name
stringlengths 1
98
⌀ | line
stringlengths 1
1.11k
⌀ |
---|---|
Inmate | Deep fried shrimp, and lobster. I nEver had lobster. What, do you boil 'em or grill 'em? Which one's better? Ah, just get 'em both. And I know I need a strawberry malt, and then there's those chocolate donuts that come in a box? |
Lawyer | We'll do our best to accommodate. Tomorrow you'll be moved to a holding cell. That's where you'll get your last meal. [Close up on other Inmate! let's call him Clarence.] You also have a constitutional right to the spiritual advisor of your choice. |
Inmate | Naw, I don't need none of that. |
Lawyer | One last thing to think about: After I read the execution warrant, you'll be given an opportunity to make a statement. You might want to take some time and think about what you want to say as your final words. [He leaves.] |
Inmate | Yo, Clarence! You hear that? A spiritual advisor of my choice! |
Clarence | Don't matter, you goin' to hell anyway. |
Inmate | You think I'll get another stay? |
Clarence | You should. Supreme Court said it ain't right to kill retards. |
Warden | Cut the chatter! Exercise time. [The guards come and take Clarence into a room with no windows, only a basketball hoop. They release him from his handcuffs through a hole in the door.] Be back in an hour. Enjoy. [Clarence walks around, and then pretends to shoot some hoops. Suddenly, a Woman appears in the room.] |
Woman | Why did you hit me so Many times, Clarence? |
Clarence | You know why! |
Woman | You could have stopped. [Another person appears.] |
Man | You stabbed me in the back, Man. |
Clarence | I nEver st "� |
Man | You couldn't fight fair. |
Clarence | Like you did? [A guard appears.] |
Guard | I had a wife and three kids. |
Clarence | You are a sick bastard! Open the door! Open the door! [Another Man appears.] |
James | You can't go in there. |
House | Who are you, and why are you wearing a tie? |
James | I'm Dr. Cuddy's new assistant. Can I tell her what it's regarding? |
House | Yes. I would like to know why she gets a secretary and I don't. |
James | I'm her assistant, not her secretary. I graduated from Rutgers. |
House | Hmm. I didn't know they had a secretarial school. Well, I hope you took some classes in sexual harassment law. Does the word "ka-Parkng"� mean anything to you? I'm going in now. [House enters.] |
Cuddy | Dr. House, we are in the middle of a meeting. |
House | What's with hiring a male secretary? JDate not working out? |
Stacy | He is cute. Be careful. |
House | She's not like you. She can't just walk into a bar and pick up her soul mate in twenty minutes. |
Stacy | I met Mark at a fundraiser that happened to be held at a "� |
House | You met me at a strip club. |
Stacy | You were the worst two dollars I Ever spent. [to Cuddy] We'll catch up later. |
Cuddy | Stacy, it's House. I know you can handle it. |
Stacy | Nothing to handle. He obviously wants to talk to you alone. [She leaves.] |
Cuddy | If you have a pRoblem working with Stacy you should have said so. |
House | What was I supposed to do? Ask her to leave? That's just rude. Death row guy. I want the case. |
Cuddy | How do you Even know about him? You don't have access to the hospital's mainframe. |
House | No, but "partypants"� does. |
Cuddy | You stole my password? |
House | Hardly counts as stealing; it's a pretty obvious choice. |
Cuddy | Well, I have already assigned Death Row Guy to Dr. Nolo. |
House | Nolo? Well, I don't want to say anything bad about another doctor, but! especially a useless drunk! |
Cuddy | You are addicted to pain pills. |
House | But I'm not useless. Tell Nolo I'm talking over. |
Cuddy | Dr. Nolo is a board certified cardiologist. |
House | Oh, good. I'm sure he'll explore all the usual options for why a guy's heart starts beating so fast it pumps out air instead of blood. Wait a second "� there are no usual options! |
Cuddy | How badly do you want this? |
House | I will give you two more clinic hours this week. |
Cuddy | Don't bend over for the soap. [She hands him the file.] |
Cameron | Just the heart, or the Patient have any other complaints? |
House | The Patient's not talking to anybody. |
Cameron | Where are we going? |
House | You are going to the clinic for two hours. |
Cameron | Me? Why? |
House | Talk to Cuddy. She's got me going to Mercer State Prison, Capital Sentences unit, I don't know. |
Foreman | Aren't there better ways to spend our time? |
House | Good question. What makes a person deserving? Is a Man who cheats on his wife more deserving than a Man who kills his wife? |
Foreman | Uh! yeah. Actually, he is. |
House | What about a Parkld molester? Certainly not a good guy, but he didn't kill anybody. Maybe he can get antibiotics, but no MRIs. What about you? What medical care should you be denied for being a car thief? Tell you what: the three of you work out a list of what medical treatments a person loses based on the crime they committed. I'll review it when I get back. [House leaves the hospital. Chase and Foreman exit the lobby, which leaves Cameron to do the clinic hours.] |
Warden | Your Patient shanked one inmate his first month here, broke another one's neck, nearly decapitated one of my guards! |
House | Relax, I've got a great bedside Manner. |
Warden | Too dangerous to House him in the infirmary. You don't have to worry, we've taken Every precaution. I've had my men clear from the cell all pens, paperclips and staplers. Any supplies that might be used as a weapon. [We see Clarence, shackled to a cot in a room full of office supplies.] Open her up! For your visit, we've got him cuffed and shackled. |
House | And yet, you're staying out there. |
Warden | [nodding, then grabbing House's cane] Uhp! You're going to have to give me that. Wouldn't want anybody to get hurt. |
Cameron | [entering] Hi. |
Cindy | Hi. |
Cameron | I'm Dr. Cameron. How're you feeling? |
Cindy | Eh. Little cough, no big deal. |
Cameron | Okay. What're you doing here? |
Cindy | I just got a job at the university. They need a health clearance. Apparently I'm a little anemic, so they made me get some more tests. |
Cameron | Any family history of anemia? |
Cindy | Not that I know of. My mom died of cancer when I was a kid, my dad's heart gave out a couple of years ago. |
Cameron | Brothers and sisters? |
Cindy | I'm afraid it's a short family history. That's it. I had a husband once, but! didn't stick. My tests should be back, pRobably in that file. |
Cameron | PRobably. [She looks at the lung x-ray, and then looks concerned.] |
Cindy | Is Everything okay? |
Wilson | Did you redo the x-ray? |
Cameron | Twice. |
Wilson | Well, you don't need a consult. You know the diagnosis. |
Cameron | All she has is a cough. |
House | Bluish tinge to the fingernails, lips! he's hypoxic. |
Warden | What's that mean? |
House | It means he's not getting enough oxygen. You know how people say you can't live without love? Well, oxygen's Even more important. He's got fluid in his lungs, breathing rate of 50! he needs to be intubated and put on a respirator. |
Warden | Don't have a respirator. |
House | Better get one in about an hour, or you're gonna lose him. |
Warden | I'll make out a requisition. The state's already sentenced this Man to die. |
House | [flipping open his cell phone] I think the state was a tad more specific about "how"�. [on the phone] This is Dr. Gregory House. I need an ambulance to pick-up at Mercer State Prison. |
Warden | Wasted call, my men will stop them at the gate. No way a Death Row inmate leaves my prison, at least not through the front doors. |
House | You work fast. |
Stacy | So do you. |
House | Was that a shot? |
Stacy | Yeah. It was easy once I convinced the clerk to take it to Judge Markem, she's a sucker for Eighth Amendment arguments. |
House | Stop, I'm getting turned on. |
Cuddy | House! |
House | [in his best Scooby-Doo imitation] Ruh-row! |
Cuddy | It was just a consult! You expect us to shut down an entire floor for this guy?! |
House | Did you do something to your hair? |
Cuddy | Stacy?! |
Stacy | You said you cleared with her "� |
House | Come on. You've known me how long and you still don't know when I'm joshin' ya? |
Cuddy | Take him back to prison. Now. |