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t3_1hxu8s | relationships | I (f/22) have to figure out if I want to still know these girls or not and would hate to sound insulting | Not sure if this belongs here but it's worth a try.
Backstory:
When I (f/22) went through my first real breakup 2 years ago because he needed space after a year of dating roand it effected me more than I thought. It was a horrible time in my life due to living with my mother and finally having the chance to cut her out of my life. I can admit because of it was an emotional wreck and this guy was stable and didn't know how to deal with me. We ended by him avoiding for a month or so after going to a festival with my friends. When I think back I wish he just ended. So after he ended it added my depression I suffered but my friends helped me through it and I got rid of everything from him along with cutting contact.
Now: Its been almost 3 years now and I've gotten better after counselling and mild anti depressants. My mother has been out of my life since then so there's been alot of progress. Being stronger after learning some lessons there been more insight about that time of my life but when I see him or a picture everything comes back. The emotions and memories bring me back down.
His friends (both girls) are on my facebook because we get along well which is hard to find and I know they'll always have his back. But seeing him in a picture or talking to him at a convention having a conversation is tough. Crying confront of my current boyfriend is something I want to avoid.
So I've been thinking that I have to cut contact with these girls because it's time to move on because it's healthier. It's best to avoid him as well. But will they be insulted? Will they accept it? Is there going to be awkwardness? I'm not sure if it's the right to do and could use some outside opinions. | I still have contact with an old ex's friends but can't stand to see or talk to him. His friends are really nice ,so how do I tell them I possibly want to unfriend them on Facebook because of him? |
t3_33lz18 | loseit | SV & NSV! Keeping on keeping on. | 30F, 5'6". SW: 236 GW: 150 CW: 219
I weigh myself weekly and measure myself monthly. I'd hit a plateau the last four weeks or so where I was stuck at 222. Felt like kind of a bummer, but knew it's because I haven't been as strict as I should with my diet, and the last week and a half have been crazy with life things, so I haven't been exercising as frequently as I've gotten used to. When I weighed myself as normal on Monday, I was kind of disappointed to see the scale not budging and figured it was time to buckle down again and really watch my diet. Today was my measure-in day, and I've felt cruddy in general since Monday because I caught some chest congestion/cold bug over the weekend. I get on the scale...it says 219. Whaaaaat? I take my measurements, which are down slightly from last month, and with an total-body loss of 8 inches from my starting point on 12/23/14! Some of my clothes have been feeling a bit looser as of late and now I know it's just not in my head. I'm now the lightest and smallest I've been since right around high school! | Progress is still happening, even when you think it might not be! Don't get discouraged, even if your journey seems to be going slowly. Don't give up, warriors. |
t3_38a85h | relationships | Me [19F] with my friend [19M] 10 months, Insecurities - Show or Tell? | What are your stories about insecurities you've had in past relationships? How have you dealt with them, particularly the ones that you can't hide?
I'm not currently in a relationship, but recently I've realized that there is someone who likes me, and I'm interested in them, too. Frankly, the only reason I'm not asking them out is because I know that I have some insecurities that need to be worked through - particularly in the realm of body image. While I'm confident in the rest of my body, I've had terrible, awful acne both on my arms and breasts since I was very young. It's a special type with no complete cure, but doctors suggested that I keep my skin oiled until it goes away (dryness irritates it). Because of this it's not so much present anymore as large clusters of scars are.
Would I warn someone about this upfront before anything sexual? Would I just let it surprise them when the clothes come off? Do I tell them "Let's keep on my shirt for now" while we do our business?
Have you had experiences with anything similar? I want to hear how they went! | My skin is scarred badly; what could I do/say about it that would gross my future partner out the least? What's your experience with body image issues? |
t3_2xvpgy | relationship_advice | (M/19) Still struggling to move on. | My ex broke up with me at the end of October last year. It's been 5 months since. I certainly feel a lot better than my first couple of months but I still feel like I'm in torture.
We were together for 2 years (long distance) and she broke up with me out of the blue. I know both of us contributed to the problems but I feel like I was the major problem due to jealousy and insecurities. I just feel guilty and shitty regardless.
A month afterwards our breakup, she already has a new boyfriend (still dating to this day as far as I know). Finding that out was just adding more salt to the wound.
I've picked up new hobbies, connected with old friends and made new ones, made healthy changes and am pursuing bettering my insecurity issues.
Yet I still feel like complete crap and I miss her. At this point it's hard to remember all of the bad that happened and my mind focuses on the good things I miss. It hurts a lot to know she's sharing her life now with another guy. How easily dispensable I was to her.
Today is her birthday and this is why I'm here. I was very tempted to send her a text and break NC but I convinced myself not to. I know it'll just get me sucked into a deeper shit hole... I think. I feel like I'm doubting myself a lot again.
I strongly felt or still do (I don't even know anymore), that she is/was the love of my life. I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of purgatory of moving on and not.
I don't think I necessarily have a fear of being alone. I just have a fear that I'll never have her again. Its really a mixture of it, honestly.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling, I just don't have anyone else to talk to right now and I needed to vent a little and maybe hear whatever advice you guys can offer. | Still struggling to move on. |
t3_2as12n | personalfinance | Prioritize student debt or saving for down payment? | I have $25k in student debt. One private loan at 9.5% (highest priority obviously) and nine others federal between 3.4% and 6.8%. Minimum payment per month total is $301.16. Over the next 9 months, I will pay off $11k of these, which will get rid of everything above 5% interest and will drop the total minimum payment to $150.
At the end of the 9 months, our savings will be around $35k. At that time my husband will need to purchase a car so some of that will be his down payment. So more realistically $25-30k.
Sometime in the future, between a year to two years from now, my husband and I may be moving. Typical single family homes in this area go for around $300k.
At the end of the 9 months, should I continue to focus on paying down student debt (which will be a balance of $14k by then) or growing our savings/down payment? I have $5200/mo to somehow split between debt and down payment and I'm not sure how best to allocate it. | $14k in student debt (all <5%) and need to save more for down payment on a ~$300k house. How to allocate $5200/mo between the two? |
t3_1vprdl | relationships | Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of just over four months. I love you? | So, like the title says, my current boyfriend and I have been together about four months. I have such deep feelings for him and I know he feels the same way about me. We haven't said "I love you" to each other yet, but we have talked about how much we both mean to one another. I feel like there have been a few times where we both might have been close, but it hasn't actually happened.
I'm just looking to hear some stories about your first times with the L-word with your SO. In my past relationships, I was the first to say it (and received an immediate reciprocation in both cases.) I'm not looking to rush it with my current SO by any means, and I feel like this relationship is just beginning to grow into something beautiful. We've worked through some of my initial hang-ups and I have already learned so much about the importance of communication with him. He enjoys bringing things out into the open and getting them out of the way from the start, and I couldn't appreciate it more.
In short, I would just enjoy some stories and experiences from you other fine people. So, my question is, what was it like the first time you said "I love you" to (or heard it from) your SO? Did he/she say it back right away? If not, how much later? Also, what would you consider appropriate timing on the L-word? | Been with my boyfriend about four months, haven't said "I love you" yet, but I feel like we've been close on a few occasions. What are your stories of the first time using the L-word with your SO? And what is "good" timing, in your opinion? |
t3_jhulh | AskReddit | What is your best "I can't believe this is happening" moment. These can be good or bad. I'll go first. | This happened when I was a lifeguard for the YMCA. Along with our typical CPR and rescue training we would have a mandatory child abuse awareness training so we could identify predators at the pool.
One day I was guarding the wade pool making sure kids didn't trip and crack their heads open. It was a typical day with the same parents and same kids that we generally had splashing around.
A man in his mid thirties came up to me and told me that my brother (who was the head guard at the pool) had given him permission to swim in the wading pool. This already set off a red flag for me. Why the eff would this guy want permission to get in the freaking pool. I give him a confused "uh sure what ever", and went back to monitoring the swimmers.
I didn't know this at the time but the guy had been kicked out of the kid pool by my brother for being a little too hands on with one of the boys. The boy and his mom were regulars and when my brother saw the man wrestling with the boy, he asked the mom if it was ok. She said she didn't know the man. It made my brother uncomfortable enough that he asked the guy to leave the pool.
I'm watching the pool and I see the guy wrestling with the same boy. He's hugging him and being a little "hands on". I'm thinking that maybe this is family until my brother cruises by and tells me that the mom does not know the man and that the man has already been told to stay out of the kid pool.
I head over to the guy to lay down the law and that he can't be in the kid pool any more. He freaks out and says that he doesn't want to be in the hot tub or big pool, gestures to the kid pool and says that this is where the action is.
We kick him out, on his way out he wants to know if he can give the boy a hug and talk to him one last time.
The entire time I couldn't believe that this was happening. | an adult by himself get's to hands on with boy in kid pool, we kick him out of the pool. |
t3_48b1wp | relationship_advice | Should I tell her I know? | M26 here. My SO F28, who has been living with me for almost a year cheated on me six months ago with a mutual friend M31. His housemate, M31, told me yesterday that she sucked this guy's dick six months ago and finally decided to tell me because he thinks I should know. She goes over to their house regularly to wash our clothes. We have both known these people all our lives pretty much, and my SO and him have had sex in the past, when me and her weren't together. This is no secret to anyone. I haven't told anyone else. She doesn't think I know. I love her very much. We have a long history together over ten years. I know she loves me too, and I don't think it will happen again, but I don't know if I should tell her I know or just keep it to myself and watch for signs it's happening again. I don't want her going over there anymore, and I would like it if she cut off all communication with this guy, but I don't think that will happen. This isn't the only time she has cheated in the past either. (Not on me) She cheated on two previous boyfriends (with me). Any advice would be really appreciated. I'm not sure how to handle this. | live in GF cheated six months ago. Don't think it will happen again. What should I do? |
t3_2bzi1g | relationships | My[25m] girlfriend [24f] is only nice and pleasant when I'm aloof and distant. (9 months) | Throwaway
I noticed the more I'm cold and distant towards my girlfriend, the more pleasant she becomes. She'll come over and clean my apartment, do laundry, dishes and cook for me, even as far as to offer oral favors while I'm drinking a beer!
She seems completely happy and content during this time, which makes me happy and I naturally want to do things back for her. As soon as I start doing her favors, she picks fights and complains nonstop. Latest issue was I offered to take her and her mom to dinner. She kept giving me shit about how I'm going to be spending too much time with my brother (who's visiting for a week soon), which she was totally fine with when I was being distant with her. She'll call me a bitch in a joking way, and just take the piss out of me whenever I'm kind or go out of my way to apologize.
This naturally makes me feel cold and indifferent toward her. Once she senses that, she's all about making me the happiest boyfriend and apologizes for all the shit she was giving me the week previously. It's a vicious cycle but I'm not sure what to do here. I've brought this up with her and she recognizes it and has no solution. She just "feels differently towards me sometimes" and can't explain it.
**So what do I do here? Do I keep up the aloof, distant attitude to keep her interested or suffer her negging in kindness, my default setting. | GF is a meanie-bo-beanie when I'm nice, and an absolute doll when I'm uninterested. Sex is bomb and she's the hottest I've ever dated. What do? |
t3_552pxf | relationships | Me 28 F with guy I'm dating 30 M - 1 month, Is it okay to ask if everything is okay or am I being pushy? | I have been dating this guy for 1 month now and everything was great until last Sunday when I noticed he wasn't responding to my text with the same flirty, cute, enthusiastic text that he usually would. He used to call me baby, babe but since last Sunday he has said none of those words and texting has been less and communication has been less.
He invited me over last night to watch a movie so I went over and I think we had one conversation the whole night, it was how my day was. He never even tried to start a conversation after the movie and he has never asked if he could get high in front of me until today which I was totally fine with but I thought it was weird that the whole time we hung out before he never smoked in front of me. I am not sure if he's getting comfortable or he just doesn't care anymore?
Anyways, as he was walking me out to my car I asked him if everything was okay because he has been acting different. His only response was, "Yes, I'm fine" and then it got awkward and I left in my car.
Do you think I am being pushy or too clingy asking that question? I regret asking it right after I asked it because it makes me feel like I have low self-esteem for this relationship. Maybe I just worry too much but it has been eating at me. | I asked guy I have been dating for a month if everything was okay and now I regret it because I think it makes me look pushy /clingy. |
t3_4at13v | relationships | I [18/M] recently got kicked out my house by my [56/M] father. Need advice | Don't know where I'd post this, but I thought here would be a good spot.
I recently got ran out the house with a bat by my abusive alcoholic father, [56/M]. The gist of it is, my household climate has always been toxic since I was a kid. I'm honestly kind of glad I got kicked out but I don't know where to go from here.
Last year I got into a decent uni, but I figured trying to pay for it myself would be a logistical nightmare. I tried asking my dad for help and the fucker tried getting into my face about it. I worked a McJob for a little bit, looking to get into a trade school. I was depressed as fuck living at home but didn't have the funds to move out.
However, the option of enlisting in the USMC came up and I took it. My ship date is in June, so I thought I'd tough out living at home for a few more months. Yesterday I finally told my dad my plans and that I was going to be leaving in June and he went livid. And that's the reason why, ( I think) he ran me out of the house. I spent the night on a park bench.
So that brings me to now, and I'm quite lost. I'm sitting in a Starbucks trying to figure out how the hell in going to survive for the next few months. I have 50 bucks and some clothes in my bag and I don't have any friends/extended family. I made a friend at my poolee functions but I think it's kind of a in the moment thing. We probably aren't going to be in contact with each other after boot camp. I plan on calling my recruiter and telling him my situation but I don't think he's going to be of much help.
So I'm scared, fucked and need advice. | Got kicked out of the house, need to survive until June |
t3_4fi6hn | legaladvice | [USA][TX]First time in accident with totaled vehicles. Do I get a lawyer? | Driving our car under a highway, come out other side to a green light, car enters intersection from the right and we t-bone them going about 40 mph. Multiple witnesses (maybe 4 different vehicles) state that other party was at fault. I felt better than my wife and was able to take pictures and talk to police. Wife could not leave the car because she was in so much pain. She got out right before it was about to get towed (~45 min later) Both went to the hospital. I didn't need scans, but the wife got a CT scan (which determined she is did not have internal injuries) and X-rays (chest and knees).
Both cars are totalled. Also 2 other vehicles were hit that were waiting in the opposite direction that I was driving were hit. None totaled imo. My car cost $6000 and we still had about $1000. Also it had about $5k in modifications. Other driver has insurance.
Question is: is the safest bet to go with a lawyer? Their fee is 33%. Would they actually make 33% over what we could get, or is it worth it just so they can deal with insurance, rental car, medical bills, car payment, making us "whole" (biggest thing we would have a problem arguing), car mods etc. | We t-boned a woman who ran a red light. She hit 2 additional vehicles. Only ours and her vehicle are totalled. We went to the hospital for testing. The car damage for our car is $10,000. Should we get a lawyer or go at it alone? |
t3_fss6j | relationships | Is it weird that this turned me off from my gf? | The other day my girlfriend(23 years old) and myself(22 years old) were talking and she revealed to me that she almost didn't date me because I was too short (5'7"-5'8"). She is only about 5'5". Now she loves me a lot and thinks I am the best thing to ever happen to her but for some reason, learning about this, really turned me off. I have never associated height with anything other than how tall is someone, but apparently people associate height with strength, power, attractiveness and other stuff that has nothing to do with height. Is it bad of me to want to break up with her for this shallow view?
I know its kinda shallow of me but I am extremely turned off by this. | Gf said she almost didn't date me because I was too short. Now I am really turned off by her. |
t3_3mcrjk | relationships | I (27/F) am obnoxiously paranoid after a gynecological health scare. How do I explain my ridiculous hormonal-ness to my boyfriend (32/M)? (X-posted to /r/AskWomen) | Last month, I started getting really hormonal and feeling downright crazy (becoming paranoid about my awesome boyfriend for absolutely no reason, crying at the drop of a hat, and all of that jazz.). Right around that time, my gyno told me that I was due to have my IUD removed. Oh, okay! That's why I was a hormonal wreck! Bada bing, bada boom, I'll get it replaced and everything will be back to normal.
When I got to his office for what was meant to be a routine appointment, he found a large mass in one of my ovaries--and told me that I needed to have a hysteroscopy to get my IUD removed. He scheduled the hysteroscopy and the aspiration of the mass for the next day. I was horrified and scared shitless. My boyfriend was very supportive, stayed up late rubbing my neck the night before the procedure, came with me to the doctor, took me out for more meals than I can count so that I didn't have to cook, etc.
It's been a week since the procedures and, frankly, I don't really feel any less scared, anxious, or paranoid. Now I feel like there's something I'm always going to have to worry about. From what I understand based on talking to other women, this is a feeling that will eventually go away. But how do I explain myself to my partner and let him know that I'm aware that I'm being crazy right now without sounding like I'm trying to make excuses for being a completely and totally irrational asshole? | Had a big-ass ovarian cyst; scared that I'm irreparably broken; hormonal shitstorm ensues; worried I'm going to alienate my boyfriend with my behavior. |
t3_v283h | loseit | Can somebody please tell me I am blind or something... | Hey loseit. I want to start by saying thank you so freaking much. Your stories and victories have kept me going for the last few months. I started losing weight at 285 in late February and I quickly lost 20 pounds. I stopped trying as hard once I plateaued and I stayed at 265 for a while. Over the past month I have gotten serious about losing again and I am down to 256. I am incredibly proud of my progress as pertaining to numbers and the energy I have now, but I took a progress pic yesterday and I can't see 29lbs of progress. [Please tell me I am blind.]( | Lost 29 pounds. Don't see results physically. |
t3_38mtrj | relationships | Advice givers of this subreddit please help me (18m) out. Please and thank you:) | So recently I listened to the song Feel Again by OneRepublic. GREAT SONG. But it got me thinking: "is my heart numb? Am I a lonely soul?" All my friends tell me I am basically Ted Mosby (for those of u who are himym fans...) but I have seriously never been in a relationship and have always been friendzoned which is fine ya get used to it. But I have a couple girl friends (note the space) and theyre each awesome and I don't want to feel like I am choosing I just want to be head over heels for one. What do I do?! It is the summer before college and while I know it is a mistake to try to be in anything serious before college I feel like its one of those things where you just gotta take the leap. Can anyone help me here? I am sorry for making you read so much... | I think I might like two girls at once. Don't want to; just want to be head over heels for one. Do I do anything before college? |
t3_4gbnkb | relationships | Me [20/F] having trouble with boyfriend [23/m] of 2.5 years sex drive | My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life. We are very sexually compatible.
Although, his sex drive is crazy high compared to mine. It really depends on the time of month for me [hormones], sometimes I'll be down to go 3 times a day and sometimes I'm only interested in once a week.
I'm asking for advice because I have a hard time denying him without him feeling rejected by me. For example, every time we cuddle he is almost always coming on to me. At night he comes on to me, in the middle of the night he masturbates next to me, and tries to come onto me in the morning. I'm utterly flattered that after being in a relationship this long he is still very turned on by me, but sometimes it is very overwhelming to keep up with his sexual needs.
I've been trying more to just give him a HJ or BJ if he is really frisky and I'm not, but sometimes I really am just emotionally drained from life and just want to be cuddled. I've explained this to him several times and he gets very frustrated and defensive and states he doesn't feel like I want to please him....which is not the case at all. I can see how sometimes he would feel this way because when he asks sometimes my "tone" may come across annoyed or uninterested. I don't want him to feel this way and it has been a problem for a while now.
I want to learn how to approach his needs better without him feeling rejected, and I want us both to be happy. | how do I deny sex with my boyfriend of 2.5 years without him feeling like I don't want to please him? |
t3_1v3vy6 | relationships | I [29 F] am with husband [32 M] of 5 years, fell in love with a colleague 29M, today will be a talk, my husband doesn't know anything. | Please don't judge me, I would be grateful for some advices.
9 months ago I fell in love with a friend and colleague of mine and alothough we didn't see each other for two months in between, I am still in love. We are just friends but at a party recently we both got drunk and talked about our feelings for each other for a minute. I didn't even know he had feelings for me. That is all what happened and now we decided to speak about everything today for an hour or so.
It is clear that I want to stay with my husband and he would never want to destroy a marriage or hurt my husband, whom he knows a litte.
Reddit, what should I tell him today? And how should we proceed with our friendship? How should I involve my husband? Please don't hate me. | Will meet a friend I have a crush on, how should we solve this? |
t3_zqbiv | AskReddit | What is a life-altering situation that you're currently involved in? | I'm an idiot and fucked around quite a bit during my first year at my new school. The transfer scholarship I received ($12,000/year) is going to be taken away from me by spring of 2013 if I don't have my GPA above a 3.0. It's currently at a 2.36 or something.
I've been doing this semester entirely different so far. I've been reading all the suggested chapters, doing the sample problems, etc. I feel really comfortable. In fact, I just got kind of upset over myself because I missed 1 point on a quiz which brought my class grade down to 98.3%. If I get straight A's this semester, my GPA will go to 3.1 and then I just have to maintain or increase that next semester and I'm in the clear. This scholarship is a huge deal and would cause quite an impact if it were taken away | don't fuck around at school |
t3_1e42z5 | offmychest | I'm just really tired right now... | I just discovered this subreddit and I am glad I did because I am about to be at the breaking point.
I am about to move out of my house with my boyfriend and into an apartment in about a week. I've been extremely stressed out. I am losing sleep about this and I have been becoming irritated at many things. Having enough money has been something that has haunted me most of all. I am worried that we won't be able to make it. I worry about how we will be living and if we will even have food at the table. I have talked to a couple of friends about this and they have all told me that if I'm not ready to move out then I shouldn't, but I have lived a very abusive life here at my house so moving is for the best. I'm probably just scared of the unknown. My boyfriend doesn't seem to be worried at all about moving out and it ticks me off because it feels like he's not aware of how the situation is and how worried I am, but I might be over thinking things. I don't know.... Anyways just wanted to get that out. | I'm worried about moving out of parent's house and into an apartment with a boyfriend who doesn't really seemed worried at all. |
t3_le8on | dogs | I seriously think my dog is going crazy. | To start with a little history my dog is about 7 years old and she is a Portugese water dog and she is a very sweet dog, always very quick to please and rarely does anything wrong. But, for the past 6 months or so she has been barking at the door out to the garage every night. She stand about 8 feet from the door and barks every 3 seconds. When I get up to see what she is barking at she stops like nothing is wrong. I've let her into the garage because I thought she hears an animal or something but she just runs around and enjoys herself when she gets out there. I also have another male Portuguese that is 2 years old and he doesn't bark at the door or even seem to care what is out in the garage. This happens every night from like 8 until we go to bed. Does anyone have any thoughts because its getting a bit irritating. Thanks for reading. | Dog barks at the door every night and wont stop |
t3_gn3n3 | AskReddit | Found two tins full of (what looks like) golden jewelry in an abandoned suitcase. Need help identifying the origin. | As I was heading home today I saw an abandoned suitcase near the side of the road (a normal way to give away things you no longer want in my neighborhood.) Inside I found a interesting blazer. It didn't smell too bad, and seemed to be in decent shape, so I picked it up and took it home to try on. As I slipped it onto my arms in the comfort of my bedroom, I noticed a strange jingling sound coming from the pockets...
Naturally, I freaked out and assumed it was full of AIDS ridden syringes and copious amounts of drugs. After gathering my wits about me, I decided to investigate. Dawning my protective yellow kitchen gloves, I slowly and ever-so-carefully peered into the inner pockets of the jacket to find [these two tins.](
They were heavy, too heavy to contain throat lozenges. Holding my breath for fear of a possible anthrax outbreak, I opened the containers to reveal [a mother loving pile of golden goddamn jewelry.](
Most interestingly are the pendants of what look like some sort of royalty. A little poking around lead me to believe that these pieces might be of Thai origin, though I could easily be mistaken.
[Here's a closeup of a few of the pendants](
[And another strikingly pretty one](
[With some inscriptions on the back](
I returned to the suitcase to do a little more poking around, but didn't find anything else interesting, though I did take the luggage tag that had a phone number. Calling the number lead to a "This number has been disconnected" message, which is even more mysterious.
If anyone of you lovely people has any idea about who is depicted on these pendants, it would absolutely make my day. Also, any suggestions of what to do next with my findings would be welcomed.
I'm no gold expert, but most of the pieces seem to be fake gold, though a few seem to be of higher quality than the rest. There are also some jewels and "diamonds" set in a few rings...It's all so interesting. And yes, this is a throwaway account. | found an abandoned jacket with pockets full of gold, trying to figure out the origins. |
t3_12n77s | relationship_advice | How to deal with questioning everything? | 23/f here and SO is 26/m. Together for 1.5 yrs and living together for 5 months.
My sister just recently got married and I can't tell if the thoughts I am having are because I'm imaging their relationship to be something it isn't or if I'm in a LTR with someone that is really not suited for me in the long term.
Their relationship is a seeming fairytale: they met, moved in together in a house he already owned, everything is neat and organized, they have a beautiful dog, great friends and love each other deeply. Her husband is very dependable and sweet.
This is not to say my relationship is horrible. My boyfriend is loving, kind and has always been there for me. We have disappeared into our relationship though - we don't really have a friend group. Both of us are at miserable minimum wage jobs trying to fund a move out of the town we went to school in. He's only interested in moving certain places but really doesn't have a plan for the future. He's never missed a bill payment or anything - but our life is not stable financially. I'm currently attempting to go back to school/send out resumes.
Sometimes I think I can marry him. He is amazing but does have a serious flaw when it comes to drinking. I've had to give him an ultimatum if he comes back home drunk and angry for the final time - it's over. I can't raise children with someone like that. So far he's been fine, no slip ups..but I constantly worry about him and I hate that.
So I was sitting there looking at my sister and couldn't help but think - should I aim for that kind of relationship? Am I over-thinking mine? If he purposes (as he's hinted), would I regret saying yes? Am I still just naive and thinking that not everyone has issues and really ours aren't that bad?
I feel bad for having these thoughts, but at the same time I don't know what to do about them. I know my life is in a transitional phase and maybe I'm yearning for some stability..but I just don't know what to do? | Witnessing a different kind of relationship is making me question mine. I don't know whether this is all in my head or I'm onto something |
t3_2dhskf | relationships | When do I [17 m] tell my girlfriend [17 f] of two months about my mental health status? | I used to have major depression and anxiety for a few years until things started looking up for me, got counseling etc. I'm good for the most part now but I still have depressive periods where for a couple weeks, I'll be right back to where I was a few years ago for different reasons.
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I'm in one of those at the moment for the first time since we've started going out, i'm normally ecstatic to be going out with her, things always seem to be going really well. Since I got like this, I've gotten paranoid that her texts are just a tad more infrequent, a tad less enthusiastic, a tad shorter and less descriptive and since then, my own enthusiasm, frequency, and length of texts have suffered noticeably.
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I mention just the texts because I've been gone from home for the majority of the last two months. We've only gone on two dates when I've actually been back home and she lives an hour away from me but we go to schools next door to each other so that's how we met. In other words, almost the entirety of our relationship has been developing through text, so keeping her satisfied with our relationship through text is more significant than usual.
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In the past, I've always found myself seriously regretting being as open about my mental health as I've been advised to be; always thinking that the other person involved either thinks I'm fishing for pity, doesn't understand that by depression I mean the condition and not just feeling sad for a while like any other person, or they think I won't be worth the trouble, or that I'm unstable or something. | Mandatory summary/question!-- My depression might be affecting my ability to respond positively and satisfactorily through text which is more important in our situation than usual. Past experience has made me conclude being honest about my mental health is bad for my relationships so when ( if ever) should I let her know? Any advice is appreciated, this is the first relationship I've been in that I seriously want (need) to work out. |
t3_29gdvm | relationships | Me [ 20/F] with my bf [ 20/M] of 3 years. I've found myself attracted to someone else. Need advice on how to overcome. | So I have been in what I consider a serious relationship for a few years now. Like any relationship we've had our ups and downs, but things have been great these past few months. I recently started a new job, and don't get to see my bf as often as I would like to anymore. And on top of that I've found myself attracted to my supervisor, and to be honest; it scares me. I know that nothing will happen, and I'm pretty much 100% certain that it is one sided, but the fact that I feel this way bothers me and makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know if I found out that my boyfriend had these feelings for another woman I would be crushed. I've had crushes before, but this seems very different, in reality, he and I barely talk so the feeling is mostly physical. And as much as I try I find myself thinking about him a lot; more than I feel I should. I find that I have this urge to talk to him more and get to know him, but I haven't. On one hand I think that maybe once I know him a little more the feeling will go away (you know, realize they have gross habits or something like that) but on the other hand if it doesn't I've made things a lot worse. But even so, I find myself imagining scenarios and situations where we're together.
And I know my usual advise for someone in this situation would be to cut out the distraction entirely, but since we work together I can't. I usually tell my boyfriend everything, but this I don't want to, I don't want to hurt him, and in addition I'm afraid of building it up into something more than it is. But when I'm upset with my boyfriend or feel like he's ignoring me I find myself thinking about this other man. And I feel awful for doing so. Sorry about all the text, I guess my question is: have you ever been in a situation like this before? And how did you overcome it? | I've found myself attracted to a man who is not my boyfriend. I can't quit my job, so how can I overcome these feelings? |
t3_2pzfya | relationships | Me [21M] with my GF [19F] of 2,5 years. She wants to pay me for helping her with her accounting studies, but I don't want her to | Hello fellow redditors,
we've been together for 2,5 years and everything is more than perfect :)
She is sitting here with me and we will both provide our perspectives.
We are enrolled in a similar business administration program, but at different universities and I'm one year ahead. She is struggling right now with her accounting class in which I was pretty good at. She asked me if I could give her tutoring lessons before her exam and obviously I agreed. It would come down to approx. 8-10 hours, which I'm perfectly fine with.
My (21M) perspective:
Here's the issue: she wants to pay me. I told her that I don't need to be paid and that I'd do it for free since relationships are also about helping each other. Plus, I enjoy it when I can help her with anything since we're spending time together and she's feeling better about the subject, which makes me feel good. She wants to pay me about 10$/hour which is a ridiculous amount of money for this small favor.
Her perspective:
In my opinion he will put more effort in to it when knowing that he get's something from it. I would like to keep it in a professional way so it's effective at the end. I feel like it's a win-win situation for both of us since I would pay way more for a stranger giving me tutoring lessons and he can use the money to have fun. Knowing myself, the whole thing won't be that relaxed and I want to give him something for bearing the situation ;). And the end I'd feel bad if he spends so much time studying with me if he could spend the time doing something else. Also I can't give him anything like this in return since he's a year ahead and won't have any questions I can answer.
We both know that this is not a real problem, we just want some insight of you guys.
Thanks in advance! :) | My GF wants to pay for helping her with her accounting class, but I don't want to get paid since I think that something like this should be expected in a relationship. Both perspectives are provided in the post. |
t3_q3sop | dating_advice | I think I'm trapped in nasty triangle and don't know how to proceed, some advice would be really appreciated. | I (male, 19) met this girl at collge (19 too) a couple of months ago. At the moment I met her, nothing really special happened between us happened, we just chatted a bit and left as early friends.
Then, I entered college (the same where she studies) and we started to connect faster; we have a lot in common, we're both interested in culture and knowledge, and we often tend to play around and have a good time together.
Then I found out that a friend of mine (let's call him A) has liked her since before I knew her, about 8 months or so ago. She didn't liked him back, and supposedly they settled as friends. However, it seems that he is still trying something, and whenever I try to be playful with her he seems very uncomfortable about it.
Also, I've been supsecting that she likes another friend of mine; but I'm not certain of that.
What should I do? I would love to move forward with this girl, but I don't want to hurt any of my friends or her, in any case. | I like this girl. A friend of mine likes this girl. This girl doesn't likes him back. This girl might like another friend, although I'm not sure of that. How do I proceed? |
t3_4otg7z | tifu | TIFU by climbing one too many sidewalks with my bike. | as with all TIFU's, this didn't happen today but like 4 years ago, but was reminded of it after reading a bike to walmart trip TIFU.
so i lived in texas while i was in the U, and because america's great and the closest walmart closes late and has a Mc.Donalds in it, i decided to take my trusty bike on a 5 minute ride there as i tend to do.
now about my bike, i was awful to it's front tire, i did wheelies, crashed it into small sidewalks rather than lift the front, and well, it seems that it decided to take vengeance today, i climbed a sidewalk going at an average speed, when all of a sudden my front wheel just STOPS. my body gets thrown forward but i hold my balance, and avoid flipping over it, instead end up sitting right under the handle while my bike is on one wheel.
...then the weight shifts to the side, and the whole weight of the bike goes with it while i land with my feet, and it crushes that which lies between one's leg.
so i spent a good few minutes in the middle of the night on the floor holding my crotch next to a busted bike while hungry, upon closer inspection it seems a part of the rim blew up from all the hits and got stuck on the brake, causing the sudden halt. had to drag the bike back home and order some domino's. | i abused my bike and it crushed my balls in retaliation |
t3_2hl8ll | relationships | Me [21 M] with my GF [19 F] of one year, broke up about a month ago and got back together. | Our breakup lasted about two weeks and was absolutely the worst time of my life. We were able to work things out, but after a month things still seem a little off. (at least for me) We used to have sex every time we saw each other and now we have only had sex twice in the past month. I have told her that I don't need sex to love her, but this sudden stoppage sucks and makes me wonder if she just really isn't into me as much anymore. She used to always want to take pictures together, but now when we are together she usually just takes selfies and posts them to social media without so much as a mention about me even being there. I know some of her friends had told her not to get back with me so it just feels like she is trying to hide our relationship from her friends and that sucks too. We don't even have cute little make out sessions anymore and I know this sounds feminine and needy but I loved that and the loss in intimacy just really tears me apart. I am also scared that any time we get in an argument she is just going to get sick of it and break up with me again. Am I trying to move things too fast after us getting back together? Is this how things usually go when two people break up and get back together or am I just being crazy? | broke up and got back together. Now most intimacy is lost for what seems like forever. |
t3_2nc60y | relationships | How do I [22M] ask my friend [22M] if he's okay with me dating his ex [21F] | I've been friends with this guy (let's call him Alex) since first year of college, and while I wouldn't say we're best friends, we're definitely good friends and ran in the same circle. He dated this girl (let's call her Alice), on and off for about 6 months.
It has now been a year since they've broken up, and Alex has moved to a different country for his masters. We don't really stay in touch, but the friendship is still there. Recently, Alice and I began to develop feelings for each other (definitely no overlap, all 3 of us have dated people since the break up), and we both want to start a relationship. However, I want to tell Alex before I get too serious with Alice (we've already gone on a couple dates and there seems to be something genuine here). While I don't think he'll have a problem with it, I'd rather he find out from me now than one of our mutual friends down the line. I'm ready to have the talk with him, but I'm not too great with serious talks sometimes. Could you guys help me generate a message that would get the point across in a clear way? So far I've gotten:
*Hey Alex, wanted to ask you something. Alice and I have sort of developed feelings for each other and we've started dating. But I know the two of you had a history, so I wanted to run it by you first and see if you were okay with it.*
Is that good, or should I add anything? | Need help figuring out how to ask my friend if he's okay with me dating his ex |
t3_506j75 | relationships | I [M20] met a girl [F20] who i really like while backpacking europe and i dont know what to do. | I met her initially in berlin, where I only got to spend a day with her. I instantly knew there was something between us, I didnt know what but we just clicked strait away. I would have stayed there longer just to be with her if I could have.
I met with her again a few months later In london. We spent another 3 days together and I learned we have so much in common. Like a creepy amount in common. Almost all the same interests and hobbies. We had an amazing night out that ended with us sharing a bed and the next day we just spent time together talking.
We've arranged to spend another 10 days together next week, just the 2 of us, and I've never been more excited for anything in my life. I havnt been able to stop thinking about her since we last seperated.
Were both not the most experienced with relationships (mostly me) so I'm finding it hard to tell her how I feel. But I'm sure I'll find a way next time we meet.
I don't even know why Im posting this. Just to help me think I guess. | Met a girl while traveling, trying to figure out a way we can spend more time together and how to tell her how I feel. |
t3_4bzqpe | relationships | I [24 F] don't know what to do, what do? | Do I have manic depression?
Since I was a teenager I always kept my mood swings in check. I always assumed my mood swings were related to my menstrual cycle and hormones. (I know, I'm not the brightest crayon.)
In the beginning they were pretty mild, small ups and downs.. Now, that I'm older its harder to maintain and its showing.. My swings are like a roller coaster.. A few short days I'm at my peak, I'm the most happiest person with these really positive and ridiculous high expectations about everything. Sometimes, I'm more chill or neutral, like, "oh, [the ridiculous thing], I was just being silly." Then, suddenly out of nowhere, all I want to do is die..(Only thinking about it.) Like, it's the most easiest decision to make would be ending my life. Till I realize that the idea is stupid after a good days cry, and cuddles.. But the saddest part is.. I wasn't the one who even thought about it.. My mental health.. It was my husband..
My husband is my high school sweetheart.. He was the one who was actually keeping tabs on me, (I had no idea, btw) and he decided that my behavior didn't seem normal.. So I told him about my negative thoughts during our cuddles, because that's when I feel I can be the most honest.. And we google searched my symptoms.. Anyway, that's pretty much how we came to Manic Depression, which I know is silly, because you can't use the internet to self diagnose, but it was devastating to what we found. | I don't know how to seek professional help with something that might not be. |
t3_1rupbv | relationships | My [26/f] SO [26/f] feels trapped, unsure of her sexuality | I've been seeing my SO for 3 years, and we've been instantly attracted to each other from day one. Things were great for the first two years, but within the past year (the year when she started working on a high-stress job with very tight deadlines, I don't know if it matters), I could sense she was withdrawing and avoiding the issue. It's important to say that, when we first met, she identified as a lesbian who had boyfriends and girlfriends in the past, and she said to me that sex with a guy didn't do anything for her.
I've never had sex with guys, nor have I dated them much. When our relationship got serious, I did wonder if I was missing out on anything because I was curious about straight sex, but it didn't matter to me that much and after some pondering, I stopped thinking about it.
However, recently she broke up with me, saying that she felt trapped in our relationship and that she thinks she is much straighter than she thought. It is not helping that she has been battling depression for years and it has gotten really bad recently. Furthermore, she admitted that she had lied when she said she had sex with a guy, and she also demoted her previous relationships to insignificant flings and now says that this was her first real relationship.
I'm having a really hard time recovering from this and figuring out what to do next because I really care for her and was hopeful about us. When asked about what she said about her sexuality, she said it is hard for her to know anything because the depression is making her numb and she doesn't feel anything at all towards anything or anyone. I have a feeling that there are many unresolved issues bothering her (on top of it all she was a flawless student and now she keeps postponing submitting her dissertation) and it is really frustrating that she blocked me out instead of talking to me and trying to work on her issues. I just don't know what to do anymore. | depressed ex girlfriend (of 3 years) feels trapped, questions her sexuality |
t3_3z0b37 | relationships | Me [18 M] with my ex [18 F] in a really weird situation | Be sure to explain in detail with line breaks.
In senior year of highschool I really got to know this girl who I would see at parties, gatherings, etc because we had a lot of mutual friends. Long story short dated her for 4 months she was my first girlfriend. 2 weeks before we go off to college she ends it, didn't want to drag on a *semi* long distance thing ( she was about an hour and a bit away). It didn't really phase me, she was a good looking girl, and we did click but something about the relationship wasn't right. When I got to college it really hit me, as I live at home and it's not the easiest thing in the world to meet people in class alone. I spent the better half of my first semester just being sad all the time. During the holidays all my friends from highschool came back and we had lots of parties which we both attended. Can't really escape seeing her and recently I heard her talking about new guys she's hooking up with (my friends really love talking about this stuff, I don't). When I heard it, I wasnt sad that she moved on, bit I was sad that she was losing her innocence, hooking up with guys she isnt really committed to. I guess what I need help with is how to deal with this. What should I do? I hate to see such a sweet girl make these kinds of decisions, and on top of that she is my ex and dealing with her *moving on* is not really the easiest thing either. Thanks guys, I know I'm being dumb. | Ex lost innocence, moved on, having trouble dealing with it |
t3_4q1ipr | dogs | [HELP] Not sure how to deal with new people/dogs and my big ole pup | I have a three year old Dober/Pit mix named Romulus ("Rome" for short). He's about 105lbs and for the most part a good guy. I live with 3 other dogs: a 10 year old labrador, a 2 year old French Bulldog and a 8 year old maltese mix. The four of them get along just fine, Rome and the Frenchie are best best best best friends.
He isn't the best at meeting new people, but not ALWAYS. Sometimes he gets skittish, circles with his tail between his legs. Other times he happily brings the new person a toy and wags and is generally adorable. I've found that if I'm around and make a big happy "look at your new friend! Now go find a present! What a good present and what a good dog!" noise he gets happy and excited. We've been having massive construction on our house for the last 7 months and now he's best friends with all of the workers, walks around the yard helping them, and they've learned all of his commands from me (sit, down, wait, paw, other paw, and touch- a favorite).
Dogs are a little trickier. I have a big yard and people are always wanting to come over for doggie playdates. I don't know if on-leash is the best way to first introduce, or let the new dog into the yard first and then bring my dog (his name is Rome) in on a leash, or meet in the street or what. There is always a little getting-to-know-you period and then play (if sometimes a little intense). If the new dog stays too long, a fight usually breaks out. He never starts the fight but he always stops it. He's not seriously hurt anyone, yet. But I feel like its just around the corner
Then, the crux of the matter: I want to have a 4th of July party. Several people want to bring their dogs. I doubt I can say "no dogs allowed" and I don't want to let everyone else bring their dog and make mine stay at day care all day. | HOW do I introduce new people? HOW do I introduce new dogs? WHAT do I do about 4th of July?? |
t3_iopmg | AskReddit | Reddit, what's the most memorable thing I could say when I go to meet my girlfriend tomorrow to break up? | So tomorrow I'm going to see my girlfriend of 2 & a half years. I'm pretty heart broken, seeing as I'm madly in love with her, but I accept that I've done everything I can and I'm not about to turn into a little bitch and break down about it.
I want something memorable to say. I'm not sure about what I want to say, or why really, but I guess I just want her to remember me. We've talked things through and it's just not working out. So this is it.
So help me have a badass break up. Or at least let me focus on something that it'll make it easier. I don't know. | Something cool to say during a break up. |
t3_3kp2gs | relationships | Me [24/F] with my SO [24/M] of 8 months. Different attitudes, what is the solution? | My boyfriend sometimes makes bad jokes. He is a conservative, He supports gun rights, and that on its own, I think, makes me turn up my nose. I understand his viewpoints but I simply have different ones and I have a preconceived notion on what the type of person who believes those things is. We don't really argue much, and it hasn't been a big problem, he will listen to my point of view and make his own points that are also valid, we just draw different conclusions, but I think about having children with him and the difference makes me wonder.
Sometimes he makes jokes that are a bit.. well, racially-stereotyping. He's referred to hispanic men as "Sanchez", he's joked that blowing up Iraq would be clever, and I don't like it. I think these behaviors are shitty, and I talk to him about it, and he has certainly become a lot better with these situations.
Some people here take things very seriously, and honestly, this is not something that impacts his positive relationships with others and he certainly knows his audience. He also treats his friends that are POC with respect, and jokes where he knows a certain friend would appreciate a joke. Privately, I don't believe that he dislikes anyone based on nationality, but he has grown up with these notions from his own father.
Anything from people who have formerly had a similar issue to help? What do you do if you see that he has changed his behavior, but he still has these notions? I do not need to control his life, but I worry that should he become super agitated, he might take it out on his notions of a person rather than on what the person did. Telemarketers come to mind..
We have a very serious life together and many common views, and we both make a lot of compromises to ensure that we understand the other's views. This is the one that I don't get. I understand that the feeling may be "He's a racist and you don't understand it, dump him".. I would appreciate more constructive responses. | Different opinions, different attitudes, what do? |
t3_3uf4g1 | relationships | I [16 M] think one of my friends [17 F] is self-harming. What should I do? | I was talking to two of my friends at school yesterday - we'll call them Mary and Emma. Emma is a good friend of mine and one of Mary's best friends. Mary and I aren't particularly close, but we still talk quite a bit. She doesn't really take anything that seriously; she's always making a joke.
It was a fairly normal conversation, and nothing seemed off about it. Then at one point, I noticed that Mary had a few scars across her wrist. I didn't realise what they probably were at first, and asked her what happened. They both went quiet. Mary turned her arm away. A few moments later they got up and left to go talk in private. By this point I'd realised what I said. I sat there for a few moments, feeling worried and guilty, then got up to leave (it was pretty much the end of the day and I didn't have any classes left).
I ran into Emma on the way home. I asked her if Mary was alright, and she said "She's really fucked. Nah, don't worry about it, she'll be fine." The first bit seemed kind of sarcastic, but I can't tell if it really was sarcasm or if she was just playing it off as a joke. I can't remember the rest of the conversation, so I don't really know what else was said.
The whole thing just seems so surreal, like a bad dream. Emma told me that I should try and forget about it, but I just can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I should do something, but like I said we're not particularly close and I don't think Mary would be comfortable talking openly about it with me. I want to be able to help, and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me because of this. I just feel so helpless. | Saw a friend had self-harm scars and want to know what I can do to help, or at least make her feel more comfortable. |
t3_m8czy | AskReddit | What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever done to avoid a potentially awkward situation? | I'll start.... I was getting le sexytime on with my girlfriend and we were making out. I noticed she had a small little booger on her lip. She was completely oblivious to it. I didn't wanna say anything, but then I realized that if I kept making out with her it might end up on my lip, which would be even worse if she then noticed it. So I did the only thing a man in my situation could do.... I ate it. It wasn't that big, but still it was salty and gross and absolutely disgusting. I couldn't believe I had done it and it was a total turn off, but she kept on making out with me and she didn't notice. Crisis averted! Was it worth it? I dunno... | I ate a booger. |
t3_2b7zgh | legaladvice | [GA] My ex is in possession of illegal pictures of me and won't delete them | I originally posted in /r/relationships, but I was told to also post here.
So, I'm 16/F, and I was dating my ex for two years (I was 14 when he was 17, now I'm 16 and he's 19). During that time he was verbally and sexually abusive and often threatened me so I would send explicit photos, which I foolishly did.
Ever since the breakup he's been destructive, coming to my house and my school uninvited and sending me text messages. But recently he told me he still has all of the pictures I sent him, and he won't delete them even though I've asked and warned him of the dangers of possession of those images.
What I want to know is, what can I do? I have no proof that he threatened for the pictures because it was over the course of two years, we've been separated for half a year, and we've both gotten new phones so the text history just isn't there. Furthermore, can I be brought down with him for taking the pictures and sending them? | dated a guy for two years, crazy destructive ex still has pictures of me and I'm not legal. What can I do? |
t3_1ehnzx | relationship_advice | I get angry sometimes. (18/m) (18/f) | My girlfriend and I are seniors in high school, and she's going away to college in Hawaii. I'm staying in-state. We've talked about what happens after high school, and at first I wanted a LDR, and she was undecided, but now it's the other way around. After talking it over with my dad, I don't think it'd work, nor do I think I could handle it, so things have kind of flip-flopped. Regardless of what happens, we both wanna enjoy this summer break together and make lots of memories, but whenever I'm reminded of her going away, I get all torn up inside, and angry, and a little moody. I haven't taken it out on her, but I do feel a little guilty that I can't be more supportive and happy for her. Any thoughts on how to deal with all this? | How can I not be so moody/angry/sad about my girlfriend going away to college? |
t3_16h35a | relationships | My (F27) ex-FWB (M26) lied about being single; he's married. Need help with rational response. | I used the reddit search function and couldn't find this question.
We met 6 years ago, FWB off and on for about 3 years. We live (now) in different states. We'd travel periodically to see each other and meet up in hotels or my house, sexting etc. I asked him several times if he is single, lives alone before any 'benefits.'Always got an affirmative answer. I was always single, too. I didn't question the hotel thing at the time because we both love hotels and sightseeing and it was always more covenient. (Now I see how convenient it really was for him!) I broke things off 2 weeks ago though because I couldn't ignore weird vibes anymore. Finally googled his name and city and got clear proof he's been married for 2 years. I was out of the country at the time of his marriage and we were not in contact.
He knows I wouldn't help anyone cheat, I assume that's why he lied. Is there any good reason to tell this dude at this point I know he was lying and cheating? I'm absolutely confrontational when needed, but I don't want to make this decision based on anger instead of rational thought. This is where I need your help because I'm VERY angry!
Last time I was physically intimate with him was 6 months ago; I got tested about 2 months ago, all clear. | turns out my ex-fwb was married, lied to me about it, I found out, do I tell him I know? |
t3_2pjfg1 | relationships | I [21F] don't think I'll ever be able to open up to anyone again | I was in a 2yr relationship with a man I was deeply in love with. I've never trusted anyone so much in my life. We had an amazing connection. Everything was going incredibly well until I suffered from depression. He was the only person I trusted enough to show what was going on with me, and tell him how I felt. I showed him my weaknesses. In return, he cheated on me for 6 months with one particular woman (I was completely unaware). I was devastated when I found out.
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I have never been the same since then. I blame myself a lot for ruining the relationship. I feel terrified of ever opening up to other people - like no one could ever love me if they see my flaws. My self-esteem took a huge hit. I just don't know how to bounce back from this, its already been 2yrs since the break up. I no longer feel any desire to be with him in particular, but I find myself completely lost in terms of new relationships. He was my first boyfriend...so this really bad experience is all I have at this point.
Any advice is greatly appreciated! | Great relationship ended in disaster when I got depression and was cheated on - Now terrified and confused about opening up again. |
t3_gp1ty | AskReddit | Has anyone ever gone batshit crazy before, and how did you patch your life back after that? | *First time posting on Reddit. Been lurking for awhile and thought this a much merry place to be.*
For context, I have been suffering from depression for the last few years. And as a reaction to depression, I did get pretty angry for awhile, and lashed out at people close to me. I'll call that my "batshit crazy" period.
I lost some friends and a best friend (who wasn't there for me when I was down and whom I still think failed at being a best friend anyway). I was also even the crazy ex at one stage.
It also happened to coincide with the GFC so work was hard to find, and admittedly being down did not help the job-hunting process.
Anyway, things got better when I moved away from family members who were instrumental in bringing me down, and when I finally got a proper GP diagnosis that vindicated how down I had been feeling. And it got MUCH better since I started going onto meds.
Plus, after being unemployed (GFC) for awhile, and then being scammed by a "social marketing expert" friend, I finally got a job at a decent place, although it had completely nothing to do my degree.
But I still have much fallout in that a person who was a massive part of my life and whom I grew up with is no longer any part of my life, and I can't forgive friends who still stay in contact with her despite what I felt she did to me.
Plus, I still end up chucking sickies at work to this day to deal with days when my moods just seem to go out the window, and my black dogs still haunt me from time to time.
I've scheduled time to finally see a shrink to hopefully work out my issues once and for all.
My question to the rest of Reddit is - have you ever been in the same situation, and most importantly, how did you rebuild your life? Not fishing for "awww you poor thing" here; just would like tips on how to rebuild and live a fuller life after being in such a dark place for so long.
Thank you in advance, Reddit. | Was depressed. Got crazy angry. Messed up life. Fixing life. Would like to hear from others how they fixed their life after possibly messing it up. |
t3_d8poj | AskReddit | HELP! Reddit, what have your "friends" done to cure Premature Ejaculation? | I'm 35 and in a committed relationship. I never had any problems in that department before but I started getting PE about a year ago and it's a real problem by now.
By premature I mean quicker than I/we would like, not before we even get started. I get really close to the point of no return really quickly, and want to blow after only 1-2 minutes. Making it last any longer than that involves stop-starting over and over but each "start" only lasts like 30 seconds max.
This also happens when I fap so I can only think it's a physical thing. Using condoms helps quite a bit as they desensitize the area but it's still a problem.
My sex drive has plummeted as a result of my self-consciousness about it and it's affecting the relationship at this stage. I find that I avoid initiating sex, to the point that we only do it maybe once a week at this stage, if even.
She says it's no big deal, as I always get her off in other ways. She misses the intimacy but also has started to feel unattractive and rejected because I seem to think it's no big deal that we rarely do it any more (this also makes her less likely to initiate).
Any suggestions? I don't want to medicate and (probably stupidly) feel like I should be able to fix this without needing to see a doctor. | Nnnnff! Sorry :-( |
t3_3cur5j | relationships | Me [40+F] with my __boss [50+ M] 12 yrs,not treated fairly at work | First off thanks for reading and advice
I'm having an issue at work. I need help articulating my concerns and what I want from my manager.
Backstory- Up until a few years ago myself and co-worker Jay(we are the only two in this office) were both working 4-day work weeks and all was well. My boss came to me and said that we were just getting too busy and that I would need to go back to 5 days per week. Jess will stay at 4 and use Friday as an outside sales day. First off I was kind of pissed since I have been with the company longer(by 5 years), but since he started out as an outside sales person only and I figured that once we got back to the slow season I would get to go back, so I didn't speak up about it.
Well, 2 years later I'm still 5 days per week and Jay still has Fridays off.
2 things that really piss me off is:
1- If Jay is taking a vacation, he gets the previous Friday, Monday-Friday and is only using 4 days vacation. Note the vacation time is only 8 hrs per day, so he only gets paid 32hrs for that week but gets 6 full days off. If I take a week off I have to use 5 full days and only get 5 days. I do not get the option of only using 4 days and taking 1 day with out pay. See how the math isn't adding up??
2- When I do take vacation my boss makes Jess work on Friday so he isn't the only one there. This week my boss was on vacation and guess what? Jay still had Friday off and I was alone all day with the exception of someone from another dept. coming to cover my lunch.
This is just a few of the many problems and I need to send an email to my boss and ask for either, my 4-day work week back or have Jay start working 5 days again. I just have a problem sorting out exactly what I want to say.
Also, this isn't a problem I can take to HR (small company and we don't have one) | Getting the shaft at work, need advice on talking with the boss. |
t3_12xhda | AskReddit | What's the most romantically bad ass thing you've done? | I'm sure this has been asked before, but here is mine. My wife fell in love with a book called The Peanut Butter Colony as a little girl. She used to check it out of the school library over and over. One night she decided to try and find a copy online. No luck. It's been out of print since the 70's. Knowing she wants it, I start looking for it. I managed to find out what her elementary school was and called the library to asked if they still had it. The lady checked and said no. I was sunk. Then she said "Maybe it's too old to be in the system. I'll check the shelves.". BAM! She comes back squealing "Oh my god! WE HAVE IT!!". I asked if it still had the card in it and if my wife's name was on it. More squealing. It was. So I arrange to buy the book from the school and drive a few hours to pick it up. Several of the lady teachers, the librarian, and the principal came out to meet me like I was a celebrity. Needless to say, my wife was floored. Been together 10 years today. | Wife looking for a copy of book from her childhood. I tracked down THE book from her childhood. |
t3_4c2yj8 | legaladvice | Contacting my biological father, who doesnt know I exist because of falsified DNA test [Washington] | I'm going to try to keep this short so it doesn't drag long into a soap opera.
When my Mom [22 F at the time] got pregnant with her boyfriend at the time [24 M], aka my Dad, she decided he would be the right fit for many reasons. He ended up harassing her by constantly calling her work/showing up at her house. My mom ended up getting a retraining order.
Fast forward to when I was born, my Dad wanted to get custody over me which my mom did not want. I ended up being sent to a different country as a baby during the whole trial. When the court asked for the DNA test, not sure how they did this, my mom used a different kid for the test? So it ended up being in court that he is not my father.
Now growing up I didn't know anything about the DNA testing, but I knew about the harassment and being sent to a different country. (I was sent back to my mom around the age of 1 once the case was done). My mom was honest in terms of that her and my Dad didn't work but I could meet him when I turned 18. She said it couldn't be before then or else he might try to get custody over me. Once I turned 18 she ended up telling me about the whole DNA thing, and how she feels horrible but is asking me to not meet my Dad as he might press charges against her if he found out that what she did was illegal.
Now currently I'm 19 and am 100% sure I found the other side of my family through investigation. But now am unsure how I should even approach him? My mom has been abroad for the past 2 years and my relationship with her has gone down the drain, for other serious reasons.
In the end I'm just kind of lost at what I should do as I want to meet my Dad I never knew. And my whole life we've lived in the same town. And he lives only 10 minutes from my place. What should I do? Thoughts and opinions? | My mom hid me from my dad by falsifying DNA test when I was born. I want to meet him now (19 years later) but am lost of what I should do in legal/moral terms? |
t3_2l3yy4 | relationships | I [19M] have been talking to/seeing [18F] friend for about 3 months and have no idea what I'm doing. | So basically I met a girl in the beginning of the semester during our orientation week. She caught my eye the first day and we ended up talking on a bus ride somewhere and clicked. We exchanged numbers and continued talking.
Fast forward a weekend and I actually start texting her (during orientation week we were in the same group so saw each other everyday) and have quite a long conversation. We continue texting and I eventually ask her to hangout (eat) which she agrees to. We go to an ice cream shop and me being a dumbass forget to pay for her, but she didn't seem to mind. We talk for a good 3 hours, losing track of time, and then I dropped her off back at her dorm and there was that.
I text her at least once a week and we have lunch together at least once a week for the last six weeks.
We have different majors so the only time I see her is when she is walking to her class (small school) and our weekly lunch. Though I ask her if she wants to do something almost every weekend but since she is a is a D1 athlete so she doesn't really have a lot of time on the weekends due to that and homework. Either way I still ask just because.
Overall, I really like her and I feel that through our conversations she does the same. I've been told that because of our lunch deals and me taking her out twice we're basically together, but I want to know for sure.
Oh and I haven't been in a relationship or had a thing with someone before and she doesn't know this. I have no idea what I'm doing. | Been seeing/talking to girl for more than 3 months. Have taken her out twice and have lunch weekly. How do I ask her to get official/serious? |
t3_em79l | AskReddit | Need advice - what should be my next step? | So this is a typical **man the fuck up** post, but still, I really need your input, please. Also, sorry about the chaotic phrasing - English is not my native language, and I'm trying to rawdump, otherwise I'd get fed up with this post and delete it.
I'm 21, male, living in an EU (Eastern Europe) country. I have finished high school two years ago, got into university right after that, Electrical Engineering. Soon I realized it's not for me. I only applied because I enjoy programming on a hobby level and tried to avoid dealing with this university-issue (I guess I was scared from the decision). I thought this would do. Well, it didn't, so I quit.
I've been working low salary jobs in different fields since then, mostly tourism - I have met a lot of really cool people from all around the world, heard a lot of stories, and that's an inspiring thing but.I don't think I would like to work in tourism all my life just because I had a job that I sort of liked, but wasn't chalenging.
In fact that applies for everything. I do wanna go back to school, but even though I like doing a lot of different things, things I think I'm good at too (playing music, IT, languages, photography), I just can't decide what I should study. And it stresses the hell out me.
I don't want to quit another university, I'd like to find the "right one"... I don't want to waste my life, but I suck at it because right now that's what I'm doing.
There is one promising thing on the horizon, it's likely (although not yet 100%) that I'm gonna spend a half year abroad, volunteering. People say you can learn a lot about yourself on a journey like this and I've been wanting to try it ever since I heard about this possibility. Still, it's not *"the answer"*, and i have to send my university applications before I travel anyway, the deadline is February, and I really don't want to spend another year just "hanging around" after I come back. | and summing up*: 21yo, I should decide what path I want my life to take. I've been trying but kept postponing. I'm fed up with this, it's *pathetic*, and still. How do I man the fuck out from this loop myself?? |
t3_t01z9 | AskReddit | I am currently in the south as a Catholic, and when I came to college I met people who apparently don't think Catholics are Christian. Has anyone else run into this, or actually thinks this way? (doesn't matter what you follow or believe) | I am not meaning for this to be a religious debate, just more of as why people think this way or if other people have run into the same thing. It doesn't matter if your christian, catholic or atheist (because I know most of you are), I am just curious as to why this is. For example my boyfriend (who is Atheist) told me how his dad met a woman who outwardly said that Catholics are not in fact christian. Now I haven't met anyone who has outwardly said it, but I have met people who I have this feeling (the way they act and talk) that they don't consider Catholics Christian. | Why do some people perceive catholics as non christians |
t3_3rkmpu | relationships | Me [33 M] and fiancee [31 F] broke up after 17 years, when is it OK to start dating again, and how do you get back to dating ? | So, my fiancee told me a week ago she hasn't much feelings left, and it was like a slap in the face for me, did not expect something this drastic.
We've been together for a long time, and at first it was impossible to picture a life without her, but after a few days I'm starting to see that it's not the end of the world. She moved out on Sunday, and I have had a few days to digest it all.
Fortunately we are still on talking terms, we had a looong talk and talked about everything, something we have had problems with before, communication.
We agreed on a break, to take a step back and see what we think and feel, but as I see it hard that see'd magically get her feelings back, I doubt we'll end up back together, even thou it's what I'd like. I promised to " leave her alone " for the break ( no duration set ), and not contact her at all ( except for practical reasons, we have a dog, etc. ) since she said she'd need a total break, and that she wouldn't be able think clearly if I'm sending her texts and calling her.
So I agreed, even thou my gut feeling is that I shouldn't leave her alone, I'd like to try to fix things.
Of course I'm not going to see anyone any time soon, but how long do you normally wait before starting to see other people ? This is my first breakup, and I have been " out of the game " for 17 years, so I really don't know how these things work.
I know it would hurt as hell if she started seeing someone, and I don't want to hurt her either, if we end up going different ways. | After breakup, how long to wait before starting dating |
t3_46d53t | relationships | I [23F] continually feel unwelcome around my boyfriend's [22M] Dad's side of the family. | So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, and for the first 2, things were pretty great. I felt welcomed and loved by everyone in his families (his parents are divorced), even though the bf was rarely around--we had a LDR where he went to college 5 hours away on a sports scholarship.
Last summer, he moves back because of reasons other than our distance. But he got depressed from quitting a sport he'd been competitive in for 10+ years, worked at his new job 50+ hrs/wk, and we started to have communication problems. We broke up in August because of this, but got back together in mid-October, and things have been better than fantastic since. We're planning a future together.
His mother's side of the family welcomed me back with open arms, and have been so loving and supportive. His Dad.....not so much.
While his Mom still invited me to Christmas dinner and events, there was no such invitations from his Dad's side--in fact, on Christmas Eve when we were at his Mom's house, his Dad calls and tells the BF that he has tickets to Star Wars for the entire family....everyone except me. And his father knew he and I were spending time at his Mom's that night.
And ever since then, they've still been very cold with me. They rarely say hello, they won't look at me in general (his two younger sisters still like me), they have made the comment that they feel like I'm going to "take him away" and don't want us to be physically affectionate at all in their household (no sitting close together, etc.), and it's very uncomfortable to go over to their house.
I just feel like an outcast, even though I'm trying so hard to be friendly and rebuild a relationship with them for my boyfriend's sake.
I just don't know how to proceed; how do I win them over? How do I handle feeling like the black sheep when I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, despite how his Dad and his stepmom are acting? | made the mistake of breaking up, got back together, bf's Dad and Stepmom are completely stonewalling me. |
t3_4q289h | relationships | I [28 F] just confronted my Borderline mother [54 F] about all the things she has done to ruin my life up until now... | I had been advised by my psychologist not to contact her due to the negative effect she was having on my personal life and mental health (I myself have problems with mental illness). But she had been relentlessly trying to contact me after I cut off contact without giving her a reason.
So today I emailed her detailing everything she had done including the emotional neglect and abuse of myself and other family members and of her interfering and trying to end the relationship between myself and my husband on numerous occasions, and of ignoring my mental illness and making me suffer it out for years as a child, plus multiple other things I can go into if requested.
The thing is now I can't help but feel guilty despite everyone patting me on the back and me knowing it was needed for closure. She has conditioned me to feel extreme guilt if I go against her wishes etc.
As many people with Borderline parents know, the parents sometimes don't realise they have a problem despite the diagnosis of a mental illness (she thinks it's everyone else who is crazy, not her). So I know she will deny everything I have told her, yet she will play the victim as usual and somehow it will get back to me and I will again feel terribly guilty.
Anyway I am just wondering if anyone has experience with borderline parents or other relationships and how they coped with the guilt of confronting the person, or how they coped at all with the stress of the situation. I'm in a rush so I'm sorry if I've left heaps out, I'm new to reddit as well so getting used to the layout, but I can add more details if requested. | Confronted borderline mother, now feel guilty. Would like to hear others' stories of similar confrontations with borderline people. |
t3_3peoig | relationships | [Update] I [17 M] am crazy about this this girl [17 F] and need advice on how to proceed. | My previous post can be seen here:
We have remained in touch since I originally posted this. She has since broken up with this guy [17/18 M] from Alberta, apparently due to what I understand is the relationship being somewhat abusive in nature. We met again on Friday and I thoroughly enjoyed the encounter of ours. I'm kinda crossing over into r/depression territory here, but I think that one of the reasons that we've seemed to bond is that we are both suffering from varying degrees of depression.
Before I reconnected with her in September (after previously having met her earlier in the year) my depression was reaching what I consider to be an all time high. I felt like I was completely alone and had to fake any happiness that I presented to my friends. I made a lengthy post on FB basically ranting about this and she messaged me a short time later. She told me that I didn't have to worry and that I could always come to her for help/advice. I thought that this was awesome, especially considering that nobody had really showed me this sort of of attention prior to my post.
This would eventually lead to the meeting/date at Tim Horton's which I mentioned in my previous post. It was there that we had an open discussion about both of our depressions. It had a great time and she was the first person that I was able to talk to in detail about this. Our second meeting on Friday was just as good, if not better, than the first. We had more open discussions about various things that we were going through/had gone through.
I thought my situation was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared to what she had gone through. I won't go into detail but suffice to say she gained a lot more of my respect that day. I can also honestly say that me being with her was the first time that I felt legitimately happy in such a long while. I'm really looking forward to us meeting again.
So now that this other guy from Alberta is out of the picture I'm wondering what exactly I should do. I would like to ask her out for a formal date but I'm not sure how long I should wait considering she was just in a relationship. | The aforementioned "Alberta guy" from the last post is now the out of the picture. I feel like I connect with her on a more emotional level since our second meeting so I was wondering what I should do from here. |
t3_3xq69k | jobs | Are all short interviews bad? I just got wrecked and had a 10 minute interview. | Final round interview, I am to meet with the team and VP. I go in, the VP gets straight to the point and starts asking me questions very fast, and basically stating I am not technical enough. ( Why would I get the "okay" from 3 interviewers and get shut down last round interview when they clearly know I am not that technical?) The previous interviewers also said me not being that technical is okay and not too much of a big deal. In the end my interview lasted 10 minutes and I didn't meet the team. We laughed a bit about Star Wars in the end and she asked what books I am reading. Bad interview?
Just wanted to rant a bit.
Thanks for reading. | Last round interview, lasted 10 minutes, laughed about Star Wars. |
t3_1jk0bo | pettyrevenge | Like to cheat? Call it already. | So I head down to my local airsoft field to get some game time in around a week ago. I show up get registered and start unpacking my things. I carry an AKS-74U and a tri shot shotgun as a backup. So all is well when a blond kid no more than 13 shows up and takes out his shitty Walmart gun and brags about how good it is. We'll call him douchebag mcgee. Here we go. Douchebag mcgee is a general douche to other players from when he showed up, saying people's guns sucked and he was better than them. We get to game time and start playing. I had many instances where I had shot him multiple times but never called out. I told referees but they didnt care.
**The Revenge**
So as you know McGee doesn't like to call his hits so i decide to teach him a lesson. I come around the corner of his building where he had been shooting people from and shoot him three times in center mass. He flinches and walks it off and walks back into his building. That's it. I bum rush into his building and take out my shotgun and say 'hey buddy' he turns around and BAM! Three bbs to the face and all he had was full seal goggles on. He had three red marks on his chin and mouth. He finally calls his hits and walks to the medic box. Disrespect the law and you disrespect me. Wee lil' bastard. | Kid doesn't like to call hits. Gets face pulped by a shotgun. |
t3_1gmk84 | dating_advice | What's your advice for me (M20) on taking a girl's (F20) v-card while in college? | Right now I've been hanging out with this girl who's pretty enjoyable to be around. We've known each other for a while now and just recently went on a date where things escalated to 2nd base. (Note: she lives an hour away and we go to separate colleges). I found out the other day that she's never had sex before. We're both smart people and will have opportunities to hang out throughout the summer. She'll be studying abroad in the fall so as of now this would only be a summer relationship. Does anyone have advice on whether I should try to escalate things or if I should take a step away from this girl? (crazies, clingers, awesome experiences, etc) | is it a good idea to take away a girl's virginity? |
t3_1y50rt | relationships | I [28m] am afraid to commit to a girl [26f] I really like because of my lack of relationship/dating experience. And the fact that she is ugly. | I have been dating this girl for a few months now and I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. At first I did not really see this as anything long term, but gradually I have started to appreciate every little thing about her. I have started to picture us together in the future, travelling together, starting a family.
The problem is that I've spent most of my life working my ass off and have not really had much time for dating or relationships. I'm close to finishing my PhD and I always imagined myself spending some time after that dating and finding out what I want. But now I suddenly find myself in this relationship that I can see potentially lasting forever.
I think about this a lot, for example after after a recent conversation where she was telling me about some of the awkward dates she had in the past, because I know
that it also helped her figure out what she wants and to realize that I'm the right one for her. A part of me wants the same experience. I am afraid that I will always be looking back and regretting not to have tried anything else.
Confession: While writing this, I finally had to admit to myself the biggest reason for my hesitation. It was difficult to face it, but I have to be honest. If my girlfriend was perfect there would be no problem, but in the looks department, she is a 5, while I am a 9. I don't want more dating experience just to make sure that my current girlfriend is perfect for me, but also to convince myself that a "traditionally" prettier girl would not make me any happier. Because the fact is that I know that my girlfriend would make me happy, and that I can make her happy.
I know that I can't just tell her that I love her, but that I need a few months on my own to find out what I want...
Are there any solutions to this problem? I realize the obvious answer is "you just don't want to be with her, end this", but that simply isn't true. | In a relationship with a wonderful girl but afraid to commit cause of my lack of dating experience. And the fact that she is not very good looking. |
t3_2brbyp | relationships | How to convince my very conscious parents to allow me to go on a trip with my best friend | My best friend asked me to go to Montreal with her this summer for a few days, but my parents are pretty strict. My whole life, my parents have most of the time said no to me hanging out with friends or going out and they have randomly said yes a few times. What is the best way for me to convince them for me to go? I'm 19 years old by the way and Indian. I rarely do anything bad and I've been babysitting my little sister this whole summer so far. I haven't done anything fun so far and this trip could really make this summer memorable for me. Also disobeying them is not an option, they pay my college tuition. | How can I convince my strict parents to let me take a trip with my best friend? My parents have known my best friend for over 10 years. |
t3_3ie1xo | relationships | My [19M] Girlfriend's [20F] Father committed suicide last night. How can I best support her in this situation? | Background: I'm 19, she turns 20 in a week, father was 53, and over the past few years had suffered 4-5 strokes, some of them brain stem strokes. He was not in his right mind and for health reasons already had a short expiration date.
She was not especially fond of him, and didn't consider him a good person. I think the trauma of it will be the worst for her. She walked in on him in his last moments of bleeding out, cut open wrist to shoulder, box cutter in hand. I can't imagine how horrific that would be to see. I will be there as much as I can for her, but otherwise I don't know what I can do. | girlfriend's father committed suicide, she witnessed his last moments. How can I support her through this? |
t3_2i1pb6 | relationships | My [23M] GF [22F] is a bit too active on my Instagram for my comfort level. | We've been together a few months now and things are going swell. We're some 150 miles apart (she works, I'm in grad school). We see each other every or every other weekend depending on how busy we are and it's good so far.
One small hiccup: our presence on social media. By nature I'm a pretty private person and keep a small group of friends. I only share relevant stuff with my close friends and I am not prone to advertise my life, I think its a bit frivolous. Yes I have a Facebook, Twitter, and IG but I use that to keep a tab on what's going on in the world but just so I'm aware and in the loop.
She's a bit of the opposite.
We've recently become followers of each other on Instagram (IG is shorter for my convenience) and we both have browsed through each other's IG's to look at old pics as I'm sure everyone does. Little comments here and there, the usual.
BUT this is where my problem begins. I have some family/friends on IG but as I said, not everyone I care to advertise my relationship(s) to in general because it's called a personal life. Some of her comments are pretty G/PG but quite a number are saucy and flirtatious (PG13/R). I'd rather she not post such things on my IG but I don' t know how to tell her without sounding like an asshole. I've begun to field questions from people I don't care enough to share about my personal life and it's kinda annoying to be honest.
What's the best way to tread this delicately but not come across as an asshole? | GF's comments on IG are a bit too much for my personal comfort. How do I tell her to be mindful? |
t3_2vx54g | relationships | Am I [25/F] in the wrong for being incredibly upset that my LDR boyfriend [32] hasn't even texted me today? | He texted me last night at 1 am while he was drinking with his friends saying "Happy Valentine's Day." I thought it was sweet he was thinking of me with his friends.
He hasn't texted me a lot recently. I have to text him first or he won't text me all day. This has been going on for a week now.
Recently I've stopped texting first just to see how long it takes him to text me. He usually starts texting me around 7 pm to 9 pm.
I understand work and life can get in the way, but he used to text me every morning when he woke up. He's not cheating and I'm sure of that, he's a good guy.
Am I wrong for waiting for him to text me and just initiate more contact? Do I have a leg to stand on when I stay I'm upset that I haven't even received a single notice that he's even alive today? | LDR boyfriend has been texting less and less, now waiting until late evening to initiate contact. Do I have any right to be upset for not hearing from him on today of all days? |
t3_2guy8x | running | Question: Injuries that rest just wont fix | So today I thought I'd test the water after a good 4 months without a proper run. I stopped because I seemed to injure my Hip Flexor, saw a couple of myotherapists (who told me that's what it was) but it didn't help all that much. I thought rest would be the next best thing, and then I just fell out of the running habit.
Anyway, today I did an easy 5K and now my Hip Flexor is quite painful. I've got the name of a physio who I'll make an appointment with on Monday.
However my question is, have any of you had an injury that rest just didn't fix?
Or a similar hip flexor issue? | Ran after an injury break, still hurts. |
t3_1m3eav | relationships | I [25M] slept with a married woman [27F]. Had an amazing time together for 2 days then she broke off all contact | So I knew it wouldn't last. Met her Friday, stayed with her that whole day and then also Saturday.
We were amazing together in bed, I made her orgasm over and over again. We laughed, we joked, I took her out to dinner, just an amazing time by any stretch of the imagination.
I thought the feelings we had were genuine. I distinctly remember how she smiled, how she bit her lip, how she trembled beneath my touch.
I remember how I would say something nice about her eyes, and she would close her eyes, scrunch up her nose and hide behind her own hands, only to sneak a peak at me smiling at her, and then quickly close her eyes again.
I remember the kisses she gave me. the longing, the lingering, the intention behind them. I could feel it.
I always knew it would end, that it couldn't last, but I never thought it would be so sudden, so abrupt, so... **blood-chillingly COLD.**
Her last words to me were "I have to go, talk soon!" in a message. Then after that, she never returned my calls, my messages, I was blocked and deleted off Skype as well.
I just don't understand how anyone could treat another human being like this. Was all of that just a play she put on just to fuck with my feelings? I mean, I admit that it wasn't going to last, but why did she do all those things to make me fall for her? Why couldn't we just fuck, like the thousands of other people on friday night? Why did she have to make it so real for me, when it obviously meant shit to her?
I feel fucking worthless. | Slept with a married woman. Developed feelings for her. She dropped me like a sack of shit. |
t3_2llbpn | dogs | stitch left on dogs neuter site? | So about a month ago I adopted my dog from the shelter. He had a little black "scab" looking thing on his junk, right on the vein. When I took him to the vet for his check up, they didn't mention it. The shelter also didn't mention it, so I thought nothing of it.
Looking closer at it, I actually think it's a stitch, probably from his neutering. I have NO idea when they did it, or how long it's been there. He's about 8 months, and the shelter only had him for a couple weeks. So it's been at least a month since the surgery.
This morning the area is slightly red and it feels like there is a "ball" or something under the skin where the stitch is. It doesn't appear to hurt because he has no reaction when I touch it, and he's acting normal. He did pee super slow this morning, but he's done that before (especially when it's cold and he just woke up).
I was planning on taking him out of town this weekend and can't get him into a normal vet until Monday. I'm a worrier though. Do you think this needs an emergency visit? Or should I just monitor the situation and take him on Monday if it doesn't appear to be getting worse?
I wish the stupid shelter would have TOLD ME about the stitch situation and what the proper procedure was. Presumably these are not the dissolvable kind because it's still here. | Dogs junk has a lone stitch. I have no idea how long it's been there. The site looks different this morning. He appears fine but can't get him to the vet until Monday. Will he be okay until then or is this an emergency situation? |
t3_13f1ol | relationship_advice | [24/f] Is it time to ask pseudo-fwb [27/m] the "what are we" question? | We first met about a year ago - no common friends of any kind - and first went out this April. I got really loose on the first date and may or may not have said that i'm not looking for anything serious. We went out on brunch and other stuff afterwards and sex just happened along the way. i have been going out on dates since then with other people but never went so far as sex.
Until very recently, we see each other on average once a month and sometimes we just hang out. I have never slept over at his place before last night (i am a light sleeper and the idea of sleepover stressed me out) although he stayed at mine 2 out of the last three times he came over.
Another thing is frequency, he came over "prepared" (brushed his teeth, packed suit for next day) this thursday after i booty texted him while drunk. Then he wanted to see me on friday, which i turned down and on saturday again - to which i responded and went to stay at his place because my heater is broken.
We never define what it is, fuck buddies or fwb. Now that sleepover seems more regular, i don't know if it's time to bring up the question. If so, how should i communicate this? As far as myself is concerned, I am willing to go down the casual dating route and be perfectly happy about it. | 7 months since we first dated, never defined what we are. he did stop seeing someone in March, that's all i know about his past ;) |
t3_2jceac | relationships | Me [23 F], my SO [24 M] of a year, I want to break up but I have no place to go. | So I have been dating my boyfriend over a year. Let's call him Austin. I moved in with Austin's family because my parents out of state and I decided to take some time off from the college where we met. I worked through a terrible depression which has been persistent for the past few years. I isolated myself so now I am friendless, jobless and have no transportation. I am trying to put my life back together and after long reflection, I have realized Austin and I are two very different people. There is a general lack of communication and respect for the other person. So here is my dilemma: Do I break up with Austin?
I am a very open, honest person. It feels deceitful not to inform him of the decision I have made about our relationship,but I feel a little justified considering how inattentive and neglectful he can be. I want to tell him but he will be unsympathetic and he owes me nothing. Austin would not let me stay here until I have my life together. I have an older sister across the country but we have not talked in years. The whole reason she moved away is to get away from our crazy family.
My older brother (let's call him Steve) seems to think I should move back in with our alcoholic/codependent parents where he currently lives. Steve is much better at dealing with their bullshit and I don't feel like it's the right environment to figure out my future. They are the source of my depression. I would however like to be close Steve. Having counseling resources available is another good reason to move back, though transportation is an another issue.
It would be great relieve for both Austin and myself to unburden ourselves with this dead relationship and move on. But I also took a vow never to subject myself to my parents abuse again. I am open to any other ideas/suggestions/solutions. | If I break up with my boyfriend I will be homeless. Should I pretend like everything is okay until I can leave? |
t3_2x9via | relationships | Me [22F] with my boyfriend [22M] of three months, starting to mutually lose interest? | So my boyfriend and I have been going out for three months, we live together in a uni residence (we lived together before we started the relationship).
It started on bad terms, I recently broke up with my (ex) boyfriend and he was someone I could talk to and I guess that's how it started.
He makes me feel better about myself, but it just doesn't feel like he's "the one" anymore. The only time we spend the evenings together is at night, otherwise he usually goes into his own room. I'm in a twin room without a roommate, he did take it up before slowly moving back into his own room. And apart from at night, the only other time we're together is when he's with his friends. There's no watching TV together, no emotional connection anymore and it's just starting to feel exclusively physical. I found out he was spreading rubbish about my ex earlier as well, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Whenever we are with his friends, it seems like I take a back seat.
We went out today for a couple of hours, we held hands for the first time in forever and it just didn't feel...right. I ended up putting my bag on the seat between us to avoid too much intimacy. I just don't understand why the spark's fading, we've met our families and it was going well.
I have started to wonder what it would be like if I were still single. I've started to wonder what it would be like if I gave a person I was in a relationship with three years ago a chance. But if I break up with him, I have to live with him, I don't have many friends that I can turn to and I'll probably feel more trapped than I already do. At the moment it feels like he's more of a best friend than a boyfriend. It feels like he was a completely different person at the start of our relationship and now I wake up with him and wonder what I'm doing.
Anyone else been in this situation? | spark's fading in new relationship. Advice? |
t3_30fbfk | Advice | Need Advice About Lost Relatives | Well first I should give a bit of back story. I am 16 years old, I am male live in the UK. 8 years ago I used to see my three step sisters once a week (as they lived with their real mother the other half of the time). Then one day I think there might have been an argument between their mother and my father, as I never saw them age after that. I was to young to understand were they went. when i got to the age of 13 I started to look for them online(at one point i went to their old house on my own but they had moved out and the new owner had no idea what i was going on about). Sadly I never found them and i could never ask my father as any time they were ever brought up i saw how sad he looked and that killed me.
fast forward to now and i started looking again. It took me a couple of months but i found them three days ago they had changed their last name from my family name to their mothers (which i never new). One of them is still living in my area, another living a 2 hour car ride away and the oldest i still cant find.
Now down to the advice part of this. I want to go see one of them but i just cant bring my self to do it and i can't ask anyone close to me because they are to young or my dad or i just don't trust them. i could send them a message but i don't know how they would reply to their younger brother (they might have bad blood with me) seeking them out, i mean they never tried to find me so do they really want to see me? so how should i do it? should i do it? what should i say? how will they react?
I do know I am asking allot, but i don't know were else to go and anything will do at this point. (sorry about grammar and spelling) | ? |
t3_sagry | AskReddit | A question. Please help. | Alright, I'm trying to see what kind of response I get.
So, my mother is in her 40's. I have not lived at home for a number of years and my sister is in her mid teens, she'll be parting off on her own journey when she gets around that age. My mother has hit a point of seeming desperation, depression and feels like she has nothing left of life. Like she has run her course and greatly desires to be able to go out and find a new path. Life after the close of this chapter. I'm trying to tell her that she doesn't have to adhere to the retirement and mortgage bullshit way of life which she thinks is the reason she cannot go out and seek life elsewhere. She is depressed and I think she would benefit greatly from being able to go out and get going in whatever direction she wants. I'm asking any of you if you know of any solid work opportunities that give a person flexibility in work schedule and the ability to come and go. The only thing I can think of is Wilderness guiding. If anyone has any sincere suggestions, it may be helpful. Thanks. | Mother severely depressed and thinks life is over. Needs radical change in direction but thinks there is no hope. I'm afraid she may try and hurt herself. Any solid leads on sustainable, meaningful work with flexibility may be helpful, no matter the location. Know of anything? |
t3_280vz8 | relationships | I [19\M] and my [21\F] girl half way across the world are in a tough spot ... | Long story cut short I dated this lovely girl from New York while she was studying abroad in Sydney Australia and we hit it off well enough we did the whole long distance thing between December and May of this year.
I was able to visit her in May but after our perfect time together we decided to not continue our relationship because I'll be honest 6 months without the physical presence of my girlfriend not just sexually but also to go out with and enjoy each others time is tiring.
We are continously talking though as we find it very difficult to get over each other still saying 'I love you' and the whole bit even though we know one day we will meet someone new. Thing im afraid of is never losing these deep feelings considering we never wanted to breakup but because we are at a young age and still have so much to do in our lives we thought it was the best thing for both of us.
So what im asking is if we did the right thing and if it'll work taking this direction
Cheers for any advice :) | long distance relationship went perfectly but went back to friends cause of it being difficult |
t3_yxymu | running | Blood blisters and weird sized feet | Hey runnit, I'm training for my second half marathon in October, and I've got a concern: I've developed some decent blood blisters on the middle toes of both my feet as well as a doozy on the big toe of my left foot. My right foot has normal blisters on the big toe and underneath. I'm not sure if I should leave them as is, or pop them. They don't bother me during my run at all, or afterwards too much. Also is there anything I can do to keep blisters from happening? (
Some background info: I'm 6 feet, 160 lbs, but yet have tiny misshapen feet. My left foot is a size 5 and considerably wider than the other, my right a 7.5. I wear size 8 Asics gel kayano, which are supposed to stabilize my very high arches but don't do so well. I wear 8s because my left is decent snugness width wise and my right fits decent. I had the blisters my first half that I ran also, but popped them, which made them hurt a bit. | blood blisters on my 2 different sized feet. What can I do to combat this? Am I doomed to spend ridiculous money on shoes and orthotics? |
t3_3cp277 | tifu | TIFU by forgetting my lube in the shower | So I'm sitting in the living room with my then GF not long ago and my roommate (Carl with the slicked back hair) comes in from the bathroom to ask me where the little black bottle in the shower went. Confused, I looked back at him and told him I didn't know what he was talking about. This is about what happened next:
>Carl: Are you sure it wasn't yours? It appeared in the bathroom the other day and then today it's gone.
>Me: Still not sure. Why do you ask?
>Carl: Aww...damn. Whatever that shit was it was awesome. It was like this conditioner or something that kept my hair super slick alll day long. It was crazy, not even water could get it out. It worked so much better than the hair stuff I use right now. Maybe Jenny (his GF) knows where it went. Are you sure you don't know?
At this point I have figured out that the little black bottle to which he kept referring was my bottle of lube. I glanced over at my GF and all the color had drained from her face and she was trying not to give it away that she knew. With the straightest face I could muster I told him that I still had no idea. I haven't told him to this day. | i left my lube in the shower for a couple days and my roommate mistook it for hair conditioner. To this day he doesn't know. |
t3_18we3i | relationships | How can I [18f] stop feeling guilty? | So one weekend in January my boyfriend [18m] of 4 months at the time had gone home, but I went out and got drunk. I didn't even think about doing anything with any other guys. I talked to him that night and then he went to sleep.
However, I wasn't tired so I started texting some of my friends. I ended up texting this one guy that I met on Facebook that was supposed to go to my school but didn't. I was pretty horny at the time so that's all I could think to talk about.. I don't think I was leading him on or anything but he kept suggesting things like us being together. I never said anything about wanting to be with him, in fact I kept saying how much I wanted my boyfriend. But I never shot him down either..
Last night, my boyfriend found these texts on my phone. I had completely forgotten about it so it's not like I was trying to hide it.. He forgave me for it, thank god because I love him so much. So I can't help feeling guilty and wish I never texted that guy in the first place. I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend and that's something I never ever ever wanted to do. I can't forgive myself for it. I messed up. I feel disgusting and filthy. How can I make this better? | I texted a guy other than my boyfriend talking about sex. I feel fucking horrible. |
t3_3byb4q | relationships | Me [26F] with my boyfriend [27 M] of four months, somehow still feels like I'm single | I've been dating this guy for four months now, and I am completely head over heels over him. The only thing is, the communications lines aren't that great-- we're both super busy all the time. It also doesn't help that we're in a long-distance relationship. I do text him sometimes and he also texts me randomly, but I feel like most of the effort is on my end. When I'm online on Skype, he never initiates the call, and while most of the time I'm fine with being the initiator, it's left me feeling like I'm bothering him every time we have an interaction. It's come to the point where I feel like I'm simply imposing upon his time, and because of it I've been feeling really lonely.
This might also have something to do with my history, as my ex (who I'm still friends with) was always very attentive to communication and we'd spend a lot of time just talking to each other, even when it was long-distance. After a while I got tired of the constant effort and broke it off with him (among many other reasons), which is why I felt like this new relationship would work great. I don't have to text you every other hour? Awesome! But now I'm feeling like there's a middle ground that I can't find.
I don't know how to talk to him about this because I don't want to be a demanding girlfriend. He has picked up that I've been hurting during our last conversation, but I couldn't get my thoughts together to tell him exactly what's wrong. Is it possible that I'm lonely, even if I'm in a relationship with a great guy? | How do I talk to my super great boyfriend that I feel like I'm not really in a relationship? |
t3_2b77t2 | relationships | My mom [53F] keeps trying to reunite me [23F] and my estranged sister [19F] and it's making me miserable. | "Estranged" isn't really the right word though. We have never had a relationship of any kind. We have hated each other since the moment she was born. Not once in the past decade (despite living together and going to the same school) have we even spoken to each other without it turning violent, or at least becoming a screaming argument.
I moved away from home to go to college in one of the most stressful engineering programs in the country--it was like entering a peaceful zen trance. I felt safe sleeping without a lock on my bedroom door, I stopped grinding my teeth, and I stopped getting stress headaches.
However, my mom is very close to both of her siblings and considers it *very* important to have those relationships. She is completely convinced that now that my sister and I are "adults" we will suddenly get along. Now, at least half of the visits I make to see my mom, my sister will "accidentally" be coming to visit at the same time. It's gotten to the point that I dread going to visit my mom (and often just skip it completely), because my sister might be there. Seeing my sister makes me so angry and unhappy that I feel sick to my stomach, and it ruins the little time I have with my mom (I live in another city and have a very time-intensive job).
What can I do to convince my mom that tricking us into a room together is just making things worse? Has anyone ever heard of someone else going through this? Everyone who I have ever talked to about it (parents, friends, etc.) dismisses it--"it's a phase" or "everyone fights with their siblings" and no one seems to believe me when I say that something is horribly wrong. | I want my mom to stop tricking me and my sister, who hate each other, into meeting in the hope that we will suddenly get along after two decades. |
t3_3yrfa2 | tifu | TIFU By Playing With Fire | So it was 8 in the morning where my parents decided to go shopping, leaving me behind to water the plants, feed the dog etc.
I finished faster than expected and I still have 1 hour to do anything before my parents get home. I found some Match Sticks and decided to play with them but things turned to the worst when the paper I wanted to light up had a little wet spot on the centre, I ignored It and realized that the wet spot was gasoline when the fire spread on the paper like wildfire.
I tried to put it out with the hose on the backyard but before I could get to the hose the fire got bigger and reached to my hand and it got burned | Played with fire and ended up burning my hand |
t3_12ax1j | dating_advice | Is it a date? Or just as friends? M(18) F(17) | So, I've know this girl a while through other friends and she's been at gatherings I've been to. The other day at a party I finally plucked up the courage to talk to her properly (not just the usual "hi how are you" stuff) and we got on really well.
The only problem was she then started talking to her friend about how she isn't sure if she likes this guy. She said he was a bit of a dick. My friend (also her best friend), being a boss of a wingwoman, told her "don't go for dicks, because you'll just end up getting hurt". So the girl I like asked "But who isn't a dick?" and my friend pointed at me and said "He's not a dick, he's my best friend".
Next day I decided to talk to her over facebook and ask if she wanted to see a film which she said she really wanted to see. (I've already seen it but it's so good I want to go twice). She said it's be "really nice" and we organised a day. I asked her about getting something to eat before and she said we could just "go and have a coffee".
The thing is, I don't fully know whether it's an actual date, or just as friends. We both really love the film, so it could just be that, but we don't really know each other well enough for it to be something friends would do. But then again, there is still that guy who she wasn't sure whether she liked...will he just leave the equation instantly? So, basically, in your opinion, Reddit, is it a date? | A girl who I only know a little has said yes to seeing a film with me, which we both really want to see, and suggested we have coffee before, is it a date, or just as friends? |
t3_242sbp | relationships | F20 broken up with by M20. 2 years. First day. I can't enjoy food, I'm afraid to sleep. My heart hurts.i want to connect to others that feel this way. | The future was so bright, we were going to live together. We never fought. I tried so hard to make him happy. We talked through everything, I always admitted when I was wrong and we seemed so good at fixing problems. I couldn't make him happy. He was depressed, but in a way that he hid from me. I didn't mind when he was sad I tried to comfort him.
It was never perfect but we were so close and now I feel so lonely. He said he used to love me but doesn't now. Then he changed his mind, said he could love me, and when he saw me again he said he couldn't. He said he saw me like a sister. I got furious with him, yelled at him, I cried, I bawled my eyes out.
It was so sudden. The last time we were together we were cuddling and laughing.
I have a lot of love to give, faithfulness, and affection. I've already been asked out twice but It's too soon and I don't know how to function yet. I can't eat the food I ate when I was with him, watch the shows, listen to the same music.
I lost the future that I thought I had with him. I wanted it so bad and now it's gone.
I want to be able to sleep. I want to connect to other people who's hearts are hurting like mine, so I know I'm not alone. | He loved me, then realized he didn't. Then he told me he could love me, and as soon as he saw me he told me he couldn't. |
t3_4sx055 | relationships | Should me [f]irst relationship be long distance? | Hi all!
Backstory: I just recently came out of my "ugly duckling with extreme social anxiety" phase I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend (am also a "supervirgin") or many friends.I have really come out of my shell these past few months!
I [19f] have started a new summer job and will be transferring to a university that 4 hours away. I will be quiting exactly a month from now. I met this [21m] guy at my job. He's great and we are both interested in each other. Next time I see him at work will be Saturday and his close friend told me that he is planning to ask me out. I have never had a crush like this before and this is also the first guy who is interested in me in a non-sexual context. My only issue is that he isn't in school and therefore lives permanently up by our job. I am moving into an apartment by my university and will be living down there until I graduate in 3 years (I will be an entering sophmore). I see myself as having 3 options:
-We date and do it long distance -However, I am worried that I will be a bad girlfriend. My current class schedule is hectic and I still have to work to pay for my apartment. My major also requires a lot of outside of class work. This would leave very little time to talk and come up on the weekends for visits.
-We have a summer fling. -When I asked my mom for advice she suggested this. According to her, going on a date will help take away some of my social anxiety around dating and make me more confident for future dates with other people.
-I stop everything in its tracks now.
I'm not sure what to do. And would really appreciate anyone's advice. | I like this guy but am moving away, should we do it long distance, have a summer fling or let it fizzle? |
t3_4bvotl | relationships | I [27 M] met an amazing girl [29 F], but my superficial prejudices could screw it up. | I went on an online date with an amazing girl. She's smart, funny, and we just had chemistry. I've been on many online dates, and the awkward silence during certain bits of the date is just par for the course. This date was different. We always had something to talk about, and more over we were on the same page. We'd even say the same thing at the same time - it was surreal.
This girl is also beautiful. She was a bit heavier than her pictures, but this is something I've come to expect from online dating, and I didn't really mind.
Date 2 was great too. More of that awesome chemistry, more of that great conversation. Then the clothes started coming off, and I don't know why, but she was just a lot heavier than I thought under the clothes. I don't know if she was much bigger than I thought, but her bodyfat ratio was high, and she didn't wear the fat well.
I am very attracted to her when she's clothed, but I have to admit I became less attracted after she got naked. I hate that I even have to say it because our chemistry is so perfect, and she has a very pretty face even.
So now I'm in conflict. I am thinking I want to hang out with her at least one more time to see if I can get over this, but I don't want to lead her on. I hate that my superficial prejudices could screw up an amazing connection like this. What should I do? | Met an amazing girl. Had an amazing connection. Problem is she looks better with clothes on than off. I'm in conflict about how to proceed. |
t3_52m983 | personalfinance | 17 year old student, planning on having a post-secondary education at a medical school, no knowledge on student loans! | Hey r/personalfinance! I'm writing this on mobile so I apologize in advance for any formatting errors.
As the title states above, I am currently 17 years old and will graduate from a **Canadian** high school in July. I'm confident that I can get accepted into the medical school of my choosing, but that is not the issue!
I am coming from a middle class family you see, with what I roughly estimate is $15,000 in savings for education purposes.
Medical school will take around 8 years to complete, and the tuition for that period is around $240,000 at a rate of roughly $30,000 a year.
I will have to live on campus because it is a 1 hour and 30 minute commute from home, which translates into 3 hours eaten up every day of study time, which is just not sustainable when it comes to such a demanding field of education. I estimate living on campus will add an extra $60,000 on to the list of expenses for the 8 years.
This all adds up to ~$300,000 and it doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that $15,000 ≠ $300,000.
I can honestly say that I have no clue how financing and student loans work, which is why I am here, **so my question is: is it realistic or even possible to take out this much money on loan?**
There must be some sort of cap on the amount the university can loan you right? If so, then I would probably be SOL...
I also heard that you can delay payment of your student loans until after you've completed your education, is this true? If this were the case, wouldn't you be victim to an increased interest rate?
I have engineering as my backup career in the case that this doesn't work out, but I would still like to see if it's possible in my situation, regardless of if it's realistic or not seeing as it's my dream career.
Anyways, sorry for rambling so much, any help is appreciated!! | want to take out massive student loan for Canadian post-secondary education, is it possible? |
t3_ulo2o | AskReddit | I need some help and decided to enlist reddit's beautiful minds. | Hey reddit, so I am in high school and this year we got a foreign exchange student from Germany. He is one of the coolest guys I've met and is just an all around awesome human being. He helped my track team win a state title, he got 6th in the 300 Hurdles, and along with being an amazing athlete he is a great friend. But sadly he has to return to Germany in mid-July. And what's worse is that his going away party is being held during my family reunion. So, to the point, I am having trouble figuring out a great gift to give him. I am set on writing a letter to him, but decided that wasn't enough. I want to incorporate the U.S. and track and field into something (I decided an American Flag sweatsuit was a little over the top), but I don't have any good ideas. So, reddit, whoever posts the best idea will 1) probably get some karma and 2) I will use his/her idea (also, if the idea doesn't incorporate the two themes mentioned earlier, that is perfectly okay). | An exchange student that I have grown fond of is leaving and I need cool gift ideas. |
t3_ekebb | relationship_advice | Taking it to the next level | I've been dating this girl for about 3 weeks now. We've gone out a handful of times and we get along well. The conversation is good and there is little to no initial awkwardness now that we are getting more comfortable around each other.
Even though we get along well as a friend would get along with another friend, she has issues when it comes to her own emotions and trusting others. This is posing a rather tough obstacle for me to get through in order to build an even better relationship with this girl. I truly like her and I would really like to step our relationship up to the next level, but I know she is not there yet.
Seeing as I have more experience than her in the dating department (I am only her first "serious" relationship) I felt like it was my duty to let her call the shots in terms of what she is comfortable with.
After a few dates of letting her set the pace, we haven't even physically touched and I'm starting to I feel like we are not getting anywhere. Don't get me wrong though. I can deal with slow progress, but I can't deal with ZERO progress.
Next time I see her (this Tuesday) I am going to take control and try move things forward. I just don't want to be overbearing or "too much to handle". I was hoping someone who has been in this situation before would have some ideas to show someone you are interested in moving a relationship forward but not applying too much pressure. | I want to get more serious with a girl I'm dating, but she has trust issues. |
t3_m7g7c | AskReddit | Reddit! I always cry when I get serious feedback. It's a huge problem. How do I stop? | Here's the deal:
Whenever I'm talking to an authoritative figure about myself, I start crying. It's not an immediate problem and I can make it through shorter meetings, but long in-depth discussions always get me. I'm fine for a while, and then at some point I realize that my eyes are watering and I have that welt in my throat. Then, no matter what I do to mentally calm myself down (tongue pressed to the top of my mouth, deep breaths, drink some water, logically tell myself this is stupid, etc) there is little I can do to stop the waterworks.
I don't have this problem ANYWHERE else in my life. I barely cry at movies, my pain tolerance is very high, etc. I'm capable of discussing and critiquing myself with non-authority figures without a problem. It just seems to be a problem when the person I'm talking to has power over me. Then I'm no better than a toddler.
I've got a bunch of job interviews coming up, so I'm worried that I'm going to blow them all because I can't keep this in check. I need to get over this.
Anyone have any suggestions? Any help is appreciated. Thanks! | I can't stop myself from crying when I have discussions about myself with authority figures. I need to stop. |
t3_1xr63q | relationships | Me [18F] with my boyfriend [21 M] of 10 months, concerned he might leave me. | I don't know what goes through his mind sometimes. I'm assuming he thinks we spend too much time together and he lost his friends because of me. I never told him not to spend time with his friends, i always asked about them and encourage him to spend time with them. They dont put am effort to hang out with him either. He doesnt seem happy anymore. He says he is, but actions speak louder than words and he doesnt even look happy half the time. I ask him and we talk about our relationship alot. I just don't wanna be annoying. Should i even be worried he will leave. HELP | he doesnt seem happy anymore, what do i do?! |
t3_2bsvsq | relationships | My ex-bf [26m] hit me and now refuses to leave the house [21f]. | I broke up with my boyfriend today, and I asked him to leave the house. He insisted that we still share the same bed because he has no where else to go. It being 4am I comply, but I am also very cranky. I start pulling the covers towards me, and this makes him very annoyed. He's telling me that I'm "torturing" him by not allowing him to fall asleep. This is where the violence starts.
He pushes me off the bed onto the hardwood floor, and when I try to get back on he uses both of his hands to pull my hair. I pull away from him, and decide to sleep on the floor. We only have one blanket so again I pull it down towards me. He then pulls it back and at this point i'm pretty pissed so I stand up. Then he punches me twice in the chest.
At this point I'm pretty hysterical so I ask my roommate if he can help me kick him out of the house. He leaves, but then he comes back. I ask him to leave again, but he says that he has no where to go and that he is going to sleep here.
I tell him that this is not technically his house even though he has been living here for close to three months because I have been paying all the rent, utilities, and groceries. He was out of a job for a little bit, so I allowed for him to live here even though I wasn't ready for that.
I keep asking him to leave, but he keeps saying no. He is currently sleeping on the floor. I feel helpless and confused. I tried talking to him, but he keeps blaming me for the violence. He's saying that I provoked it because I was being annoying by pulling the blanket.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. I'm pretty sure that I want out of this relationship, but he keeps saying that I can't kick him out on the street because he has no money and no place to go. | Broke up with boyfriend. Insists on sharing a bed. I pull the sole blanket towards me. Ex says that I'm torturing him by not letting him sleep. Pushes me on the floor, pulls my hair, and punches me in the chest twice. Refuses to leave because he has no money and no where to go. |
t3_34ox5n | relationships | [22/f] I had sex with my [24/m] boyfriend's sister's boyfriend. | My boyfriend (let's call him B) and I have been dating for almost two years now. Within a few months before we started dating, I had sex with a guy who I knew through some mutual friends a couple times (let's call him F).
When B and I started dating, I stopped seeing or even hanging out with F. The only time we saw each other was if we both were at the same bar which would happen sometimes, and we'd have a friendly conversation, but he knew I was with B now and we were both respectful of and comfortable with that. I never told B that I had slept with F, but it just didn't seem necessary. I've had sex with a LOT of people, and B knows that, I've been very open with him about my sexual past. I have never named any names, mainly because he's never asked and I've never felt it was something he needed or wanted details about.
Now about 6-8 months ago, B's sister (let's call her S) started dating F. My girlfriend's laughed at me over the awkwardness of the situation, but at first it wasn't a huge deal to me. I thought about telling B what happened with me and F, but then I figured it would just cause unnecessary weirdness and wasn't important.
Well, over the months that F and S have been together and their relationship has started getting serious, I've begun to feel more and more guilty over never telling B about F. I feel like I have lied to him by omission, although it was never my intention! I feel so bad, it has started to keep me up at night.
Am I correct in feeling guilty about this? Should I just tell B now? I don't want to hurt him or cause any unnecessary awkwardness, I don't want him to think I've been intentionally lying to him for so long. Should I just suck up my guilt and keep this to myself, or does he have a right to know? I feel like I'm being silly and blowing this way out of proportion. Is it really a big deal? | Had sex with a guy before I started dating my boyfriend, a year or so later the guy gets into a serious relationship with boyfriend's sister. I never told boyfriend about sleeping with guy but now the guilt and awkwardness is eating me alive. Did I lie to my boyfriend? |
t3_53uht0 | needadvice | Much needed advice for adopted Russian prodigy! | My family adopted an 8 year old girl with disabilities who's mother was an alcoholic prostitute. She was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and is missing her arms from the elbows down. My sister is now 18 years old, a senior in high school, has straight A's and is a professional artist. She will have her pick at whatever university she desires, however, I'm worried she may not be able to handle it because of her social skills. Because of her Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, a part of her brain wasn't completely developed that is important to creating relationships and socializing, however, that is no excuse considering she is the most dedicated and smart girl I know. People at her high school say she's "mean" but I know that is just her being socially awkward and not knowing how to react to kindness from strangers. I want to help her with her social skills and communicating with strangers to help prepare her for college, however, I don't know where to start. Any tips and ideas would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks! | I have an adopted 18 year old sister without social skills and I need advice on how to help her attain social skills for college. |
t3_2n1rcv | relationships | I [15 F] don't want my boyfriend [16 M] to think I'm cheating on him | We've been together for about a year and I've made a new male friend (lets call him John) recently. Most of my friends are guys, so my boyfriend has gotten accustomed to it as far as I know. However, I spend a lot of time with John, and it's not because I'm interested in John romantically or anything. I've become John's support for a very serious problem he's been having, so I see him every other day at lunch, and if both my boyfriend and him are at a social event (they hardly know each other) I try to balance time for both of them.
However, for confidentiality, I don't tell my boyfriend why I'm leaving or where I go, although he knows who I'm with. I know he trusts me but if I were in his position, it would be easy to be at least a tad suspicious. I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm cheating on him or losing interest in him, but at the same time, I know I desperately need to be there for John. What should I do? | Hang out with new male friend who needs my help very often, don't want boyfriend getting the wrong idea, but can't tell him why I'm gone |
t3_o1mey | AskReddit | Reddit, what makes you insanely mad? | Something that makes me mad happened today. I'll start by saying I respect when people can be straight up with me, i.e. if they don't like me, and they tell me, I respect that. So, what happened: A while back I assisted a friend in making a short film. They recently asked me to edit their work. I am okay with this, do it, and return it to him.
I am told everything I did was crap, essentially. He said it politely, but he also apologized for even getting me on the project in the first place. Nothing I did was used. Nothing I did was of value. Hours of work. Wasted. I want to destroy things. What makes you mad, Reddit? Let's be mad together. | Guy gets me to do job for him, tells me that he never wanted me to do it in the first place, hours of work lost. |
t3_493u87 | relationships | Me [18M] with my girlfriend [18F] of 1 year, she currently has a boy who 'likes' her sleeping in the same room as her tonight | My girlfriend spent the day with her long time friend (he has asked her out and tried to have sex with her before) which I initially had no problems with (although I am insecure) She just messaged me telling me that he's sleeping at her house tonight in the same room.
This is my first real relationship but she's also my best friend and I love her, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to be controlling, but I would have no idea if they did anything together. I also don't think it's really suitable for a relationship but that's what I'm looking for advice for. Am I overreacting? | gf sleeping in the same room with her friend who loves her, feel I'm overreacting by being upset/angry about it |
t3_pgud2 | relationships | Standing at the fork. Which way should I go? | My boyfriend (23)m and I (19)f have been together for a short 7 months now and have reached a major fork in the road; become substantially more serious or break up. He is getting much more attached then I am and is starting to talk about the future. I was hurt not so long ago and I guess I have a bit of a commitment-phobia. We both also have serious issues that we need to work on, (I'm a sexual abuse victim and he was cheated on a lot in the past) but neither of us have a real support system aside from each other.
I'm nervous about making more of a commitment though because I'm in school right now 300 miles away. I feel like this wouldn't be the best time for me to add another serious responsibility, like emotionally taking caring of someone in a long distance relationship, to my plate. Plus, recently, (when we are together) we've been having intimacy problems because of my abuse and he doesn't really understand. On the other hand, I do care about him a great deal and enjoy being with him. The thought of breaking up really makes me feel hurt and really uneasy.
I was thinking about asking him to see a therapist so he could try to start actually working out his issues and I plan on going to my school's councilors anyway to help with mine. That might make it easier to be together. But maybe I'm fooling myself that it could work because I don't want to deal with the pain of a break up and will just end up hurting worse down the road.
I really need some outside perspective so can you help me out r/relationships? | My bf and I are having issues with trust (his end), and intimacy issue (on my end) because of past experiences. We're long distance and, I love him, but its getting really stressful. Should I try and work on it or make a clean break? |
t3_2ldb8c | running | New shoes!! | So I've been running for about 4 months now. My lung strength has increased significantly, and I usually tire out because my knees and calves get tired. I've been running in an old pair of Nike's that I've had for 4 or 5 years. Basically 0 tread left. Bought some new shoes yesterday (Saucony Cohesion 7) and let me tell ya, it's like running on a cloud. I never would have guess what a difference new shoes would make. It's like running on clouds. I ran 4 miles last night, and usually my legs would be getting close to giving out by then. But I could have easily kept going no problem | buy new shoes |
t3_3x4k80 | personalfinance | Wanting to go to an out of area school for 6 months. How would you pull it off? | I'm wanting to go to a very prestigious furniture making and design school. The best part is is that it is ran by a community college so the fees will not be insane.
This school would be an investment for my side business in woodworking.
My question though is that I have a full-time job in healthcare. I've talked to my manager and I would not have to quit my job. I could go on Per Diem and show up to work from 2 days every 2 months to stay on payroll and retain my job.
The school is about a three hour drive (James Krenov school of fine wood working in Fort Bragg, CA)
And we would work 5 or 6 days a week for 10 hour days. It's very intense.
I rent a house and make a payment on my truck. The car is paid off.
I'd like to keep the house because I have a full sized shop detached from the house with all of my woodworking equipment and tools.
So either I could find someone to take my room for 6 months and pay the rent or eat the bill myself (700/month)
My greatest concern about doing this is that I would not have an income for 6 months and would probably have to find a room or apartment to go to school in the area.
I have a gf who is a RN and said she would help me with bills and finances til I was finished but I really don't want to do that.
I'm not sure I would qualify for student loans either aside from private loans because I fear my income might be too high, though I haven't looked.
It looks like I'd have to live off savings.
So, | I want to go to school for a 6 month program out of area as an investment for my business and self. |
t3_cp6ig | AskReddit | What are some good motorcycles for a beginner? | Hey guys,
I'm in the process of getting my M1 - just passed the safety course and waiting for my paperwork to take the written test at the DMV.
That being said, I'm pumped up to buy my first bike and start endangering you all on the road. Which leads me to the pickle I'm in - I don't really know very much about motorcycles and what would be a good first bike. I've done the standard Google searches on "best first bike" and I learned on a 2008 Honda Nighthawk, so I suppose I'm leaning that direction.
What I do know is this, I want either a standard or cruiser-type bike around 250cc (maybe a little higher). I'm not looking for a sport-bike or something that's going to race, I just want to get from Point A to Point B without breaking my neck, but also looking kinda cool (i.e. NOT A SCOOTER). I've got about $2,000 to spend on the bike since there's a good chance I'll screw it up during the learning process. Any ideas or bikes you want to sell me?
Thanks! | new biker in SF bay-area needs advice on what kinds of standard/cruiser motorcycles are good for around-the-town driving |
t3_fj1ew | AskReddit | V-Day tips? | I just got a new girlfriend about 2 weeks ago and of course the dreaded Valentine's day is approaching quickly. I'm all set on presents, gonna get her a nice bracelet and some perfume (I get the perfume at a great discount!) and we are just going to relax in her dorm and watch movies. Her roommate might be "conveniently" missing from her room for the night as well.
So Reddit, I ask you, any tips on cuddling, possibly leading up to le sexytime? It seems everytime I start to cuddle with a girl i end up in some really awkward position and that completely kills the mood. | Any tips for cuddling up and watching tv without your dick ending up on her shoulder? |
t3_4yahza | relationships | My [M 34] girlfriend [F 24] does not like it when I bake pastries even though it is one of my favorite hobbies. I don't understand why she's upset. | My girlfriend Tara and I have been dating for 6 months. I love her a lot and she is everything I could ever want in a significant other. However, she doesn't like the fact that I bake. I'm not talking about getting baked-- I love making cakes, pastries, cookies, and all sorts of desserts.
Tara said she doesn't feel special when I'm baking. She thinks I bake because I love the activity rather than the reason being that I love her. So I guess she feels inferior to my love of baking, but I like to bake her things because I enjoy making her happy AND because it is one of my favorite hobbies.
She has been really distant lately. I'm afraid she will break up with me, but she's the only woman I've ever thought about marrying. What should I do? (btw, English is not my first language and I have a thick accent, so there may be some type of misunderstandings as well.) | girlfriend of 6 months says she doesn't feel special when I bake, and Idk what to do |
t3_3asb0i | tifu | TIFU by being culturally accepting for foods in health class. | This is my first TIFU post, so here goes nothing. This happened yesterday morning. I'm taking health during my high school summer school.
We were talking about nutrition with the health teacher. The teacher then told us about how different cultures affect different people, as well as peers, friends, and family. He said that he enjoyed many different kinds of foods, however he would never eat certain foods that were culturally appealing to others.
Teacher: "You know how some Chinese people eat pig ears?"
A: "Oh! Those are so good!"
Teacher: "Yeah, I'm never gonna eat them. What about those chicken fingers?"
B: "Omg delicious!"
Teacher: "Yup, never gonna let anyone convince me to try those."
Me: "Oh, I heard that some people eat cow testicles."
Teacher: "I'm not gonna ever eat no ears, no intestines, no feet, no fingers, no head.."
Me: (Thinking that sometimes the head of certain animals taste pretty good.) "What? You don't like head?" | Unintentionally questioned my teacher's sexual preferences talking about strange cultural foods. |
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Filtered TL;DR Dataset
This is the version of the dataset used in https://arxiv.org/abs/2310.06452.
If starting a new project we would recommend using https://huggingface.co/datasets/openai/summarize_from_feedback.
For more information see https://github.com/openai/summarize-from-feedback and for the original TL;DR dataset see https://zenodo.org/record/1168855#.YvzwJexudqs
This is the version of the dataset with only filtering on the queries, and hence there is more data than in https://huggingface.co/datasets/UCL-DARK/openai-tldr-filtered which contains data with filtering on the queries and summaries.
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