mind by knowing clearly what your future with this man will be like.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>The good news is you're aware of what you'd like from your relationship.</p><p>The possible less good news, is that your boyfriend's ideas for the relationship are not similar to yours.</p><p>Really, you will only find this out for sure by deciding to start the conversation about your expectations and ask about his.</p><p>People have as infinitely different ideas of what, if anything generates from feeling in love, as there are people on this earth.</p><p>Speculating and theorizing about how he combines love and a future with you, at some point are better answered directly by him.</p><p>You sound ready to find out his reality in order to compare it with yours.</p><p>Sometimes people are afraid that the answer they'll hear will disappoint. </p><p>While this is possible, it is also possible you will be greatly surprised in a very happy way. What if he was being shy and hesitant to tell you his wish of being together with you for many years?</p><p>Either way the answer turns out, you will gain as a person by appreciating your own need for peace of mind by knowing clearly what your future with this man will be like.</p> </s> |
56a2792820fd22722a536084 | Why am I not as comfortable around my boyfriend anymore? | I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-not-as-comfortable-around-my-boyfriend-anymore | Relationships,Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How is your boyfriend responding to your discomfort around him?</p><p>Has he told you that he's noticed changes in you?</p><p>The good news about a relationship is that you can talk about matters with the other person. Doing so can only help clarify feelings and what either of you expect from the relationship. </p><p>Given that the two of you recently moved in together, it is natural for new dynamics, feelings and expectations to arise. It just adds to the reasonableness of talking with each other about how living together feels to each of you.</p><p>Psychiatrists earn their living by diagnosing people and telling them to take pills. Very often, just being told the person has a "condition" makes them feel fragile and less capable than they actually are.</p><p>Anxiety and panic attacks do mean that there is a great deal of emotion and situation needing to be addressed.</p><p>It is the normal sign of having to address many or deep matters. </p><p>Be patient and give yourself time to learn the details of your relationship and whatever the career particulars are that are bothering you. You're apparently self-aware since you're the one describing your own problematic situations. </p><p>Keep the label of being "disordered", aside. Psychiatry labels do more good for psychiatrists than they do for people who are trying to live their lives.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I not as comfortable around my boyfriend anymore? <</SYS>> I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way. [/INST] <p>How is your boyfriend responding to your discomfort around him?</p><p>Has he told you that he's noticed changes in you?</p><p>The good news about a relationship is that you can talk about matters with the other person. Doing so can only help clarify feelings and what either of you expect from the relationship. </p><p>Given that the two of you recently moved in together, it is natural for new dynamics, feelings and expectations to arise. It just adds to the reasonableness of talking with each other about how living together feels to each of you.</p><p>Psychiatrists earn their living by diagnosing people and telling them to take pills. Very often, just being told the person has a "condition" makes them feel fragile and less capable than they actually are.</p><p>Anxiety and panic attacks do mean that there is a great deal of emotion and situation needing to be addressed.</p><p>It is the normal sign of having to address many or deep matters. </p><p>Be patient and give yourself time to learn the details of your relationship and whatever the career particulars are that are bothering you. You're apparently self-aware since you're the one describing your own problematic situations. </p><p>Keep the label of being "disordered", aside. Psychiatry labels do more good for psychiatrists than they do for people who are trying to live their lives.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
56ccc69988436c4078dfffe8 | My daughter is in her 30s, not married, and pregnant. How can I break the news to the family? | She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-is-in-her-30s-not-married-and-pregnant-how-can-i-break-the-news-to-the-family | Family Conflict | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi New York, There is no need for shame here; no one's done anything wrong! A pregnancy is a glorious gift to be celebrated. </p><p>I wonder what gets in the way of you celebrating your daughter's pregnancy? <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Are they excited about it? I bet they are. They've been together for seven years. Even if it caught them off guard, the best thing for them and this new baby is to celebrate the joy of this new little person and their growing family. If you are happy for them and help spread their joy, how marvelous would that be for them as a family?</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">New York, I will be honest with you; I hope that's okay. I sense that maybe you are feeling judgemental towards them. Do you dislike or judge his struggle with mental illness? Do you see him as less than worthy because he hasn't worked? I don't know for sure, but I imagine maybe his anxiety and depression get in the way of working. Maybe he's on a social disability? Mental illness doesn't make someone less lovable or valuable as a partner. He's getting help for himself and that's wonderful. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">If your daughter loves him and is happy with him... If he is her chosen man, then they absolutely need your support, not your judgement. And if they struggle as a couple, you know what...they will need it even more!</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 20px;">Is this your first grandchild? If not, then I don't have to say this, but if it is...you are in for the most amazing adventure of your lifetime. You will fall in love so deeply with this child. S/he needs that...this baby needs your love and support.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">So, you say to your family... "I have amazing news! My daughter is expecting a baby! I'm going to be a grandparent!! I can't wait". </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My daughter is in her 30s, not married, and pregnant. How can I break the news to the family? <</SYS>> She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time. [/INST] <p>Hi New York, There is no need for shame here; no one's done anything wrong! A pregnancy is a glorious gift to be celebrated. </p><p>I wonder what gets in the way of you celebrating your daughter's pregnancy? <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Are they excited about it? I bet they are. They've been together for seven years. Even if it caught them off guard, the best thing for them and this new baby is to celebrate the joy of this new little person and their growing family. If you are happy for them and help spread their joy, how marvelous would that be for them as a family?</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">New York, I will be honest with you; I hope that's okay. I sense that maybe you are feeling judgemental towards them. Do you dislike or judge his struggle with mental illness? Do you see him as less than worthy because he hasn't worked? I don't know for sure, but I imagine maybe his anxiety and depression get in the way of working. Maybe he's on a social disability? Mental illness doesn't make someone less lovable or valuable as a partner. He's getting help for himself and that's wonderful. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">If your daughter loves him and is happy with him... If he is her chosen man, then they absolutely need your support, not your judgement. And if they struggle as a couple, you know what...they will need it even more!</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 20px;">Is this your first grandchild? If not, then I don't have to say this, but if it is...you are in for the most amazing adventure of your lifetime. You will fall in love so deeply with this child. S/he needs that...this baby needs your love and support.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">So, you say to your family... "I have amazing news! My daughter is expecting a baby! I'm going to be a grandparent!! I can't wait". </span></p> </s> |
5643b88f000d774453b67197 | I was duped into getting married to a therapist, but once her immigration status was secure, she bolted. | How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-was-duped-into-getting-married-to-a-therapist-but-once-her-immigration-status-was-secure-she-bolted | Marriage,Family Conflict,Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry to hear about being taken advantage of by your former wife.</p><p>On the positive side, think of how much you learned by going through this very painful time.</p><p>Maybe you are naturally very generous and caring, to the point of expecting very little from the other person, for example.</p><p>Consider yourself in a favorable position to not feel like going out right now and meeting a new person. </p><p>Your spirit is guiding you to stay put and recuperate from this ordeal, review for any signs you may have been more trusting than merited by the person's behavior.</p><p>There's a natural flow to what we're able to handle and when we have renewed capacity for new adventures.</p><p>There's no reason to assume that you'll never trust another woman again. </p><p>The first step is re-building trust in yourself to step into a new relationship. There is no designated time line. You'll simply feel more ready than you feel now.</p><p>Very unlikely that you'd ever place yourself in a similar situation to the one you're currently recovering from.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I was duped into getting married to a therapist, but once her immigration status was secure, she bolted. <</SYS>> How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry to hear about being taken advantage of by your former wife.</p><p>On the positive side, think of how much you learned by going through this very painful time.</p><p>Maybe you are naturally very generous and caring, to the point of expecting very little from the other person, for example.</p><p>Consider yourself in a favorable position to not feel like going out right now and meeting a new person. </p><p>Your spirit is guiding you to stay put and recuperate from this ordeal, review for any signs you may have been more trusting than merited by the person's behavior.</p><p>There's a natural flow to what we're able to handle and when we have renewed capacity for new adventures.</p><p>There's no reason to assume that you'll never trust another woman again. </p><p>The first step is re-building trust in yourself to step into a new relationship. There is no designated time line. You'll simply feel more ready than you feel now.</p><p>Very unlikely that you'd ever place yourself in a similar situation to the one you're currently recovering from.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
575e275e167809935117108a | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Do you think you're abusing xanax?</p><p>It is a highly addictive drug so maybe one reason you feel compelled to take more is bc you already are addicted.</p><p>Drugs don't do anything helpful in solving life's problems. Once the effect wears off, the stressful situation is once again waiting for you to address it.</p><p>Think over your reason for not directly asking your psychologist about upping your dose.</p><p>Also, do you ever talk about your life problems with this psychologist or only your need for drugs? The more gradual path to a better life is to not need drugs in the first place. This consists of your willingness to face the matters that are creating such terrible feelings inside you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? <</SYS>> I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. [/INST] <p>Do you think you're abusing xanax?</p><p>It is a highly addictive drug so maybe one reason you feel compelled to take more is bc you already are addicted.</p><p>Drugs don't do anything helpful in solving life's problems. Once the effect wears off, the stressful situation is once again waiting for you to address it.</p><p>Think over your reason for not directly asking your psychologist about upping your dose.</p><p>Also, do you ever talk about your life problems with this psychologist or only your need for drugs? The more gradual path to a better life is to not need drugs in the first place. This consists of your willingness to face the matters that are creating such terrible feelings inside you.</p> </s> |
55d13fd245e28e2461dfc592 | How do I cope with separation anxiety while boyfriend is out of town? | I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.
I feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don’t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-separation-anxiety-while-boyfriend-is-out-of-town | Anxiety,Relationships | Nicole Stone | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone | <p>Relationships at any amount of distance can be so hard! It makes sense that you are encountering more anxiety than usual given that major change in your relationship. And you're right that being separated from our partners can heighten our insecurities and worries about not only our relationship security but about our partner's interest. Have you talked with your boyfriend about this struggle you're feeling? It can be hard to have this kind of conversation without triggering a sense of blame and subsequent defensiveness in our partners, but it really is possible. If you have any concerns about being able to do this, then a session or two with a local counselor or therapist might be really helpful - and it really can be just about finding the way to share what you're feeling.</p><p>As far as coping with anxiety, there are a lot of options but I highly recommend an app called Self-Help for Anxiety Management. There's so much good information in this app to help you learn to pay attention to what kinds of thoughts are helpful or unhelpful, and there are also lots of activities for calming down and decreasing the intensity of that anxiety. The best part is, it's free! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope with separation anxiety while boyfriend is out of town? <</SYS>> I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.
I feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don’t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town? [/INST] <p>Relationships at any amount of distance can be so hard! It makes sense that you are encountering more anxiety than usual given that major change in your relationship. And you're right that being separated from our partners can heighten our insecurities and worries about not only our relationship security but about our partner's interest. Have you talked with your boyfriend about this struggle you're feeling? It can be hard to have this kind of conversation without triggering a sense of blame and subsequent defensiveness in our partners, but it really is possible. If you have any concerns about being able to do this, then a session or two with a local counselor or therapist might be really helpful - and it really can be just about finding the way to share what you're feeling.</p><p>As far as coping with anxiety, there are a lot of options but I highly recommend an app called Self-Help for Anxiety Management. There's so much good information in this app to help you learn to pay attention to what kinds of thoughts are helpful or unhelpful, and there are also lots of activities for calming down and decreasing the intensity of that anxiety. The best part is, it's free! </p> </s> |
56c03875891894937e3c6ffc | What can I do about my roommate's drinking problem? | My roommate has had a drinking problem for a while. She goes out, gets trashed, and then expects everyone to take care of her. The next morning, she apologizes constantly until she feels validated. She also thinks everyone hates her all the time. If I don't seem anything other than happy, she asks me "Do you hate me? You hate me. Tell me you love me," and I feel like I have to pity her because she has also been suicidal before. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-roommate-s-drinking-problem | Social Relationships,Addiction,Substance Abuse,Self-esteem | Lola Georg | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg | <p>It does sound like your roommate may have a drinking problem, and the short answer is that you can't do anything about it, only she can. We can't change what other people say, think, or do. We can only change our reactions. It does sound like your roommate may be having a hard time. You can suggest that she enter counseling or therapy. You can reassure her that you like her (if that's true), but you don't have to pity her.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my roommate's drinking problem? <</SYS>> My roommate has had a drinking problem for a while. She goes out, gets trashed, and then expects everyone to take care of her. The next morning, she apologizes constantly until she feels validated. She also thinks everyone hates her all the time. If I don't seem anything other than happy, she asks me "Do you hate me? You hate me. Tell me you love me," and I feel like I have to pity her because she has also been suicidal before. [/INST] <p>It does sound like your roommate may have a drinking problem, and the short answer is that you can't do anything about it, only she can. We can't change what other people say, think, or do. We can only change our reactions. It does sound like your roommate may be having a hard time. You can suggest that she enter counseling or therapy. You can reassure her that you like her (if that's true), but you don't have to pity her.</p> </s> |
57961cb0bc069dff6a5339b6 | Why do I always push my boyfriend away? | My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.
I love him so much. Why do I do this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-push-my-boyfriend-away | Intimacy,Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?</p><p>My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.</p><p>Birth control pills control ovulation. They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.</p><p>Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF. It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.</p><p>And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I always push my boyfriend away? <</SYS>> My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.
I love him so much. Why do I do this? [/INST] <p>Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?</p><p>My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.</p><p>Birth control pills control ovulation. They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.</p><p>Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF. It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.</p><p>And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.</p> </s> |
55d57bd32a0cba0c37027cd3 | I'm having a lot of conflict in my relationship | We do communicate but one of us has trouble accepting what the other person says. How can I fix things? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-having-a-lot-of-conflict-in-my-relationship | Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>Being able to accept your partner's influence is a key relationship skill. And it's very two sided. Chances are if you don't feel your partner is being influenced by you, they likely don't feel you are being influenced by them either. The best <i>fix </i>you can practice is to soften yourself into your partner and see how much more open you can be to their influence. Play with it. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm having a lot of conflict in my relationship <</SYS>> We do communicate but one of us has trouble accepting what the other person says. How can I fix things? [/INST] <p>Being able to accept your partner's influence is a key relationship skill. And it's very two sided. Chances are if you don't feel your partner is being influenced by you, they likely don't feel you are being influenced by them either. The best <i>fix </i>you can practice is to soften yourself into your partner and see how much more open you can be to their influence. Play with it. </p> </s> |
5703cda5389d1f030997de5f | I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel. | I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-cheated-on-my-partner-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, of course, it's your body and you can do what you feel like doing.</p><p>Do you feel a commitment to your partner?</p><p>Your guilt probably is pointing out the feeling of having done with your body what your spirit tells you is a violation of the commitment you feel toward your partner.</p><p>The good news is that this is a moment for you to examine how strong your commitment is to your partner.</p><p>Find balance between satisfying your freedom to do as you please, with your sense of being a partner, which means prioritizing the partner once in a while.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel. <</SYS>> I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like. [/INST] <p>Yes, of course, it's your body and you can do what you feel like doing.</p><p>Do you feel a commitment to your partner?</p><p>Your guilt probably is pointing out the feeling of having done with your body what your spirit tells you is a violation of the commitment you feel toward your partner.</p><p>The good news is that this is a moment for you to examine how strong your commitment is to your partner.</p><p>Find balance between satisfying your freedom to do as you please, with your sense of being a partner, which means prioritizing the partner once in a while.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
5670b5124c6f6bda188fb893 | How can I stop abusing alcohol? | I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-abusing-alcohol | Addiction,Substance Abuse | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>You may feel hopeless but YOU are not hopeless. Addictions of any sort are difficult to overcome, especially when they serve to bury pain and suffering that one is experiencing. It is not impossible to overcome alcohol or drug use/abuse/dependence on your own, but you will likely find much greater success with the help of a therapist or other support system such as rehabilitation or Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest doing a bit of research to see what type of help is available and feasible for you in your area and go from there. Know that recovery takes time, willingness, and effort. Don't give up and remember that you are not hopeless. You can make the choice to change your habits and learn new ways of healthy coping. Best of luck to you!<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I stop abusing alcohol? <</SYS>> I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. [/INST] <p>You may feel hopeless but YOU are not hopeless. Addictions of any sort are difficult to overcome, especially when they serve to bury pain and suffering that one is experiencing. It is not impossible to overcome alcohol or drug use/abuse/dependence on your own, but you will likely find much greater success with the help of a therapist or other support system such as rehabilitation or Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest doing a bit of research to see what type of help is available and feasible for you in your area and go from there. Know that recovery takes time, willingness, and effort. Don't give up and remember that you are not hopeless. You can make the choice to change your habits and learn new ways of healthy coping. Best of luck to you!<br></p> </s> |
5720e184560e527e064f0767 | How can I have a normal sex life with my significant other when I keep having triggers from past sexual abuse? | I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-normal-sex-life-with-my-significant-other-when-i-keep-having-triggers-from-past-sexual-abuse | Intimacy,Trauma | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be. | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I have a normal sex life with my significant other when I keep having triggers from past sexual abuse? <</SYS>> I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me. [/INST] Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be. </s> |
569619928819c1553ffa7903 | Should my wife and I seek any kind of counseling if she is convinced our marriage is over and has turned romantic love into platonic love? | Over the course of a few days, my wife was unsure about her feelings for me due to constant intimacy issues. After she thought things through, she came to the realization that she is no longer "in love" or attracted romantically to me. She instead has more of a platonic love and just cares for me as just "family." At that point, she said our marriage was over. Now over the course of the last few days, she has taken a "friendship" from a coworker. She insists there is nothing more than friends, but she has spent all her free time with him. | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-my-wife-and-i-seek-any-kind-of-counseling-if-she-is-convinced-our-marriage-is-over-and-has-turned-romantic-love-into-platonic-love | Marriage,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Portland,</p><p>This must feel like your world is turned upside down, for your wife to declare her confusion, followed closely by resignation, followed closely by a new "friend". I get how upsetting this is.</p><p>If I was your therapist, I'd want to explore this a good deal, because there are several possibilities concerning what might be happening. Be careful not to jump to conclusions. </p><p>Sometimes people have been slowly "falling out of love" for a long time, and often this is due to some (perhaps unnamed) unmet need in the marriage. She may have been coming to this point over a period of time, and has only finally said so. </p><p>It's also possible that your wife is going through some temporary crisis...she's changing and personally unhappy and blaming the marriage for it. Only she can help herself through this (she could get the help of a therapist, but it's not your place to tell her to do this). </p><p>Or, it's possible she's met this new "friend" and her attachment to him has clouded her view, or clarified something for her. </p><p>Right now, it's important that you respect your wife's decision to separate, if she's asking for that. We can't trap people in a marriage. If she needs separation, or distance, then it's respectful to give her that.</p><p>That doesn't mean that you have to give up on the marriage right now. I would seek the support of a therapist who can help you sort out what YOU want; whether it's to move on with your life, or wait patiently for a period of time. </p><p>I can't predict what will happen here. But you can find out what the best path for you is. I wish you the best.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should my wife and I seek any kind of counseling if she is convinced our marriage is over and has turned romantic love into platonic love? <</SYS>> Over the course of a few days, my wife was unsure about her feelings for me due to constant intimacy issues. After she thought things through, she came to the realization that she is no longer "in love" or attracted romantically to me. She instead has more of a platonic love and just cares for me as just "family." At that point, she said our marriage was over. Now over the course of the last few days, she has taken a "friendship" from a coworker. She insists there is nothing more than friends, but she has spent all her free time with him. [/INST] <p>Hi Portland,</p><p>This must feel like your world is turned upside down, for your wife to declare her confusion, followed closely by resignation, followed closely by a new "friend". I get how upsetting this is.</p><p>If I was your therapist, I'd want to explore this a good deal, because there are several possibilities concerning what might be happening. Be careful not to jump to conclusions. </p><p>Sometimes people have been slowly "falling out of love" for a long time, and often this is due to some (perhaps unnamed) unmet need in the marriage. She may have been coming to this point over a period of time, and has only finally said so. </p><p>It's also possible that your wife is going through some temporary crisis...she's changing and personally unhappy and blaming the marriage for it. Only she can help herself through this (she could get the help of a therapist, but it's not your place to tell her to do this). </p><p>Or, it's possible she's met this new "friend" and her attachment to him has clouded her view, or clarified something for her. </p><p>Right now, it's important that you respect your wife's decision to separate, if she's asking for that. We can't trap people in a marriage. If she needs separation, or distance, then it's respectful to give her that.</p><p>That doesn't mean that you have to give up on the marriage right now. I would seek the support of a therapist who can help you sort out what YOU want; whether it's to move on with your life, or wait patiently for a period of time. </p><p>I can't predict what will happen here. But you can find out what the best path for you is. I wish you the best.</p> </s> |
57316ca0aaeea25a1918b5f8 | My husband said he loves me but is not in love with me. | My husband and I are in our 40s. We’ve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasn’t a mid-life crisis. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-said-he-loves-me-but-is-not-in-love-with-me | Marriage,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man, who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you. </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband said he loves me but is not in love with me. <</SYS>> My husband and I are in our 40s. We’ve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasn’t a mid-life crisis. [/INST] <p>I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man, who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you. </p><p><br></p> </s> |
56a7df4290043ec136db8b5a | My mentally-ill mother-in-law wants to babysit. | My mother-in-law is mentally ill. She has been for most of her life. She cuts herself. She has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for about 40 years. She has voices in her head that tell her to cut herself. She has had multiple shock therapy treatments, and she’s on enough medication to take down an elephant. Her parental rights for her two children were taken away from her when my husband was a boy—he is now in his late 30s. She doesn’t even have custody of herself. She hasn’t asked yet, but she has been insinuating that she wants to babysit my child. How do I go about saying no without creating an issue? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mentally-ill-mother-in-law-wants-to-babysit | Family Conflict,Parenting,Marriage | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Fontana,</p><p>Thanks for providing all the details needed in order to respond to your question. It seems very clear to me that "no" would be the appropriate response. I like your healthy boundaries, and I'll help you explore possible ways to respond to her. </p><p>First, she hasn't asked yet, and you don't know that she will. Right now, you can pleasantly ignore her hints. They're not hurting you and if you ignore them, they're more likely to go away. You can address and reduce your own anxiety about the possibility of her asking by reassuring yourself that you have the right as parents to make this decision, and that if she's offended, that doesn't mean that you're being mean; it means that she has unrealistic expectations. So, the first goal is to put it out of your mind as a worry. You might never have to face that moment. But, I understand that you want to be prepared.</p><p>As her son, perhaps your husband is the best one to answer the question, should it ever come. Is he willing to do this? But if you are comfortable, and if you're the one she asks, you can confidently give her a simple, honest response about why it won't happen. And I would suggest presenting a firmly closed door, rather than saying "but maybe later". No need to apologize or hum and haw...</p><p>"We love that you want to be around Junior, and we definitely want you in his/her life. (try to leave out the "but" here). You're not in a healthy place, and we're not comfortable with you caring for him/her on your own."</p><p>If she pushes the issue, this is evidence of her denial or inappropriate boundaries. I'd let her know that it's not negotiable, that you understand if she's disappointed, but you're not open to discussing the issue. Really, there's nothing to discuss. Learning not to take responsibility for her emotions is part of having an ill person in your life. I wish you the best.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My mentally-ill mother-in-law wants to babysit. <</SYS>> My mother-in-law is mentally ill. She has been for most of her life. She cuts herself. She has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals for about 40 years. She has voices in her head that tell her to cut herself. She has had multiple shock therapy treatments, and she’s on enough medication to take down an elephant. Her parental rights for her two children were taken away from her when my husband was a boy—he is now in his late 30s. She doesn’t even have custody of herself. She hasn’t asked yet, but she has been insinuating that she wants to babysit my child. How do I go about saying no without creating an issue? [/INST] <p>Hi Fontana,</p><p>Thanks for providing all the details needed in order to respond to your question. It seems very clear to me that "no" would be the appropriate response. I like your healthy boundaries, and I'll help you explore possible ways to respond to her. </p><p>First, she hasn't asked yet, and you don't know that she will. Right now, you can pleasantly ignore her hints. They're not hurting you and if you ignore them, they're more likely to go away. You can address and reduce your own anxiety about the possibility of her asking by reassuring yourself that you have the right as parents to make this decision, and that if she's offended, that doesn't mean that you're being mean; it means that she has unrealistic expectations. So, the first goal is to put it out of your mind as a worry. You might never have to face that moment. But, I understand that you want to be prepared.</p><p>As her son, perhaps your husband is the best one to answer the question, should it ever come. Is he willing to do this? But if you are comfortable, and if you're the one she asks, you can confidently give her a simple, honest response about why it won't happen. And I would suggest presenting a firmly closed door, rather than saying "but maybe later". No need to apologize or hum and haw...</p><p>"We love that you want to be around Junior, and we definitely want you in his/her life. (try to leave out the "but" here). You're not in a healthy place, and we're not comfortable with you caring for him/her on your own."</p><p>If she pushes the issue, this is evidence of her denial or inappropriate boundaries. I'd let her know that it's not negotiable, that you understand if she's disappointed, but you're not open to discussing the issue. Really, there's nothing to discuss. Learning not to take responsibility for her emotions is part of having an ill person in your life. I wish you the best.</p> </s> |
575a6291c792dd6c7063e796 | How can I make the dreams and voices go away? | For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-dreams-and-voices-go-away | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I would recommend that you talk with a mental health professional near you about the details so you can have some really specific support for what you are going through.</p><p>I don't know if you can understand when the voices are saying, but I wonder how you feel about what you are hearing? If the voices are just at night, is it possible that they are part of a nightmare or a dream? </p><p>If you recall your nightmares, consider writing them down so that you can remember their content and work with a mental health professional to look for patterns.</p><p>One thing that may help you while you are awake is to try to stay connected to the room you're in. For example, take time to notice your feet on the floor, hips in the chair, and shoulders against the back of the chair. You can also try mindfulness techniques, such as noticing what is around you or changing your breathing patterns. These ideas may help in the meantime prior to having more specific ideas from someone near you.</p><p>Thanks for reaching out!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the dreams and voices go away? <</SYS>> For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. [/INST] <p>I would recommend that you talk with a mental health professional near you about the details so you can have some really specific support for what you are going through.</p><p>I don't know if you can understand when the voices are saying, but I wonder how you feel about what you are hearing? If the voices are just at night, is it possible that they are part of a nightmare or a dream? </p><p>If you recall your nightmares, consider writing them down so that you can remember their content and work with a mental health professional to look for patterns.</p><p>One thing that may help you while you are awake is to try to stay connected to the room you're in. For example, take time to notice your feet on the floor, hips in the chair, and shoulders against the back of the chair. You can also try mindfulness techniques, such as noticing what is around you or changing your breathing patterns. These ideas may help in the meantime prior to having more specific ideas from someone near you.</p><p>Thanks for reaching out!</p> </s> |
571d5602eba13fca346971c6 | Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety? | I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety | Anxiety,Depression | John Rummel | https://counselchat.com/therapists/john-rummel | <p>My initial response: consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety? <</SYS>> I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? [/INST] <p>My initial response: consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. <br></p> </s> |
55d71db3ff9b28e51abfd230 | I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth | She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lied-to-my-mom-then-felt-bad-and-told-her-the-truth | Parenting | Amy Fortney Parks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-fortney-parks | <p>Hey! Sounds like the part of you that knows the RIGHT thing to do won here! I am so proud of you for admitting that you lied to your Mom! Sometimes lies come out of our mouths before we can even catch them because we are trying to say what the other person wants to hear. I bet that, as you begin to show her that you are not going to lie any more, she will begin to gain trust in you again! Be open with your feelings with you Mom - she is there to support you, guide you and love you! Give her lots of hugs - and give yourself one too for being so brave! Be Wise!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth <</SYS>> She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do? [/INST] <p>Hey! Sounds like the part of you that knows the RIGHT thing to do won here! I am so proud of you for admitting that you lied to your Mom! Sometimes lies come out of our mouths before we can even catch them because we are trying to say what the other person wants to hear. I bet that, as you begin to show her that you are not going to lie any more, she will begin to gain trust in you again! Be open with your feelings with you Mom - she is there to support you, guide you and love you! Give her lots of hugs - and give yourself one too for being so brave! Be Wise!</p> </s> |
55da36981b410d6a295fe7e4 | My husband and I are separated. I'm so scared of getting divorced | I keep on begging him to come back. I am so unhappy with him but am so scared of being a single parent to our son. I was abused as a little girl and that has made to be very abusive to men. What should I do... | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-and-i-are-separated-i-m-so-scared-of-getting-divorced | Relationship Dissolution ,Relationships,Domestic Violence | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Major change frightens almost everybody.</p><p>Don't be so afraid of your fear that you let yourself beg and are willing to accept unhappiness as a standard in your marriage.</p><p>If you start considering that life can be better than what is current for you now, new possibilities and ideas will start developing in your mind.</p><p>Consider finding a therapist so that you have private space to talk in detail about your fears and the new ways of seeing your Self.</p><p>A therapy relationship, since it is safe and supportive, will be a good balance to having been abused, suffered, and unhappy.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband and I are separated. I'm so scared of getting divorced <</SYS>> I keep on begging him to come back. I am so unhappy with him but am so scared of being a single parent to our son. I was abused as a little girl and that has made to be very abusive to men. What should I do... [/INST] <p>Major change frightens almost everybody.</p><p>Don't be so afraid of your fear that you let yourself beg and are willing to accept unhappiness as a standard in your marriage.</p><p>If you start considering that life can be better than what is current for you now, new possibilities and ideas will start developing in your mind.</p><p>Consider finding a therapist so that you have private space to talk in detail about your fears and the new ways of seeing your Self.</p><p>A therapy relationship, since it is safe and supportive, will be a good balance to having been abused, suffered, and unhappy.</p> </s> |
575e275e167809935117108a | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | Anxiety | Catherine Misita | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-misita | <p>Staying on the lower dose may give you more room to learn strategies for coping with your anxiety. Medications are so helpful, and needed at times, but it's also important to have a variety of tools you use to manage your responses to stress. If you are not already seeing a therapist, consider finding one who can help you learn some effective strategies, like replacing self-defeating thoughts with ones that work better for you, or mindfulness, relaxation, or other tools to keep your anxiety in the manageable range!<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? <</SYS>> I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. [/INST] <p>Staying on the lower dose may give you more room to learn strategies for coping with your anxiety. Medications are so helpful, and needed at times, but it's also important to have a variety of tools you use to manage your responses to stress. If you are not already seeing a therapist, consider finding one who can help you learn some effective strategies, like replacing self-defeating thoughts with ones that work better for you, or mindfulness, relaxation, or other tools to keep your anxiety in the manageable range!<br></p> </s> |
5720221b2c93abc27110732a | How can I care less about what people think? | I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think | Self-esteem | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>My first reaction to this is that It sounds like you rely alot on the impressions and projections of the outside world, that you need validation from other people to compensate for a lack of something on the inside, build yourself up on the inside, work on yourself, use positive affirmations daily, <span style="font-weight: bold;">it would be wise for you to research some self-construct theory and do some self-concept work.</span></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I care less about what people think? <</SYS>> I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way? [/INST] <p>My first reaction to this is that It sounds like you rely alot on the impressions and projections of the outside world, that you need validation from other people to compensate for a lack of something on the inside, build yourself up on the inside, work on yourself, use positive affirmations daily, <span style="font-weight: bold;">it would be wise for you to research some self-construct theory and do some self-concept work.</span></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p> </s> |
5796b7bfbc069dff6a5339d0 | Overcoming fears. | I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/overcoming-fears | Anxiety,Behavioral Change | Alison Repp | https://counselchat.com/therapists/alison-repp | <p>Fear is a part of life. In fact, our five main emotions are joy, fear, sadness, shame, and anger. We tend to spend a lot of time and energy running away from or trying to get rid of most of those emotions and the more we do that, the more we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. </p><p>As a result of viewing our human emotions as "bad" or "wrong," we often get caught up in a trap of thinking we have to overcome them or get rid of them before we can do what matters to us. In reality, you can do what is important to you <span style="font-style: italic;">while</span> having your fears! </p><p>My question for you is, what would you <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> if this fear was completely gone? What behaviors would you have if you were the ideal you? What skills, knowledge, or personal qualities would you develop? What kind of relationships would you have?</p><p>I imagine your fear has kept you from achieving those goals because your mind tells you you can't do it until the fear is gone. I challenge you to do the following exercise:</p><ol><li>What is a goal you would like to achieve? <span style="font-style: italic;">Example: I would like to change careers</span></li><li>What actions are necessary to complete this goal? <span style="font-style: italic;">Example: see a career counselor to determine my ideal career, go back to school/get a certification, network with others in my desired industry</span></li><li>What thoughts, feelings, or urges might get in my way? <span style="font-style: italic;">Example: thoughts of "What if I fail? I'm not smart enough. I can't do it. I'm too busy to put energy into this." Feelings of fear, shame, excitement. Urges to distract myself through drinking or watch tv instead of taking action.</span></li><li>It would be helpful to remind myself that: <span style="font-style: italic;">example: It is natural to have these thoughts, feelings, and urges but I can take action anyway. I deserve to have a fulfilling life.</span></li><li>The smallest and easiest step I can take now: <span style="font-style: italic;">example: research career counselors in my area and write down their phone numbers</span></li><li>The time, day and date that I will take that first step, is: <span style="font-style: italic;">example: Tonight at 7pm </span><br></li></ol><div>At least think through these answers but it is most beneficial to write them down. I hope this helps!</div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Overcoming fears. <</SYS>> I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do? [/INST] <p>Fear is a part of life. In fact, our five main emotions are joy, fear, sadness, shame, and anger. We tend to spend a lot of time and energy running away from or trying to get rid of most of those emotions and the more we do that, the more we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. </p><p>As a result of viewing our human emotions as "bad" or "wrong," we often get caught up in a trap of thinking we have to overcome them or get rid of them before we can do what matters to us. In reality, you can do what is important to you <span style="font-style: italic;">while</span> having your fears! </p><p>My question for you is, what would you <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> if this fear was completely gone? What behaviors would you have if you were the ideal you? What skills, knowledge, or personal qualities would you develop? What kind of relationships would you have?</p><p>I imagine your fear has kept you from achieving those goals because your mind tells you you can't do it until the fear is gone. I challenge you to do the following exercise:</p><ol><li>What is a goal you would like to achieve? <span style="font-style: italic;">Example: I would like to change careers</span></li><li>What actions are necessary to complete this goal? <span style="font-style: italic;">Example: see a career counselor to determine my ideal career, go back to school/get a certification, network with others in my desired industry</span></li><li>What thoughts, feelings, or urges might get in my way? <span style="font-style: italic;">Example: thoughts of "What if I fail? I'm not smart enough. I can't do it. I'm too busy to put energy into this." Feelings of fear, shame, excitement. Urges to distract myself through drinking or watch tv instead of taking action.</span></li><li>It would be helpful to remind myself that: <span style="font-style: italic;">example: It is natural to have these thoughts, feelings, and urges but I can take action anyway. I deserve to have a fulfilling life.</span></li><li>The smallest and easiest step I can take now: <span style="font-style: italic;">example: research career counselors in my area and write down their phone numbers</span></li><li>The time, day and date that I will take that first step, is: <span style="font-style: italic;">example: Tonight at 7pm </span><br></li></ol><div>At least think through these answers but it is most beneficial to write them down. I hope this helps!</div> </s> |
5671f5881c0ef03721223706 | How can I get my boyfriend to see my point of view when we argue? | I had to go to the emergency room today to get an X-ray of my spine. My boyfriend didn't want to sit there and wait with me. Instead, he wanted to go do things for his friends while I waited. When I was done, he was twenty minutes late in picking me up. He doesn't understand why I'm mad, and we keep bickering at each other over the smallest things. He thinks I don't have a reason to be mad, but I believe that I do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-boyfriend-to-see-my-point-of-view-when-we-argue | Relationships | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Moore, Underneath all your anger is a lot of hurt. The hurt is there because you are being disrespected. Your boyfriend (unless you've only told me a small, disproportionate part of the bigger picture) doesn't tend to treat you like you're important and he dismisses your emotions. This is happening because this is the level of ability (disability?) he has right now in a relationship. You can expect more of this behaviour (because that's who he is; it has nothing to do with you), and I hope you think carefully about whether it's working for you to be in this. </p><p>You could try telling him that you are hurt, because people tend to listen more to hurt than to anger, but my guess is with him it might not make a difference. I hope you talk to someone who knows and supports you about how you're feeling in this relationship. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get my boyfriend to see my point of view when we argue? <</SYS>> I had to go to the emergency room today to get an X-ray of my spine. My boyfriend didn't want to sit there and wait with me. Instead, he wanted to go do things for his friends while I waited. When I was done, he was twenty minutes late in picking me up. He doesn't understand why I'm mad, and we keep bickering at each other over the smallest things. He thinks I don't have a reason to be mad, but I believe that I do. [/INST] <p>Hi Moore, Underneath all your anger is a lot of hurt. The hurt is there because you are being disrespected. Your boyfriend (unless you've only told me a small, disproportionate part of the bigger picture) doesn't tend to treat you like you're important and he dismisses your emotions. This is happening because this is the level of ability (disability?) he has right now in a relationship. You can expect more of this behaviour (because that's who he is; it has nothing to do with you), and I hope you think carefully about whether it's working for you to be in this. </p><p>You could try telling him that you are hurt, because people tend to listen more to hurt than to anger, but my guess is with him it might not make a difference. I hope you talk to someone who knows and supports you about how you're feeling in this relationship. </p> </s> |
575b1098c792dd6c7063e80b | My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog. | I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-apartment-manager-won-t-let-me-keep-an-emotional-support-dog | Anxiety,Depression,Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>This can be a difficult situation. Typically, only animals that are specifically trains to accomplish a specific task are legally protected as Service Animsls. Even though that can be very helpful, emotional support animals are not generally protected in the same way.</p><p>You might not be able to make your landlord accommodate you. If possible, you may want to consider a different apparent that is more animal friendly.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog. <</SYS>> I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do? [/INST] <p>This can be a difficult situation. Typically, only animals that are specifically trains to accomplish a specific task are legally protected as Service Animsls. Even though that can be very helpful, emotional support animals are not generally protected in the same way.</p><p>You might not be able to make your landlord accommodate you. If possible, you may want to consider a different apparent that is more animal friendly.</p> </s> |
561c6bd4e88a65597bb56a48 | Am I somehow stressing myself out? | I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out | Anxiety | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>I think you have identified something important here. It's not unusual to experience feelings that don't seem to match up with what your rational mind recognizes. </p><p>In this case, it sounds like a part of you recognizes that the people around you do not find you "annoying and bothersome." Despite knowing that people like you, it seems that there's still a part of you that feels like you're a bother.</p><p>Finding a local counselor who can work with you to process those feelings might be just the help you need.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I somehow stressing myself out? <</SYS>> I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out [/INST] <p>I think you have identified something important here. It's not unusual to experience feelings that don't seem to match up with what your rational mind recognizes. </p><p>In this case, it sounds like a part of you recognizes that the people around you do not find you "annoying and bothersome." Despite knowing that people like you, it seems that there's still a part of you that feels like you're a bother.</p><p>Finding a local counselor who can work with you to process those feelings might be just the help you need.</p> </s> |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? [/INST] <p>Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship. </p> </s> |
565f1cc70901991a77b207ec | My husband and I can’t talk to each other without arguing. | Every time I speak, he says I anger him. Also, when he’s mad at something, like work, he gets angry at me. I feel like we’re so distant from each other now. We used to laugh all the time, and I feel like he lets too much negativity in. What should I do? We've been married for two years but together for seven. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-and-i-can-t-talk-to-each-other-without-arguing | Marriage,Anger Management | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi, Newark. It sounds to me like your husband is going through something, and I think you understand that. You might feel very helpless, sad, and disrespected at the same time. He's changed. </p><p>It's unfair for him to blame you for his emotions. His mood issues are about him, not you, and he's either not recognising that or not taking responsibility for it. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Are you respecting yourself here by drawing appropriate boundaries? You can let him know when you feel disrespected, and what's not okay with you.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">He may be experiencing depression, which often shows up as irritability in men. It could be that he's not telling you something, or he's unaware of his emotional processes. You can try a "I'm really worried about you. You don't seem happy and I don't know how to help you. Some things are happening that aren't okay with me. Will you see a therapist?" approach. Perhaps you could go with him the first time? </span></p><p> It's about a combination of compassion, self-respect and seeking professional help, I believe. I wish you well. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband and I can’t talk to each other without arguing. <</SYS>> Every time I speak, he says I anger him. Also, when he’s mad at something, like work, he gets angry at me. I feel like we’re so distant from each other now. We used to laugh all the time, and I feel like he lets too much negativity in. What should I do? We've been married for two years but together for seven. [/INST] <p>Hi, Newark. It sounds to me like your husband is going through something, and I think you understand that. You might feel very helpless, sad, and disrespected at the same time. He's changed. </p><p>It's unfair for him to blame you for his emotions. His mood issues are about him, not you, and he's either not recognising that or not taking responsibility for it. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Are you respecting yourself here by drawing appropriate boundaries? You can let him know when you feel disrespected, and what's not okay with you.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">He may be experiencing depression, which often shows up as irritability in men. It could be that he's not telling you something, or he's unaware of his emotional processes. You can try a "I'm really worried about you. You don't seem happy and I don't know how to help you. Some things are happening that aren't okay with me. Will you see a therapist?" approach. Perhaps you could go with him the first time? </span></p><p> It's about a combination of compassion, self-respect and seeking professional help, I believe. I wish you well. </p> </s> |
5796b7bfbc069dff6a5339d0 | Overcoming fears. | I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/overcoming-fears | Anxiety,Behavioral Change | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Your fear may have deeper roots within your sense of who you are, than you realize. Fears are sometimes irrational so that logic doesn't get rid of them.</p><p>Think about whether you felt secure and confident as a child. Also, did any major bad events happen to you with other people or situations when you were growing up?</p><p>Often these overwhelming situations of childhood stay with us as fears of situations in our adult lives. If the root of the problem w the fear is from long ago, then probably a therapist who can ask you questions which help you remember upsetting childhood circumstances, may help you to dissolve the current fear.</p><p><br></p><p>Another possibility is CBT, cognitive behavior therapy which teaches people short term mantras to do something which is safe, say being a passenger in a commercial airplane, which feels frightening to a person.</p><p>CBT is short term and results are limited to specific fears. </p><p>It is a much quicker approach than self-understanding.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Overcoming fears. <</SYS>> I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do? [/INST] <p>Your fear may have deeper roots within your sense of who you are, than you realize. Fears are sometimes irrational so that logic doesn't get rid of them.</p><p>Think about whether you felt secure and confident as a child. Also, did any major bad events happen to you with other people or situations when you were growing up?</p><p>Often these overwhelming situations of childhood stay with us as fears of situations in our adult lives. If the root of the problem w the fear is from long ago, then probably a therapist who can ask you questions which help you remember upsetting childhood circumstances, may help you to dissolve the current fear.</p><p><br></p><p>Another possibility is CBT, cognitive behavior therapy which teaches people short term mantras to do something which is safe, say being a passenger in a commercial airplane, which feels frightening to a person.</p><p>CBT is short term and results are limited to specific fears. </p><p>It is a much quicker approach than self-understanding.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
557c72f7b1b211b80376b623 | Where does a child go for help? | I'm having issues with my relative. The police never believe the experiences I have been through because I am only a kid.
I've even had trouble trying to reach a therapist because I said I wanted to get an adult to help me. Could you please give me advice? | https://counselchat.com/questions/where-does-a-child-go-for-help | Family Conflict,Children & Adolescents | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>I think it would be wise for you to call a hotline especially designed for children. It's called the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. The number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). </p><p>It is completely anonymous and a trained therapist will be able to provide you with guidance, confidentiality, and can also help you make a report of you want.</p><p>The call is completely free and they are open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. </p><p>I'm glad that you are taking steps to improve your situation. You are a very brave and an intelligent child. </p><p>Please remember to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Where does a child go for help? <</SYS>> I'm having issues with my relative. The police never believe the experiences I have been through because I am only a kid.
I've even had trouble trying to reach a therapist because I said I wanted to get an adult to help me. Could you please give me advice? [/INST] <p>I think it would be wise for you to call a hotline especially designed for children. It's called the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. The number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). </p><p>It is completely anonymous and a trained therapist will be able to provide you with guidance, confidentiality, and can also help you make a report of you want.</p><p>The call is completely free and they are open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. </p><p>I'm glad that you are taking steps to improve your situation. You are a very brave and an intelligent child. </p><p>Please remember to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.</p> </s> |
57042380a9eb92e042647217 | I'm depressed because I want to lose weight. | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-depressed-because-i-want-to-lose-weight | Depression | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>I can relate been there at one point in my life. Start taking control of your life. Take small steps by making small changes to your eating and exercise each day. For example, drink one extra glass of water, take one flight of stairs, park farther away from store... Some changes help you take control of your depression by changing it to motivation.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm depressed because I want to lose weight. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I can relate been there at one point in my life. Start taking control of your life. Take small steps by making small changes to your eating and exercise each day. For example, drink one extra glass of water, take one flight of stairs, park farther away from store... Some changes help you take control of your depression by changing it to motivation.<br></p> </s> |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The numbers you write are low compared to how much sex many other people would be satisfied having.</p><p>The key is your and your husband's satisfaction with the amount of sex you are having.</p><p>And, know if there are reasons besides low sex drive that possibly explain this.</p><p>Knowing the other possibilities matter because a low sex life may mean one of you is being satisfied sexually outside the marriage or that one of you prefers sex with a same gendered partner.</p><p>If you've ruled out these possibilities, and you are satisfied with your emotional and financial life in the relationship, then a low sex drive may simply be the norm for the two of you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? <</SYS>> My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. [/INST] <p>The numbers you write are low compared to how much sex many other people would be satisfied having.</p><p>The key is your and your husband's satisfaction with the amount of sex you are having.</p><p>And, know if there are reasons besides low sex drive that possibly explain this.</p><p>Knowing the other possibilities matter because a low sex life may mean one of you is being satisfied sexually outside the marriage or that one of you prefers sex with a same gendered partner.</p><p>If you've ruled out these possibilities, and you are satisfied with your emotional and financial life in the relationship, then a low sex drive may simply be the norm for the two of you.</p> </s> |
581d5e5c950e2507cf23dbe9 | How do I get over a person I fell in love with? | I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.
I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
How can I get myself to just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-person-i-fell-in-love-with | Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.</p><p>Honor the love you felt for this person. Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.</p><p>Your feelings will always belong to you. The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships. There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.</p><p>Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you. He opened the door and this door belongs to you.</p><p>I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over a person I fell in love with? <</SYS>> I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.
I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
How can I get myself to just move on? [/INST] <p>Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.</p><p>Honor the love you felt for this person. Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.</p><p>Your feelings will always belong to you. The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships. There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.</p><p>Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you. He opened the door and this door belongs to you.</p><p>I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.</p> </s> |
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e | How can I best fight the winter blues? | Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues | Depression | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p>Thank you for sharing. It seems like since the "winter blues" happens to you every year it may also be impacting your quality of life and possibly relationships. What you report sounds like you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and is quite common to many from about fall thru winter seasons; but, also can impact folks during the Spring and summer months.</p><p>The best care and treatment for SAD includes discussing it with your PCP (primary care physician), integrating light therapy (full-spectrum lighting) throughout home and workplace (where possible), psychotherapy, and possibly medications (e.g. <span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Wellbutrin XL, Aplenzin).</span></p><p>Be sure to exercise good self-care and checkout the Mayo Clinic's website for SAD here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047. <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I best fight the winter blues? <</SYS>> Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? [/INST] <p>Thank you for sharing. It seems like since the "winter blues" happens to you every year it may also be impacting your quality of life and possibly relationships. What you report sounds like you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and is quite common to many from about fall thru winter seasons; but, also can impact folks during the Spring and summer months.</p><p>The best care and treatment for SAD includes discussing it with your PCP (primary care physician), integrating light therapy (full-spectrum lighting) throughout home and workplace (where possible), psychotherapy, and possibly medications (e.g. <span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Wellbutrin XL, Aplenzin).</span></p><p>Be sure to exercise good self-care and checkout the Mayo Clinic's website for SAD here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047. <br></p> </s> |
56957f7f8819c1553ffa78b8 | I don't know what to do about my son's lying. | My son stole my debit card and lied about it. It's not the first time he has lied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should punish him or make him do something. I've tried talking to him and asking if anything was wrong. I have grounded him, but nothing works. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-what-to-do-about-my-son-s-lying | Parenting | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Enid, You sound like a sensitive parent; I like that you talked to your son to see if anything is wrong. There is some key information here (I don't know your son's age, whether he spent any money, whether he put the card back, or how many times he's stolen), and my answer might be different depending on those details, but I'll give you my thoughts.</p><p>I see it as every child's job to figure out the rules and find where their power is in the world. In order to accomplish that, many of them test limits. "What can I get away with?" is a question they have to find the answer to. If a child knows the rules, they're much more likely to not test limits (because they already know the limits). So, part of testing limits is experimenting with stealing and lying. Not all kids steal, but I would say pretty much every child lies at some point. It's a normal behaviour, and most of the time it's about small things that don't matter and we don't even find out. </p><p>Stealing a debit card is a bit more serious, and I'm not surprised he lied about it. If you absolutely know that he took it, it's okay to tell him that you believe he did this thing and also lied about it. It's appropriate to give a consequence for this type of behaviour, so that the child doesn't do it again. The consequence should be as natural and logical as possible. The behaviour (stealing) was harmful to you, so doing you a favour with extra chores might be a good idea. </p><p>It's funny, because as parents we try to tell our kids that lying is bad, but they know they'll get a consequence if they tell the truth so there are natural deterrents to being honest (we don't want people to know our mistakes). It's a dilemma. If you really want to focus on the lying part, you can tell him that you won't give him a consequence for the lying if he decides to come clean with the truth within one day. That gives him incentive to come to you with truth. It sometimes works with kids to give them a chance to come clean and then reward them for telling the truth. </p><p>You can set your child up for success and train them to tolerate honesty. Put a cookie on the counter. Tell your child to take the cookie at some point in the day. Then ask them later if they took the cookie. You're making honesty fun. Kids love games. </p><p>Basically, there's as much power in rewarding the positive behaviour as punishing the negative. </p><p>If this is the first serious offence for your son, don't make a big deal of it; consequence him and see if he learns. If it's a pattern, that's different and you may want the input of a therapist. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't know what to do about my son's lying. <</SYS>> My son stole my debit card and lied about it. It's not the first time he has lied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should punish him or make him do something. I've tried talking to him and asking if anything was wrong. I have grounded him, but nothing works. What should I do? [/INST] <p>Hi Enid, You sound like a sensitive parent; I like that you talked to your son to see if anything is wrong. There is some key information here (I don't know your son's age, whether he spent any money, whether he put the card back, or how many times he's stolen), and my answer might be different depending on those details, but I'll give you my thoughts.</p><p>I see it as every child's job to figure out the rules and find where their power is in the world. In order to accomplish that, many of them test limits. "What can I get away with?" is a question they have to find the answer to. If a child knows the rules, they're much more likely to not test limits (because they already know the limits). So, part of testing limits is experimenting with stealing and lying. Not all kids steal, but I would say pretty much every child lies at some point. It's a normal behaviour, and most of the time it's about small things that don't matter and we don't even find out. </p><p>Stealing a debit card is a bit more serious, and I'm not surprised he lied about it. If you absolutely know that he took it, it's okay to tell him that you believe he did this thing and also lied about it. It's appropriate to give a consequence for this type of behaviour, so that the child doesn't do it again. The consequence should be as natural and logical as possible. The behaviour (stealing) was harmful to you, so doing you a favour with extra chores might be a good idea. </p><p>It's funny, because as parents we try to tell our kids that lying is bad, but they know they'll get a consequence if they tell the truth so there are natural deterrents to being honest (we don't want people to know our mistakes). It's a dilemma. If you really want to focus on the lying part, you can tell him that you won't give him a consequence for the lying if he decides to come clean with the truth within one day. That gives him incentive to come to you with truth. It sometimes works with kids to give them a chance to come clean and then reward them for telling the truth. </p><p>You can set your child up for success and train them to tolerate honesty. Put a cookie on the counter. Tell your child to take the cookie at some point in the day. Then ask them later if they took the cookie. You're making honesty fun. Kids love games. </p><p>Basically, there's as much power in rewarding the positive behaviour as punishing the negative. </p><p>If this is the first serious offence for your son, don't make a big deal of it; consequence him and see if he learns. If it's a pattern, that's different and you may want the input of a therapist. </p> </s> |
5567d26887a1cc0c3f3d8f46 | Keeping secrets from my family | I have secrets in my mind, and I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to tell my wife and mom because I don't want to hurt them. But I'm not sure how long that I can keep the secret to myself.
What should I do? It's becoming annoying and making me anxious. Help me out | https://counselchat.com/questions/keeping-secrets-from-my-family | Family Conflict | Jeevna Bajaj | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jeevna-bajaj | <p>It sounds like keeping the secrets has become a problem for you now. There are several things to consider before you make a decision.</p><p>- You mentioned that you don't want your wife and mom to know because you don't want to hurt them – why would it hurt them? </p><p>- Is it necessary for them to know this information?</p><p>- What are the consequences of either telling them the truth or not telling them? (for you and for your wife and mom).</p><p>- Once you have considered these, think of what you would tell your friend if they were in your exact situation?</p><p>- Also, if your wife or mom were in your situation right now, what do you think they would do themselves?</p><p>- If your wife and mom were in this situation, how would you feel? Would you want to know the secrets?</p><p>- How has keeping these secrets affected your own mental and physical health?</p><p>Once you have looked at the problem from all angles, you will be able to better make a decision on whether it is right to tell them or not.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Keeping secrets from my family <</SYS>> I have secrets in my mind, and I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to tell my wife and mom because I don't want to hurt them. But I'm not sure how long that I can keep the secret to myself.
What should I do? It's becoming annoying and making me anxious. Help me out [/INST] <p>It sounds like keeping the secrets has become a problem for you now. There are several things to consider before you make a decision.</p><p>- You mentioned that you don't want your wife and mom to know because you don't want to hurt them – why would it hurt them? </p><p>- Is it necessary for them to know this information?</p><p>- What are the consequences of either telling them the truth or not telling them? (for you and for your wife and mom).</p><p>- Once you have considered these, think of what you would tell your friend if they were in your exact situation?</p><p>- Also, if your wife or mom were in your situation right now, what do you think they would do themselves?</p><p>- If your wife and mom were in this situation, how would you feel? Would you want to know the secrets?</p><p>- How has keeping these secrets affected your own mental and physical health?</p><p>Once you have looked at the problem from all angles, you will be able to better make a decision on whether it is right to tell them or not.</p> </s> |
57918848bc069dff6a5338b3 | I have difficulty with communication. | I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-difficulty-with-communication | Anxiety,Stress | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Have you tried rehearsing to yourself or a trusted friend what you will present to the class? <br></p><p>The more confident you feel in a safe space, the more chance there will be of making the same presentation to a larger group.</p><p>Giving presentations is not necessarily a difficulty with communication. It has more to do with performance than expressing yourself clearly.</p><p>Practice, practice, and practice, until you see yourself improve in how you present.</p><p>Also, keep in mind that whatever anxiety you may feel about making a mistake, the audience is almost alway much more forgiving than the person who feels anxious.</p><p>Anxiety heightens fear, so whatever concerns you have, check if they are growing from anxiety instead of a realistic assessment of your abilities or audience receptivity.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have difficulty with communication. <</SYS>> I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident? [/INST] <p>Have you tried rehearsing to yourself or a trusted friend what you will present to the class? <br></p><p>The more confident you feel in a safe space, the more chance there will be of making the same presentation to a larger group.</p><p>Giving presentations is not necessarily a difficulty with communication. It has more to do with performance than expressing yourself clearly.</p><p>Practice, practice, and practice, until you see yourself improve in how you present.</p><p>Also, keep in mind that whatever anxiety you may feel about making a mistake, the audience is almost alway much more forgiving than the person who feels anxious.</p><p>Anxiety heightens fear, so whatever concerns you have, check if they are growing from anxiety instead of a realistic assessment of your abilities or audience receptivity.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
5572e7a4a03de6c365f45c58 | I endured sexual and physical abuse by my brother as child | Now I have anger and trust issues. How can I treat this and fix myself? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-endured-sexual-and-physical-abuse-by-my-brother-as-child | Domestic Violence,Anger Management,Family Conflict | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this. However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware. </p><p>There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse. Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas. That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.</p><p>The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past. Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you. Angry? Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you. Having trouble trusting? Of course! The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I endured sexual and physical abuse by my brother as child <</SYS>> Now I have anger and trust issues. How can I treat this and fix myself? [/INST] <p>I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this. However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware. </p><p>There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse. Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas. That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.</p><p>The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past. Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you. Angry? Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you. Having trouble trusting? Of course! The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.</p> </s> |
567a47fe32307d3353f8f98c | How can my boyfriend forgive me when I can't forgive myself? | I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about six years now. In the past, our relationship was difficult and frustrating. We argued a lot, and due to that, there was a lot of tension between us. We stayed together because we love each other and wanted to make it work. I used to party a lot, and several times I got into situations where I would end up kissing someone else. These situations were never more than just kissing. I have come clean about these situations with my boyfriend, and he decided to forgive and move forward with me. I love him so much and want to work things out too, but I'm having a difficult time understanding how he can forgive me. I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and unworthiness. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-my-boyfriend-forgive-me-when-i-can-t-forgive-myself | Relationships,Self-esteem | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>So wonderful to have a boyfriend who is able to understand and forgive you. What do you think that he sees in you that allows him to do that? Does he see someone who like other humans makes mistakes? Does he see someone who despite hurtful choices is a good person committed to being a loving respectful partner? The compassion and understanding that we can often extend to others can be difficult to extend to ourselves. </p><p>We often hold very unrealistic and perfectionist expectations for ourselves which may even lead to our poor choices in the first place - as a ways of letting off steam or rebelling against our high standards. Regardless of the reasons, we all make mistakes and imperfection does not make someone less loveable - it just makes them human. If your boyfriend is able to start clean with you, there must be a reason. </p><p>What you do from here on out will define the kind of partner you are to him. Can you treat him with the kind of respect that you would want? Can you help him to feel <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">loved and safe in the relationship</a>? Can you allow yourself to be imperfect and afraid and still worthy of love and acceptance. When you are feeling ashamed of your behaviours - try to imagine extending that scared part of you the same love and acceptance that you might extend to other people who have made mistakes. It is not easy to forgive ourselves but it is important in order to allow ourselves to be loved and to truly love others. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can my boyfriend forgive me when I can't forgive myself? <</SYS>> I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about six years now. In the past, our relationship was difficult and frustrating. We argued a lot, and due to that, there was a lot of tension between us. We stayed together because we love each other and wanted to make it work. I used to party a lot, and several times I got into situations where I would end up kissing someone else. These situations were never more than just kissing. I have come clean about these situations with my boyfriend, and he decided to forgive and move forward with me. I love him so much and want to work things out too, but I'm having a difficult time understanding how he can forgive me. I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and unworthiness. [/INST] <p>So wonderful to have a boyfriend who is able to understand and forgive you. What do you think that he sees in you that allows him to do that? Does he see someone who like other humans makes mistakes? Does he see someone who despite hurtful choices is a good person committed to being a loving respectful partner? The compassion and understanding that we can often extend to others can be difficult to extend to ourselves. </p><p>We often hold very unrealistic and perfectionist expectations for ourselves which may even lead to our poor choices in the first place - as a ways of letting off steam or rebelling against our high standards. Regardless of the reasons, we all make mistakes and imperfection does not make someone less loveable - it just makes them human. If your boyfriend is able to start clean with you, there must be a reason. </p><p>What you do from here on out will define the kind of partner you are to him. Can you treat him with the kind of respect that you would want? Can you help him to feel <a href="http://www.coupletherapytoronto.com/therapy-counselling-psychotherapy-resources/articles/these-simple-interactions-predict-lasting-love-or-separation-and-divorce">loved and safe in the relationship</a>? Can you allow yourself to be imperfect and afraid and still worthy of love and acceptance. When you are feeling ashamed of your behaviours - try to imagine extending that scared part of you the same love and acceptance that you might extend to other people who have made mistakes. It is not easy to forgive ourselves but it is important in order to allow ourselves to be loved and to truly love others. </p> </s> |
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789 | What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? | I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide | Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. <br><br>I think it's important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with loss and the "best way" for you may not be the best way for someone else. The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions. </p><p>When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.) </p><p>We never truly "get over" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? <</SYS>> I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? [/INST] <p>I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy. <br><br>I think it's important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with loss and the "best way" for you may not be the best way for someone else. The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time. Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions. </p><p>When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty. The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.) </p><p>We never truly "get over" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time. </p> </s> |
577df5c67fe85f1465e20066 | How do therapists characterize personality types? | How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-therapists-characterize-personality-types | Diagnosis,Counseling Fundamentals | Emily Pagone | https://counselchat.com/therapists/emily-pagone | <p>This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the "type A personality". <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do therapists characterize personality types? <</SYS>> How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. [/INST] <p>This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the "type A personality". <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10. </span></p> </s> |
57267371f90871f676cf4781 | My wife won't do things she used to do | There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-won-t-do-things-she-used-to-do | Intimacy | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-won-t-do-things-she-used-to-do">My wife won't do things she used to do</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";color:#666666">There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Like we often hear, communication is the key to a good relationship. Intimacy in the marriage is something we take for granted, and we rarely communicate about it. I noticed how you mentioned that she had “once agreed to try” things; did you ever asked if she enjoyed those things or would want to repeat them. Have you asked if she would like to try new things as well?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">What if, you work on improving your communication with your wife? </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">One thing to consider<span style="line-height: 1.42857; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is the status of your relationship. Are you in good terms with each other? Are you or your wife going under a stressful situation? Many times when we have problems we reflect it in multiple areas, including our intimacy or lack of it. Listen to her; ask how you can support her. Find ways to reconnect as a couple, relax, have fun, and do things that you used to enjoy, or discover new interests together.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Then you can focus on having conversations about your intimacy. You could star by letting her know that you are concerned about your romantic life, and ask if you do anything that she likes or dislikes. Remember this is a </span>two-way<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;"> street, you should be ready to listen and ready to share. Take </span>in<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;"> consideration what she mentions, and work on resolving those issues. It is important that you praise each other as you progress and do this in a loving and supportive way, avoiding hurtful comments. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">If you continue to struggle, or seems difficult to engage in communicating with your wife, consider couples therapy or individual therapy to work on communication skills.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi esposa no hace las cosas que solía hacer</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Hay cosas intimas que ella hacia al principio de nuestra relación, y cosas que alguna vez ella estuvo de acuerdo en probar y que ahora no hace. Yo me paso pensando en eso todo el día. Me siento rechazado y pienso que me case con la persona equivocada.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Como tanto escuchamos, comunicación es la clave para una buena relación. La intimidad en el matrimonio es algo de damos por hecho y rara vez nos comunicamos al respecto. Noté como mencionas que alguna vez tu esposa “estuvo de acuerdo en probar” algo. ¿Alguna vez le preguntaste si le gusto lo que probo, o si quería repetirlo? ¿Le has preguntado si ella quisiera intentar algo nuevo o diferente?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Y qué tal si trabajas en mejorar la comunicación con tu esposa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Un aspecto a considerar es si hay alguna tención en el matrimonio. Si están pasando por una situación tensa en su matrimonio o algún otro aspecto de su vida, lo pueden estar reflejando en su intimidad, o la falta de la misma. Escúchala, pregunta cómo puedes darle apoyo. Encuentra maneras de reconectar en pareja, relajarse, divertirse, y hacer cosas que antes disfrutaban, o descubrir nuevos intereses juntos. Si demuestran que son importantes uno para el otro y apoyan sus necesidades, se unirán más y disfrutaran de su tiempo intimo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Luego trabaja en tener conversaciones sobre la intimidad. Puedes empezar por dejarle saber que te preocupa la vida romántica preguntarle si hay algo que a ella le agrada o desagrada al respecto. Recuerda que esto será beneficioso para los dos, tú debes estar preparado para escucharla, y compartir tus preocupaciones. Toma en consideración lo que ella mencione, y trabaja en resolver o eliminar esas conductas. Es importante que se alaguen y animen en el proceso, que este sea un proceso de apoyo y crecimiento y que continúen teniendo esta conversación frecuentemente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Si continuas teniendo dificultad o no sabes cómo comunicarte con tu pareja, considera terapia de pareja como una alternativa, o incluso consejería individual para trabajar en tus destrezas de comunicación.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife won't do things she used to do <</SYS>> There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-won-t-do-things-she-used-to-do">My wife won't do things she used to do</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";color:#666666">There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Like we often hear, communication is the key to a good relationship. Intimacy in the marriage is something we take for granted, and we rarely communicate about it. I noticed how you mentioned that she had “once agreed to try” things; did you ever asked if she enjoyed those things or would want to repeat them. Have you asked if she would like to try new things as well?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">What if, you work on improving your communication with your wife? </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">One thing to consider<span style="line-height: 1.42857; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is the status of your relationship. Are you in good terms with each other? Are you or your wife going under a stressful situation? Many times when we have problems we reflect it in multiple areas, including our intimacy or lack of it. Listen to her; ask how you can support her. Find ways to reconnect as a couple, relax, have fun, and do things that you used to enjoy, or discover new interests together.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Then you can focus on having conversations about your intimacy. You could star by letting her know that you are concerned about your romantic life, and ask if you do anything that she likes or dislikes. Remember this is a </span>two-way<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;"> street, you should be ready to listen and ready to share. Take </span>in<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;"> consideration what she mentions, and work on resolving those issues. It is important that you praise each other as you progress and do this in a loving and supportive way, avoiding hurtful comments. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">If you continue to struggle, or seems difficult to engage in communicating with your wife, consider couples therapy or individual therapy to work on communication skills.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi esposa no hace las cosas que solía hacer</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Hay cosas intimas que ella hacia al principio de nuestra relación, y cosas que alguna vez ella estuvo de acuerdo en probar y que ahora no hace. Yo me paso pensando en eso todo el día. Me siento rechazado y pienso que me case con la persona equivocada.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Como tanto escuchamos, comunicación es la clave para una buena relación. La intimidad en el matrimonio es algo de damos por hecho y rara vez nos comunicamos al respecto. Noté como mencionas que alguna vez tu esposa “estuvo de acuerdo en probar” algo. ¿Alguna vez le preguntaste si le gusto lo que probo, o si quería repetirlo? ¿Le has preguntado si ella quisiera intentar algo nuevo o diferente?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Y qué tal si trabajas en mejorar la comunicación con tu esposa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Un aspecto a considerar es si hay alguna tención en el matrimonio. Si están pasando por una situación tensa en su matrimonio o algún otro aspecto de su vida, lo pueden estar reflejando en su intimidad, o la falta de la misma. Escúchala, pregunta cómo puedes darle apoyo. Encuentra maneras de reconectar en pareja, relajarse, divertirse, y hacer cosas que antes disfrutaban, o descubrir nuevos intereses juntos. Si demuestran que son importantes uno para el otro y apoyan sus necesidades, se unirán más y disfrutaran de su tiempo intimo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Luego trabaja en tener conversaciones sobre la intimidad. Puedes empezar por dejarle saber que te preocupa la vida romántica preguntarle si hay algo que a ella le agrada o desagrada al respecto. Recuerda que esto será beneficioso para los dos, tú debes estar preparado para escucharla, y compartir tus preocupaciones. Toma en consideración lo que ella mencione, y trabaja en resolver o eliminar esas conductas. Es importante que se alaguen y animen en el proceso, que este sea un proceso de apoyo y crecimiento y que continúen teniendo esta conversación frecuentemente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Si continuas teniendo dificultad o no sabes cómo comunicarte con tu pareja, considera terapia de pareja como una alternativa, o incluso consejería individual para trabajar en tus destrezas de comunicación.</span></p> </s> |
55d691bd90f46e8f015ac352 | I'm being emotionally abused by my dad. I need advice on how to hold my temper with him. | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-being-emotionally-abused-by-my-dad-i-need-advice-on-how-to-hold-my-temper-with-him | Family Conflict,Anger Management | Natalie Rosado, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/natalie-rosado-ma-lmhc | First, I'd like to say that I can't imagine what it must feel like to live in your shoes and have to be exposed to such treatment. Oftentimes, people don't recognize how serious this type of abuse can be. It's very important you first recognize that it is absolutely impossible for any of us to change a person. So the only thing you have control over is you - your response, your set boundaries, and your support system. It's very important that you set healthy boundaries, express these expectations to him, and consistently follow them. I cannot stress how important have a strong support system - a circle of caring people - who can help keep you accountable with your boundaries and who you can reach out to if you ever feel your safety is at risk. There is only so much I can explain via writing so let me know if you need any additional help. Feel free to contact me. - Natalie<br> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm being emotionally abused by my dad. I need advice on how to hold my temper with him. <</SYS>> None [/INST] First, I'd like to say that I can't imagine what it must feel like to live in your shoes and have to be exposed to such treatment. Oftentimes, people don't recognize how serious this type of abuse can be. It's very important you first recognize that it is absolutely impossible for any of us to change a person. So the only thing you have control over is you - your response, your set boundaries, and your support system. It's very important that you set healthy boundaries, express these expectations to him, and consistently follow them. I cannot stress how important have a strong support system - a circle of caring people - who can help keep you accountable with your boundaries and who you can reach out to if you ever feel your safety is at risk. There is only so much I can explain via writing so let me know if you need any additional help. Feel free to contact me. - Natalie<br> </s> |
561ce62be88a65597bb56a5a | Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety | Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.
When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.
Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/thoughts-of-afterlife-causes-anxiety | Anxiety,Spirituality | Elizabeth Anderson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elizabeth-anderson-3 | <p>Religious questioning is a complex and often philosophical topic, and these types of questions, especially around heaven, hell, and an afterlife can bring up a host of difficult & confusing feelings. What I want to focus on is the fear & anxiety you seem to be feeling that are deeply connected to your questions. Scary thoughts, negative thoughts, obsessive thoughts sometimes feel like they're out of control and there is nothing we can do to stop them, but I want to offer two techniques that might assist with your panic & anxiety. <span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particular thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories, this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought. I would also suggest when you're having the thoughts about death take a moment to notice how you're breathing. Often when we are feeling anxiety we are doing shallowing chest breathing rather than taking in a full, deep breath or what is called belly breathing. If you take a moment to focus on your breathing and allow a couple of full breaths, bringing in the breath so the belly rises and then the belly natural falls as you exhale, just noticing the breath and practicing breathing can slow down the anxiety cycle as it begins. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety <</SYS>> Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.
When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.
Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal. [/INST] <p>Religious questioning is a complex and often philosophical topic, and these types of questions, especially around heaven, hell, and an afterlife can bring up a host of difficult & confusing feelings. What I want to focus on is the fear & anxiety you seem to be feeling that are deeply connected to your questions. Scary thoughts, negative thoughts, obsessive thoughts sometimes feel like they're out of control and there is nothing we can do to stop them, but I want to offer two techniques that might assist with your panic & anxiety. <span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particular thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories, this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought. I would also suggest when you're having the thoughts about death take a moment to notice how you're breathing. Often when we are feeling anxiety we are doing shallowing chest breathing rather than taking in a full, deep breath or what is called belly breathing. If you take a moment to focus on your breathing and allow a couple of full breaths, bringing in the breath so the belly rises and then the belly natural falls as you exhale, just noticing the breath and practicing breathing can slow down the anxiety cycle as it begins. </span></p> </s> |
5737ce55aaeea25a1918b6e7 | How do I get over my anxiety of talking to new people? | I'm socially awkward. I've always want to be popular. I've had the opportunity to be popular, but every time I get i,t I'm too scared. All I have to do is talk the popular people. They're really nice to me, but I'm too scared of change. I really want to work up the courage to lose my fear. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-my-anxiety-of-talking-to-new-people | Anxiety,Social Relationships | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>Change can be uncomfortable, but sometimes those uncomfortable moments are the opportunity for us to be the person we feel we really are. It sounds like you like to spend the time in your head anticipating the worst, why not be in the present and encourage yourself that you can talk to people and it will be okay. By telling yourself it will not be okay, or that it will go wrong you are hurting your confidence to do what you want. Give yourself some credit for being awesome and tell yourself you can build new friendships...it may be the motivation you need to move past this fear.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over my anxiety of talking to new people? <</SYS>> I'm socially awkward. I've always want to be popular. I've had the opportunity to be popular, but every time I get i,t I'm too scared. All I have to do is talk the popular people. They're really nice to me, but I'm too scared of change. I really want to work up the courage to lose my fear. [/INST] <p>Change can be uncomfortable, but sometimes those uncomfortable moments are the opportunity for us to be the person we feel we really are. It sounds like you like to spend the time in your head anticipating the worst, why not be in the present and encourage yourself that you can talk to people and it will be okay. By telling yourself it will not be okay, or that it will go wrong you are hurting your confidence to do what you want. Give yourself some credit for being awesome and tell yourself you can build new friendships...it may be the motivation you need to move past this fear.</p> </s> |
581d5e5c950e2507cf23dbe9 | How do I get over a person I fell in love with? | I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.
I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
How can I get myself to just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-person-i-fell-in-love-with | Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.</p><p>I like the fact that you are looking at your situation "logically". Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get over a person I fell in love with? <</SYS>> I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.
I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
How can I get myself to just move on? [/INST] <p>It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.</p><p>I like the fact that you are looking at your situation "logically". Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.</p> </s> |
579da45c188cd61c1684e82e | How can I help myself and change my behavior? | I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,
I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.
How can I help myself to change my behavior? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-myself-and-change-my-behavior | Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Give yourself a lot of empathy and care for having had a rough childhood and realizing that life can be better than how you were treated when growing up.</p><p>Be patient with yourself too bc lasting change takes time.</p><p> Alternatives to hitting your head require constant gentle reminders to do these new behaviors, or if you've discovered a satisfying alternative in one moment, time is required for you to repeat this alternative until it feels natural.<br></p><p>Anxiety usually means someone did not feel well understood growing up and was rushed to comply with the wishes of others who were a regular part of their lives.</p><p>Anxiety lessens as the person starts to know and accept their wishes and needs as valid. Allow yourself to learn who you truly are in the spirit of accepting whatever you discover about yourself.</p><p>The behaviors will naturally change with your new understanding and self acceptance.</p><p>Good luck and enjoy this self discovery project!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help myself and change my behavior? <</SYS>> I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,
I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.
How can I help myself to change my behavior? [/INST] <p>Give yourself a lot of empathy and care for having had a rough childhood and realizing that life can be better than how you were treated when growing up.</p><p>Be patient with yourself too bc lasting change takes time.</p><p> Alternatives to hitting your head require constant gentle reminders to do these new behaviors, or if you've discovered a satisfying alternative in one moment, time is required for you to repeat this alternative until it feels natural.<br></p><p>Anxiety usually means someone did not feel well understood growing up and was rushed to comply with the wishes of others who were a regular part of their lives.</p><p>Anxiety lessens as the person starts to know and accept their wishes and needs as valid. Allow yourself to learn who you truly are in the spirit of accepting whatever you discover about yourself.</p><p>The behaviors will naturally change with your new understanding and self acceptance.</p><p>Good luck and enjoy this self discovery project!</p> </s> |
5775c7b072f4321a37b641c2 | I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day. | I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.
In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.
But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day | Substance Abuse,Social Relationships | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an "addict" or "alcoholic." You might have a "problem" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. </p><p>I don't have information to know if "addiction" or "dependence" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation. </p><p>One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">disease of avoidance</span>. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. </p><p>Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. </p><p>I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day. <</SYS>> I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.
In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.
But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem? [/INST] <p>Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an "addict" or "alcoholic." You might have a "problem" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. </p><p>I don't have information to know if "addiction" or "dependence" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation. </p><p>One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">disease of avoidance</span>. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. </p><p>Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. </p><p>I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness. </p> </s> |
579c4f94188cd61c1684e819 | Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend? | I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.
Why this is happening and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend | Human Sexuality,Intimacy | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors. </p><p>Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs. When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time. Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection. While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!</p><p>Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend? <</SYS>> I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.
Why this is happening and what can I do about it? [/INST] <p>Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors. </p><p>Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs. When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time. Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection. While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!</p><p>Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well. </p> </s> |
5797a411b43cd7825e26e246 | How do I fix my relationship? | My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to fix the relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fix-my-relationship-3 | Relationships,Addiction | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry you have tension between you and your bf.</p><p>A relationship means two people who relate, right?! If only one person does all the work to change their approach, what they expect, what they offer the other, then this becomes the new problem to solve.</p><p>If you've already done a significant amount of reflection and change in the way you relate to him, then the next step may be to be patient as long as possible while he decides what to change about his part in the relationship toward you.</p><p>Substance abuse recovery requires profound effort and reflection. If it is successful then the result will show very different qualities in your bf than the ones you know currently.</p><p>He may be so absorbed in the recovery that he can only concentrate on this. </p><p>Of course if the fights persist and you have been patient for what feels too long, then there are different questions to address.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I fix my relationship? <</SYS>> My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to fix the relationship. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry you have tension between you and your bf.</p><p>A relationship means two people who relate, right?! If only one person does all the work to change their approach, what they expect, what they offer the other, then this becomes the new problem to solve.</p><p>If you've already done a significant amount of reflection and change in the way you relate to him, then the next step may be to be patient as long as possible while he decides what to change about his part in the relationship toward you.</p><p>Substance abuse recovery requires profound effort and reflection. If it is successful then the result will show very different qualities in your bf than the ones you know currently.</p><p>He may be so absorbed in the recovery that he can only concentrate on this. </p><p>Of course if the fights persist and you have been patient for what feels too long, then there are different questions to address.</p> </s> |
56b30469c2bfe0f729d6e74e | My husband was lying about drinking again. | My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.
The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-was-lying-about-drinking-again | Addiction,Marriage,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.</p><p>Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?</p><p>Does he care about you more than drinking?</p><p>Living with an alcoholic, which is how his behavior sounds, is lonely and frustrating.</p><p>Concentrate on what you like about him as he is now with his drinking.</p><p>Your happiness matters. His ignoring of what you're talking about, doesn't mean your requests are unreasonable.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Be prepared to learn to live with and accept how he behaves, or not.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Avoid the expectation that you can convince him to change.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">People change only when they realize their life can improve by changing. He doesn't sound like this, at least now.</span></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband was lying about drinking again. <</SYS>> My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.
The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard. [/INST] <p>As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.</p><p>Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?</p><p>Does he care about you more than drinking?</p><p>Living with an alcoholic, which is how his behavior sounds, is lonely and frustrating.</p><p>Concentrate on what you like about him as he is now with his drinking.</p><p>Your happiness matters. His ignoring of what you're talking about, doesn't mean your requests are unreasonable.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Be prepared to learn to live with and accept how he behaves, or not.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Avoid the expectation that you can convince him to change.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">People change only when they realize their life can improve by changing. He doesn't sound like this, at least now.</span></p><p><br></p> </s> |
568638e6e716b51523007b1c | Why am I constantly angry? | I don't know what's with me. I'm almost constantly angry. Even when I'm happy, I still feel anger inside me. When I acknowledge it, it ruins my mood and takes over. I get angry at the littlest things. Even if I think someone said something they didn't, it infuriates me. Something perfectly normal can make me go off. When my anger flares up, I get a terrible pain in my chest that lasts for a while. It's like there is a fire constantly burning in my body, and anger is gasoline. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-constantly-angry | Anger Management | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Nashville, I'm glad you want this to be different. It doesn't feel good to be angry all the time, and it's stealing your energy as well as affecting relationships, I'm sure.</p><p>Working with a therapist, you can learn to recognise the deep emotions that lie underneath the anger. It's likely to be either powerlessness or worthlessness, and what happens is this... a small moment in the present touches on an old, tender, bruised emotion that we've simply felt too much of or too strongly in the past. We develop ways of avoiding these vulnerable emotions, and anger is one way of doing that. </p><p>So, when someone looks at you in a certain way, or says something, you'd rather be angry than feel powerless, or unimportant (or whatever your kryptonite feeling is). In that moment, your instinct is to blame whatever happened, no matter how small, because that's the thing that happened just before you got mad. You fail to recognise that the problem is not the look on that person's face, or the shoe that someone left in front of the door...it's that you can't stand feeling something and you want to avoid it like you want to stamp your foot out if it's on fire.</p><p>I suggest finding a therapist to work with. You can learn to take responsibility for your old emotions and find new ways to manage them. :)</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I constantly angry? <</SYS>> I don't know what's with me. I'm almost constantly angry. Even when I'm happy, I still feel anger inside me. When I acknowledge it, it ruins my mood and takes over. I get angry at the littlest things. Even if I think someone said something they didn't, it infuriates me. Something perfectly normal can make me go off. When my anger flares up, I get a terrible pain in my chest that lasts for a while. It's like there is a fire constantly burning in my body, and anger is gasoline. [/INST] <p>Hi Nashville, I'm glad you want this to be different. It doesn't feel good to be angry all the time, and it's stealing your energy as well as affecting relationships, I'm sure.</p><p>Working with a therapist, you can learn to recognise the deep emotions that lie underneath the anger. It's likely to be either powerlessness or worthlessness, and what happens is this... a small moment in the present touches on an old, tender, bruised emotion that we've simply felt too much of or too strongly in the past. We develop ways of avoiding these vulnerable emotions, and anger is one way of doing that. </p><p>So, when someone looks at you in a certain way, or says something, you'd rather be angry than feel powerless, or unimportant (or whatever your kryptonite feeling is). In that moment, your instinct is to blame whatever happened, no matter how small, because that's the thing that happened just before you got mad. You fail to recognise that the problem is not the look on that person's face, or the shoe that someone left in front of the door...it's that you can't stand feeling something and you want to avoid it like you want to stamp your foot out if it's on fire.</p><p>I suggest finding a therapist to work with. You can learn to take responsibility for your old emotions and find new ways to manage them. :)</p><p><br></p> </s> |