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This dude looks like he ate all of his crayons 🖍 so he had to use a pencil ✏️

Cock tongue! I didn’t know you could transplant a small penis into your mouth…I bet his mom did.

I bet growing up he was that one kid who always got tagged by his stepdad in memes about pulling out

I picture that face when i see someone wearing a mask, alone in the car.

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Worst year of your life so far.

Middle school football coach vibes

Uncle No Bucks

Sorry man…life roasted you enough, good luck in 23. Also…only d bags driver hummers or wear visors along with gas station sunglasses

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Priests use this picture to stay celibate

Is your ear lobe taking a shit?

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Chef Meth-ardee

How the fuck does someone look 4, 14, and 40 all at the same time

The rat from ratatouille finally got a job.

I’m kind of impressed they could hold up such are large piece of paper long enough to get that pic without pulling something.

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On the bright side of this monstrosity, it’s pretty much impossible to sneak up on you from either side.

I feel like your clothes stick to you.

Looks like Jack Black if he had moderate brain damage and was addicted to stalking women.

Looks like you can have a family reunion, on both sides, with only one other person there

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Is scoliosis part of your Asian cosplay?

Your hair looks like a Lego figurine's hair.

You supposed to take your pants off before you take a shit

You look like the type of girl that a man who hasn't had a date in 20 years would take to a funeral.

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You seem like you might do a lot of things for free drinks that people insist you won’t regret

You look like you would cheat and then blame your boyfriend for not giving you attention

Suck it in any harder and you're going to start leaking.

I don’t think the voices in your head will be able to settle a bar tab.

I think you misheard, she said "unfuckable"

If a double chin is your "best life" I'd hate to see you at your worst.

Good for you man. Staying home and raising someone else’s kid is something I sure wouldn’t want to do.

Have you asked your wife about her work husband? If not, hey Craig.

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You look like someone Jackie Chan beats up for fun.

You are good at meth.. not so good at math.

Are you looking left or right?

Let me guess the cosplay Mechanic computer programmer. Bob Wong

Even your camera lens is greasy

On this episode of pawn stars...

You look like you get out of breath when eating Fried Chicken.

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Getting rid of the prison tattoos on your hand didn't work.

You look like the type of person that would star in a low budget HR film on sexual harassment

You’re a 10, but like on a PH scale.

Your Tinder bio includes "I love watching the Office" and "Perfect date: Netflix in our sweatpants" and "plz have a car"

You’re supposed to eat them not rub them on your face

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Where did you bury the bodies?

The Pavlovian response of every woman when you walk into a bar is to cover her drink

You look like Henry Cavill from wish.com

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This what women mean when they say "I settled"

Gets ankle monitor tattoo as a placeholder for the inevitable

Dollar store Brett Favre. I'm sure the court system is coming for him soon.

Congrats you just signed half your shit away.

Is his new husband ok with this?

Somehow, North Face is the second worst face in this picture

Can't believe your ancestors survived the potato famine for this.

You could always get a job as an asymmetrical eyeglasses model.

you looked like Mark Zuckerberg when he adjusted his normal settings up to 12%

One eyebrow going to the bar, the other going for a taxi

Where’s Waldo: Amber Alert edition

You look like your wife tells her boyfriend after sex “I feel bad because he’s such a nice guy”

"I like you either way" his pickup line at the school he's banned from.

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When the Mmmbop money runs out.

Bro has a written reminder to bathe behind him, yet neglects said advice.

You look like you turn a woman's clitoris into a clitorisnt

For the first time in history, a dick silhouette can't be seen in grey sweatpants.

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Yeah, you kissed a girl...the police report confirms it.

Still a virgin... and kissing your grandmother doesn't count.

Was it consensual?

Keep at it though!

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you have the kind of face someone would draw on a balloon

You look like the gay genie that comes out of Aladdin’s lube bottle

When you move every slider to the left in a character creator

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You look like Flea’s son…Lyme disease

My grandmother had better tattoos than you and she was in Auschwitz.

Tell me you smoke meth without telling me you smoke meth

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I'm surprised you didn't see it coming with those jam jars you have on your face.

Roast? You need a hug, son.

You’ll self-roast if the sunlight ever catches those Hubble lenses.

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Someone could swap your eyebrows with your moustache in photoshop and nobody would notice

You look like a version of James Franco that would fail to groom teenagers.

Hello from Europe. We have a saying here and I feel it can relate "Ugly, inbred, jug eared, pig fucker" ~ most Europeans

PLEASE DIE FOR OUR COUNTRY

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She probably left because she thought you were seeing someone else at the same time.

She didn't leave. She is just standing to your left in the blind spot.

You crossed your eyes. She crossed an ocean.

Sorry you had to watch her go. Or, at least, one of your eyes did.

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Were you in some kind of strange accident where you needed your lips and asshole swapped?

Winning the chromosome count competition

Egyptian mummies have more moist lips and cleaner teeth than you. I feel sorry for your wife that has to kiss that foot callus you call a face. For fuck sakes man, drink some water.

You look like dehydration if it was a person.

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Have you thought about makeup and or filters?

And a liar. We can see the smoothing filter.

I’ve seen better faces on a stack of freshly-peeled potatoes. If this isn’t a filter, then your face appears to be exuding enough oil to supply a small nation. This picture should be sponsored by Ore-Ida and Vaseline, you no-lipped pint of chicken skins.

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He's all about that Kremlin, and not about this Gremlin.

Lmao, he'd rather be in Ukraine, than in you.

The only filter you didn’t use on this photo was the “reduce gigantic forehead “ app

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The only difference between you and a hockey player is he will change his pads after three periods.

You have cat ears. You're dead outside too.

With my truck

You grew up in a trailer and it shows

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You look like you get bullied at Planet Fitness with the staffs approval

Howie Mandon’t

Ironman? You’re barely aluminum.

Dude's been skipping leg day and arm day, but never misses neck day.

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Security Officer of what? National virginity?

What are you protecting? The fridge?

Looks like you ate Paul Blart

Jesus I hope you're not securing anything that's been deep fried or someone has made a big fuckin mistake

We know you're not scared. Neither are anyone you try to catch.

Imagine if your mom knew you were taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom instead of looking for a job and therapy.

Your wives were right about everything

The most shocking part of your bio isn't that you've been divorced twice, it's that you've been married twice.

Might want to let your mom pick your clothes.

Connor Mcgregor has finally hit rock bottom

Post-coital brokeback Jake Gylenhaal

Never met someone Left Ear dominant

They were being nice, you actually look like a turd covered in hair.

You look like one of those depressed and divorced lawyers from rom-coms.

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I bet if you cleaned your room you would find your upper lip somewhere in there

The state of that bedroom certainly suggests a teenaged disposition.

You'll *always* know the answer, if a guy asks "So, my place, or yours?"

3:1 odds you have an annoying voice and smell like a half eaten three day old ham sandwich

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You look like the love child of a dictator and Meg Griffin.

I'm the cashier that rung up your box of merlot and cucumber today. How much more humiliation do you need?

I didn’t know strange virgin girls had battle dress uniforms.

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I didn’t know pampers made jeans.

Your ego may be through the roof but your body says Albino African villager , mother of 8.

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I don't want a Large Farva, I want a goddamn liter'a'cola

License and registration... chicken fucker.

Private Pyle.... is that a fucking jelly donut?

your shenanigans look cruel and tragic.

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My man, you look like you tell riddles for food.

You look like you push old ladies off their bikes and sniff the seats.

Something about candies and a white van

Molest

Jennifer Lawrence with a full blown peanut allergy

Why everybody from Gen Z wants to build personality on autism?

I am seriously questioning your motivations for becoming a vet.

Your face is more inflated than gas prices in the US.

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I'm British and even I'd be embarrassed by those teeth.

Single father to two beautiful baby teeth.

Single? You don't say.

There is no way someone let you cum inside of them.

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This whole story sounds a bit shaky.

Living off your mom doesn’t make her your girlfriend

roast you???? I envy you

You look like that person that just follows their friend around

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Plays the guitar at bbqs when no one asked him

Give it time...your spouse will hurt you more than we ever can.

Is this how you spend your time while your wife is out with her boyfriend?

Welp, you're married now. Better get used to feeling yourself.

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Did Danny Trejo shave his mustache?

Let me guess, her name is Tammy, on probation, and just got out of rehab.

💯 wears SpongeBob pajama pants to her kids’ school functions.

Time has not been kind to Sitting Bull

OMG - no wedding ring? How can this be.

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Looks like Tim Burton directed your teeth

Was expecting a lot of Harry potter comments. But honestly I think you look more like Austin powers after a 20 year heroin addiction.

So there's that

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non-Americans of Reddit...this is the midwest

She should request some shampoo

If the 21 year old wants the roast, why have you posted up a 45 year old?

I can't roast. Congrats on your transition!!

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Definitely not my Seoulmate

You look like a deceptively friendly android

You’ve got eyes that span both sides of the DMZ

TFW when you're a Pyongyang 8/10 but only a Seoul 4/10.

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Damn I bet that room smells like chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, and asshole

You don't often see two bottoms searching for a top.

What hot blonde guy?!?

You look like you are about to shoot the gay porn spoof of “The lost boys.”

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Yeah, being a failed actor highscool dropout, working for minimum wage, will definitely age you about 20 years...checks out 👍

You look 20 in rental car years

2. No, I don't want fries with that

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This guy definitely sells fake gold chains and burner phones from a mall kiosk.

Maybe instead of putting $50 into fantasy football next year, you could buy a jacket that wasn’t from 1993?

If Smirnoff Ice had a face

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Do the guys from accounting steal your lunch money

That cat is literally the only pussy you’ll ever get

Ten bucks says the cat is stuffed and mom is in the freezer

Jeffrey Dahmer vibes for sure.

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You look like Beaker and Animal had a kid.

You mean you look like shit, and you’re roasted.

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That’s your selling point,… your grey hair?

The perfect gay man. Mouth is exactly zipper height and a head flat enough to hold your beer

31? maybe in benjamin button years.

You look like you go on quests with your friends to throw a ring into a volcano.

Gayer oompa loompa .

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She looks like a neglected tacklebox

Looks like someone used the stapler on the dog

You look like your panties are always hard in the middle

You strike me as someone who has somewhat tenuous relationships with at least three of your stepfathers.

Can't see you as a welder but can definitely see you being on Grindr.

Why do you look like a cardboard cut out?

If you were worth a shit at welding you wouldn’t also be a grinder

5% welder, 95% grinder

You look like you smell vaguely of weed, strawberry vape, and onions

Seeing your picture denied me a raise this evening.

Clearly your hair isn’t the only thing strung out

I think it’s very independent and progressive not to care how you look. You work in the back, right?

Pro tip: you need to actually do some work to get a raise.

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This is what I imagine Micheal Jackson would look like if they dug him up today.

This pic looks like it was sent to your ex from his living room after you broke into his apartment

Think you should just accept you’re middle aged already and give yourself and your teenage children some dignity

You look like you'd snort road lines if you could

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You look like the kind of person that has Black Lives Matter in their bio but still call the cops when one walks past your house.

I keep my distance to people with your kinda finger nails

Right here.

With those fingers you can scrape the bottom of a Pringles can

You definitely have a face for radio

I'd rather order a 50 pack of old fashioned plain Timbits than look at the two of you any longer.

Oh look its.. Gay and Silent Knob..

I have a handicap son that could get more of that coffee up in his mouth rather than on his shirt.

dollar general brands of Tom Selleck and that sloth from Ice Age

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It must be airing on Animal Planet

you look like the kind of chick who uses the “walk of shame “ for her daily cardio.

He’s a very lucky man, I mean he’s very lucky to be blind

Your only other post is “AITA for telling my mom to break up with her bf” and you’re dating on TV. Sounds like you’re on the right path.

Idk if I'd call porn national television.

May I suggest Wii Fit?

You look like all of the rugrats characters got mixed into one then overdosed on crack cocaine.

Being a messy, unshowered shank doesn't make you alternative. You look like you smell like the inside of a camels dickhole. And that's more of an insult to the camel.

I’ve never seen a less convincing wedding ring

You identify as hungry

Only fantasy anyone admitted you were in

A.I. please draw me "cream cheese in shorts"

You look like you're the type of middle school teacher who gets upset when your students don't find you attractive.

Enough quadriceps to join the NFL, enough forehead to host the game.

My favorite part is how we can see the window and blinds in that shiny-ass forehead reflection

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It's not every day you meet someone who's been on both Jerry Springer AND To Catch a Predator!

I think you ruined it yourself after reading the bio. Yikes!

If you have two small children, you don’t get a roast. You get a fire under your ass. Go do your job. Stop complaining about others. Get mental health treatment and become a reasonable example to your children. And when you completed all that, buy a new shirt because that one looks like shit.

Didn’t want to roast you because that would mean you’d get what you wanted for your birthday, and I don’t want to give you that ✨

If crying after sex were a person.

Still wearing the same newspaper you were abandoned in as a newborn.

You look like you get several yeast infections a month and blame the smell on patriarchy

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Also, you have a big nose.

You dress like a white guy in a ska band.

Look like you sell drugs on Sesame Street

You’re gonna get fired from the bowling alley if they find out you made a shirt from their carpet.

Actor I get. But I don't think there is a title "musician" in porn. Can you queef in perfect pitch?

Your jacket looks like the cover my grandmother put on her toilet lid

Just looking at your pictures makes me want to take a Prozac

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You look like a pokemon npc with a lvl 28 pidgeotto

If I had a business on one side of a street, I'd hire you to stand on the other side so people would cross over to my side.

if fingerless gloves were a person.

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You’re doing it all wrong, your mother is meant to be the virgin.

Somehow I think the real Jesus smelled better than you.

You look like if Jesus was born in Minnesota.

Jesus’ brother , Ronnie Christ… turned water into meth

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You know how when one sense is impaired, other senses adapt to make up for it, like when blind people develop exceptionally strong hearing… Your eyebrows are trying to do that for your hairline.

This guy looking like a mid-puberty Homer Simpson

turned 18?? You look like that creepy uncle who shouldn't be near children

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You look like Wednesday's bro, Ugly Addams.

I dont know what your problem is, but I'm betting it's hard to pronounce

You order taquitos instead of tacos cus your small

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Man I can just hear you boring your friends to death with the story of your latest tattoo and what you're planning on getting next

I see you reply with a lot of "mom jokes" . Please sleep with my mom then that way I will no longer be her biggest regret in life.

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I would fear the ear, but you don’t have any.

You look like the guy that dies for no reason in the background in an action movie.

No royalties for you since Disney took down Song of the South, huh?

man you look too nice to roast 😭

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Script yourself a longer face. You look like a fucking cheeseburger

You have the posture of a roblox developer

Head uniform shaped and misaligned. Sure you aren’t actually a Roblox character?

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Counting the number of tires on a car doesn’t make you an accountant.

Honestly, ‘tire shop accountant’ was probably your best possible outcome in life.

you look like a [retread](https://i.imgur.com/PPuHKB4.png)

You give off "she turns 18 in a few months" vibes.

A hat is not a personality

When God created you it was a swing and Amish.

M'lady... *tips smelly greasy hat

I dont know how but i can smell this picture.

You got the hat, but you’ll never be able to afford the falcon

Your hand looks fine to me, what sort of operation did it have

Show her your genitals if she's in need of a laugh.

ZZ Bottom

She’s disappointed she survived

I'm guessing that pull up bar came with the house

Osama Bin Freeloadin

For fucks sake, dude. Go back into that drug induced coma, you're scaring the shit out of everybody.

are we just arbitrarily subtracting 20 years from our actual age now?

If a full litter box had a face.

They finally caught one of the Wet Bandits. Prison appears to have been unkind.

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You look like a racist cartoon of an asian.

Harry Potter and The Mystery of The Unwashed Foreskin

You and straight shouldn’t be in the same sentence.

He’s tired of his boyfriends curved penis

You look like the “+” sign in the “LGBTQ+”

There's a 90% chance one of those stuffed animals smells like an old tuna can.

Not-So-Hot Topic

"Incomplete meat tube" is the error given by your VR sex simulator because even it can't get it up for you .

I bet your forearms look a railroad track

Why are your hands already in the air? The cops haven't even arrived yet.

This man will fuck 3 3’s and say he fucked a 9

You look like you graduated 7 years ago and still go to high school house parties.

Didn’t know that homeless bitches count

Running away from child-support payments doesn’t make you, “athletic”.

Poorshawn lynch

Not the first rim you’ve had your face in.

You look like you say ‘on god’ 50 times a day

T-Lame

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Betting that username is accurate

No-one wants to interview you on the casting couch

Nothing says broke louder than an inch of dark roots

At least you shaved since your last roast

Ellen Dehydrated

Harry Potter and the Cheesecake Factory

Hasan "drink" Spiker

If Hagrid had a son and he had autism.

If eyebrows has sentience, they would have crawled away and become butterflies.

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You look like an npc

You are more plain and white than anything you put in that toaster.

You look like you make your own costumes for the renaissance fair. Happy Birthday sire.

The poor choice in hairstyle says you don't care about making mistakes. The ring on your finger and crows feet on your eyes says you've made too many already. Happy birthday asshole!

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You are the universal sketch that accompanies every missing child report.

Take off that fake nose/mustache that's attached to your glasses. You look like the gay Marx brother they kept locked in the attic.

You look like you butt chug IPAs.

You don't need camo for people not to see you

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Mecca turns around when you pray to it.

Seven trees work year round to keep up with the amount of carbon dioxide that comes out of that chimney you call a nose.

First time I see a Hijab headscarf with stretchmarks.

Now I see why some are forced to cover their face in public

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Your eyes are what happens when you take Dayquil and Nyquill at the same time.

That wig/hairline looks like you tried to attach it with play dough and boogers.

Hope your braces are fitted better than that weave.

You look like someone actually fed you on the price of a cup of coffee each day.

You look like foot odor

Just a dude hanging out on a Saturday night wishing that someday a woman will let him go up on her

Collecting miniatures - kinda ironic, no?

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This guy looks like he’s still making payments on a 2008 pt cruiser.

Jimmy Neutron has fallen on hard times

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You look like the '"aged up" version of a missing child in the newspaper.

I'm convinced you were a tree during your school play.

You really do look sad even if you say you don't, depressed even. I've been there and I want to say it gets better. I'm sure you'll find a guy who will make you happy, you'll form a deep bond and give him a severe case of erectile dysfunction.

You’re what people practice on before fucking actual dead bodies

The first NPC you encounter in World of Whorecraft

You look like you’ve heard the words “you have herpes”

Tuesday Addams

Your version of the Wednesday Dance is caused by the itching and burning

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Self conscious. About the glasses. Riiiiiiiight.

Ben, why are you speaking in the 3rd person?

I just find it hard to believe the word virgin wasn’t in the title

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Fat Childish Gambino

Kanye Least

With those crazy ass eyes I’m not saying shit. I don’t know if you would try to beat me up or fuck me.

You were amazing in Orange is the New Black!

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Do your ears sprout at 31?

Built like a Polynesian fertility goddess

Is 6'6 your height or waistband?

Congrats on the wedding ring, so now it’s just buffets and life insurance companies that are still rejecting you.

Imagine the turds this guy is Bruin

Bulbasaur has fallen on hard times

You look like the 4 main characters from the big bang theory got fused into one

Let me guess your with the IRS and want me to send you Walmart gift cards.

Do you take off your glasses before looking in the mirror so you don’t hurt your feelings?

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You look like you broke the Stairway to Heaven

You'd totally rock the high school talent show this year...if you weren't required to stay 500 feet from all schools.

I think you interpreted "Pour Some Sugar on Me" a little too literally.

Slosh

At your funeral you could be replaced by a youtube thumbnail and no one would notice.

you look like the off brand poor version of mr beast

Top shelf perfume bottles, cushion-wrapped chair, pube beard, stay-safe-at-night colored hoodie - motherfucker, you softer than a hemorrhoid wet wipe.

Mr. Yeast

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I spent a couple minutes thinking of a roast, but like your baby’s dad, I lost interest and don’t plan to think about you anymore.

I hope you managed to leave your home at least once before getting pregnant.

You look like a single mom living with her parents that got homeschooled and doesn't have a college degree.

You look like a corporate attempt to make Where's Waldo more inclusive for Gen Z'ers

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You look like you'd blow everyone for Crack.

Piercings, purple hair, "edgy" expressions, "fun" colored dresses, gaudy earrings, finger jewelry around your neck - I'm 100% sure the next teen gimmick you try will be the one that finally distracts some poor drunken asshole from your face just long enough for him to two-pump dump a baby into your desert of a womb so you can finally be the trashy single mother ranting on Facebook you were born to be.

You look like 10 gallons of crazy in a 5 gallon bucket. What a mess.

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This is like a bad bucket of KFC: One large beak, lots of bones &amp; no breasts.

Your face looks like it’s being reflected in the back of a spoon.

Lmao 31...oh man, that was a good one.

Are you sure you're only 31 because you literally look like the puppet Madame?

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Chode, not Chad

That faded ass polo is telling me you’ve got a low ass credit score and a Nissan Altima.

Edit: Bonus points for shitty sleeve tattoo and “grading” peoples roasts like you’re *actually* worth anything.

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wearing a fake wedding ring isn't fooling anyone my guy

That’s a lot of hair product if you’re not going to style it at all.

I clicked your name to see your profile and saw you wrote over a paragraph as a Reddit bio. Probably one of the loneliest things I’ve ever seen.

What Foster's is to beer is what you are to a real Aussie man.

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Do your parents have any children they are proud of?

you look like you moan when you wipe your ass

Dude majored in minors

Was it an all girl school and they found out?

I hope your adams apple is larger than your college debt young lady

Introvert..... not by choice

That bee sting us fucking your shit up. Go to the hospital

Wait, I thought Philip Seymour Hoffman was dead?

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