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isis man: please! you gotta follow back! you just gotta! me: no can do my man. i respect your right to be in isis, but I can not follow you.
congress members fighting over who can scream "halo 5" the loudest, until a senior member stands up and yells "halo 6", infuriating them all
tomorrow im going to fill up on bread befoore 10am and get waterboarded by my seven identical uncles
i will gladly purchase the Horrifying new xbox for each room in my home and expose my nude body to its mandatory camera daily for kfc points
every day this happens: my followers inject me with a mix of chemicals , And they kill me as they would a sick dog. Every day they do this
i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times
everytime jeff dunham makes his miserable puppets kiss each other a bridge collapses somewhere
"Ur honor, if Mr Pibb was truly this man's uncle, then surely hed be able to dazzle us with Pibb Merch" JUDGE:damn he's right. No Pibb Merch
I WANT " 1 2 3 " 1. MY DICK SUCKED 2. MY POSTS LIKED 3. MY ASS KICKED
i'm wild about Setups
while my trolls are busy "moving the goal posts" im afraid i am simply moving the "good posts"
iwant to outfit the scope on my sniper rifle with net flicks
Serious votes only
fucking.. actual yes http://t.co/eRm6R1S0lu
me and some extremely crude boys in a pickup truck scream "hipster" at some kid's lemonade stand then crash into a turtle and eat shit hard
#FreshmanAdvice i will demolish you with my perfect upper body forever because seniors rule the shit out of this school
#MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES "
for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds.
it is unfair that i should have to go to hell just because i was born with a pigs brain
Clipart Illustration of a Black Hanukkah Baby In A Diaper, Holding Gifts, A Menorah And A Rattle
Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's
NASCAR Forums >> Odds & Ends >> what are some good podcasts to listen to while listlessly fucking my wife
"DUHH DUDHHH DUHH" thats what you sound like when you sing twinkle twinkle little star or any crap like that. Its not real music
how would u like a taste of fuckin basooka ammo!!! or else!!
mc donads big hamburger no tomato on rye
buy shares in the Markets. i have a really good feeling about the markets
dont pay mind of me. i am just a hound dogs old ass...
when you find out that i intentionally limit my power by not being a guy who retweets his own shit.........
you ever see one of those preserved bog men or mummies on the news and think "now theres a guy who looks like he got an ass kicking"
i fucking love logging in and out of things at incredible speed
i miss 100% of the shots i dont take mother fucker
BACK OFF CAPS COP THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR LOWERCASE
this may very well be the much needed "Win" for America that economists have speculated upon since 9/11
the absolute best place to hide your nudes is in a file folder on your desktop labelled "Clothes"
i Fucking hate it when i come at the king and miss, especially when I best not do that
if you think this is a freaking humour account. youre a piece of shit. please refer to my listitng in GQ magazine under Arts & Entertainment
IDIOT: I would love to get trapped in some sort of wall and spin around faster and faster until pieces of my body slough off ME: Ok, no,
speaking of war crimes, some say the white flag of surrender was inspired by a piece of toilet paper dangling pitifully from my ass
"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco
my new job is being the guy who says "Sir You Can't Film Here" repeatedly to people who bring recording gadgets to aldi markets
hey now, its super bowl http://t.co/yPbH9B8akK
as the man who was personaly tasked with wiping roger ailes ass id just like to say theres no way im more than 40% responsible for his death
Met a guy on here the other day named "Mr do not follow my ass". Well with a name like that you better beleieve i`d be taking that advice.
thre most classic shit is when somebody on tv or in real life says "What about lunch"
It Is said, that the online content creator absorbs the combined pain of every follower 24 hrs a day鈥毭劽產nd that is why they cry in saddness...
indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find me on the floor fucking a styrofoam container
massive, hulking gorilla of a man, compeltely covered in hair, lying on a mattress and jacking off to his one immaculate shaved leg
BURY ME WITH MY ASS.........
ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out
hovering over the apartment maintenance man with my pants down while he unclogs my toilet for the 4th time this week
every one here has become too cynical and full of their own ass. its like none of you are even trying to help Jussie
cant get ahold of my brexit adviser
my fatass head floating in the sky, looking down at all the Girls i follow bantering/ having a nice time on here, nodding, thinking its good
i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i will never apologize for the gestures i make with my ass
"oh this?? im only wearing this shit in case i need something to wipe my ass with"-something i just said to impress all my shirtless friends
hell ill dry rub anything. an unpeeled banana. fruit gushers. all contain a latent power which begs to be unleashed by a superb spice blend
Discussing Reality Intelligently Life
#worldturtleday these beasts are simply armoured rats ,always and forever
i destoryed my balls with uh, enhanced interrogation techniques sir
WEL DESPITE FREE SPCH LAWS IM STIL NOT ALOUD TO PRACTICE SARGING TECHNIQ ON UGLY WMEN AT PETSMART - I AM SO TORN UP OVER THIS - SOM1 CALL ME
my walk in closet with the frogger arcade cabinet is a No Liberal's Allowed Zone
The one thing that I am truly the most sick of dealing with online is Ignorance Likers .
might pull some strings and get a paywalled article put in the "whats happening" sidebar about my Horny Status, for 10000000 people to see
im a dirty cop who has joined the islamic state of iraq and the levant
plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits
the much anticipated photographic evidence that i take good care of my gumline has been postponed due to drama and agony
tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move
i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts)
back in the nice days, youd go to th e barbershop and theyd serve you a full seven course meal during your haircut. not like today my friend
listen bitch i know what ``poop`` is and i dont like it
im taking back thw word "Penis" because boys are being out here doing it for them self
just found out tthat cultural revolutionary Bill Maher is just another worthless pothead. is there any hope left in this earth
theyre tryin to Stooge my ass
gentlmen: a crisis. my official pizza hut rage face widget reports that ive posted the "Wtf Face" 138 times in may 2012 alone. trouble ahead
gravitational waves huh., is that like the super moon
welp, if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself. *removes heart and lungs*
The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen
i think that the dog version of the super bowl shoyuld show some god damn respect to the regular version of the super bowl
Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers
dming all the accounts on here who pretend to be horny versions of smallville characters, demanding to know their long-term business plan
cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this...
if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight
forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet
And now it seems that even my own followers cannot resist pelting me with ad homenim dog shit.
im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw
petition to change the twitter bird into a shittier, less noble animal, l ike a pig or an ape
the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now
the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost
when the doctor ask's you for a stool sample but you dont know how much he needs so you load up like an entire keg with turds "Just in case"
you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though
thinking of that 9/11 thread on the pokemon board i used to post on where the Admin said "Welcome to World War 3" & everyone shit them selves
WHo else thinks that, without JACK at the helm, this site is going to start Sucking FUCKING DICK!!!
the tongue is the human body's most powerful tooth
bathroom prayer Thank you Lord for letting me go to The bath room, I pray you deliver my shit Thru the Pipe so it can be of use to an animal
Porn is a constant reminder of how inadequate I am (self.AskReddit)
IS IT TRUE THAT THE TSA WILL TOUCH MY DICK FOR FREE AT LITERALLY ANY AIR LINE
the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it"
I will shut the fuck up , IF, it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm
Bacon nutella fortnite selfystick iPhone avocado kanye Mocha Latte (deep breath) triggered tinder starbucks Chipotle safe space pumpkinspice
fantasy meatball league