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>*vinyl scratch sound* f \\ >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO Y >*car crash sound* J >102.3 /d >*elephant sound*>*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK>*glass shattering sound*\n>*police siren*\n>THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION\n>*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake>kids actually believe it's weed and buy some>mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more>one day called up to principals office\n>there\u2019s a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I\u2019m making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he>mfw they can\u2019t do anything so they send me back to class<|endoftext|> |
>go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit\n>give unpopular opinion\n>downvoted <|endoftext|> |
>walking to convenience store to buy snacks>see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on>me: \"hey whats your favorite >me\n>her >her: \"i dont know\" : \"but youre wearing the shirt\">me: \"what?\" >her:\n>me:\n>her: <|endoftext|> |
>mfw I am Chad but I have psychological problems so i am<|endoftext|> |
>be 56\n>got a massive humiliation fetish >go on Tinder, have my height on my profile\n>send polite messages to beautiful women\n>jack off to their responses >God tried to nerf me but failed <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>wake up\n>not obsessed with nfts\n>not transphobic\n>not a nazi . >not a tankie>don't have twitter\n>don't worship some mediocre pop star\n>don't watch annoying shitheads on youtube\n>life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it\u2019s that easy.<|endoftext|> |
>beme >on date > girl asks: \"oh btw, I had plastic > there's no right answer to this, I just > she insists that I say something > \"ummm, maybe you broke your nose as a child and > she says it was her ears > asks whether her nose looks bad <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>not a reddit user\n>love 4chan greentext, post almost everyday>go to check reddit greentext for\n>I recognize one of them\n>it\u2019s a greentext I posted not 30 minutes earlier on 4chan>mfw he got 1k upvotes from my content\n>mfw reddit users steal my greentexts and there\u2019s nothing I can do about it>mfw this one is gonna get stolen too <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>9 years old\n>Going to cub scouts\n>Scout leader says \u201cToday we're gonna learn how to fold the>Stresses that \u201cLetting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen and we'll have to>Am handed the flag\n>slips out of my hand, and falls flat on the floor.\n>Scout leader assures me it\u2019s okay and we can try with another flag>We burn the flag I dropped at the end of the meeting>The next day I\u2019m in school and the teacher is told to turn the tv on to the news.>We watch as the second plane hits the World Trade Center>I think back to my scout leader saying \u201cLetting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen\u201d.<|endoftext|> |
>be me >have one shot at life\n>born gay in iran mfw<|endoftext|> |
>be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys\n>pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >afrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me\n<|endoftext|> |
>the year is 2022 >gamestop market cap is now >visit my local gamestop >leave my coat with the doorman and check myself in before walking into the air conditioned 2,000>immediately greeted by the sounds of Vivaldi\u2019s Spring performed by the shop's string quartet on>walk past the marble water fountains and roman pillars to the used blu-ray aisle>pick up a $3 copy of the classic Nicolas Cage film Drive Angry>guy in a tuxedo at the checkout puts on his white gloves and bags it for me while I enjoy a spoonful of>sign up for the preorder list of Kerbal Space Program 2 and leave my signature in the guestbook>bellboy carries my bag for me to the entrance and wishes me a good evening<|endoftext|> |
>hit the gym a couple times a week\n>clean diet\n>1.5/2.5/3/4 >stil look fucking yoked >haven't showered in months for pheromone gains\n>succesful career\n>wear nice clothes\n>nice haircut\n>generally friendly guy with natural charisma <|endoftext|> |
>Give woman testosterone\n>her rational reasoning improves <|endoftext|> |
>father dies\n>he was a massive man, 7'0 ona good day>ask coroner people if I can keep his skeleton>they act like I'm a weirdo and ask >tell them I want to put his giant >they tell me it's illegal to take the body and do that>tell them they can keep the meat, and I'll bury that. I just want the skeleton>get kicked out and interviewed by a cop <|endoftext|> |
>Some friends I played games with used to call me goblin due to my nose>didn't see them for about 3 years\n>started to workout since then >got really buff >saw them again yesterday >now they call me hobgoblin <|endoftext|> |
>opens a can of Bud Light >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't>begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the >cheers as his favorite negro catches the football we had some>asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no>hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n'>blames Jose for all his problems >dies of a heart attack at age 58\n<|endoftext|> |
>be 11 year old me >Minecraft 1.0 comes out >want to get it >mom doesn't get me it at first\n>feelsbad.png >Easter rolls around >mom hands me a paper >its a username and password >mom got me an account for Easter\n>thanks mom >play minecraft all the time >make lots of memories and friends playing minecraft>fast forward to now >redownload Minecraft for the hell of it\n>look around for paper with username and password>find it >username is my name spelled backwards\n>lol >password... >\"lovemom'\" >love you mom\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me. Super horny middle school boy\n>Searching for anal porn, found some where a girl used a toy on a guy\u2019s . >Brightidea.exe. I'll stick something up>But what to stick in my butt? >Improvise.exe I got one of my mom's tampons. I figured I could use the string that pull it out>Stick it up there. Fire up some porn. Start jacking off. I guess I clenched my butthole. The tampon shot way up>Try to find it. Spend a solid 30 minutes with my finger up my ass>Figure I'll shit it out later. I must have shoved it deeper, then the tampon must have expanded. It formed some>After about 8-9 days the constipation is so bad that I can barely stand up>Parents take me to the emergency. They do an x-ray and see a blockage. The doctor asks what it is. I say that>He tries to get it out with me lying on my side, while a nurse is pulling one knee up to my chest. No luck.>He has me get in the face down ass up position, tells me that the lube is making the tampon slippery, and rams>My parents were in the room the whole time.\n>The orgasm was average <|endoftext|> |
>be me >right now >toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am> >not toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am\n>why live\n<|endoftext|> |
>be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil\n>they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me.>the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling\n<|endoftext|> |
>wife is Ukrainian >order her a cat tail buttplug and cat ears from Etsy\n>war starts the moment we're ready to try it >she hasn't been in the mood to try it for a whole month I'm a victim too.<|endoftext|> |
>Beme >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls>Notice a man has made a donation of $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple>Check to see if there's a note with the donations>They all read something like as follows \"To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day\">I asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young>That money is his son's allowance <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be loser who drives a delivery van all day>work is fucking boring as fuck\n>get new puppy\n>have idea\n>I will take puppy to work with me\n>Next day put puppy in van\n>Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab\n>Take puppy to park during lunch break\n>Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries\n>Drive home\n>Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy\n>Have never had this much enjoyment of work\n>Thank you puppy <|endoftext|> |
>be me >work as a phone salesman\n>95% of calls are old peope\n>nobody ever actually buys anything>get paid per time spent in calls\n>most old people are lonely and just want to talk>talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours>basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day>even have regular callers that know us by names\n>supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about>she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times.>my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say \"Very interesting,<|endoftext|> |
>Finally get a brand new phone after years>Galaxy S20 Ultra >Shit costed me $1400\n>disposableincome.gif >Decide to fuck around on /b/ for >Haven't been there for a couple >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones>Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-fucking junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country>Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone\n>Fucker calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me in middle school.\n>Around 10 or 11. = >Assassin's Creed 2 comes out.>My favorite game growing up. >Wanted to be strong and cool like him. >Anyways, we're learning about European history >My state holds an educational assessment for all >Playing Assassin's Creed and this game sparks >Reading books, articles online, etc. >Just filling my head with all this info. >Day of the assessment and I'm breezing through >Month or two later and we get our results back.\n>Teacher tells the class, \"Only one person got a perfect score on this test in the whole school.\u201d>Kids say, \"Who? WHO?!\" >Everybody in the class was shocked. >Where my love for history started. <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 28, suicidal\n>too pussy to kill myself\n>find out you can hire an assassin on the dark web>get onion browser >assassin costs upwards of 500 bucks\n>pay assassin 1500 to kill me\n>\"this is a very special hit for you. i want you to kill me. I will do anything to get killed by another person\u201d>1 week passes\n>get email\n>from the assassin website\n>\"we're very sorry to hear about the situation you're going through. this website is actually a sting>they refund my money and give me suicide help resources<|endoftext|> |
>I find my 13 year old neighbour attractive\n>lim 25 >she's about an inch taller than me\n<|endoftext|> |
>decided to bite the bullet and get a hooker>find most good looking cheapest whore near where i live>call her and we start talking >\"Y-yes i'm a virgin\" >she hangs up Nothing makes you feel more alive like being<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it>me: \"so is this actually good or just overhyped\">me: \"i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes\">him: \"pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man\"\n>me: \u201cno seriously i bet there is.\u201d\n>him: *awkward silence and a weird look*\n>we start the movie\n>1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery>followed by basketball and rap\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>retard\n>never done drugs once in my life>friends and family all think\n>boss also thinks I show up high to work>nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just fucking stupid>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me >want steroids for quick gains >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply <|endoftext|> |
>she ifit has a penis it isnt a \u201cshe\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>be girl >middle school, early 2000s\n>walking to class >see some short kid getting shoved into the locker>tiny little hispanic kid and his two goons are harrassing this kid for lunch money>is this real life >take the little hispanic kid and put him in a chicken hold>tell him if he touches this kid again I'll beat his face into the locker so hard his parents wont be able to>he calls his goons off, runs away >short kid follows me around for the rest of the school year, carrying my books and taking care of<|endoftext|> |
>mom tells me about this asian kid in her school>group of people always bully him\n>kid never talked or tried to fight back\n>they continued to bully the kid for weeks\n>one day they spit gum in his hair\n>kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call>fast forward to after school\n>my mom and her brother are outside talking\n>kid is getting bullied\n>van pulls up and kid laughs\n>group of asian's get out of van\n>few have baseball bat's\n>start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream\n>few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face>mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped>guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry>van drives away with the group of asians\n>asian kid never got bullied\n>yakuza 1, bullies 0 <|endoftext|> |
>be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are fucking racists >\"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020\">call me a streetshitter >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident>years later >I ruined their internet >I did it >sweet revenge <|endoftext|> |
>takes boy to motel and rapes him\n>the rapist gets caught by the cops\n>father goes to the local bars and find out when the rapist will be brought>local guy who worked for media lets >arrives at the airport and waits for cops to arrive with rapist>live TV crews also at the scene\n>cops and rapist walking through airport\n>pulls out a pistol and shoots his son's rapist straight through the head, killing him with a single shot>father literally assassinates his son's rapist on live television (pic related)>gets arrested\n>local community unanimously decides he's not guilty of any crime and is a hero>goes to court\n>judge doesn't convict him, only gets 300 hours community service>carries on and lives his life as normal, and is forever regarded as a hero<|endoftext|> |
>be fat fuck\n>try water fasting for 3 days\n>tough at first but hunger begins to go , away>suddenly feel energy I've never felt before in my life>finally feel alive\n>decide to break fast with a fucking juice box>each sip felt like I was shooting up heroin <|endoftext|> |
>\"Nice play Mr. Bond, however you did not announce you were almost finished, so now you are two cards<|endoftext|> |
>its the year 10138 or whatever\n>people have massive space ships, laser, shielding technology and>armies fight with swords and <|endoftext|> |
>work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back>hear them whispering and discussing what to get\n>they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for I'd >they \u201clost\u201d it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22>laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag\n>drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else>I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle <|endoftext|> |
>be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it>mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >\"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind>whatever.avi >\"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted\">mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something <|endoftext|> |
>skittles make \"pride skittles\" by removing the colored ones>whites only >it literally says SS on the candy <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning\n>fuck it\n>get plastered >still very drunk >herewego.png\n>somehow make it to work in one piece\n>\u201d\u2019Hey annon what's up?\u201d\n>\"good and you?\u201d\n>awkward silence\n>suddenly have a bright idea\n>decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up\n>set alarm on phone for 30 minutes\n>wake up 10 hours later, hungover\n>slept through my alarm\n>shit.jpeg\n>think I\u2019m gonna be fired\n>fuck it, time to go home\n>boss sees me on the way out\n>\"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it\u201d>talks to me about a possible promotion\n>mfw work is easy <|endoftext|> |
>cant touch : >cant sit there with your dick out . >Just have to stare awkwardly as<|endoftext|> |
>Lived just long enough to not have Boris Johnson speak at her funeral<|endoftext|> |
> Be year 2040, women rule the world> Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men> Rihanna killing all the dudes because they found a way to reproduce without> Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > all of asudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind> beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown <|endoftext|> |
>Hate fast food _ >Not even American BURG >But the cute redhead working the>Hey, without tomatoes as usual? >Yeah, cus\u2019 you're the only red thing i'd need on my burger heh!<|endoftext|> |
>Maxed out my weights (unrelated) >Go to Dick's Sporting Goods >Grab a 45lb plate in each hand, head to check out\n>Cashier is 8/10 petite in a pink t-shirt >Plates make a satisfying thud as I lay them on the counter\n>She mirin' >I feel like a bear >I realize I am bear >Maul the cashier >Hibernate for the winter <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>college loser\n>in a math-heavy program\n>have exam coming up\n>barely study >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16%\n>prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65%>announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and>realize I'm a fucking hero\n>smoke weed and eat churros <|endoftext|> |
>Be Me >Mom and Dad both love me because I'm an only child>Were barely above the poverty line >Christmas comes >Mom buys me brand new airpods >150$ >Thank her and nearly cry >I knew they couldn't afford this >Take them back to the store they bought them at for a full cash refund>Take the cash and sneak into my parents room\n>Grab my dads wallet with the cash in hand\n>Mom walks in >She sees >Starts yelling at me >I begin to cry >Tell her its the money from the airpods >Tell her that I felt guilty knowing that these cost so much>Tell her I was putting the money into the wallet\n>We both cry for about an hour\n<|endoftext|> |
>think about moving arm\n>moves arm >just moved matter using nothing but my mind>have panic attack\n<|endoftext|> |
>$100 an hour to go to a therapist\n>$0 to just tell yourself \"it is what it is\" <|endoftext|> |
>finish putting up my \"We Don't >fall off ladder on my way down , > my wife runs out in a panic>she knows what I must do and hands me my >I'm sorry Angela >wife runs back inside with tears rolling down her >tell my children to go in the house >\"We don't dial 911\" I sob as I put the barrel in my > God Bless America <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from rape>walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard <a >lock eyes with this cat in the>she presses her paw up to the >cryinginpublic.jpg >I impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again>cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I\u2019m home and encourages me to get out of<|endoftext|> |
>feel bad for a lonely guy in my class>invite him toa cosplay event\n>he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>Be audiophile\n>Spend 5 hours trying to find new song in lossless format>Can't buy since out 100 000 on equipment>It is .exe file but whatever >Spend next 5 hours tuning my setup for R&B\n>Finally listen to song\n>Hear that the power company turbine is slightly off it's magnetic field>Makes slight hiss in my headphones\n>Instantly shit and throw up over myself\n>Be safe out there fellow audiophiles <|endoftext|> |
>have cute cardiobunny neighbour\n>she asks me if we can go running together>women running outside have <|endoftext|> |
>when I was 9 I went to Vegas\n>we were at a hotel I can't remember which one and getting>I hear a burley voice ask to hold the door>I look up >John fucking Goodman is standing there in a nice suit fairly tipsy>my parents are in awe same as me >I said \"you're the guy from the Flintstones!\" >he yells \" oh boy are you right! yabadabadoo!\" asks my dad to hold his cigar and picks me up>points down at my shirt and says \"whats that?\" and then flicks my nose>I was laughing and he chuckled and said \"good kid you got here\">he put me down reaches in his pocket, pulls out a money clip and gave my parents a couple hundred>we walk out of the elevator and look back and he points a finger gun at me and clicks his tongue,>totally awesome dude 10/10 celebrity >I will never not be a fan\n<|endoftext|> |
>Been jacking off to increasingly weird shit as of late>piss drinking >prostate orgasms >arm pit licking >femdom cum eating >randomly get the urge to watch two cute girls in bikinis kissing>blow the biggest load of the last six months <|endoftext|> |
>working at McDonald's\n>kid with his mom brings in orange and green toy gun>joke around with him \"Oh are you a soilder?\">kid looks up at me >kids are absolute fucking assholes >salt the shit of his fries and hamburger >enjoy that you little prick\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >uni >spot a super cute girl working the salad bar in the commons Mm >drop dead gorgeous, deep brown eyes>even with COVID masks I could tell she >chat her up >she had a brace around her index finger, I find out she got mauled by a squirrell trying to feed it>Imao'd with her >shuffle away with my tray of salad like a pussy >decide to approach her at the end of her shift >phone number on a paper, I approach her and shoot my shot>bf, to no one's surprise >I thank her and tell her to have a good day >feel like a retard for a moment, it really seemed she was interested>I see her from time to time working there throughout the year>I always chat up workers there, sometimes I wouldn't immediately recognize her with masks>she clearly felt bad about rejecting me, nice girl >I never felt any regrets <|endoftext|> |
>Add random guy >talk trash >says he wants to fight >says he lives in Chicago >at around 3am send him to a large park about 10 minutes away>\"l'm here, where you at nigga?\u201d >\"l've been waiting here you bitch, show yourself\"\n>keep insisting that I'm there and that he's flaking on the fight>tell him to scream so that I can locate him >sends me videos of him screaming at 3 am in chicago>send him a picture of my penis and call him a faggot\n<|endoftext|> |
> how fucking cool is that for someone her age<|endoftext|> |
>make post criticizing google\n>next captcha shows street near my house<|endoftext|> |
>be me >middle school >teacher is talking about std's >says you can only catch it by >ask the teacher >\"you can catch it by having sex anon\" >know he didn't awnser the question on purpose >flash forward to now >i now know how patient zero caught aids >mfw my teacher didn't have the heart to tell me <|endoftext|> |
>84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted>based on the way he speaks, he aid clearly had no idea what a message>he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people>he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says \"I'm jerkin' their chains!\" and scrolls down,<|endoftext|> |
>17th bday\n>the bois got tired of me being a virgin>they gave a slut at our school\n>they locked us in a room together\n>i give her a hug and tell her \u201cYour better than this\u201d>she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity<|endoftext|> |
>be 12\n>vitamin <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>indian male in uni\n> walk past a group of 3 hot blonde girls> all three of them start laughing\n>recognize one of them in my lit class\n>find her ig it says \"BLM! / LGBQT+ activist / etc\" <|endoftext|> |
>first time in gym\n>my very first excercise is bench\n>next to me are some zoomers\n>they snicker and say to themselves \"This dude looks like he sits behind>About to cry\n>make up some bullshit like im thristy and go to toilets so ican pack and leave>Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench\n>It's motherfucking Chad just like from the memes\n>say yea\n>Asks if i will spot him\n>o-okay\n>We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym\n>He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected>Mfw this chad says \"see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadiifts\u201d<|endoftext|> |
>me 25 >on the job >co worker is about 3 times my age >can literally be my grandfather (65) >really care for each other >have deep conversation >holidays come around >timetocelebrate.mkv >we have a toast and some paid days off >work place orginsed a paid worker trip to have fun >me and grandpa are sitting together on the bus >talk a bunch >he shows me pictures of his daughters (my age split >we talk about them and I talk about my family too >he throws of the younger one is single >invite me to have a Sunday bbq at his place with his >I go >most of the workers are his age im the youngest man >I arrive and he introduce me to his familiy >the younger daughter starts a conversation with me >we get along >we start dating >grandpa master plan worked out <|endoftext|> |
>arguing with coworker\n>accidentally call a coworker a soyboy>he asks what it is but try to shrug it off>\"well, soy has a lot of estrogen in it, so when you drink a lot of soy milk it makes you weak and>soyboy: \"Well I see you must've been drinking a lot of soy!\">everyone laughs at me\n>try to explain I'm not a soyboy but no one listens\n>tfw my nickname at work is now \"soyboy\" <|endoftext|> |
>on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Have aspergers >Friends bully me about it all the time\n>Saying I'm mongolian >Saying I have retard diploma from doctor>Gonna prove them wrong with a >Notmongolian.png >Friend laughs >Says I took the wrong test\n>Should have gotten 24andme\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>Born in the year of 1993 >Mother abandoned me at birth >22 year old father abandons all his dreams to raises me alone>times are tough as fuck as he has to juggle work and me>whenever he has free time we play vidya together\n>we move from old nintendo and shit to WoW raiding and so on>helps me with school and even encourages me to study in a university>follow his advice and manage to finish uni with engineer degree>1 year ago he gets diagnosed with lung cancer\n>time goes on and it gets so bad he cant get out of the hospital bed>visit him every single day >week ago >\"Hey Anon, was I a good father?\u201d >\"You were the best, dad\" >\"Heh, thanks son\" >2 seconds later, flatline >today >finally decide to organize his stuff in his old bedroom>find a notebook >in details he wrote every day he spent with me\n>\"today me and anon went to carnival and did etc.\u2019\n>every day ends with \"I hope im doing enough for him\">last entry is before he enters the hospital >\"All these years I did what I could, I dont regret (mothers name) abandoning me and Anon and not>\"I just hope Anon has grown up to be the best he can\"<|endoftext|> |
>and here is our son's room\n>opens door FRECEECEEEEFEE>closes door >he doesnt get out much <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight>Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually>About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him>Approach him\n>\"Hey sexy\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>Be Me\n>American\n>Internet\u2019s down == >Bored>Go Outside most gun owners are>Go back inside\n>Get stabbed by wife <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>drinking vodka and singing old Irish songs with friends>I end up passing out\n>wake up to my phone stolen and wallet empty>\"ya hey man sorry about that we were playing poker and you lost them to john ill>john calls me\n>\"hey anon do you want your shit back I know you were drunk and all\">get my money and phone back\n>mfw im a respected part of my friend group\n<|endoftext|> |
>about to commit suicide\n>helium tank and gas mask assembly complete>equip mask f >turn on tank>close eyes\n>Dad opens door\n>\"ANON WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?\">take off mask\n>prepare the most dramatic heartfelt speech I can muster>deep breath\n>forget there is helium in my lungs\n>the words \"you'll never know the pain I've been through\" come out like an Alvin and>mfw he died laughing and left <|endoftext|> |
J >first month in gym>getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people>need to take a mad shit >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy \u201chow many sets do you have left >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the fuck man >all others laughing >run out and don\u2019t come back for a few days >realize no one found out <|endoftext|> |
>pleasant to look at >sex Is better >will make you happier and more <|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>3 years old\n>at the playground\n> girl asks me to play with her ~ >sure, why not?>grin on her face >\"hey anon who's your girlfriend\"\n>embarrassed for some reason\n>mom continues to bother me\n>whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this shit>dad does this too\n>this goes on for the next couple years\n>7th grade\n>avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home\n> do this till the end of high school\n> Now in college\n> mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them> mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend<|endoftext|> |
>Start working out \u2014 . >Groom self, nice haircut, well>Start a hobby which gets you out the house>Talk to women outside your family\n>Make actual female friends\n>Take pride in achievements and self image\n>Start going out to bars\n>Talk to strangers\n>Get drunk and hire an escort <|endoftext|> |
>be me >be 12 >get 18 yr old step sister >I'm 19 she\u2019s 25\n>we\u2019ve bonded over all these years and consider each other our best friends and constantly>care for each other over the bond we built\n>live a normie life <|endoftext|> |
>dad watching me play vidya FS >woah anon how did you know>repeat x100 i} are boomers literally fucking<|endoftext|> |
>\"Shaken, not stirred\" <|endoftext|> |
>try to apply for minimum wage job\n>you have to apply on company site\n>attached resume >please write out your entire resume again because our Al failed at putting the>submit application >please fill out our aptitude test for further consideration\n>few days pass and relieve an email >please submit a recording of yourself answering these questions on our app>few more days pass >phone interview >few more days pass >real interview finally >don't get called back ever again <|endoftext|> |
>taking a piss at university\n>American student walks in >\"Cold day, isn Why do Americans talk to strangers?>Taking a piss\n>\"Cold day isn't it* op...<|endoftext|> |
>babysitting nephew >11 years old >he's doing remote school >watch in for a bit >teacher is like 15 minutes late >after a few minutes of listening nephew just puts on his headphones and starts playing minecraft<|endoftext|> |
>also huge gamer >obviously we befriend eachother >basicly best friends >we decide to prank our non gamer colleagues\n>Act and speak like NPCs from different Games when we meet>literally word by word random Oblivion chatter\n>literally asked him if he went to the sky district often>last week >working normally >Amir is like 3 desks near me >suddenly a huge bang is heard >probably just a plane >Amir: \"By the gods, is that the voice?!\" >Me: \"Dragonborn\" >we both break out laughing >had to explain to 3 HR ladies what we are doing\n>1 is laughing her tits of, the other 2 get angry and tell us to grow up<|endoftext|> |
> be me, middle class worker\n> suddenly have fucking bad cough\n>I can't stand still because my legs are shaking and I have a huge> have a few days off, so i can rest and comme back to work when I'm in shape> none of my coworkers will get sick\n> iam not going bankrupt for seeing a doc and a box of medicine> totally stress free while I am recovering <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in communications class in college>task is to create a 5 minute presentation on anything you>I tried to be funny by making a presentation titled \"how to do a 5 minute presentation\u201d>plugged in USB and started\n>intentionally linked a broken video, asked the teacher for help, said never mind I'll continue>revealed the first step being \"1. link a broken video\">fiddled with the remote for 10 seconds then flipped the slide to \"2. pretend the remote isn't>dropped it slide 3 \"3. drop the remote\"\n>not a single person laughed in the entire room and I started feeling super awkward, tried to>teacher told me to sit down and I'm wasting everyone's time and if I didn't actually prepare>awkward silence until the next person went up\n>teacher emailed me to meet with the counselor tomorrow about this<|endoftext|> |
>Had my grandpa over today, he's >We were talking about trends and >\"Really?\" >\"Yeah wanna watch one with me?\" >\"Yeah show me one.\" >Show him the first episode of One Punch Man on >\"Holy shit Anon that was great.\" >He especially liked the crabman and the kid with a >We went out for Icecream after and I dropped him >Get a call about 30 minutes ago >\"Anon I was trying to take a nap, but I can't stop <|endoftext|> |
>tortured and killed 15 monkeys with diabolical brain chips>couldn't make Roadster (a car)\n>couldn't make Cybertruck (an ugly >currently trashing Earth orbit with Starlink\n>thinks wasting nuclear power by nuking Mars is a good idea<|endoftext|> |
>download tinder >every girl looks about the same\n>they all have stupid bios >every match I get acts like they're too good for me> finally have enough of the bullshit\n>start trolling for the fun of it seeing as I got nowhere before>act like a complete asshole >put pics up of me in my buddies C63 AMG\n>pictures of me leaning on the car etc >put job down as lawyer >lie saying I live in a rich neighborhood >post pics of a random pool with a view >start matching like crazy >girls message me first everytime >a lot asking about the car >be a dick and tell them their tits aren't big enough to ride in it they aren't pretty enough to be seen in it etc.>a lot of them respond with lols and laughing emojis remaining friendly>tell me how funny I am >some offer to suck my dick/ fuck me in the car or by \"my pool\">realize how awesome life could be if I had money\n>get depressed >realize what a loser I am >this back fired tremendously <|endoftext|> |
>help millions with depression\n>be ranked as best aitist in your career\n>donate to charities >help the homeless, generally be a good guy\n>be mourned by people across the planet\n>be bob ross, >pic unrelated\n<|endoftext|> |