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isis man: please! you gotta follow back! you just gotta!
me: no can do my man. i respect your right to be in isis, but I can not follow you. |
congress members fighting over who can scream "halo 5" the loudest, until a senior member stands up and yells "halo 6", infuriating them all |
tomorrow im going to fill up on bread befoore 10am and get waterboarded by my seven identical uncles |
i will gladly purchase the Horrifying new xbox for each room in my home and expose my nude body to its mandatory camera daily for kfc points |
every day this happens: my followers inject me with a mix of chemicals , And they kill me as they would a sick dog. Every day they do this |
i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times |
everytime jeff dunham makes his miserable puppets kiss each other a bridge collapses somewhere |
"Ur honor, if Mr Pibb was truly this man's uncle, then surely hed be able to dazzle us with Pibb Merch"
JUDGE:damn he's right. No Pibb Merch |
I WANT " 1 2 3 "
1. MY DICK SUCKED
2. MY POSTS LIKED
3. MY ASS KICKED |
i'm wild about Setups |
while my trolls are busy "moving the goal posts" im afraid i am simply moving the "good posts" |
iwant to outfit the scope on my sniper rifle with net flicks |
Serious votes only |
fucking.. actual yes http://t.co/eRm6R1S0lu |
me and some extremely crude boys in a pickup truck scream "hipster" at some kid's lemonade stand then crash into a turtle and eat shit hard |
#FreshmanAdvice i will demolish you with my perfect upper body forever because seniors rule the shit out of this school |
#MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES " |
for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds. |
it is unfair that i should have to go to hell just because i was born with a pigs brain |
Clipart Illustration of a Black Hanukkah Baby In A Diaper, Holding Gifts, A Menorah And A Rattle |
Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's |
NASCAR Forums >> Odds & Ends >> what are some good podcasts to listen to while listlessly fucking my wife |
"DUHH DUDHHH DUHH" thats what you sound like when you sing twinkle twinkle little star or any crap like that. Its not real music |
how would u like a taste of fuckin basooka ammo!!! or else!! |
mc donads big hamburger no tomato on rye |
buy shares in the Markets. i have a really good feeling about the markets |
dont pay mind of me. i am just a hound dogs old ass... |
when you find out that i intentionally limit my power by not being a guy who retweets his own shit......... |
you ever see one of those preserved bog men or mummies on the news and think "now theres a guy who looks like he got an ass kicking" |
i fucking love logging in and out of things at incredible speed |
i miss 100% of the shots i dont take mother fucker |
BACK OFF CAPS COP THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR LOWERCASE |
this may very well be the much needed "Win" for America that economists have speculated upon since 9/11 |
the absolute best place to hide your nudes is in a file folder on your desktop labelled "Clothes" |
i Fucking hate it when i come at the king and miss, especially when I best not do that |
if you think this is a freaking humour account. youre a piece of shit. please refer to my listitng in GQ magazine under Arts & Entertainment |
IDIOT: I would love to get trapped in some sort of wall and spin around faster and faster until pieces of my body slough off
ME: Ok, no, |
speaking of war crimes, some say the white flag of surrender was inspired by a piece of toilet paper dangling pitifully from my ass |
"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco |
my new job is being the guy who says "Sir You Can't Film Here" repeatedly to people who bring recording gadgets to aldi markets |
hey now, its super bowl http://t.co/yPbH9B8akK |
as the man who was personaly tasked with wiping roger ailes ass id just like to say theres no way im more than 40% responsible for his death |
Met a guy on here the other day named "Mr do not follow my ass". Well with a name like that you better beleieve i`d be taking that advice. |
thre most classic shit is when somebody on tv or in real life says "What about lunch" |
It Is said, that the online content creator absorbs the combined pain of every follower 24 hrs a day鈥毭劽產nd that is why they cry in saddness... |
indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find me on the floor fucking a styrofoam container |
massive, hulking gorilla of a man, compeltely covered in hair, lying on a mattress and jacking off to his one immaculate shaved leg |
BURY ME WITH MY ASS......... |
ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out |
hovering over the apartment maintenance man with my pants down while he unclogs my toilet for the 4th time this week |
every one here has become too cynical and full of their own ass. its like none of you are even trying to help Jussie |
cant get ahold of my brexit adviser |
my fatass head floating in the sky, looking down at all the Girls i follow bantering/ having a nice time on here, nodding, thinking its good |
i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i will never apologize for the gestures i make with my ass |
"oh this?? im only wearing this shit in case i need something to wipe my ass with"-something i just said to impress all my shirtless friends |
hell ill dry rub anything. an unpeeled banana. fruit gushers. all contain a latent power which begs to be unleashed by a superb spice blend |
Discussing
Reality
Intelligently
Life |
#worldturtleday these beasts are simply armoured rats ,always and forever |
i destoryed my balls with uh, enhanced interrogation techniques sir |
WEL DESPITE FREE SPCH LAWS IM STIL NOT ALOUD TO PRACTICE SARGING TECHNIQ ON UGLY WMEN AT PETSMART - I AM SO TORN UP OVER THIS - SOM1 CALL ME |
my walk in closet with the frogger arcade cabinet is a No Liberal's Allowed Zone |
The one thing that I am truly the most sick of dealing with online is Ignorance Likers . |
might pull some strings and get a paywalled article put in the "whats happening" sidebar about my Horny Status, for 10000000 people to see |
im a dirty cop who has joined the islamic state of iraq and the levant |
plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits |
the much anticipated photographic evidence that i take good care of my gumline has been postponed due to drama and agony |
tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move |
i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts) |
back in the nice days, youd go to th e barbershop and theyd serve you a full seven course meal during your haircut. not like today my friend |
listen bitch i know what ``poop`` is and i dont like it |
im taking back thw word "Penis" because boys are being out here doing it for them self |
just found out tthat cultural revolutionary Bill Maher is just another worthless pothead. is there any hope left in this earth |
theyre tryin to Stooge my ass |
gentlmen: a crisis. my official pizza hut rage face widget reports that ive posted the "Wtf Face" 138 times in may 2012 alone. trouble ahead |
gravitational waves huh., is that like the super moon |
welp, if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself. *removes heart and lungs* |
The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen |
i think that the dog version of the super bowl shoyuld show some god damn respect to the regular version of the super bowl |
Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers |
dming all the accounts on here who pretend to be horny versions of smallville characters, demanding to know their long-term business plan |
cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this... |
if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight |
forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet |
And now it seems that even my own followers cannot resist pelting me with ad homenim dog shit. |
im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw |
petition to change the twitter bird into a shittier, less noble animal, l ike a pig or an ape |
the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now |
the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost |
when the doctor ask's you for a stool sample but you dont know how much he needs so you load up like an entire keg with turds "Just in case" |
you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though |
thinking of that 9/11 thread on the pokemon board i used to post on where the Admin said "Welcome to World War 3" & everyone shit them selves |
WHo else thinks that, without JACK at the helm, this site is going to start Sucking FUCKING DICK!!! |
the tongue is the human body's most powerful tooth |
bathroom prayer
Thank you Lord for letting me go to
The bath room,
I pray you deliver my shit Thru
the Pipe
so it can be of use to an animal |
Porn is a constant reminder of how inadequate I am (self.AskReddit) |
IS IT TRUE THAT THE TSA WILL TOUCH MY DICK FOR FREE AT LITERALLY ANY AIR LINE |
the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it" |
I will shut the fuck up , IF, it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm |
Bacon nutella fortnite selfystick iPhone avocado kanye Mocha Latte (deep breath) triggered tinder starbucks Chipotle safe space pumpkinspice |
fantasy meatball league |